


Shadow Kiss: Dimitri's Point of View

by gigi256



Series: Dimitri's Story: The Vampire Academy Books from Dimitri's Point of View [3]
Category: Vampire Academy & Related Fandoms, Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Genre: Alternative Perspective, F/M, POV Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 09:58:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 106,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4175577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigi256/pseuds/gigi256
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dimitri's life was never meant to be his own. It had always been promised the protection of the Moroi. He lived his life for them, but for the first time ever, he feels the desire to share his life with another. Resenting the cards he's been given and slowly watching his Roza lose herself to the impending darkness, has he already lost what matters most? 3rd in the DPOV series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Less than a month. Less than a month was all it took for Rose and I to fall back into the awkward, pseudo-professional relationship filled with sexual tension and unsaid words. Granted, it was a slow decent and I had allowed more than a few close moments in private between us. A stolen kiss here, a personal conversation there. Perhaps it wasn't anything incredibly romantic, but there was a certain intimacy in opening up to someone in a way that I hadn't really done before.

No matter how hard I tried to block them out though, Alberta's words kept running through my mind over and over again until I couldn't ignore them any longer. Rose and I had changed one another, just like she had said, and people were starting to take notice. Rose understood when I brought up my concern of other's catching on to our relationship, but I thought it best to hide that at least one person had already figured us out. Rose had enough on her plate, I couldn't add to it. That being said, she wasn't happy about it – neither of us were – but we knew that our options were limited and it would have happened eventually. Perhaps it was better to build that wall before it became any more difficult.

It wasn't the Academy. Not really. That was a temporary issue that would be fixed within a few months. Nor was it her age which would be taken care of even sooner. No, the real issue was  _what_  we were, who we are. Guardians. Try as I might, I couldn't figure out a way for us to have a relationship while effectively guarding Lissa together. It put our charge at too much of a risk and neither of us would allow her to be put in harm's way.

Guardians simply didn't have the luxury of falling in love and having a normal life with each other, especially guardian partners. I tried to push down the resentment I felt towards the issue, but it was getting harder and harder every day. The closest we could ever hope to come to our happily ever after was a romance that was liable to be broken apart by transfer at any moment. We followed our Moroi. They came first.

It also didn't help that Rose was pulling away from me for once. I almost didn't know what to do with that fact. She had always been the constant in this relationship, waiting for me to get my act together and come around or more often than not, pushing me past my self imposed limits until I gave into the madness between us. Having her be the one to be reasonable...well it left me feeling more despondent than ever. I missed her. Part of me wanted to allow her the space to heal on her own, but the other part of me felt the need to try and be strong for her.

Perhaps it would have been one thing if she was only pulling away from me. I could justify it with the idea that she was trying to create a healthy and necessary distance between us. I could find a way to be alright with her sudden distance. It wasn't just me though; she was pulling away from everyone. It even seemed like she was spending less time with Lissa. The few moments I did see her with her group of friends, she was always fairly quiet and reserved. It was so unlike her. She was putting on a show of smiles and laughter but neither would quite meet her eyes.

I knew a whole lot of had to do with losing Mason. It was natural. Nobody blamed her for feeling upset, but I wish she would talk to someone. It didn't matter if it was me, her mother, Alberta, Lissa, or someone else entirely, but she needed to talk to someone. Every time I tried to get her to open up, she would shut me out. I had done the same thing after Ivan, and seeing my own coping mechanisms portrayed in someone else made it clear just how unhealthy they were. It might be incredibly hypocritical of me, I wanted better for her.

I empathized with her, I really did. After Ivan there had been this odd sensation of wanting to forget the pain and feeling the need to remember because no one else would. At least, they wouldn't remember the way you remember. Without a good way to settle the conflict, you end up feeling horrible no matter what you choose. There was no winning, only surviving.

For Rose, even surviving seemed to be a struggle at the moment. There was no way of escaping Mason's death. No relief or a chance for her to forget, even just for a moment. Not with those tattoos. At least among guardians, they weren't considered a novelty. Since she was a novice, the other students constantly asked to see them which inevitably led to questions about that night. She always gave the same stoic and clinical answers, never elaborating or giving more information than necessary. One would think that the others would eventually pick up on her mood, but if they did they didn't care. I tried to offer her respite as often as I could, which included breaking up the occasional conversation whenever I had the chance to, but I wasn't able to be by her side every moment of the day.

It was getting worse. Her temper seemed to flare more and more, even with just a slight provocation. She had snapped at a fellow student last week for pulling her hair aside without her permission so he could see the the marks. Apparently Emil had to break up the shouting match that had ensued afterward, but at least it hadn't come to blows. It was only a matter of time before that changed, however. I had noticed early on that Rose had gotten into the habit of hiding her  _molnija_  marks on a day to day basis. She would pull her hair up for training, but if it wasn't absolutely necessary she would choose to leave it down to hide the back of her neck. I even allowed her to wear it down during our sessions as long as it didn't post any harm to her. I had grown my hair out for a similar reason so I couldn't really fault her for it.

Another similarity between us was that she had thrown herself into her training as a means to get by. In the gym, she seemed to lose herself completely. It was rare for her to be late now, and she even beat me to the gym some mornings. I kept her mostly on the heavy bag, cardio, or weight equipment. I thought it was too soon to push her to any more sparring than necessary and her classes provided most of it anyways. That was exactly what led to this morning.

I was monitoring the senior novice class at Alberta's request. Apparently there had been some issues since Mason's death and several of the students were refusing to spar with Rose now. The only one still willing to fight her was Eddie Castile. Not just willing, he seemed almost eager to fight her. He had been suffering Mason's loss in his own way and it was only natural that they would seek support from one another. It wouldn't have been too much of a concern, except he had ended up in the clinic with a slight concussion in their last class together. One of the instructors who had witnessed the match was worried that it hadn't been an accident and with a report like that, we needed to make sure that she was of a sound mind. I hadn't noticed anything unusual about her behavior – at least...nothing that would be unusual considering the circumstances – but I had been avoiding physical combat as much as possible since the accident.

The students were asked to pair up as normal, and this time Eddie walked straight towards Rose. His face was blank, like a resigned man walking towards his fate on death row. As the sea of students separated to make way for him, Rose didn't even hesitate getting into her offensive position. It was as if she expected him. She was the executioner. She didn't seem malicious in any way, just focused. As far as I could tell, she didn't look at Eddie any differently than she would any other sparring partner.

Other students paired up around them, giving Rose and Eddie a little extra space and more than a few hesitant glances.

As soon as the call was given to start, Rose became someone else entirely. She lunged towards Eddie, attacking viciously and giving no room for weakness. She wasn't fighting to practice technique or strategy, she fought as if her very life was threatened.

Unfortunately, Eddie wasn't doing the same. I could see how some of the other guardians were concerned, because he was taking a severe beating at Rose's hands. It wasn't because she was out to harm him though. No, Eddie was  _allowing_  Rose to attack him. He didn't even attempt to block or strike back, despite having the rare opening to do so.

I only allowed the match to go on about 30 seconds or so, just long enough for both me and Alberta on the other side of the gym to see that there was much more going on beneath the surface here. I stepped in between Rose and her target – because that was all Eddie was at this point – and caught her arm in my grasp. Alberta was moving in towards Castile.

The moment I had Rose in my hold, she struggled to break free of me, abruptly shouting as if I was her next attacker. When I looked at her in surprise, I was met with a feral spark in her eye. She didn't see me, she didn't see Eddie, all she saw was an enemy and threat. I had only seen that look once before: in a small house, far away, while she protected the lifeless body of one of her oldest friends.

For her own safety, I decided to remove her. In one swift motion, I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder, carrying her out of the main gym and into one of the private practice rooms. When I dropped her thrashing body, she fell backwards onto the mats, hitting the ground hard and looking up at me in stunned confusion.

"What the hell, Dimitri!"

"Fight me."

She didn't respond.

"Fight me, Rose. You apparently need to work through something, so use me. Eddie won't be able to take much more. Hit me instead."

"I don't want to hurt Eddie." Rose shuffled to her feet.

"I know you don't, but you are and he is letting you. I don't know what's going on with you, but if this is what you need to do, then fight me."

"No." She looked warily at me, as if expecting me to lash out at her. If that was what she was hoping for, I'd give her exact opposite: calm and composed silence.

"You know what? Fine!" She was suddenly furious, for reasons I didn't quite understand. Whatever the cause, a moment later, she was rushing at me.

I blocked a majority of her strikes, though she had gotten much better through our trainings and a fair share still made it through my guard. There was power behind them. She wasn't holding back. She was practically growling as she fought me. I never stuck back, but I wondered if it would have even mattered to her. She was relentless in her advance, even taking me by surprise.

While some people might praise her for putting everything that she had into her attack, she was trained and should know better. Rose was wearing herself out and she was doing so quickly. Steadily, her strikes became less controlled and her breathing started to break. It didn't take long before I realized that she wasn't out of breath because of the fight, but because she was sobbing.

I rose out of my stance, catching her weak attempt at a jab and pulling her close as her fists continued to halfheartedly strike against my chest. Eventually, those same fists were gripping at my shirt as she buried her face against me. She wasn't struggling anymore. In fact, as her legs gave out in exhaustion, I was the only thing keeping her upright.

I sank to my knees, clutching her to me as she cried. I fell short of what she needed and deserved on many counts, but right now I would do everything in my power to ease her pain and support her.

"I see them every time I close my eyes. I see their eyes. I see Mason staring up at me. I failed. I couldn't save him." She repeated the sorrows like a penance, as if it would be enough to free her from their grasp.

I embraced her tighter, hoping that I could be a shield against the demons in her mind. Rose and I had talked about the sense of guilt before, and how Mason had made his choice and she couldn't hold herself responsible for it. However, I knew it didn't stop the whispers in the hallways, or the stares in the classroom. It didn't stop the thoughts of "what if?" that came day in and day out. I knew she was still carrying the weight of his death. She always would in some way. Even if he hadn't been a romantic interest to her as I had once thought, he was still one of her closest friends.

"Breath Roza, in and out." I whispered the command in her ear, stroking her hair until I could feel her breath becoming a bit more steady. "I know you hurt. I'm so sorry. I'd take your pain if I could. I'm right here. Just breath."

When I was finally able to calm her down enough to send her to her dorm for the rest of the day, canceling her classes and evening training in one swoop, I made my way to see Alberta.

Guardian Petrov almost seemed to be waiting for me and my update. "How is she?"

"I think she's stressed. She's hard enough on herself as it is, but I know that others have been suggesting things behind her back."

Alberta sighed, looking as if this wasn't news to her but she regretted hearing the confirmation either way. "Short of having someone follow her around every day, I don't know what we can do about the rumors. Typically, she doesn't care what people have to say about her."

"It's different." Thankfully, I didn't have to explain any further. Guardian Petrov just nodded in agreement.

A short silence dragged on, and an idea struck me. "Perhaps a short outing would help her center herself again. I'm leaving to the Voda residence in a few days to discuss those possible security upgrades to the wards and I'd be happy to take her along with me. It wouldn't be much, just a day trip, but that might be enough set her on the right path again. Maybe all she needs is to get away for a little bit."

I could see Alberta's eyes narrow just slightly. It would have been imperceptible without my training, but I could tell that she was checking me for any deception. I couldn't exactly blame her. She knew there was more between Rose and I, and allowing her to leave campus with me sounded like a plan with an ulterior motive. I had none though. As much as I would like to spend some more personal time with her, I had no intention of taking advantage of the opportunity for Rose to get away from the Academy and breath freely for a few hours. Honestly, as much as I wanted to be the one to take care of her, I'd gladly let another guardian take my place if it meant that Roza would get to go and clear her mind of all the issues facing her.

Even though I said none of this, Alberta seemed to sense it. "Alright, Dimitri."

I could feel relief spread through me at her permission. I was just about to leave when I saw Alberta hesitate before adding one last comment. "I'm trusting you."

Alberta may not have been a mother herself, but she was quite maternal, especially when it came to Rose. The tone of her voice was so similar to the one my own mother would use to inspire a sense of personal responsibility. Just as a mother's "disappointment" was a much more damning blow than a mother's anger, Alberta was securing my best behavior with her trust more than any threat could have.

* * *

**Author's Note**

* * *

 

First and foremost, everyone please give a big round of applause to my Beta,  **Raissa20**. She has been so incredibly patient as I tried to get this chapter together. I think she has read it about a dozen times as I worked to get everything just right for you wonderful readers. It's a bit surprising she actually didn't tire of it! I'm so grateful for her and her amazing input and I really hope having her on board will make me a better writer and your reading experience more enjoyable. Thank you my dear, you are truly amazing and I'm so happy to have you as a friend :)

Second...WELCOME BACK EVERYONE! I missed you guys and I hope  _Meet Me in the Memory_  has been keeping you well occupied in the mean time. I'm really excited to start this story and I hope you are excited to read it. If you haven't read them already, I do have Vampire Academy and Frostbite from Dimitri's point of view completed and they can be found on my profile. Otherwise, this story will update once a week on Saturday night.

I always thought it was a little strange that not much was mentioned about the weeks immediately following Mason's death, but it does make some sense. They would have been brutal for Rose and it would have been all that she could do simply to make it from day to day. She probably would have done most basic activities on auto pilot. However, Dimitri would be more perceptive and constantly worrying about her. I could see him struggling between giving her space, being a distraction, and trying to help her work through things. What do you think?

This weeks question of the week:  ** _Which Shadow Kiss scene are you most excited to see from Dimitri's POV?_**

I know there are a few obviously popular ones (ahem...cabin) but I'm interested to see if there are any unusual ones that you're eager to read. I have some personal favorites that I've been working one, but I'll refrain from mentioning them so that I can surprise you later on in the story.

Thank you for reading and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to review, favorite, and follow!


	2. Chapter 2

There was only one real stop between St. Vladimir's and the Voda residence where we were heading. It was a small rest stop at the mountain crossroads intersecting the scenic byway that we were driving and the heavier traffic of the interstate. There wasn't much more than a gas station, a chain sandwich shop, and what looked to be some sort of rest area for truckers who drove through on a regular basis. From the looks of it, the place wasn't very busy at the moment, only a few 18-wheelers were parked in the back lot, but that might be for the best.

Rose had another nightmare last night. The night guard patrolling her dorm sent me a text after his shift had ended. Apparently he had heard screams from her room. I wish he would have told me as soon as it had happened, I would have gone to her again. It wouldn't have been the first time. The first time Alberta called me about Rose waking in the middle of the night had been about a week after Mason's funeral and she couldn't get Rose to stop shaking. It took hours to get her back to sleep, and when she finally did, I ended up staying with her the rest of the night. She had fallen asleep in my arms and I didn't want to break what might have been the first half-decent sleep she had gotten since the lodge.

Last night must have been one of her worst nightmares, because she wouldn't even talk to me. She always refuses to tell me about the nightmares, but I could always tell when memories of her capture and Mason's death haunted her dreams. She was quiet, reserved, and rather un-Rose-like. But she would typically still open up to me about other things. Today, she had hardly spoken three sentences to me on our drive thus far. She might have said more to the person making her sandwich than she had to me all day, and that was only because she insisted that she wanted more pickles than what they had originally offered.

We didn't have too long to pause at the rest stop, so I told Rose that we'd eat in the car as we finished the drive up. However, when I finished filling up the gas tank, she was nowhere to be found. I waited a few minutes by the car, hoping that she had just gone inside again to use the restroom, but it quickly became clear that something else was going on. I parked the car away from the gas pump and checked the small convenience store, the fast food dining area, and I even checked the restrooms. My mind was starting to conjure all sorts of horror stories of her being taken while my back was turned, reliving my own worst nightmare, and I had to remind myself over and over again that she was fully capable of defending herself against any mortal threat.

Finally, as I rounded the corner behind the building, I saw her. She was staring out over the expanse of trees and mountains, wilderness that looked completely untouched by the world around us. As suddenly as I found her, she fell, twisting so that she landed back-first in the pristine snow.

I ran out of instinct, closing the distance between us within seconds and hastily looking for whatever made her drop. Any thoughts of a potential threat were dispelled by her laughter. I hadn't heard her laugh in so long that it surprised me and made me stop short of where she lay.

Eyes closed and a smile on her lips, Rose moved her arms back and forth to create a distinct shape in the show. My sisters and I used to make snow angels in the back yard after the first snowfall of the winter season, but we had abandoned that tradition over a decade ago. To see Rose doing so now, well it was like taking a look at the childhood that she had missed out on by growing up in the Academy. Finally, she stilled and just looked up at the sky as if she had nothing better to do than watch the clouds go by.

I finally worked up the nerve to break her peaceful moment. "What are you doing? Aside from getting your sandwich cold." I took a few steps closer, my shadow crossing over her form, and she looked up at me.

"Making a snow angel." She replied as if it was the most normal thing in the world, but then her eyes got that little spark in them that only appeared when she fell into one of her playful moods. "Do you know what that is?"

"Yes, I know," I played back. "But why? You must be freezing."

She was dressed for the weather but I still didn't want her to suffer any more discomfort than was absolutely necessary in this life. She shrugged my concern off.

"Not so much, actually. My face is a little, I guess."

"You'll be cold when you're in the car and all that snow starts melting."

Her eyes narrowed at me. "I think you're more worried about the car than about me."

I laughed, knowing that there was nothing further from the truth. It was her. It would always be her. Whether the threat was undead monsters or frostbitten fingers, I would always be concerned with her well-being before anything else. "I'm more worried about you getting hypothermia."

"In this? This is nothing." She gestured to a patch of smooth snow next to her. "Come on. You make one too, and then we can go."

"So I can freeze too?" Damn this beautiful girl. She had to know that she had me wrapped around her finger and I was helpless to her whims, no matter how reckless and juvenile. Still, that didn't mean I wouldn't put up a little resistance first.

"So you can have fun!" She insisted. "So you can leave your mark on Idaho. Besides, is shouldn't bother you at all, right? Don't you have some sort of super cold resistance from Siberia?"

This solidified it; one day, I would take Roza back home so I could show her myself just how beautiful Russia truly was, especially where I grew up. I knew she would love it if she saw it for herself and I'd be happy to show her everything my homeland had to offer.

"There you go again," I sighed, smiling the whole time, "convinced Siberia is like Antarctica. I'm from the Southern part. The weather's almost the same as here." It was better, to be perfectly honest.

"You're making excuses. Unless you want to drag me back to the car, you're going to have to make an angel too."

It was tempting to throw her over my shoulder and drag her back to the car, but it was equally as tempting to find some other way to warm her up. It was with great reluctance that I silently admitted that neither of those options would work in our favor in the long run. So, without any other reason not to, I flopped ungracefully into the snow beside her. I probably could use a cool off before we started the next leg of our road trip anyways.

I must have stayed still a little too long, 'cause Rose's taunting voice called over to me. "Okay, now you have to move your arms and legs."

I looked over at her. "I know how to make a snow angel," mock annoyance clear in my voice.

"Then do it! Otherwise you're more like a chalk outline at a police crime scene."

I couldn't help it, I broke out in that sort of laughter that can practically take your breath away. Only Rose could make me feel like this: free and almost childlike. Before I could regain my sense of responsibility, I mimicked her earlier action and created a second, much larger snow angel next to her. I knew we were falling behind schedule and I'd have to make up time on the road by driving faster than necessary, but it was worth it to savor this moment with my Roza.

"Pretty, huh?" She asked out of nowhere. "I guess in some ways, it's not that different from the ski resort's view, but I don't know. I feel different about it all today."

"Life's like that," I replied, understanding her completely even though it didn't seem like it should make sense. "As we grow and change, sometimes the things we've experienced before take on a new meaning. It'll happen for the rest of your life."

I saw her roll her eyes at my impromptu 'zen-lesson' as she called them, and I expected some sort of sarcastic comment, but she stayed silent. A few moments later, she pointed off into a distant hill that seemed to have nothing but snow covered pines for miles surrounding it.

"You think it'd be nice to have a cabin up there? Out in the woods where no one could find you?"

I thought about it for a moment. I could imagine the solitude of a cabin in the woods where I was free to spend my days reading in front of a fire and enjoying the simple luxury of living my own life. It wouldn't be complete though, not without one thing. Well, one person.

"I think it would be nice. I think you'd be bored."

I could hear a small hum as she considered what I'd said. "It wouldn't be so bad if we had cable. And internet."

"Oh, Rose." I tried to keep the emotion from my voice, but I have no idea how successful I was. We, I thought to myself, She said 'we'. The idea of her even entertaining a possible future with me was enough to make my heart soar. But I knew it was impossible. She'd never be content with a quiet future with me. Rose couldn't be caged. Not when she had so much to offer the world. Not when she deserved the best the life could give her. And especially not when she felt the need to stand by Lissa as her friend and protector. "I don't think you'd ever be happy someplace quiet. You always need something to do."

She reached over and smacked my hand, just a few inches from her own. "Are you saying I have a short attention span?"

I glanced over towards her. "Not at all. I'm saying there's a fire in you that drives everything you do, that makes you need to better the world and those you love. To stand up for those who can't. It's one of the wonderful things about you."

I watched the smile spread across her rosy tinged cheeks as she listened to just one of the reasons I loved her so completely. Finally, she looked at me too. "Only one, huh?"

"One of many." I sat up suddenly, changing the topic before I did something stupid. "So, no peaceful cabin for you. Not until you're an old, old woman."

"What, like forty?" She smiled back cheekily.

In playful exasperation, I shook my head before sanding up from my snowy silhouette and reaching towards her. "Time to go."

She reached back towards me and even through our covered hands, I could feel that spark that always accompanied her touch. I pulled her up quickly, steadying her as she stepped out of her own angelic form an letting my hand linger on her shoulder a little longer than necessary. Finally, we surveyed our work.

Curiously, Rose quickly hopped into outlines once more and used her hand to cut a horizontal line above both our heads before standing up again beside me and brushing the excess snow from her covered gloves.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Halos," she said, grinning up at me. "For heavenly creatures like us."

I raised an eyebrow back at her. "That might be a stretch." Neither of us could really be considered heavenly. Perhaps it was okay though, maybe our imperfections are what made us perfect for one another. I got caught up in the thought before reality crashed down around me. It wasn't that easy, not for us at least. She and I might have lain together here and dreamt of a future where we were happy and in love with one another, but the reality was that some dreams are just that...dreams. The next snowfall would wash away everything but the memory.

Her fading smile, one that matched my own, seemed to hint that she had come to a similar conclusion. Hoping to keep this moment a happy one that we both could relive again and again as necessary, I touched her arm and led her back to the car.

* * *

 

Even if we couldn't live a life that was dedicated to each other, perhaps we could survive in little moments like these. It wasn't the life she deserved, but I hoped that it would be enough.

I arrived home from our little road trip to find a letter was waiting for me in my mailbox. Typically the only mail I received was from my family, but this one bore an official Court seal. I had an idea of what it might have been about. Alberta had spoken to me about this possibility and had asked me to contact her as soon as I heard from Court. I tore into the envelope, ripping the elaborate seal in two.

_Guardian Dimitri A. Belikov,_

_You have hereby been summoned to appear at the Moroi High Court on February, 27th to bear witness and testimony in the case of Victor S. Dashkov vs The Court. Please report to courtroom B at 9am on the date above._

_Failure to appear at the time and place indicated may result in a contempt of court citation or other penalties..._

The letter continued to give more information about who to contact about the hearing and things I would need to know for my appearance, but the biggest issue was the date. I would be taking some time off of work to complete my commitment to the Court and I would need to have someone fill in for my patrol shifts and the student trials for the senior class. I had already called off Rose's individual training for the six weeks student trials, so that was one less worry, but hopefully the hearing would be over quickly. Not only for my sake, but for Rose's as well. I was hoping that it wouldn't take Rose, Vasilisa, and Christian away from school too long.

I immediately went to Alberta's office with the letter so that accommodations could be made. Her door was open when I arrived.

"Guardian Petrov..."

"Ah, Dimitri. I'm assuming your subpoena to appear in the Dashkov trial arrived today?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'm to appear at Court on the 27th of next month. It falls on a Friday so hopefully arrangements won't be too difficult."

"No, it should be just fine. Me and the other guardians needed are called for the same date so we should be able figure something out without issue."

"How about the students? Will they be going with us or will they be going at another time?"

"Excuse me?"

"The students. Princess Vasilisa, Novice Hathaway, and Lord Ozera. When will they be testifying? Have you heard?"

"I'm sorry, Dimitri. There must have been a misunderstanding. None of the students involved will be serving as a witness."

I stared in shock. Surely she couldn't be serious. Lissa and Rose were at the center of the issue, especially Lissa. Those girls had more to offer the Court then any of us Guardians combined, and even Christian had quite a bit to offer in the way of testimony against Victor's personal guardians.

"But they should be key witnesses," I argued. "How could they not be a part of the trial?"

Alberta held her hands up in surrender. "I know, and I agree with you. However, the decision is out of my hands. The Queen herself has asked that the witness list be limited to avoid too much publicity around the trial."

I shrunk a little, knowing that if the Queen had ordered it, there was nothing any of us could do.

"My apologies, Alberta. I didn't mean to question you."

Her smile was sympathetic. "Don't worry, I understand. I had a very similar reaction when I found out. I wish I could change things, but perhaps it's for the best. Those students have been through enough, Rose especially, and maybe it is nice to save them from this experience. We should have more than enough evidence between the guardians involved to ensure Dashkov's incarceration."

I hoped that she was right. If Dashkov somehow went free, it would be horrific for Vasilisa, and in turn, Roza. "Perhaps we shouldn't mention the trial to the students, at least until a verdict is released. It would just cause worry where they have no power."

"I think you're right, Belikov. I'll let the others know. There's no reason to notify the students until there is something to notify them about."

I nodded but she surprised me and continued, "I also wanted to speak to you about the upcoming field experience. I know that we had discussed Rose's mock charge, but I wanted to double check with you. Are you absolutely sure that you believe Rose should not be paired with Vasilisa? It is almost certain that she will be your partner in guarding the Princess after graduation."

"I'm sure." I knew Rose would hate the decision. She had been looking forward to field experience for months now, and it was one of the few things that I knew got her excited since the New Year. She was hoping to spend six weeks with her best friend almost all day, every day. I hated to be the one to take that from her. It wasn't that she wasn't taking the training exercise seriously – I had caught her reading and re-reading the trial handbook, which might be the first time I've ever seen her willing read something – but I felt it was important to test Rose to the fullest capacity. I knew that she was more than capable of guarding Vasilisa. She had proven that to me time and time again. However, she relied heavily on her relationship and bond with Lissa to guide her instincts. She needed to trust her training. Having her guard someone else for the field experience would be the best way to push her to truly test her abilities. I had a few ideas on how to make sure that happened.

* * *

 

**Author's Note**

* * *

 

You guys! You guys are AMAZING! Seriously. Thank you so much for all the love and support. I feel so blessed to have so many loyal readers who are so excited for this story. For many of you, this is your favorite book in the series and I hope that I can do it justice. Please continue to share your thoughts with me because I have met so many wonderful people through fanfiction and I would LOVE to get to know you all.

There were so many "Favorite Scenes" in this book. I think there was at least 15 different ones mentioned! It was a wonderful reminder of just how great this particular book is.  
This week's Question of the Week is: Do you think you would be a Moroi or a Dhampir?

Personally, I think I'd be a dhampir. Most of you don't know this, but I great up training in martial arts. I never set out to be a protector for anyone, but I sympathize with Dimitri and Rose. I remember many weekends icing down bruises or pushing past the pain to complete my set. Granted, there's many ways I feel like I could be Moroi too, but overall, I feel like I'd fit in as a dhampir better.

Thank you again for reading. I hope you enjoyed the snow angel scene from Dimitri's point of view, and if you did, I would love if you could review, favorite, and follow. You guys are fantastic, and I'll see you all next week!


	3. Chapter 3

The Dashkov trial was coming closer. I would be leaving this upcoming weekend with the other guardians and as much as I hated facing Victor again, I would be glad when this whole thing was done with. It had been torture keeping it from Rose and I was more than ready to just put it in the past.

I was working the night patrol around the dorms tonight. There was another hour or so to go before I could head back to my place, but a strange sight ahead of me made the longing for the comforts of my bed stop suddenly.

Rose was standing on the West side of the dhampir dorm complex, wearing a robe and slippers and basking in the mild warmth of the sun. It was fairly obvious from her knotted hair that she had come outside in a rush and I wondered if it had been yet another nightmare. They seemed to be fewer and further between, but it had been a week or so since the last one. It was still late winter, and while the snow wasn't as thick as it had been even a month ago, there was still plenty to cover the earth. Without a jacket or any other protection from the elements, there was no way this was a planned post-curfew excursion.

"Are you sleepwalking?"

She spun around quickly, obviously not expecting me. The frustrated scowl on her face immediately flipped to something resembling shock and embarrassment as she helplessly tried to smooth her wild hair. But faster than the changing winds, Rose put on her most reliable mask: sarcasm.

"I was testing dorm security...it sucks."

I smiled and shook my head in amusement, missing her sense of humor even if she was using it as a shield for whatever drove her out here in the middle of the vampiric night.

I watched her eyes move over me slowly, before she shifted her weight and rubbed at her terry cloth clad arms. She had to be cold. Even on a clear day like this, with a steady wind blowing through campus it was barely 30 degrees out and she was hardly dressed to face the elements.

"You must be freezing. Do you want my coat?" I knew I should send her inside to get warm, but the selfish part of me wanted to spend a little time with her outside of the gym. I justified myself by saying that perhaps today would be the day that she confided in me about what woke her up in the middle of the night. I may not have been able to take the nightmares away, but perhaps I could comfort her through them.

"I'm fine," she answered stubbornly, even as I watched her shiver. "What are you doing out here? Are you testing security too?"

"I  _am_  security. This is my watch."

She bit her lip, trying to hide an impish grin. "Well, good work. I'm glad I was able to test your awesome skills."

A silence fell between us, turning our playful banter into something uncomfortable. I hated that every quiet moment was becoming more and more awkward. It seemed like there would always be something we were holding back from one another and with that at the forefront of our minds, we couldn't find any other alternative topic.

"Well, I should be going now." Rose started walking back towards the entrance by my hand shot out to stop her as she moved past me.

"Rose-" the touch of her skin sent a flash of heat through me, warming me from the inside out. It was almost shocking against the cold of the winter wind, and I pulled back quickly. From the quick intake of her breath, and the way her stare lingered where I had touched her, I could only guess that Rose experienced something similar. I ignored the longing to explore the sensation more, and instead sought to satisfy my need to reassure myself that she was alright. "What are you really doing out here?"

She took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. "I had a bad dream. I wanted some air." By the way she refused to look at me, I could tell it was the truth, even if it wasn't the whole truth. I knew it was the best I'd probably get from her though.

"And so you just rushed out. Breaking the rules didn't even cross you mind – and neither did putting on a coat."

"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up."

"Rose, Rose. You never change," I shook my head, amused at her impulsiveness. Her instincts were great in battle, but her foresight in the day to day could use a little work. "Always jumping in without thinking."

"That's not true," she protested. Her eyes suddenly turned glassy, getting lost in a memory and losing focus on the present for a moment. "I've changed a lot."

She had. There was a part of Rose I would never get back. A part of her that died along one of her oldest friend only weeks ago. The childlike innocence of just how cruel the world could be was gone, and a certain darkness had taken its place. For the most part, Rose was doing well, all things considered. However, there were times when she seemed to lose herself. She pushed herself to her limits and occasionally past it. She was more easily frustrated. She put a distance between herself and everyone else – including me. I didn't know if it was out of stubbornness or fear, but either way there was a wall between us and she was the only one who could tear it down.

I hated that she had suffered so much. "You're right, you have changed."

She smiled, and I could tell that it was for my benefit. "Well, don't worry. My birthday's coming up. As soon as I'm eighteen, I'll be an adult, right? I'm sure I'll wake up that morning and be all mature and stuff."

"Yes, I'm sure. What is it, about a month?" I said it nonchalantly, but I'd had the date marked on my calendar for months now. A part of me was vaguely wondering if I was looking forward to it more than she was. I had already talked to Alberta about getting permission to take her off campus to celebrate. Just a nice dinner, maybe some small activity like bowling. Anything she wanted really. I just wanted to give her a day were she could be normal, where  _we_  could be normal. I kept telling myself that it wouldn't be a date, not really, but I couldn't help but think that it would be the closest thing we'd ever really get to a proper date.

Looking at her though, I knew it would be worth any hoops I would need to jump through to make sure she had her special moment. Her eyes shone with excitement and she proudly proclaimed, "Thirty-one days."

I held back my laugh. "Not that you're counting." Not that  _either_ of us were counting.

She shrugged.

"I supposed you've made a birthday list too." My voice was light, but I was honestly curious. I really wanted to get her some gift too but I was at a loss of what would be appropriate. "Ten pages? Singled-spaced? Ranked by order of priority?"

I could see another snarky reply on her lips but it disappeared as quickly as her smile. She looked away and whispered, "No. No list."

I looked at her curiously, knowing that there had to be something she wanted. "I can't believe you don't want anything. It's going to be a boring birthday." As hard as I tried to get her to look at me, she refused to meet my eyes.

"It doesn't matter," she insisted.

"What do you -" I stopped short, suddenly understanding. The one thing she wanted was the one thing I couldn't offer her. It was far out of my reach for my own life, and so much less attainable for me to give to someone else. Freedom. Freedom to live out own lives, make our own choices, and be together like we both so desperately wished we could.

Had it just been about age, or our roles at the Academy, perhaps we could have worked something out. But our commitment to Lissa and our callings as Guardians would forever keep us just out of reach of one another. We walked some elaborate dance around each other. We were continually drawn together by desire, whispered promises that could never be fulfilled, and stolen kisses. However, reality would always pull us apart again. It was hardly a healthy relationship, but I knew that I would never find another person who could make me feel like she did. If I couldn't be with her, it wasn't worth being with anyone else.

That was my choice though. I knew she cared about me. I could still see the longing in her eyes every so often between training sessions. However, I would never hold her to the same vow of loneliness that I had practically resigned myself to. My heart broke at the thought of her ever being with anyone else, but I still felt like she deserved every joy life had to offer, and if I couldn't give that to her, I wouldn't stand in the way of a man who could.

Still, that was a conversation for another day. Right now, I could see her shivering and that was something I  _could_  take care of. "You can deny it all you want, but I know you're freezing. Let's go inside. I'll take you through the back."

"I think you're the one who's cold," she teased, bumping my arm with her shoulder as we walked side by side. "Shouldn't you be all tough and stuff, since you're from Siberia?"

"I don't think Siberia's exactly what you imagine."

"I imagine it as an arctic wasteland."

I stopped short, falling behind a little. I knew she playfully mocked my home from time to time but an 'arctic wasteland' was so far off the mark of reality, it was almost comical. "Then it's definitely not what you imagine."

She glanced back at me. "Do you miss it?"

"All the time," I admitted. One day, I'd show her so she could understand for herself. "Sometimes I wish -"

"Belikov!"

A sharp voice called out to me. I recognized it immediately and cursed under my breath. Even though Alberta was privy to the fact that mine and Roza's relationship was not quite platonic, I knew she wouldn't approve of me spending time with her way past curfew.

Rose had already rounded the corner, and with any luck, she hadn't been spotted. I pushed her back a little further, just to be sure, and told her to stay out of sight. I was just turning to face the Captain of the School Guard as Rose ducked behind a holly tree.

If Guardian Petrov had seen anything amiss, she wasn't letting on. When she was close enough, I greeted her. "You're not on watch."

"No, but I needed to talk to you. It'll just take a minute. We need to shuffle some of the watches while you're at the trial."

I swallowed a groan, knowing full and well that Rose was listening in on this conversation. Alberta and I had managed to keep the trial a secret from her and Alberta was going to reveal it just days before. However, I couldn't exactly tell her to stay mum on the matter without revealing that Rose was eavesdropping. I tried to steer the conversation away, while remaining as vague as possible about everything. "I figured. It's going to put a strain on everyone else – bad timing."

"Yes, well, the queen runs on her own schedule." She was frustrated. Honestly, we all were. However, Moroi ran the show and we guardians simply fell in line. "Celeste will take your watches, and she and Emil will divide up your training times. They say they don't mind the extra work, but I was wondering if you could even things out and take some of their shifts before you leave?"

"Absolutely." I was hoping this would be enough to end the conversation, at least for the moment. I had no problem taking a few extra shifts, especially since I had canceled Rose's extra training times to allow for the field experience that was starting tomorrow. She would be with her assigned Moroi nearly every moment of the day, and I would soon be adding a few more hours to my schedule doing mock attacks for her and the other students to test their training skills.

"Thanks. I think that'll help." Alberta sighed, and I could see her professional mask relax into something more personal. "I wish I knew how long this trial was going to be. I don't want to be away that long. You'd think it'd be a done deal with Dashkov, but now I hear the queen's getting cold feet about imprisoning a major royal."

I could feel my back go ridged as Guardian Petrov revealed Victor's name.  _Shit._ There was no way that Rose didn't hear what had just been said. I tried to keep my composure as I pushed the conversation along. "I'm sure they'll do the right thing."

"I hope so. And I hope it'll only take a few days, like they claim. Look, it's miserable out here. Would you mind coming into the office for a second to look at the schedule?"

"Sure. Let me check on something first." I was lucky that Rose hadn't popped out from behind the holly the moment she heard Dashkov's name, but I knew that she wouldn't be so patient if I tried to leave without explaining things to her.

"All right. See you soon." Alberta turned back towards the Administration building and I stood still until she was far enough out of ear shot before rounding the corner of the building. I had barely made it to Rose's hiding place before she emerged.

"Rose -"

"Dashkov? As in Victor Dashkov?"

There was no used denying it. Now that it was out in the open, I felt worse about lying to her than I did about the fact that there would be a trial. "Yes. Victor Dashkov."

"And you guys were talking about...do you mean..." She jumped from one thought to another, piercing the picture together piece by piece. As soon as the puzzle was fairly clear, her voice turned accusing. "I thought he was locked up! Are you saying he hasn't been on trial yet?"

I knew I deserved some of her anger for keeping this from her, but she looked just shy of rage at the moment. I was half expecting her to take a swing at me. "He's been locked up but no, no trial yet. Legal proceedings sometimes take a long time."

"But there's going to be a trial now? And you're going?" Her accusatory tone was given through clenched teeth.

I nodded. "Next week. They need me and some of the other guardians to testify about what happened to you and Lissa that night." The fact that Victor had gotten a hold of Vasilisa, my charge, and tortured her was sickening to me. It was even worse watching Rose suffer from the effects of the torture through the bond and being completely helpless to do anything about it. A part of me – the part that I didn't want to acknowledge even existing – wouldn't have minded if Victor had perished in the rescue. The idea that he even had a minor chance of threatening Lissa or Rose again was enough to raise my hackles.

"Call me crazy for asking this, but, um..." The way she looked at me, I already knew her question and I was fairly certain that she already knew the answer. "Are Lissa and I going with you?"

"No."

"No?"

"No." She didn't look any happier hearing my answer as I was giving it. I still felt like both she and Lissa had every right to be present at the trial, and their testimony would all but solidify Dashkov a lifetime prison sentence.

"Look, doesn't it seem reasonable that if you're going to talk about what happened to  _us_ , then you should have  _us_  there?"

I schooled my emotions, wanting nothing more to tell her how much I agreed but knowing that I shouldn't encourage her temper at the moment. I gave the same general excuse that Alberta had given me. "The queen and some of the guardians thought it'd be best if you didn't go. There's enough evidence between the rest of us, and besides, criminal or not, he is – or was – one of the most powerful royals in the world. Those who know about this trial want to keep it quiet."

I had hoped that this would be enough to placate her, but it had the opposite effect. She continued to take her frustration out towards me, her nearest target, in an angry glare and harsh whispers. "So, what, you thought if you brought us, we'd tell everyone?" I was grateful that Rose was trying to stay hidden at the moment, because I could tell just how badly she wanted to yell. "Come on, Comrade. You really think we'd do that? The only thing we want is to see Victor locked up. Forever. Maybe longer. And if there's a chance he might walk free, you have to let us go."

I took a deep breath before replying, bracing myself. "It's not my decision to make."

"But you have influence," she pleaded. "You could speak up for us, especially if..." Her anger fell away for a moment, revealing an unexpected panic. "Especially if there really is a chance he might get off. Is there? Is there really a chance the queen could let him go?"

I felt that protective instinct take over again; the one that made me want to wrap her in my arms and promise her everything would be okay because I would make sure that nothing bad would ever happen to her. I couldn't promise her that, because it was all but guaranteed that her life would be full of pain, fear, disappointment and near death experiences.

"I don't know. There's no telling what she or some of the other higher-up royals will do sometimes." I could feel the conversation wearing on me, not because talking to Rose was difficult, but because I was powerless to give her what she wanted. I also knew that time was running short and I needed to go before Alberta came looking for me. I reached into my pocket and tossed Rose my set of keys. "Look, I know you're upset, but we can't talk about it now. I have to go meet Alberta, and you need to get inside. The square key will let you in the far side door. You know the one."

"Yeah. Thanks," she replied, slightly dejected but understanding all the same. I wish I could say this is the first time I've snuck Rose back into her dorm after catching her outside after curfew. I wasn't much of a mentor, for more reasons than one. I made sure the important combat lessons were drilled in, but I overlooked more than her fair share of rule bending.

Her shoulders slumped a little as she turned towards the hidden entrance. She only had taken a few steps when I called out to her.

"Rose?" Her head turned automatically back towards me. "I'm sorry."

She nodded, offering a conciliatory smile at my apology. I knew she wasn't holding the situation against me personally, but it also was difficult to admit that I wasn't as powerful as she thought I was. I saw her fiddle with the keys in her palm and smiled in attempts to lighten the mood. "And you better bring those keys back tomorrow."

She rolled her eyes and started walking again. My playful chiding had fallen on deaf ears. I watched her until she rounded the corner and then made my way to the administration office.

* * *

The halls were fairly quiet, with one or two guardians in the guardian lounge while on break from their shift. I passed them by without so much as a wave before knocking on Alberta's door.

"Come in." Alberta was writing furiously on some paperwork as I came in, stopping a few feet from her desk. I didn't sit down, truly hoping that this wouldn't take too long and I'd be able to head back to my apartment quickly.

"I'm still not sure when you find time to sleep." While I wasn't in the mood for idle chit chat, I couldn't help but comment on the fact that Alberta had spent all day behind her desk prepping for the field experience tomorrow, and it didn't look like she had any plans to stop any time soon.

"Oh, I trained out the need to sleep a long time ago, Belikov. I'm immune to its grip now." Her voice was meant to be light, but I could hear the stressed strain behind her joke.

"Well, let's take care of the schedule and hopefully you'll have some time to rest just for the novelty of it."

She tossed a bit of paperwork over towards me. It was a schedule for the next week, with me working extra shifts Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday since we would be leaving Thursday and be gone at least through the weekend.

"This is what I'm proposing. I know it makes for an extremely hectic week for you, but it seems like it will be the most balanced for everyone, especially if this trial goes on into next week. I have that schedule written up too, but I'm sincerely hoping that it won't be needed."

I looked it over one last time, realizing that I might need to borrow Guardian Petrov's ability to forgo sleep for the next few days. I was taking an extra eight hour shift per weekday on top of my usual eight. Tuesday was my ten hour day, so I'd be logging 18 hours on that day alone. All novices out of St. Basil's were trained to go up to 36 hours without sleep, but it was a difficult and frustrating experience just the same. Even with the opportunity to sleep short periods between my shifts, I knew that the next couple of days would be less than pleasant.

Still, I would do what needed to be done. Alberta was fair, and she wouldn't write a schedule like this unless she felt it was truly necessary. I also knew that I wasn't the only one who would be working schedules like this. Alberta was already taking on the brunt of the work so she could go to the trial, and there were a handful or so other guardians working just as hard this week.

"This looks fine," I admitted, even though I was already tired and ready to reject the idea all together.

"Thanks. I know your current shift ends in about 20 minutes, but feel free to get a jump on your rest. You'll need it."

"Actually, I know we've discussed this before, but I need to ask again..."

Alberta looked up, already knowing what I was about to say.

"...Is there any way the students -"

"I'm sorry, Dimitri. I've requested it, twice now actually, but the Queen is adamant on keeping the trial as small as possible. I don't think there's anything more either of us could do."

I broke from my attentive stance and rubbed at the crease in my brow. I knew what answer I would hear, but it was disappointing to hear it all the same.

"On the bright side, perhaps there's a silver lining to all this. They won't have to face him again. I know it wasn't easy on any of them, Vasilisa especially. And with everything else...well, Christian and Rose don't need the extra stress."

I nodded, agreeing with her to a certain degree. I knew Rose would do anything to make sure Victor was behind bars, even if it was difficult for her. After watching Christian with Lissa, I was pretty sure he'd do the same. However, I also knew they would both rather spare Lissa any suffering associated with it, just as I would rather spare Rose any suffering. She would be upset that she wasn't able to lend her voice to the cause, but I was certain that everything would work out and Victor would get the sentence that he deserved. If it all was right in the end, wouldn't that be enough?

"Perhaps you're right," I admitted, though it was hollow. "You should try to get some rest too, if you can manage it. Tomorrow's going to be a big day."

Alberta made a non-committal sound as she scanned some new paperwork, waving as she caught me leaving out of the corner of her eye. I was pretty sure she had no plans to sleep any time in the near future.

* * *

**Authors Note**

* * *

Holy cow! It was apparently gigi256 day on tumblr today and I was feeling the love! Thank you to everyone (especially guardianwinchester and drown-yourdarlings) for giving my stories some beautiful praise and my ego a little boost. It has been a hectic week and a difficult weekend so you have no idea how much I needed this. I have such wonderful readers and I'm so grateful for every single one of you.

Next, if you hadn't heard over on my other story, my beautiful beta Raissa just celebrated her birthday and we'll be sharing her birthday gift with EVERYONE tomorrow afternoon. Be sure you are following me as an author to be notified when the story goes live :)

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'm so grateful for everyone who has taken the time to review. It has been an odd transition working on two stories instead of one and I ended up getting a bit behind in reviews. I  _should_ be all caught up now, but if I somehow missed you, I'm sincerely sorry. I'm constantly trying to improve as an author and I'll try to be better about reviewing in a timely manner.

**Question of the Week: Do you write fanfiction or just read it?**

Once again, thank you for reading, sharing, favoriting and following! I love you all and I'll see you next week!


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning was an early one for me, despite the previous late night and the canceled training with Rose. I was up at the same time as usual, but instead of heading to the gym like I typically would, I was heading to the guardian lounge to meet with the other school guardians who volunteered for the senior field experience. There were about 35 of us who would be taking a beating at one point or another during the six weeks test. A few of the volunteers would only be participating temporarily, taking over for the five of us who would be leaving for the Dashkov trial, but they were present for the meeting as well.

The instructions for us were fairly simple. Any contact made in a classroom was roughly scheduled with the teacher (not an exact time, just a notification that we would be disrupting a specific period), and there were only a few daylight contacts that would happen and they would be placed on the schedule as needed, but otherwise, any senior novice was fair game. We were encouraged to be spontaneous and creative in our attacks. This was my second year participating since I had come to the academy half way through the trials my first year here. Still, I was fairly familiar with the routine. Don't hold back on your attack but stop immediately if there is a serious injury, followed by a quick explanation of what exactly was considered a serious injury. Getting to the Moroi was the primary goal. Debrief with the novice after the attack so that they can understand what weakness they might have shown or where they had shown strength. The worse part of the field experience – for us, at least – was that we had to write a detailed report on every attack we participated in so that copies could be included in the student files for later review.

However, I was surprised when a new encouragement was given. Fight in groups. Typically one or maybe two guardians would attack a novice at one time. This was the most common way we encountered Strigoi outside the wards, and it made sense to prepare the students for an event like that. However, with the events of the past few months, the Guardian Council had asked that we prepare them for a more advanced attack.

Rose may have beheaded the leader of the small Strigoi cell in Spokane, but that didn't mean that someone wouldn't take his place or there weren't others like him. It was only a matter of time before we came across a similar situation and it would be best if all of us, novices and sanctioned guardians alike, were to be prepared for it. As savage as the Strigoi were, they were anything but ignorant. They could be cunning, devious, and devastating. Many were former guardians themselves, and they retained their tactical knowledge. It was simply a matter of putting it to use. It was actually a miracle that something like this hadn't happened before.

After all the information had been given, we were released. Most of the guardians dissipated to prepare for their upcoming shifts, but Alberta, Stan, and a few others started walking towards the gym to make the assignments. As I was leaving, eager to relish the few minutes before I would be going on duty, I could hear Guardian Petrov hold me back.

"Guardian Belikov, considering the situation, we thought it might be best if you join us."

I gave a quick nod of agreement, but was interrupted by Guardian Alto's grunt of disapproval. "I don't see why we should allow Hathaway to make any argument of her assignment. If she threw a fuss at the Guardian Council, she'd be put on probation."

"Hopefully it will be a non-issue and she'll accept Christian Ozera without any trouble. Either way, Novice Hathaway has been trained for one specific charge nearly her entire life, it will be a shock to not receive it. Guardian Belikov is the best choice to explain why we are assigning her a different student." Alberta faced the older guardian with a slight smirk. "Lord knows you'd just end up making the situation worse."

The gym was already nearing full capacity by the time we made it through the doors, a slight hum falling over the crowd as we made our way to the center of the room. Rose wasn't the only one looking forward to the field experience. It was one of the biggest events for seniors and the entire school enjoyed witnessing the occasional battle in between classes. Some of the matches had even become legends passed down through the years.

Eddie and Rose were some of the last to walk in, taking their places just a few minutes before the start of the meeting. Eddie had become incredibly protective of Rose since Mason's death, even with the sparring incident a few weeks ago. At first, it had set me on edge. I was worried that he had become yet another admirer, but it became clear fairly quickly that his interest in Rose was limited to that of a protective older brother. He was the one who publicly stood by her during her darker periods and would keep her out of the curious eyes of the student body as best as he could. Later, I had overheard his determined insistence to another young man that Rose wasn't ready for a romantic relationship of any sort and to give her space. A bitter part of me wondered if he had that conversation with Lord Ivashkov yet, and if not, when he planned to do so. Even if he had though, it was more likely that Adrian would simply ignore Eddie's advice. I knew a part of Eddie's actions were motivated by loyalty to Mason, but I also knew that he genuinely cared about Rose and they would always be tied together by their shared experience.

I was happy to see the pair smiling for once. Rose even looked somewhat relaxed, which had been a rare occurrence within the Academy walls. They looked to be joking and I hated knowing that part of Rose's good mood would be gone before the hour was up.

From the looks of things, Alberta was having a similar thought. She glanced at me once, perhaps as a final confirmation that we were going to do this as planned, and began.

"All right. You all know why you are here. This is the most important day of your education before you take your final trials. Today you will find out which Moroi you've been placed with. Last week, you were given a booklet with the full details of how the next six weeks will play out. I trust you've all read it by now."

A murmur of excited agreement came from the bleachers. I knew most of them were ready to get going as soon as possible but were doing everything they could to maintain their composure.

"Just to recap, Guardian Alto will highlight the main rules of this exercise."

Stan Alto always seemed to hold himself as if he was put out by his need to be present. He tended to lord himself over the students, using his authority to push them around a little. He wasn't my favorite coworker, but I had also seen a different side of him over the past few weeks. He was stubborn, rude, and had a prickly personality, but he also genuinely cared about his students. He had been just as worried as everyone else when Rose and the others went missing. It turned out that he has also been fairly fond of Mason, and losing him had obviously affected him more than Alto was willing to let on.

"Here we go. You'll be on duty six days a week. This is actually a treat for you guys. In the real world, you're usually working every day. You will accompany your Moroi everywhere – to class, to their dorms, to their feedings. Everything. It's up to you to figure out how you fit into their lives. Some Moroi interact with their guardians just like friends; some Moroi prefer you to be more of an invisible ghost who doesn't talk to them. Every situation is different, and you two will have to find a way to work it out to best ensure their safety.

"Attacks may come at any time, anywhere, and we'll be dressed in all black when it happens." Those of us up front were already dressed in the required clothing for the exercise as an example. "You should always be on your guard. Remember, even though you obviously know it's  _us_ doing the attacking and not real Strigoi, you should respond as though your lives are in terrible and immediate danger. Don't be afraid of hurting us. Some of you, I'm sure, won't have any qualms about getting us back for past grievances, but some of you may feel like you have to hold back, for fear of getting in trouble. Don't. You'll get in more trouble if you do hold back. Don't worry. We can take it.

"You will be on duty twenty-four hours a day for your six-day cycles, but you may sleep during the daylight hours when your Moroi does. Just be aware that although Strigoi attacks are rare in daylight, they aren't impossible indoors, and you will not necessarily be 'safe' during these times."

The rest of the information was technical details such as submitting reports and whatnot. As I tuned out the drivel, my mind started wandering over the new trials that we would be dealing with, including more 'daylight' attacks and attacks with multiple aggressors. It had been decided that we wouldn't share the changes with the students, citing that it would be a good way to teach them to be adaptable with the dynamics of this business. The fact that such a dramatic change was needed because of the past handful of months was almost nerve wracking. I could feel something deep inside me hinting that we hadn't seen the last of these major changes.

I focused again when I could hear the names of students being called out. Ryan Aylesworth, the first to be called, stepped forward to pick up his practice steak and the packet of information on their Moroi. Each student would be given the school schedule of their charge, as well as their family history, biography, and other necessary details.

This was typical for when you received a charge after graduation, only amplified. If you were assigned to a family, you would be expected to know the schedule of every member and memorize any special details that would affect the way you should handle the assignment. I had been lucky with Ivan since I knew practically everything in his file before it was ever handed to me. Memorizing Vasilisa's dossier had been much more difficult. Not only was I given information about her, I was given basic information about the entire line of Dragomirs that she now solely represented. There hadn't been much about her personal history, despite the information about the crash that took the lives of her parents and brother, but I've been steadily adding to it as more and more information came to light. It now included information about her bond with Rose, her difficulty with depression, and of course Spirit. There wasn't much on that last bullet point, but that was only because there wasn't much information available.

Because of the sensitive information in her file, choosing someone as her guardian for the exercise was a difficult and strategic choice. I had suggested Eddie, since he was already vaguely familiar with the bond between Rose and Lissa. I also wanted to show some support for him. He had really become more serious about his training and education since Spokane and was on track to graduate near the top of his class alongside Rose. As much as I hated  _how_  the motivation had come, it was good to see Eddie so focused on the future. I wanted to reward that as much as possible.

It didn't take long for Alberta to call out his name, and I tensed in preparation for what I knew would come next.

"Edison Castile...Vasilisa Dragomir."

I swear the room became electrically charged, a current running though everyone one and freezing them in place. Several students looked towards Eddie, but as he stood and started walking down the steps of the bleachers, their eyes didn't follow. Everyone was still staring at Rose, whose eyes were wide with shock.

Almost immediately, I started to regret my choice to let this be a surprise. Part of me was just waiting for Rose to stand up and start making a scene. I wanted to trust that she was more mature after everything that had happened this past year, but with her waning temper as of late, I knew that anything could happen. The fact that she seemed to be relatively calm about the issue almost made me more nervous.

Finally through the 'G' names as Jasper Graves name was called, I held my breath.

"Rosemarie Hathaway." Alberta paused, taking a breath. She seemed as nervous as I was. "Christian Ozera."

I could see Rose's mouth slowly open in disbelief, but she remained seated. Many of the same students who had been staring at her when Eddie was called looked her way again.

"Rose Hathaway?"

The student beside her gave a swift elbowed to the side and that seemed enough to jolt her into reality again. She stepped forward, but I could see the gentle shake of her head, something she was doing unconsciously as she tried to make sense of what was happening. Even if she didn't pitch a fit about the situation right now, there was no way that I was going to not hear about this later.

She picked up her practice stake and Christian's packet with almost a sense of disbelief. The final names were read out as she scanned the information inside and then the instructions to pack a bag and meet their Moroi at lunch was given.

Several students, including both Rose and Eddie, lingered in the gym. Unlike the others, they both held their packets close to their chests, already protecting their charge and the personal information about them. I could see Guardian Chase taking note of the students who were showing off their packets to one another. While it was never officially stated, a certain amount of discretion was always necessary with our jobs. Guardians knew more about their charges than anyone else, including their own family. More than one Guardian had been demarked after releasing information that had unfortunately put their charge in danger, physically or otherwise.

I moved closer to Alberta, knowing that Rose wanted a word with us both and hoped that if we were close together she would do so at a lower decibel.

"I think we have a situation."

Alberta wasn't even able to reply before Rose was upon us.

"What's this?" We both turned to Rose who was holding her packet up.

Alberta was apparently taking the oblivious route on this one. "It's your assignment, Miss Hathaway."

"No," She insisted, already showing the signs of her thin patience. "It's not. This is somebody else's assignment."

"The assignments in your field experience aren't optional. Just as your assignments in the real world won't be. You can't pick who you protect based on whim and mood, not here and certainly not after graduation."

"But after graduation, I'm going to be Lissa's guardian!" We had been prepared for this argument and already had a response ready, but the louder Rose got, the more attention we started to garner. "Everyone knows that. I'm supposed to have her for this thing."

"I know it's an accepted idea that you'll be together after graduation, but I do not recall any mandatory rulings that say you're 'supposed' to have her or anyone here at school. You take who you're assigned." I could tell that Guardian Petrov was getting a bit upset over Rose's lack of cooperation and Rose seemed to be feeding off of it.

"Christian?" The packet hit the floor with a loud smack, echoing nearly as loudly as her outburst. "You're out of your mind if you think I'm guarding him!"

"Rose!" She flinched at the sound of my voice. I rarely raised my voice to Rose or anyone else, knowing how much it had affected me and my sisters when my father yelled at us, but I also knew that some situations called for it. This was one of them. It seemed like my tone shocked her as much as hers had shocked me. "You're out of line. You do  _not_  speak to your instructors like that."

I hated treating her like a child, no matter how childish she was currently acting. For some reason, it felt more wrong and unnatural than our relationship. It was twisted, I know, but it felt like this was more of a show of my authority over her than anything else.

She glanced at me for a moment before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. I felt my own shoulders relax with her exhale. She still was hardly placid by any means, but at least she no longer looked rabid. "Sorry, but this is stupid. Nearly as stupid as not bringing us to Victor Dashkov's trial."

Alberta's surprise was obvious. "How did you know? – Never mind." She eyed me sternly for a moment, "We'll deal with that later. For now, this is your assignment and you need to do it."

Eddie slowly stepped beside Rose, straightening his back even though his voice was still very apprehensive. "Look...I don't mind...we can switch..."

I knew he was just trying to support and protect Rose, just like he had been forever and even more so since the New Year, but Alberta didn't appreciate his offer. "No, you certainly cannot. Vasilisa Dragomir is  _your_  assignment." She bent down to pick up the packet and hand it to Rose. "And Christian Ozera is yours. End of discussion."

"This is stupid! Why should I waste my time with Christian? Lissa's the one I'm going to be with when I graduate. Seems like if you want me to be able to do a good job, you should have me practice with her."

"You will do a good job with her because you know her," I interjected. "And you have your bond. But somewhere, someday, you could end up with a different Moroi. You need to learn how to guard someone with whom you have absolutely no experience with."

This was a personal reason for me. As much as I hated even suggesting that something could happen to Lissa, especially with me and Rose as her protectors, it needed to be done. No one had prepared me for losing Ivan. He had been my best friend at St. Basil's. I had him for my own field experience. I knew everything about him and guarding him had been easy, both during school and after. Then one day...he was gone. It was almost like learning how to be a guardian from scratch the first few months with Lissa. Granted, between training Rose and shifts at the Academy, it was hardly a typical guarding assignment, but I still had yet to feel like I had really gotten to know my charge. I could spout off her personal history from memory, but Rose knew how to anticipate her moves, emotions, and more. It wasn't just their bond, it was their friendship. It was a huge advantage, but her relationship would leave her at a disadvantage with anyone else. It was for her own good, even if she didn't see it.

"I have experience with Christian," she insisted with a bitter edge. "That's the problem. I hate him."

Her blunt statement came as a surprise to me. I knew she and Christian weren't best friends by any means, but I would have assumed that between his relationship with Lissa and their shared experience in Spokane, they would at least be civil with one another. Once again, I had been the one to suggest Christian as her charge.

It didn't faze Alberta though. "So much the better. Not everyone you protect will be your friend. Not everyone you protect will be someone you like. You need to learn this."

"I need to learn how to fight Strigoi. I've learned that in class," she fixed her stare on us with a hard glare, " _and_  I've done it in person."

"There's more to this job than the technicalities, Miss Hathaway. There's a whole personal aspect – a bedside manner, if you will – that we don't touch on much in class. We teach you how to deal with the Strigoi. You need to learn how to deal with the Moroi yourselves. And  _you_  in particular need to deal with someone who has not been your best friend for years."

Alberta had touched on one big point, but there was another main issue that I felt Rose needed to learn how to work around as well. "You also need to learn what it's like to work with someone when you can't instantly sense that they're in danger."

"Right," Ablerta agreed with me. "That's a handicap. If you want to be a good guardian – if you want to be an excellent guardian – then you need to do as we say."

I could see another argument forming on Rose's lips. I knew she would be less than thrilled with the arrangement, and I expected some protest, but I was honestly surprised at how hard she was fighting us on this. When had Alberta or I ever done something that wasn't in Rose's best interest? She had played her trump card, and now it was time for me to play mine.

"Working with another Moroi will also help keep Lissa alive."

That got her attention. Her head snapped to me and my declaration.

"What do you mean?"

"Lissa's got a handicap too – you. If she never has a chance to learn what it's like to be guarded by someone without a psychic connection, she could be at a greater risk if attacked. Guarding someone is really a two-person relationship. This assignment for your field experience is as much for her as it is for you."

For once, she didn't fight our reasoning. I could tell that she was considering my words, even if she was hesitating on accepting them. She didn't disagree with me, at least not as far as I could tell, but she wasn't ready to admit that I was right. She didn't need to though, Guardian Petrov made that clear.

"And this is the only assignment you're going to get," Alberta added with a sense of finality. "If you don't take it, then you opt out of the field experience."

With that, Alberta had played her own trump card. Rose couldn't opt out if she wanted to graduate and she knew it. Cornering her with no way out wasn't the best method of getting her to cooperate, but we had exhausted every other option available.

Rose flipped through her packet again, letting out a frustrated huff. "Fine. I'll do this. But I want it noted that I'm doing this against my will."

"I think we already figured that out, Miss Hathaway." Alberta said her name in the same tone my own mother would use my middle name whenever I had crossed the line.

"Whatever." Rose went as far as to roll her eyes as she turned towards the gym doors. Holding the packet high over her head, as if she had somehow won this battle, she called out, "I still think this is a horrible idea, and you eventually will too."

Eddie sheepishly followed her out, leaving us only with a shrug and a sympathetic smile. Soon, it was just me and Alberta in the empty gym that still seemed to be echoing with Rose's last words. Somewhere along the line, the other students had been shuffled out by Guardian Chase and Guardian Alto.

I offered Alberta a cocked eyebrow to gauge her thoughts, but she was busy rubbing the tension from her brow.

"That went..."

"Horribly." She finished flatly. A big sigh seemed to bring her back from her frustration as she shook her head. "How do you do it? That girl drives me nuts but you seem to have the patience of a saint."

"Oh don't be fooled, she drives me crazy some days too. But she's worth it." I watched the exit that she had just slammed, almost as if I could still see here beyond the metal doors.

"Yeah, if she can ever get that temper under control, she'll make a wonderful guardian."

I nodded in reply, but the only thing running through my mind was:  _That's not what I meant._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, now you know why Dimitri was so adamant about Rose not having Lissa for her field experience. Several of you thought it was interesting that I would have Dimitri be the one to suggest that Rose work with someone else, especially Christian. I could honestly see him making the suggestion based on his experience with Ivan. Agree? Disagree?
> 
> What did you think about his support of Eddie? Or how about Stan being fond of Mason and affected by his death? Or maybe Alberta's quick wit :) I could honestly see Alberta being what Rose might be in 20-30 years. Maybe she'll get that temper of hers under control by then.
> 
> This weeks question: What sites are you on? Obviously you read and maybe even post on A03. I'm also on FanFiction.new (also as gigi256) and I do have something on wattpad, but I haven't updated it in a long while. Most of you also follow me on tumblr too, though I could really use some help because I'm apparently old now and don't know how to do things like link my AO3 and FF profiles.
> 
> Thank you so much for all your love and support. If you haven't checked out my newest one-shot, Freedom: Spiridon's Story, you can find it on my bio. Thanks for reading, commenting, sharing, bookmarking and subscribing! You guys are awesome and I love you!


	5. Chapter 5

The first day of the field experience was always memorable at the Academy. With the testing novices eager to prove themselves, they were typically on their best form. They were on the watch, careful not get distracted or stumble. Guardians could use this to their advantage. Sometimes we pressed hard right out of the gate, hardly giving them time to adjust to the new lifestyle, other times we held off any attacks for a day or two and watched students to get complacent.

The truth was that the Academy's field experience required the most formal discipline in guarding. In the real world, most guardians were able to live fairly relaxed lifestyles. They could sit, read, have conversations with each other or their charges, and for the most part they lived simple but generally satisfying lives. As long as they stayed alert to any possible danger and were ready to face it when the time came, they could typically be themselves. This is how I had lived with Ivan, and as far as I could see, I could expect something similar with my position as Lissa's guardian. Granted, it wouldn't hold the same familiarity, at least not for me, but it was a rare luxury to guard someone you knew so well and counted as a close friend. Rose would get to enjoy the same fortune I once had, and I couldn't hope for anything better when it came to her guardian career.

However, that wasn't always the case. Some more notable positions, such as the Royal Guard, required that guardians remain at attention and in formal attire at all times while on the clock. They were usually required to be completely silent unless directly asked a question from someone in authority over them. It was dull, demanding, and honestly, a bit demeaning in some ways. I doubt that had been the initial intention of requiring so much from them, but it didn't take long for high class royals to start insisting that their own guardians act like those on the Royal Guard. It became a show of power and position. Unlike the Royal Guard – which had a more lenient schedule to accommodate their demanding work load – sanctioned guardians working for a charge would be put on display like this for days on end without reprieve. In a way, those Guardians became less of a mortal being with actual needs and more of an accessory for their employer.

What's worse, the demand of being on the clock all the time often made those guardians overtired and more liable to make mistakes. It put both them and their charges at risk to work in such a rigorous way, but it happened more often than we would really like to admit so we needed to help the novices prepare for the possibility as much as possible. Best case scenario, they would be prepared to work the occasional formal event. Worst case, they'll have the tools they need to stay alert and on guard even when exhausted.

It just so happened that I would be participating in one of the first attacks of the day. I caught Emil in one of the hallways just before the second to last class let out. After a quick discussion, we decided to stage the first attack between periods, which would have lots of visual chaos to throw the novices off. It was much harder to keep watch in a loud, busy, crowded area than it was to watch over an organized classroom or empty apartment.

Emil would make the first grab, and me and another guardian would team up on the second novice soon after. As the minutes ticked down until the bell rang, signifying the end of the class period, I sought a hiding spot in the shadows of the old building, waiting for our cue.

Emil didn't jump into action immediately, instead waiting until nearly the end of the allotted time for students to make it to their final class. Eventually, the commotion of fists against flesh sounded, quickly followed by loud cheers for Novice Reyes.

I peeked around the corner, catching sight of several novices, but one in particular stood out. Ryan Aylesworth, assigned to protect Camille Conta, was a few feet ahead of his charge and was fully focused on Shane's battle rather than his own charge. A quick nod of confirmation to my partner across the hall and our target had been chosen.

Guardian Anderson approached first, catching Ryan off guard and making him stumble further from Miss Conta. Meanwhile, I was able to slip behind her and grab her, cutting off her surprised shriek with my hand over her mouth.

I hadn't even been able to expose her neck, signifying my 'kill' before I felt a sharp blow to my head. It was strong enough to loosen my grip and allow Camille to escape while my attention switched from offensive to defensive.

My opponent was Eddie. I knew Lissa would be somewhere nearby and an instinctual quick glance showed that she was in a small alcove alongside Christian, both of whom were being shielded by Rose. Unlike Ryan, Rose was both watching my battle and her surroundings, ready to defend if another attacker should appear.

I didn't have time to admire her good work though, because Eddie was at me again. I matched most of his strikes, blocking them or retaliating with my own, but he gave me a good run for my money. Ryan attempted to sneak up on my left, but had left his guard open and I was able to deliver a kill blow to him in less than a few seconds.

Unintentionally though, this added fuel to Eddie's fire. There are several ways a 'Strigoi' could 'kill' one of the students. The first was to expose their neck and bring your face down to signify a 'bite'. Another way is to pin a student to the point where they can't release themselves and tap out. Finally, we could place both out hands around their neck or head, indicating a spinal break.

Because of Ryan's low guard and the need for a quick kill, I had chosen the last option without thinking.

My eyes met Eddie's just for a moment as we both realized what I had just mimed, and it was enough for me to see the flash of recognition in his eyes before he came at me again with renewed energy. This time, he was no longer alone. I tried to fight off both Eddie and Shane, who had finished with Emil, but it proved too much in the end. It was while I was trying to throw Shane off balance that Eddie ended up throwing me off mine. I had kicked Shane to the floor and was turning to keep tabs on Eddie when Eddie's stake came down hard against my chest plate.

The chest plate was a piece of safety gear that was more of a last line of protection for us Guardians participating in the trials. Technically, we didn't even tell the students we were wearing them. They were instructed to pull their strikes before making contact. The practice stakes were dulled so that a hit, even without the protective plate over my heart, wouldn't actually kill, but Eddie had thrown enough force into his blow that I could still expect a decent bruise tomorrow. Without it, he probably would have sent me to the clinic.

Cheers erupted as the final kill was made, and under the cover of the noise, I offered Eddie a concerned look. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." Eddie took my hand, given in a congratulatory handshake, but his voice wavered slightly.

"I'm sorry..."

"No. Please." Eddie waved off my unfinished apology. "Don't apologize. I needed to see it. I can't let that catch me off guard in the field."

I nodded, grateful that he was choosing to use the unsavory moment as a way to better himself rather than dwelling on it. "Good job."

Emil pulled Shane from the floor where I had left him and I addressed both of them.

"Good job to you both actually. Shane, you were quick on your feet and Eddie, you stepped in when you saw the need to. Rose as well." Rose held back, continuing her guard over Lissa and Christian, even though the fight was over. She may not have participated in the hand to hand combat, but her willingness to watch over Eddie's charge made the difference in the battle. "Guarding isn't a solo endeavor, but a team exercise. Working together will allow you to overcome challenges that you couldn't do alone. More importantly, it might be what keeps both you and your charges alive."

"Ryan, you recovered well enough, but it's important not to let anyone get the jump on you. That's what cost you in the end, and had Eddie not assisted to back you up, your Moroi would have been gone as well." Emil was firm in his chastisement, but not overly harsh. It was always difficult to take on your first challenge. Novice Aylesworth lowered his head but took the correction admirably.

As soon as our debriefing was over, Eddie took off back towards his charge, shaking off the lingering emotions of Spokane and celebrating with Rose in the process. If the method of my attack had fazed her, she didn't show it. More likely than not, she had been too focused on the Moroi to notice how I made my kill. Either way, both had done well in their first exercise, even participating when they didn't necessarily have to. I shouldn't have expected anything less from those two.

I shook my head at their antics, watching them complete a complex hand shake of sorts that I had seen Rose do many times with Mason. They would both be fine. Better than fine, they would both be great.

* * *

With my shift finally over, I was finishing up the day's field experience reports in the guardian lounge. I had participated in two attacks today, but there had been a total of four so far and there was still plenty of time before curfew. We didn't have a daylight attack planned this evening, but it had still been a fairly long day.

A majority of my notes were simply compiling information about how novices behaved while not actively defending their Moroi, but I did need to give the details of the two staged attacks as well. I was so engrossed in my work, I barely heard the footsteps behind me and turned only a moment before Guardian McHugh's hand clapped down on my shoulder. Dustin was only a year or two older than me, but he had also spent some time out in the field before transferring to the Academy. The only difference was that while I was assigned here, Dustin requested an Academy position. As far as I knew, he never told anyone why. He didn't seem to want to talk about it, and it wasn't any of my business as far as I was concerned.

"Hey, what's up with Hathaway and Ivashkov?"

That  _was_  my business. Or if it wasn't I was going to  _make_  it my business. His question immediately stole my attention. "Excuse me?"

"Adrian Ivashkov. I know he's been staying on campus since the new semester and I've heard from more than one person that they've been seen together. I thought she was in line to guard the Dragomir Princesses with you. Did something change?"

"No. Of course not. She's an ideal guardian for Princess Vasilisa with their history together."

"Hmmm. Maybe it's more personal than professional then..." He trailed off, apparently amused at the thought of a romance between the two.

"What did you hear?" Rose hadn't mentioned anything to me, but I wondered if she would say something had there really been anything going on. She had been pulling away recently and I had just assumed it had to do with Mason, but maybe I was wrong. Adrian had pursued her fairly strongly before, and from her occasional complaint, I knew he was still working his way into her life. Maybe he had found a way to slip through the cracks.

"Oh, nothing too much except that Ivashkov has his eye on her and isn't planning on letting her out of his sights. And that boy is used to getting what he wants, ya know? I didn't think much about until someone mentioned the rumors right to Rose's face today."

"Did she confirm them?" I was grateful that years of training allowed me to keep the urgent concern out of my voice.

"Well, she didn't deny them, that's for sure." He hopped off the table, heading for the table that always seemed to have a selection of never ending food and grabbed a banana. "Either way, she handled the situation well. Didn't rise to the guy's taunting but respectfully shut him down. I guess it doesn't matter either way, as long as she does her job. Right?"

"Right." My heart wasn't quite in it as I considered what Guardian McHugh seemed to be insinuating. Did it matter? Maybe not during her field experience, but after graduation? Sure. It wasn't completely unheard of for guardians to have brief romances with Moroi, and it probably wouldn't last long, but I wasn't sure how I could stand back and watch her live out a relationship – no matter how trivial – with Adrian or any other man. Perhaps it wouldn't matter to her job, but it would matter to me.

Before I could change the topic to something that didn't feel like a knife in my back, the door to the lounge burst open. Yuri looked frantically in the room, his gaze settling on me with a look of relief that didn't quite mask his urgency.

"Belikov, you need to get to the council room. Now."

I stood immediately, my mind running through a list of possible reasons I would be needed. Almost all of them revolved around one person: Rose. Sure, something could have helped with Vasilisa, but it was much more likely that Rose had been hurt in one of the staged attacks.

I hesitated only a moment as I saw my paperwork spread over the table.

"Don't worry," Dustin's voice called over. "I'll take care of it. Go."

I nodded a quick thanks before following Yuri out the door and down the hall. I could hear a rumble of conversation coming from the room even before I entered it, but I was still taken by surprise when I walked in to see Alberta, Emil, and Celeste seated at the front of the room. I had been worried about an accident or injury, but this was obviously a disciplinary hearing. And seated front and center, the subject of discussion, was Roza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The field experience has officially started! I really love the first battle between Eddie and Dimitri, and how Rose is silently rooting for Dimitri in a way. Initially, I was thinking I might have Dimitri trying to "show off" for Rose, but when I actually thought about it, that doesn't seem like him. Sure, he has moments of flirtation or times he tries to prove his worth, but he doesn't really do it to sway others. Plus, when he's in Guardian Mode...he's in FULL Guardian Mode. He wouldn't fight harder to impress Rose, he would fight his hardest to make sure that Eddie was fully prepared for the real world. What do you guys think? Show off Dimitri would have been fun, but out of character in my opinion. At least in this moment.
> 
> This weeks Question of the Week: How old are you? 
> 
> I really hope this isn't a creeper question because I'm just honestly curious. There's this strange phenomenon on the internet where it feels like everyone you interact with is around the same age as you, and somehow (at least for me) this is even stronger for fanfiction. Does anyone else ever feel that way? Many people I've already interacted with seem to actually be around my age (25, by the way) but I'm curious to see the larger picture. Plus, this story will eventually have more *ahem* mature scenes, and I'm really hoping that you are all AT LEAST Rose's age.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who reviews! If I haven't gotten to replying to your review yet, I'M SO SORRY! I'm very blessed to say that the number of reviews I get on my stories each week is starting to reach the point where it is difficult to respond to each and every one in a timely fashion. I will continue to do the best I can, but if you don't hear from me immediately, please know that I still read every comment and each one makes me smile. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 
> 
> Please remember to read, share, review, favorite, and follow! You are all absolutely amazing and I hope you have a fantastic week!


	6. Chapter 6

I had never seen a guardian disciplinary committee organized at the Academy before. It was rare for there to ever be a need for one. Headmistress Kirova handled most issues that arose among the students, both Moroi and Dhampir. For Alberta to deem it necessary to create a jury of guardians to discuss whatever Rose had gotten herself into, well...it didn't bode well. There was a good chance that I wouldn't be able to get her out of this mess.

There were a handful of guardians here besides myself and those who would eventually pass the final judgment. Witnesses of one sort or another, I'm sure. Thankfully, there were no students present to create rumors later on.

Stan was the first to give his account, offering my initial insight as to what had happened.

"Novice Hathaway acknowledged the threat, initially putting herself between me and both Moroi students. However, she then proceeded to completely ignore the attack. She never pulled her stake, and even went so far as to  _look away_  and  _shake her head_ in refusal. She didn't even defend herself, much less anyone else! I was able to knock her to the ground with a single strike and take possession of her assigned charge and the other Moroi student without any form of resistance."

"For the last time, I didn't do it on purpose." I could see Rose struggling to keep control of her temper. She was obviously furious about the situation, but I could see that at least a portion of it – and perhaps a large portion of it – was directed at herself.

"Miss Hathaway," Alberta's voice was devoid of the usual affection it typically carried for Rose, replacing it with the necessary professionalism, "you must know why we have a hard time believing that."

Celeste nodded in agreement. "Guardian Alto saw you. You refused to protect two Moroi – including the one whose protection you were specifically assigned to."

Technically, we couldn't fail a student in their test if they didn't protect a Moroi that wasn't their charge, especially if it would have compromised their assigned charge's safety. That being said, it was a given that a guardian would do everything possible to protect every Moroi in the vicinity.

"I didn't refuse! I..." her protest halted, catching in her throat before dying with her final word, "fumbled."

"That's wasn't a fumble."

My head turned to where Guardian Alto stood after giving his testimony. He waited for Alberta's permission before continuing. "If you'd blocked or attacked me and then messed up, that would have been a fumble. But you didn't block. You didn't attack. You didn't even try. You just stood there like a statue and did nothing."

Fury was alight behind Rose's eyes. I could see her literally biting back whatever she wanted to say back, causing her bottom lip to swell as she worried it between her teeth. "Why am I getting in trouble for messing up? I mean, I saw Ryan mess up earlier. He didn't get in trouble. Isn't that the point of this whole exercise? Practice? If we were perfect, you'd already have unleashed us upon the world!"

I could understand what she was saying; this was designed as a simulation of what they could expect in the real world. Students were bound to stumble occasionally and we didn't hold it against them as long as they learned from their mistakes. It was better that they mess up here than after graduation. However, there was a big difference between getting distracted from your charge and being unable to recover, and flat out refusing to protect said charge. If Stan was correct with what he said he witnessed, Rose was in a lot more trouble than she realized.

"Weren't you listening?" Stan was as close to blowing up as Rose it seemed. Despite the way they seemed to always be at odds, they did have one thing in common: their short tempers. "You didn't mess up, because 'messing up' implies that you actually  _do_  something."

"Okay, then. I froze!" I know she would never allow them to fall with so many people watching her, but I could see tears of frustration building in her eyes. "I froze, okay? Does that count as messing up? I cracked under the pressure and blanked out." Rose looked away, staring at the wall rather than anyone in particular. "It turns out I wasn't prepared. The moment came, and I panicked."

Her eyes drifted to me and I couldn't pinpoint the emotions behind them. Part of her seemed defiant, the other part seemed almost apologetic.

"It happens to novices all the time." She was right of course. It did happen all the time, but the way she stated it was almost as if she needed confirmation that she wasn't the only one who had ever froze in the face of attack. Like she was worried that there was something wrong with her.

"To a novice who has already killed Strigoi? It seems unlikely." Emil's voice wasn't nearly as accusatory as Guardian Alto's, but he did bring up a valid point. If anyone should have been ready for this, it should have been Rose.

Rose didn't seem to agree though, if the way she glared at him and everyone else in the room was any indication. "Oh, I see. After one incident, I'm now expected to be an expert Strigoi killer? I can't panic of be afraid or anything?" Her voice cracked and she slumped back in her chair with her arms crossed protectively over herself. "Thanks, guys. Fair. Real fair."

It was silent for a beat or two before Alberta let out a sigh. I could tell that this was hard on her too. She wanted to believe the best in Rose, but had to detach herself for the moment. "We're arguing semantics. Technicalities aren't the point here. What's important is that this morning, you made it very clear you did not want to guard Christian Ozera. In fact," she looked down, as if debating whether or not she really wanted to say what I knew was coming next. "In fact, I think you even said you wanted us to be sure we know that you were doing it against your will  _and_  that we'd soon see what a horrible idea it was."

I looked away, feeling some second hand embarrassment for her. Why did she have to be so stubborn about the matter? Why did she need to get the last word? There was also some guilt on my part too. If I had just taken the easier route and let Vasilisa be her charge, or if I had taken the time to explain before the assignments were made about  _why_  I felt she should guard Christian, then all of this would have been a moot point.

My reaction was vastly different from hers though. Where I felt shame and disappointment, Rose reacted with rage.

"That's what this is about? You think I didn't protect him because of some kind of weird revenge thing?"

The quiet, expectant stares from the three council members should have been answer enough, but Celeste replied all the same. "You aren't exactly known for calmly and gracefully accepting things you don't like."

As if she was determined to prove that exact point, Rose jumped from her chair strode forward. "Not true. I have followed every rule Kirova laid down for me since coming back here. I've gone to every practice and obeyed every curfew." She was right on one of those points. The other was a bit of a stretch and she knew it. She pressed on regardless. "There's no reason I'd do this as some kinda of revenge! What good would it do? Sta – Guardian Alto wasn't going to really hurt Christian, so it's not like I'd get to see him punched or anything. The only thing I would accomplish is getting dragged into the middle of something like  _this_ and possibly facing removal from the field experience."

"You  _are_  facing removal from the field experience."

Every spark of fire, every ounce of courage, and every last drop of Rose's confidence seemed to disappear with one simple phrase. "Oh."

Silence fell, only broken by the sound of Rose returning to her chair in a daze. Finally aware of how serious this was, she seemed incapable of defending herself...so I would.

"She has a point." All eyes snapped to me, mostly filled with question except for a single pair that shown with desperate hope. "If she were going to protest or take revenge, she'd do it in a different way."

I could see Rose wince slightly, stung by my words, but she didn't say anything against them. Celeste did offer a protest though.

"Yes, but after the scene she made this morning..."

I moved from the sidelines to stand next to Rose, hoping to provide some sense of solidarity with my student. In doing so, I was aligning myself with her and any mark against Rose would be a mark against me as well. However, just like the day we had first met, I believed in her.

"This is all circumstantial. Regardless of how suspicious you  _think_  it looks, there's no proof. Removing her for the experience – and essentially ruining her graduation – is a bit extreme without certainties." I could only hope that they agreed with me. Rose had placed herself in a very precarious position, and the jury was just as likely to find her actions based in revenge rather than error.

I stared down Alberta, hoping that I had said enough to convince her to place her trust in Rose, in both of us. From the corner of my eye, I could see Rose glance between me and the three behind the table, and I could only imagine that she was also silently pleading for a good outcome of their deliberation.

With a resigned nod from Alberta, the trio seemed to come to a decision and I knew that there was nothing more I could do.

"Miss Hathaway, do you have anything you'd like to say before we tell you our conclusions?"

I'm sure that there were many things Rose wanted to say. Some were bound to be appropriate, but I would guess that most would just hurt what little chance she had left. I wordlessly begged her to just stay quiet for a few minutes longer.

"No, Guardian Petrov," she finally said, sounding more submissive than I had ever heard her sound before. "Nothing more to add."

"Alright, here's what we've decided." I held my breath waiting for Petrov's pronouncement. "You're lucky you have Guardian Belikov to advocate for you, or this decision might have been different. We're giving you the benefit of the doubt. You'll go on with the field experience and continue to guard Mr. Ozera. You'll just be on a probation of sorts."

"That's okay," Rose's voice held the relief that I felt too. "Thank you."

"And...because the suspicion isn't entirely removed, you'll be spending your day off this week doing community service."

"What?!"

I felt Rose start to rise, but my hand was on her wrist and tugging her back down before she ever made it upright. "Sit down," I ordered, giving her a look that I had given her once before, one that I had given within 24 hours of meeting her, one that was given the last time her graduation was threatened: "Take what you can get _._ _"_

Over our quiet conversation, I could hear Celeste's warning. "If that's a problem, we can make it next week too. Perhaps the next five?"

Rose offered me a penitent look before shaking her head. "I'm sorry. Thank you."

It was enough to satisfy everyone, but I didn't miss the semi questioning look that Alberta offered me after tempering Rose's outburst. She almost looked...impressed.

"Fine. Now that everything's settled, I expect you to return to your charge, Miss Hathaway. I will contact you when we have arranged your community service, and I trust we will have no further issue. Correct?"

Rose agreed, but almost wearily, as if doing so was a challenge she wasn't sure she could bear.

The room began to disperse, and as people cleared out, I caught Alberta's attention once last time. "Guardian Petrov, may I have a moment with her before she leaves?"

Her face betrayed nothing as she glanced between us, before nodding and gathering her papers. As she left the room, Rose and I were suddenly alone.

Rose had yet to move from the chair and her head was still bowed meekly towards the floor. It was almost disconcerting how docile she was, and I felt on edge waiting for something to happen. When it became clear that I would need to be the one to break our strange silence, I walked towards the beverage cart in the corner and grabbed two Styrofoam cups from the stack. While coffee tended to be the beverage of choice around here, I spotted a handful of familiar white pouches in the back of the basket of teas.

"You want some hot chocolate?"

It obviously wasn't what she had expected from me and her brow furrowed in confusion. "Sure?"

Two packets went into each cup, four in total, before I added the hot water. I smiled, remembering long ago when someone had calmed my nerves with the sweet and homey warmth of cocoa and just how unusual I had found it at the time as well.

"Doubling it is the secret," I explained, mimicking the exact words that had been spoken to me.

She took the cup I handed her, but hesitated when I turned towards the hidden courtyard just off to the side of the room. It was a bit of a secret, an oasis of sorts in the middle of the building. It wasn't extremely large by any means, perhaps only thirty feet square, but it provided a nice spot to eat lunch in the warmer months and forget the pressures of being a guardian for a moment.

During the winter, it was of little use, but the small glass porch that stood between the door and the open air offered some protection from the cold outside. It wasn't warm, but I hoped the privacy and hot drink would make up for the cold. I swept the dust off one of the seats for Rose, but she had mimicked my actions and sat down across from me before I could offer it to her.

I could see some surprised amusement as I drank from my own cup, my taste buds deadened to the scalding sensation after years of downing coffee day in and day out. I wasn't sure what had done to garner the reaction, but I was glad to see some sort of response from her.

She blew on her drink, taking a small sip to check the temperature before licking the foam from her lips. It was almost reassuring to see such an innocent thing from her. She had yet to become dependent on coffee as a means to function on our rough schedule, and what coffee she might have enjoyed now was something she savored rather than guzzled between shifts. That would surly change over the next few years, but for now she was still able to wait for comfort.

I couldn't quite look at her directly, still unsure of how to say what I wanted to, but I could see her watching me. Her eyes were almost a physical sensation as I felt them take in my hair, my face, my posture. I tried not to react under her gaze, but I still felt myself straighten up automatically. She always made me want to be better than I was...

Rather than the awkward tension that had accompanied every single quiet moment recently, I felt us both relax in the aftermath of the hearing. The only sound between came from our breathing and the small puffs of steam that billowed into the winter air.

"What happened out there? You didn't crack under the pressure." I met her eyes, trying to show that I was concerned, not disappointed. The way she returned my stare was as if she was expecting some sort of lecture, but I couldn't. Rose may still be a novice at the Academy, but she was also my partner. I had no interest in scolding her or making her feel bad for whatever had happened. All I wanted was to know how to help her.

"Of course it was." She glanced toward the left before looking towards her half empty cup.

I bit my tongue to keep from calling her out on the lie. I knew her all her tells by now, but I also knew revealing them would just make the situation worse.

"Unless you believe I really did let Stan 'attack' Christian," she continued.

"No. I don't believe that. I never did" Out of every possible answer, that was perhaps one of the least likely to be true. Rose was impulsive, but she was rarely vindictive and she would never allow Christian to be harmed as a way of retribution for something he wasn't even involved in. Even more importantly, she would never risk her opportunity to graduate and guard Lissa. "I knew you'd be unhappy when you found out about the assignments, but I never once doubted that you'd do what you'd have to for this. I knew you wouldn't let your personal feelings get in the way of your duty."

"I didn't. I was mad...still am a little. But once I said I'd do it, I meant it. And after spending time with him...well, I don't hate him. I actually think he's good for Lissa. He cares about her, so I can't really get upset about that." She rubbed the residual frustration from her eyes, and I knew that it was almost difficult for her to admit that she actually cared for Christian, even just a little. "He and I just clash sometimes, that's all."

I struggled to keep my face still, fighting the amusement at her declaration. I had a feeling that one reason she and Christian butted heads so often was because they actually were a whole lot alike. Loyal, opinionated, sarcastic and not willing to show any outward sign of weakness. Not to mention, they'd both do almost anything for Vasilisa.

"We did really well together against the Strigoi." Her tone, heavy and filled with terrible memories, was enough to sober me again. "I remembered that while I was with him today, and arguing against this assignment just seemed stupid. So I decided to do the best job I could."

I could already see the regret forming in her countenance, perhaps worried that she had already said too much, but I continued to push her forward before she could close herself up again.

"What happened then? With Stan?"

Immediately, she glanced to the side, already preparing her next lie and looking horribly guilty about the fact. It didn't matter what she said, I knew it wouldn't be the truth, or at least not the whole truth. It made me more worried, because whatever was going on was something she felt she couldn't share with me.

She almost looked...frightened. Of whatever the problem was? Of me? Of my reaction? I wasn't sure. But I couldn't help her if she didn't talk to me.

I waited patiently, hoping that she would eventually change her mind. She didn't.

"I don't know what happened out there. My intentions were good ...I just ….I just messed up."

"Rose. You're a terrible liar."

"No, I'm not," She defended, practically insulted that I would question her deception abilities. "I've told lots of good lies in my life. People have believed them."

I felt my lips twitch up, entertained that she would take offense to the suggestion while all but confirming my suspicion that she was, in fact, lying to me. "I'm sure, but it doesn't work with me. For one thing, you won't look me in the eye..."

Rose immediately stared me down in defiance.

"...As for the other...I don't know. I can just tell." I wasn't about to let go of my only surefire way to gauge if she was hiding something, but there was something more. There was something radiating off of her that set me on edge. I couldn't give the feeling a name, but it felt like a heavy weight smothering us both.

Rather than being reassuring, it seemed like my words only added to her suffocation. She quickly stood and made towards the door leading inside, only stopping once her hand was on the knob. She didn't even look back when she spoke. "Look, I appreciate you being worried about me...but really, it's okay. I just messed up. I'm embarrassed about it and I'm sorry I put your awesome training to shame, but I'll rebound. Next time, Stan's ass is mine."

Her false bravado hitched alongside her voice and I was by her side in an instant. I placed my hand on her shoulder, unsure how to comfort her and let her know that I was by her side, no matter what. Her cheek tilted towards my knuckles, bushing against them ever so slightly, but there was no other reaction from her.

"Rose" I wondered if she could hear the desperation in my voice, "I don't know why you're lying, but I know you wouldn't do it without good reason. And if there's something wrong – something you're afraid to tell the others -"

She spun on me like a viper, bearing her fangs like one too.

"I'm not afraid," She cried, betraying her words with the dangerous look in her eye. "I do have my reasons, and believe me, what happened with Stan was nothing. Really. All of this is just something stupid that was blown out of proportion. Don't feel sorry for me or feel like you have to do anything. What happened sucks, but I'll just roll with it and take the black mark. I'll take care of everything. I'll take care of me." Her wild and violent gestures ended with her clutching her chest and practically shaking where she stood.

My words failed me. Of all the times to not know what to say and my mind chose this moment to go blank. How do I tell her I don't pity her or feel obligated, but that I want to be there to support her and lift her up? That watching her suffer was as good as suffering myself? That I want to help her take care of things because I can't bear the thought of not being a source of good in her life? That she shouldn't have to take care of things alone because she deserves so much better...?

Instead, I tighten my grip on her shoulder a little. It was a poor substitution for what I wanted to say, but she needed to know that I was never going to let her go.

"You don't have to do this alone."

"You say that," she gave a disbelieving huff, "but tell me the truth. Do you go running to others when you have problems?"

"That's not the same -"

"Answer the question, Comrade."

"Don't call me that." I couldn't think straight when she used that nickname. It was almost certain to make me give in to whatever she was asking of me.

"And don't avoid the question either."

"No." I spit, angry that she had seen through me. "I try to deal with my problems on my own."

She gently removed my hand from her shoulder, with an almost wistful look on her face. "See?"

"But you have a lot of people in your life you can trust, people who care about you."  _You have me._ "That changes things."

"You don't have people who care about you?"

I did, but it wasn't the same. "Well, I've always had good people in my life...and there have been people who cared about me. But that doesn't necessarily mean I could trust them or tell them everything."

I had a wonderful family and an amazing mother. However, at this point in our relationship, I was taking care of her as much as she had taken care of me as a child. The dynamics had shifted the day I kicked my father out and had only become more and more unbalanced ever since. She made sure that my family was fed and loved, I made sure there was money to put food on the table and keep a roof over their heads. My older sisters all worked and contributed, but they also had their own growing families to think of. It made sense for me to send funds to them each month. They needed it more than I did. My own housing, food, and other basic needs were taken care of as a Guardian. They didn't have that luxury.

I had more than enough for myself. I had a secure job, the respect of my peers, my reputation. Between that and my novels, what else could I want?

And it had been a long time since I had confided in my mother or anyone else for that matter. I had been able to tell Ivan almost anything, but he had taken all my secrets to the grave when he died. Since then, all anyone has ever been given is a portion: a portion of my thoughts, a portion of my problems, and portion of me. I had never intended to let Rose in, but she had a way of knocking down my walls and making herself at home within my heart.

Without me ever realizing what was happening, Roza had become the most important person in my life. The way she looked at me now, I was reminded that I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Do you trust me?"

It was a loaded question, because I shouldn't. She was my student, but the truth was that I did. In fact, there wasn't anyone else I could think of who I trusted more. I still wasn't sure when or how or even why it happened, much less how to tell her all this, but she deserved the truth. "Yes."

"Then trust me now, and don't worry about me just this once."

And with that she walked away, leaving me alone in the middle of the snowy winter with a cooling cup of hot chocolate and no idea how to do what she asked. Not worrying about her was impossible, but I would do my best to trust her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many of you were waiting for this scene and I hope I was able to do it justice! I personally love their interaction, even it if is a bit angsty. It may not be my hands down favorite scene in the books, but it's certainly up there! I think it really is a break through moment for Dimitri (though there are several in this story) where we see him realizing just how much Rose has become of a part of who he is. 
> 
> Thank you for all the wonderful reviews last week! It was wonderful to see how diverse the VA fandom is. We had readers with the experience of over 60 years and others as young as 14. Young or old, thank you for reading and so I'm grateful for all of you.
> 
> This weeks Question of the Week: What do you like to do with your spare time (besides reading amazing fanfiction!)
> 
> Most of my spare time is spent writing :) but when I'm not at my journal or laptop, I'm usually chasing my two kiddos around. I also like cooking, reading, coloring (adult coloring books are amazing by the way), doing little DIY projects around the house, and napping if I get the chance.
> 
> A big thank you to everyone who reads, shares, favorites, follows, and reviews! You are beautiful.


	7. Chapter 7

Alberta was waiting for me just outside the hall. I should have known that I wouldn't be able to avoid her. The moment I stepped out of the room, her eyes locked on to me.

"My office. Now."

I dutifully followed her, not even bothering with a protest. I had expected to speak to her at some point in the day, so I would have been surprised if she'd let me leave now without explaining things.

I took my seat and waited as she poured herself a glass of water before offering me one. I accepted, and her hands shook with repressed frustration as the water filled the cup. By the time she handed it to me, both the cup and her tolerance had overflowed.

"What happened out there?"

"Just what Rose said. She froze. It was an accident and I'll work with her to make sure it doesn't happen again in the future." I knew what I was saying was a lie, because Rose was lying to me about what had actually happened, but it was the best explanation I could offer.

Alberta shook her head, nursing her cup as if it held something a bit stronger. "Even if that was the whole truth – which I'm not saying I fully believe – there's something else wrong. Rose has always been a bit of a trouble maker, but she had been making progress with your influence. Now, with these outbursts and acts of defiance lately, it's like she's back to the old Rose. Worse, even. The old Rose was had her fair share of detentions, but it was always for some crazy stunt like drinking on campus or sneaking out of her dorm after curfew. Nothing that could completely ruin her chance of graduation. But now...between that catastrophe during assignments and the issue with Stan earlier...I don't know what's happening to her, Dimitri."

Her eyes met mine as her tirade billowed out and the strong, level headed captain of the School Guard had completely vanished, replaced with a nearly terrified mother-figure on the verge of losing her daughter. Her terror made mine swell and I didn't know what to say to make it better.

"She's...stressed." The excuse seemed less and less comforting each time I used it, to the point where I wasn't sure I was anything even akin to convincing when I said it any more. "She's been through a lot. She's still going through quite a bit. Give her time. I'm sure she'll be back to her normal self soon."

Alberta gave a weak nod, perhaps  _wanting_  to believe my words more than  _actually_  believing them. "Yeah, You're probably right. Rose is strong. She bounces back. She'll get over her nerves, and her anger about Christian and the trial..."

I winced, knowing exactly what was coming next.

"Speaking of the Dashkov Trial, how could you let something like that slip?" The captain was rapidly returning.

"I assure you, I didn't tell Rose about the trial." I couldn't help but notice the irony of defending myself against the person who unknowingly did let that particular cat out of the bag. "I did give her more information when she asked about it though."

"Why didn't you just deny the whole thing?"

"I try not to make it a habit of lying to my partner...or my student." It was a quick enough recovery that I didn't think she had caught my slip. "I need Rose to trust me and she deserves my honesty. Not telling her something is one matter, outright lying to her about it is something completely different."

Alberta pondered my statement for a moment or two before apparently conceding to my logic. "What did you tell her?"

"Essentially, the same information you told me. Only the guardians would be going and that should be more than enough to find him guilty. She wasn't happy, but there's little that she or anyone else can do about it."

"Unfortunately, you're right. I guess I should have known Rose would figure it out sooner or later. She had a habit of knowing things that she shouldn't."

Alberta dismissed me, leaving me safe from her wrath over the Dashkov trial getting out, but making me more nervous every time I recalled the look on Alberta's face as she worried about Rose. Alberta had known Rose longer than pretty much anyone else on the face of God's good Earth, and if she was worried about her, I couldn't help but think that there was something to be worried about.

Those conversations circled in my mind over and over through the day, specifically the words that Rose and I had shared. Every single time it replayed, I couldn't help but think of what I should have said here, or what I should have done there. My fixation on the issue was messing with me to the point of distraction and I was glad that I wasn't doing any more attacks this evening. I would have been practically useless.

Thankfully, the rest of the day promised to be fairly low key. I was able to finish my daily reports after finding them neatly set aside in the lounge by Dustin, and I even opted to have a late dinner with a few other guardians coming off their shift. It might have been unusual for me to willingly socialize with some of the other guardians, but I was hoping to keep my mind off of the events of this afternoon as much as possible.

It didn't work so well.

 _Trust her,_  I reminded myself.  _She knows you're there. She'll come to when she needs you, when she ready._

Eventually, without anything else to do, I made the long walk back to the Guardian Housing complex. Curfew had been a few hours ago, early because it was a school night, so it was a quiet walk and I only saw one other soul as Guardian Chase waved across the quad while doing his rounds. However, as I came closer to my apartment, I saw someone entirely unexpected waiting just outside the entrance to the building.

"Lord Ivashkov, it's well past curfew. May I ask who are you waiting for?"

Adrian pushed off from the brick wall, dropping the half-spent cigarette into the snow despite one of the few campus ash bins being less than ten feet away. While students weren't given designated smoking areas, there were quite a few staff members who had picked up the habit and accommodations had been made for them.

He strode over to me and the closer he got, the more aware I became of the fact that his smoking wasn't the only vice he had participated in today. He actually maintained himself fairly well, no stumbling or slurring, but you could still pick up the faint smell of liquor on his breath.

"Believe it or not, I'm looking for you, Belikov."

I gave him a questioning look, but otherwise waited silently for him to continue. After a moment or two, he did.

"Something's wrong with Rose."

Instantly, my body was tensed and ready for battle. "What do you mean? Where is she?"

"Down boy," he remarked, putting out a hand to stop me from taking off towards the Moroi dorms where I knew she should be with Christian. "I'm sure she's all tucked away and dreaming peacefully about pushups or roundhouse kicks or whatever it is you two do for romance. What I mean to say is that she seems like she's been on edge lately."

I let out a huff, both in response to his jibe and the fact that I knew he had purposefully set me on edge with his earlier declaration. I automatically readied my practiced response. "She's been through a lot recently. Between Spokane and the stress of the trials, it's quite a bit to deal with. Plus she hasn't been sleeping very well recently..."

Adrian interrupted me, "Wait. She told you about that?" Between the shock and confusion, I could almost detect a bit of nervousness in his voice.

I eyed him cautiously, not quite willing to reveal that Rose had been waking several nights a week plagued by terrifying dreams and memories, but I curious as to what he knew as well. It was obvious that he felt I was in the dark about something he was privy to. "The nightmares?"

"Nightmares?" His face screwed a little before returning to its natural state of laissez-faire arrogance. "Well, damn. Anyways, I wasn't talking about her 'nightmares' or whatever she wants to call them. I'm more worried about the darkness."

I was beginning to wonder if maybe he had a little more to drink than I had originally thought, especially since nocturnal creatures weren't known to be afraid of the dark, but I humored him regardless. "Darkness?"

"Yeah. Her aura keeps getting darker and darker. I think it has something to do with her short temper and personality change recently."

Now I knew he was drunk. "Her...aura. Lord Ivashkov, why don't I escort you back to guest housing and we can talk in the morning after you sleep it off?"

I placed a hand on his arm, ready to guide him across campus, but was surprised when he shrugged me off. He even went as far as to step closer, closing the gap in an almost intimidating fashion had I not had several inches on him and years of training.

"Don't give me that shit. You didn't question me when Rose was being held in that basement but now you want to brush me aside?"

He's right. I never did question where or how Adrian had gotten his information about Rose and the others in Spokane. I had also been desperate though. I would have taken any lead I could get, no matter the source or how crazy it seemed. "I'm sorry. You're right. And I owe you my thanks for helping us find her." I may not like the man, but I knew that Adrian had been instrumental in locating the students and he deserved recognition for it. "However, I never did hear  _how_  you knew where to find her."

"She never told you? I'm a Spirit User."

"She mentioned that you were staying on campus to study with Princess Vasilisa, but I'm still not sure how your healing abilities were able ascertain Rose's location."

"Wow. She didn't tell you anything about me, did she?" He almost looked amused at my confusion.

"We don't talk about you."

And like that, his amusement vanished. I tried not to let my satisfaction show, but it wasn't a lie. The most Rose ever mentioned about Adrian was usually a quick comment about how annoying he was or how she wished that he would just leave her alone. A few minutes at the heavy bag or sparring ring, and she would usually forget all about the pompous royal.

"Fair enough. I don't specialize in healing like Lissa. I tend to work on a more mental than physical level. I can read auras and emotions, and I can dream walk." His words all sounded fairly nonsensical to me, but he didn't pause long enough for me to ask for clarification. "Rose has an aura like I've never seen before. Aura's change and shift colors, but hers has been rimmed in black since the moment I met her and it only seems to be getting darker."

Even though I didn't understand what he was saying exactly, I could feel a sense of dread come over me. There wasn't a situation I could think of where a dark aura meant anything pleasant. "What does that mean?"

He shook his head. "I wish I knew. It doesn't make sense to me and I've never seen anything like it before. All I can tell you is that the darker it gets, the more unbalanced Rose seems to act."

"Like I said, she's just stressed. I'm sure she'll be okay. She just needs time." I couldn't quite tell if I was trying to sooth his worries or mine.

"Yeah? Is that why I had to pull her off the Conta girl before she strangled her today?"

"What?"

"Yeah. I found her near the academic building with her hand around the girl's throat while some cocky novice tried to talk her down. She looked almost crazed. She only let the poor thing go when I compelled her to do so."

My shock quickly morphed into anger. The thought of Adrian being able to control Rose, to influence her to do something she otherwise wouldn't, infuriated me. "You compelled her?"

"I did what I had to." He bit back, firm, commanding, and nothing like his usual self. "It was for her own good."

We stared each other down, both on edge and both stubborn about the fact. I was the one that finally broke, realizing that had a guardian or teacher found her in that position, especially after the hearing this afternoon, Rose would be in more trouble than I could ever save her from. I couldn't say I was grateful for Adrian's intervention, but I was grateful that he had found her rather than someone else.

"What do you want me to do? You came here for a reason. Why?"

"Honestly, I don't know." His shoulders dipped in defeat as he looked away. "Aren't you supposed to be the hero of the story? Save the day, get the girl, ride off into the sunset and all that happily ever after..."

I rolled my eyes, knowing that happily ever after was about as realistic as anything else in those silly faerie tales. Even if it was something worth hoping for, it was too far out of reach for me or any other guardian.

The silence dragged on, until Adrian spoke it once more. "I don't know what I was hoping you'd do, but something's going on with her. The darkness is growing more and more and it's scaring me. I think it's starting to scare her too."

"Wait. What are you talking about? How do you know?" The pure concern on his face grabbed at my attention almost as much as his actual words.

"She..." he eyed me hesitantly. "She just said some things to me." Adrian offered nothing else and my anxiety mingled with annoyance. Apparently she felt comfortable enough to talk to Adrian...what did she need me for?

"Like I said, she's been through a lot. She's probably just -"

"Stressed. I know." He finished, obviously getting tired with the circular nature our conversation was heading. "I'm sure finding out about Dashkov trial didn't make things any easier on her or the others either."

"The others? Christian and Lissa know about it too now?" Great, something tells me that Alberta wasn't going to let me off so easy.

"Yeah. She thought it was worth telling them, unlike other people." The accusation was clear. "You knew the whole time, didn't you?"

My silence was answer enough.

"She's pissed you know? About being left behind? They all are. Their voices deserve to be heard, too."

"I tried. I think they should testify, but not everyone agrees. My request was denied."

"And what? That's it? You give up?"

"What do you expect me to do?" I answered, my aggravation – more at myself and my own inability than him – growing.

"Fight for her!" He shouted, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "She's worth fighting for. That's what I would do. In fact, that's what I will do. If you won't fight for Rose, I will, and let the better man win."

As he turned to leave, I saw a glint of something dangerous in his eyes. A man with a determined goal is usually something to be admired and applauded. These men move mountains and become legends. However, when that man's goal is to sweep the woman you cherish off her feet, especially when he has the means to do so, then it was something to be greatly feared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh. Looks like Adrian is ready to jump into the ring again. I know we haven't seen much of him recently, but this is where we really start seeing Adrian start pursuing Rose again.
> 
> It was so fun to get to know you guys more and learn about what you like to do in your free time, though it seems like there is never quite as much of that as we'd like. This week's Question of the Week is: What do you think is most important in a story and why; characters, setting, or genre?
> 
> Just so you guys know, I will be traveling for the next two weeks with my family. I do have the updates for this and Meet Me in the Memory prepped and ready to go so new chapters will go up as scheduled (a big thanks for Raissa for helping with this) However, if your comment or PM and I don't back to you right away, you know why.
> 
> Thank you to all my readers, reviews, and followers. You guys make me SO happy. I hope you enjoyed the latest update and have a great week!


	8. Chapter 8

After the initial day of field training, we slowed out assault on the senior novices, only attacking one student a day. This was only enough to keep the students on edge but left them almost anxiously looking over their shoulders. Out of the three days, I had only participated in one scrimmage the day before yesterday.

Thus far, I was confident in the class that would soon be heading out into the world. There was no way to be fully prepared for what this job entailed, but they were doing as well as could be expected. As much as we trained them, becoming a guardian was actually a trial by fire. Many never made it past their first encounter with Strigoi, and those that did were forever changed by it.

Roza was proof.

I wanted to see how she would come back from everything. Perhaps I had been mistaken in believing she was ready again. Perhaps I had just been hopeful that she had moved past it enough. Now with the misstep between her and Guardian Alto, I didn't know what to think anymore.

I hadn't even seen her today. With my increased schedule, there was hardly any time to check in with her again and I had wanted to give her some space.

Even if I didn't have time to catch up with her, I did have time to check in on her field reports. It had almost become a nightly routine for me over the past few days. Work a long shift, clock out, check her file in the database, go home, sleep, start it all again.

Reading her progress reports the past few days offered nothing but her daily required reports. Today's wasn't available since they filled out paper hard copies and turned them in the next morning, but yesterday's had been uploaded a few hours ago.

_Summary:_

_No direct incidents to report. Witnessed "Strigoi" attack on South East corner of the main quad at 4:30 am and diverted charge to safer route without confrontation. Utilized the ability to co-guard with Edison Castile between 8:00pm and 1:00am as well as between 5:00am and 8:30am using the near-far partner guarding method._

Another day without an opportunity to redeem herself. If I knew Rose at all – and despite some stumbles recently, I still liked to believe that I did – I knew Rose would be extra vigilant about any possible attacks. She would be eager to redeem herself when the right opportunity arose. It would probably be a thorn in her side until she was able to prove to herself and the world that she was capable. I knew she was, I had never doubted it, and neither did most of the other guardians who were keeping notes.

I navigated to the guardian notes and read some of the most recent entries.

" _Novice Hathaway does well to keep aware of her surroundings..."_

" _...maintains a professional appearance while guarding and interacting with her charge..."_

" _...efficiently works with other guardians to better manage time and resources..."_

" _...demonstrates great ability to communicate with her charge to compromise on convenience and security..."_

" _Novice Rose Hathaway prioritized flaunting her training over protecting her charge, leaving them exposed and vulnerable in her attempt to needlessly insert herself into an ongoing fight."_

What was this about? I checked the time stamp, and noticed that it was added to the file less than an hour ago; by Guardian Alto.

" _When confronted about her arrogance, Hathaway disputed my instruction and questioned my motivation."_

I could feel my jaw set, angry that one man seemed to have it out for her. Everyone else could see her talent, her potential. Stan Alto was the only person who refused to acknowledge just how amazing Rose was. In fact, he seemed determined to make sure that she would never be able to reach her full potential because he was constantly dragging her down.

I couldn't help but recall every time he prodded her in class, how he seemed to pick on her specifically. Hundreds of belittling arguments seemed to vastly outweigh the only time I had ever seen the man show even an ounce compassion for her. Every second I thought about it, the more bitter and angry I became until I knew I couldn't stare at the report any longer.

I logged out of the computer, shutting it down in the process before I snatched my jacket from the back of the chair. I could hear the leather stretching as I forced it on but I paid no mind and instead chose to slam the doors while making my way back to my apartment. I needed to cool off and I needed to do so alone.

It wasn't just Alto, though he was certainly a great catalyst for my bad temper. It was everything. It was the Dashkov trial. It was Adrian. It was too much work and too little sleep. It was Roza. It was mostly Roza.

I was worried about her. I knew she was still dealing with Mason's death and everything else that happened in Spokane. I was frustrated with her. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't talk to me, trust me. Hell, she had talked to Adrian apparently! I wanted to help her but she refused to let me in, choosing to instead lash out. Above all, I was missing her. I missed her wit and her laughter. I missed her smile and the way she knew just how to push my buttons in every way imaginable. It had only been three days, but three days still seemed like too long to go without seeing her. The last time we had been away from one another for this long...it didn't end well.

I had meant to relax and calm myself with a shower and a good book, but fate had other plans for me. I was striding up the stairwell, taking two stairs at a time, when the sound of footsteps started racing above me. Who should round the railing but the current target for my irritation?

"What's your problem, Alto?" I brush his shoulder as he passed me by, unreasonably infuriated that he wouldn't even look at me.

"Excuse me?" He cocked his brow at me. Apparently my tone didn't alarm him at all.

"Why do you have it out for Rose? You're harder on her than any other student here and you seem to have some sort of grudge against her. I just can't figure out why."

"I'm certain I don't know what you mean." He turned, continuing his path down the stairs and I followed after.

"Every argument in class, the hearing, everything down to those notes in her file today. What do you have against Rose?

"I don't have anything against Miss Hathaway." His faux oblivious denial did nothing but feed my frustration.

"You push her too far. You hold her to a higher standard than anyone else."

"You don't push her enough." He finally faced me, turning sharply and an even sharper edge to his voice. "You've gone soft on her and it's going to end up getting her killed."

"Excuse me?" Now I was the one who was stopped in my tracks.

"First Alberta, now you. Everyone loves Rose but that isn't going to be enough to keep her alive out there. She's impulsive, careless, and has a bad habit of sliding out of trouble just in the nick of time. She's lucky, but luck runs out Belikov, and when it does, people die."

"What are you insinuating?"

"You know exactly what I'm getting at. People die when they don't play by the rules. Somebody already has."

I stepped toward him, invading his personal space to the point where I was looking down my nose at him. He had crossed the line and I wasn't going sit back and allow these accusations. "Rose isn't to blame for Mason's death and you know it."

"No. She isn't. But she could have prevented it. The fact that only one kid perished is a miracle. She may not be so lucky next time. She might be the one who dies next time." Guardian Alto stepped back, glancing down. By the time he faced me again, his expression had softened considerably. "Look, the truth is...I like Rose. She's a good person, and she has the makings of a great guardian. But until she learns some self-control, she's a liability. Perhaps if she was destined to be a regular guardian, maybe I could let it slide, but she's not. She's slated to be the guardian for the Last Dragomir. She can't just be good, she needs to be great. She needs to be the best and even that might not be enough."

"It's my job to make sure she's the best, not yours. Why do you even care?"

"Because I owe it to my brother." He paused, rubbing at the crease between his eyes. "My older brother spent his life guarding the Dragomir family. He watched those kids, including Rose, grow up. He was the first person who ever noticed or applauded Rose's talent and after he perished in that crash, I was left to watch Rose squander her gift. My brother was the best guardian I knew and it still wasn't enough. Rose has to be better somehow and if you aren't going to make sure of it, I will. If she doesn't have what it takes, then you can be certain that I'll do whatever is needed to make sure Vasilisa is protected by someone who does."

The echoes of his promise rang off the metal and cement in the stairwell, leaving nothing but silence in its wake. It was obvious from his impassioned speech that his brother meant a lot to him and even now I could see regret and sorrow break through his mask.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," he whispered, offering a dry laugh. "Believe it or not, you are the first person to ever say that to me. Everyone was so focused on the death of the Dragomir family and the daughter that miraculously survived, it seems like everyone forgot that two good guardians died in that crash also. Not that I can claim to be much better. Try as I might, I can't remember the name of my brother's partner."

I didn't know what else to say to that so the quiet became awkward.

"Like I said Dimitri, I like Rose. It's  _because_  I like her that I push her as much as I do. I expect the best from her and I don't accept anything less. You may not like my methods, but even you can see that she typically rises to the occasion whenever I challenge her."

As much as I hated to acknowledge it, he was right. I had used a similar tactic, albeit under a different method, fairly often. Rose always met or exceeded the expectations I set for her, but recently – especially since Spokane – I had been lenient on her.

"Rose's biggest weakness isn't her staking abilities...it's her pride. She's been told since childhood that she is special. She's had a job secured since she was eight years old. For the most part, she deserves it. She really is talented and she is the perfect guardian for the Dragomir Princess. However, pride is almost more dangerous than any other imperfection. You've seen how many of these cocky graduates take on their first Strigoi and die for their troubles. Even worse are the ones who can't deal with the aftermath and decide that death at their own hand is better than chancing their life day in and day out. I don't plan on letting either of these things happen to Rose. If that means that I have to be the bad guy, then so be it. I'm willing to make the sacrifice."

Before I could say anything in reply, Guardian Alto pushed past me and down the stairs, fading from my view and leaving me alone. I stood there in a daze for another moment two before continuing on to my room with less anger and more humility. As I shut the door behind me, my brain was finally able to process the confusion of past ten minutes.

Despite outward appearances, it turned out that that Guardian Alto and I were remarkably similar in many aspects. From our history of loss to how we both cared about Rose. The more I thought about it, the more apparent it became and I wasn't quite sure I liked what I saw. He was also just as reserved as I was, only interacting with his fellow teachers and guardians when required. For the most part, he kept to himself.

Honestly, it wasn't very hard for me to imagine myself in his shoes one day. I was well on that path when I started at the Academy after Ivan's death. A couple more years and a few more missed turns and I would be the next person highlighting the benefits of the Carnegie's Quadrant Surveillance Method to a room of vaguely bored teenagers and hoping that at least some of the information stuck. The only thing that had changed my direction was meeting Rose. She was the catalyst that had changed everything for me and once again, I couldn't help but wonder how only Alberta had picked up on the change.

As much as I still disagreed with  _how_  Stan was motivating Rose, he was right. I had been too lenient with her. I had forgiven her late mornings, justified her short temper with excuses of restless nights, and in general allowed her to simply glide by when she felt like putting in less than 100%. While I would be more than happy to allow her a break under the circumstances, we didn't live in world where I could. We were guardians. We were required to give everything.

But that didn't mean we had to sacrifice absolutely everything too. At least not right now. It didn't have to be all or nothing. I didn't need to be a domineering drill Sargent to keep from being labeled as a pushover. I might need to push Rose in practice more, but I could also stand by her and support her outside the gym. I had been so focused on avoiding her outside of our training schedule so that we didn't fuel the fires of rumors or anything else, but I was her mentor...it would be natural for me to be seen with her occasionally, right?

And I knew just where to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have this weird drive to show that Stan is actually a good man, because...I honestly believe that somewhere inside, he is. He's made the choice to work with students and prepare them to face the evil of the world. I don't think anyone makes the choice to become a teacher on a whim. It is actually a fairly selfless choice that offers little in the way of personal glory and I think that alone says something about Guardian Alto.
> 
> With that in mind, I think there is something specific that drives Stan to push Rose harder. Maybe he doesn't know how to do so properly, but he does the best he can. He's been beaten down and faced his own trials and they have left him hard and bitter. Somewhere though, he cares. Do I think this really redeems the way that he treats Rose? No, not really. However, perhaps it makes him a little bit more relatable.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. This week's Question of the Week is: What was your favorite book as a child? I was a big fan of Tuck Everlasting when I was younger, but I think my favorite childhood book was There's a Monster at the End of this Book. Grover gets me every time :)
> 
> I'm still out and about with family but I should be back home in a few days and I'll start responding to reviews and messages then. Thanks for your patience!
> 
> A big thank you again for reading, sharing, following, favoriting and (especially) reviewing. You guys are the silver in my stake!


	9. Chapter 9

I sat in my usual seat. Back pew, in the far corner left of the main church doors. It was a quiet spot, away from the chatter of other students who were more interested in socializing than in scripture, while not taking the precious spots near the altar for those who were true believers.

I hadn't taken Communion in years, not since Ivan died. Even if I didn't feel unsure of my worthiness to partake due to my hand in his death, there had always been an acorn of doubt that has grown and taken root in my soul. Believe me when I say that I wanted to believe. Perhaps I was afraid to  _not_  believe. Whether in fear or hope, I attended each week like my mother had taught me in my youth. I'd quietly hum or sing the hymns, listen to the sermon, and pray alongside the others in the congregation. I'd go through the motions, hoping that it would one day prove to be enough.

Near the end of the service, I saw the long blonde hair of Lissa standing from her seat, walking through the aisle to partake of the Communion offering. Several others joined her in front of the priest. Unsurprisingly, Rose stayed behind, though Lissa did bring back a piece of blessed bread for both her and Christian who sat on the other side of Lissa's vacated seat. Shortly after the ritual, the service ended and students began to file out, practically fleeing to other activities of the day. I could tell that the dhampir students, especially, were eager to enjoy their lone day of freedom. All but one.

Rose continued to sulk in the same spot I had seen her before, now alone. No doubt Lissa and Christian had taken off to enjoy some of their privacy as well. Rose never had been one for the concept of repentance and penance – I don't think I'd ever seen her actually participate in the service – and she looked less than enthusiastic now. Alberta had let me know that her community service was scheduled to be completed immediately after church. I slowly made my way over to her, startling her the moment my hand touched her shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. There was shock on her face, but also a mixture of emotions that I couldn't quite read.

"Thought you might need some help. I hear the priest wants to do a lot of housecleaning."

She eyed me skeptically. "Yeah, but you're not the one being punished here. And this is your day off too. We – well, everyone else – spent the whole week battling it out, but you guys were the ones picking the fights the whole time." Her focus shifted from my eyes to my right cheek, where I knew there was a small bruise earned only a day or so ago. It was one of many, but probably one of the lesser injuries I'd have to deal with over the next handful of weeks.

I just smiled back at her, relishing her unspoken concern. "What else would I do today?"

"I could think of a hundred other things." Her face remained blank, her tone was dry, but her eyes had a sparkle of mischief in them. "There's probably a John Wayne movie on somewhere that you haven't seen."

"No, there isn't." I tried to match her wit but could barely hold back my grin. "I've seen them all. Look, the priest is waiting for us."

Father Andrew had already changed, exchanging his ceremonial wear for something more practical, and now looked at us expectantly. As we approached him, I could still see Rose shooting the occasional questioning glance my way.

"Thank you both for volunteering to help me." Father Andrew's voice broke through before I could consider it any further. "We aren't doing anything particularly complex today. It's a bit boring, really. We'll have to do the regular cleaning, of course, and then I'd like to sort the boxes of old supplies I have sitting up in the attic."

"We're happy to do whatever you need." His enthusiasm for our aid was obvious and I wondered if he was used to cleaning everything on his own when there wasn't a delinquent and her love-sick mentor being coerced into service. My mama would often have us help clean the chapel after church back home, and perhaps I should start making a habit of offering a hand here occasionally.

I was given a dusting rag, setting to work on polishing each pew. Rose took the mop and bucket. We worked in silence. It was repetitive, mindless work, which always offered a great chance for reflection and meditation. It was akin to running, where you could get so focused that everything else fell away. However, as hard as I tried to concentrate, I couldn't help meeting Rose's eye over and over again.

Every once and a while, she would pause, taking a moment to watch me as I worked. Each time, she looked at me with confusion and I allowed it to slowly melt away before matching her stare and offering a smile in return. It never lasted long though. One of us would break away in the next moment or two, continuing our work with vigor until the entire cycle would repeat five to ten minutes later.

Once we were finally done with the cleaning, Father Andrew led us to the attic. I shivered as th memory of Lissa, lying in a small pool of her own blood, haunted me. I wondered if Rose saw the same thing as I did, but based on her huff, I doubted it.

It took several trips, but we but we were able to move all the old boxes of books without issue or injury, and soon we were settled in the back store room, dividing them into piles of what to save and throw out based on Father Andrew's instructions. It felt so nice to relax a little after the long week. It was even better to be spending time with Roza. I might have preferred there to be a little more privacy and a little more conversation, but I wasn't about to snub any little moment that I could catch with her.

I watched her absentmindedly stretching her tired muscles, reminding myself not to stare. For goodness sake, I was in the company of a priest. Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice anything amiss and neither did she. He politely asked about her classes and even asked how my family was doing. I was surprised he even remembered since I had only spoken about them once when I first moved here. The conversation continued pleasantly as we worked over the next hour, but as was her nature, Rose surprised us.

"Hey, do you believe in ghosts?" Both Father Andrew and I both paused at her question before she continued. "I mean, is there any mention of them in...in this stuff?"

The priest's good natured chuckling drowned out my gentle chastisement. "Well...it depends on how you define 'ghost', I suppose."

Rose brushed her fingers against an old theology book. "The whole point of this is that when you die, you go to heaven or hell. That makes ghosts just stories, right?" I couldn't help but notice that she pointedly refused to look at either of us. "They're not in the Bible or anything."

"Again, it depends on your definition." Father Andrew set aside the stack of books he was sorting through and offered Rose his full attention. "Our faith has always held that after death, the spirit separates from the body and may indeed linger in this world."

"What?" The dull thud of a wooden bowl hitting the floor echoed off the walls. Rose had been holding it just moments ago, but now it rolled on the ground under her hands and anxious expression. She scrambled to pick up the dish and before desperately questioning him again. "For how long? Forever?"

The way she was intent on his answer surprised me. Rose tended to speak her mind, and occasionally that meant it wandered to one random corner or another, but it seemed to me that this wasn't just another musing. She almost looked like she  _needed_  to know.

"No, no, of course not. That flies in the face of the resurrection and salvation, which form the cornerstones of our beliefs. But it's believed the soul can stay on earth for three to forty days after death. It eventually receives a 'temporary' judgment that sends it on from this world to heaven or hell, although no one will truly experience either until the actual Judgment Day, when the soul and body are reunited to live our eternity as one."

"Yeah, but is it true or not? Are spirits really walking the earth for forty days after death?"

"Ah, Rose...Those who have to ask if faith is true are opening up a discussion they may not be ready for."

Rose sighed, nodding a small gesture of agreement that was perhaps tinged with disappointment too.

"But, if it helps you," the priest offered kindly, "some of these ideas parallel folk beliefs from Eastern Europe about ghosts that existed before the spread of Christianity. Those traditions have long upheld the idea of spirits staying around for a short time after death – particularly if the person in question died young or violently."

And just like that, my mind flashed to where hers had surely been imprisoned this whole time. Mason. He had passed only a few short weeks ago. I couldn't imagine that it had even been forty days yet. And if anyone's death could be considered as  _young_  or  _violent,_ it was that of her friend and admirer.

It was natural that she still be concerned with his death. She had witnessed it first-hand. Despite me trying to convince her otherwise, I knew she still partially blamed herself. Was it so strange for her to be concerned as to what might have become of him after this brief mortality? I felt spike of annoyance that she had once again kept her concerns from me, but I shook it off quickly. I was hardly an authority on the afterlife. My only role in understanding death was sending soul-less creatures to whatever waited for us all on the other side.

Her voice, small and wary, broke the building tension. "Why? Why would they stay? Is it...is it for revenge?"

The father quickly glanced my way, sending a silent questioning message filled with concern. "I'm sure there are some who believe that, just as some believe it's because the soul has trouble finding peace after something so unsettling."

"What do you believe?"

Father Andrew thought for a moment and smiled. It wasn't one of joy, but of comfort. "I believe the soul separates from the body, just as our fathers teach us, but I doubt the soul's time on earth is anything the living can perceive. It's not like in the movies, with ghosts haunting buildings or coming to visit those they knew. I envision these spirits as more of an energy existing around us, something beyond our perception as they wait to move on and find peace. Ultimately, what matters is what happens beyond this earth when we attain the eternal life our Savior bought for us with his great sacrifice. That's what's important."

The way Rose bit her lips, I couldn't tell if she was considering his words, or considering arguing with his logic. In the end she stayed silent. She refused to look at either of us, slowing picking up yet another dusty tomb and putting it in the appropriate pile.

After a moment or two, the priest tried to coax some of her earlier, more jovial, mood. "I just got some new books in from a friend in another parish. Interesting stories about St. Vladimir. Are you still interested in him? And Anna?"

I know that Rose had spoken about St. Vladimir and his guardian, Anna, before. She had researched the pair intently earlier in the year, and eventually her findings had given clarity to the bond between her and Lissa. St. Vladimir was a spirit user, though records of him and his abilities had been masked by time and language. Anna, his bondmate, the same way Rose was to Lissa, had even less information written about her. Learning about Anna was akin to learning about herself in some ways, and it wasn't any surprise that she had sought out any information she could about her. So, it  _did_  surprise me when her response was less than enthusiastic.

"Yeah, I'm interested. But I don't think I can get to it anytime soon. I'm kind of busy with all this," She waved her free hand beside her head vaguely, "...you know, field experience stuff."

And that was the end of that. Our conversation gradually restored over the next half hour, though Rose only offered single syllable responses, and only when a question was posed directly to her. Otherwise, the father and I spoke about the old chapel in my hometown, and some of the community events that it offered throughout the year. Father Andrew – who had spent a year in Tula, some several thousand miles from my family home – recounted fond memories of Maslenitsa. The week-long festival proceeding lent was something I had yet to see celebrated outside of Russia's borders, though Mardi Gras would be considered similar I guess. It often featured dancing, feasting, and all sorts of odd traditions. He spoke of the annual burning of Lady Winter's effigy, I recounted the sledding races that many of the children practiced all winter for. More than anything, we spoke of the many, many pancakes that we consumed over a mere seven days. If there was one aspect to that festival that my mother prided herself on, it was her contribution of cheese stuffed blini.

Rose, who would typically light up any time I offered a piece of my past, was curiously silent the entire time. She seemed to be lost in her own mind, pondering thoughts she refused to share with me. Where yesterday I had been annoyed and almost angry about her lack of openness, today I was more concerned than anything.

Eventually, we ran out of books to sort and Father Andrew told us that there was one last task before we were done.

"I need you to carry these over to the elementary campus," he said, pointing to four of the boxes that we had just organized. Two large ones, and two smaller ones. If I remembered correctly, they were filled with illustrated bibles and other materials for children. Many were old and considered outdated, but then again, it wasn't as if the Bible had changed much recently. "Leave them over at the Moroi dorm there. Ms. Davis has been teaching Sunday school for some of the kindergarteners and might be able to use those."

Rose reached automatically for the largest and heaviest of the boxes, but I quickly took it from her. She gave me a small scowl for my troubles but didn't protest as she picked up the second largest in the lineup. Neither of us were prepared to carry anything else, so it looked like it would take two trips to get the job finished.

She remained silent as we left the chapel and walked the long distance to the Elementary campus. At the half way point, I couldn't take it anymore. Typically, I didn't mind the quiet moments between Rose and me. They were often peaceful. They didn't need words to fill the space. However, right now, any peace that I would have expected was currently being masked by anxiety.

"Why are you interested in ghosts?" I tried to keep my tone light.

"Just making conversation."

"I can't see your face right now," thanks to a box that curiously seemed to somehow be getting heavier with each step, "but I have a feeling you're lying again."

I could practically hear her eyes rolling at my accusation. "Jeez, everyone thinks the worst of me lately. Stan accused me of glory-seeking."

"I heard about that." I had tried my hardest  _not_  to bring up the conflict between them, but if she was willing to share, I wasn't going to turn down the opportunity. "That might have been a little unfair of him."

"A little, huh?" My heart leapt at hearing the smile in her voice, but as quickly as it had come, it was gone. "Well, thanks, but I'm starting to lose faith in this field experience. Sometimes in the whole Academy."

"You don't mean that." The Academy had taught her, raised her even. It was her home for all intents and purposes.

"I don't know. The school just seems so caught up in the rules and policies that don't have anything to do with real life. I saw what was out there, Comrade. I went right into the monster's lair." The way she said it was filled with remorse, not boasting. "In some ways...I don't know if this really prepares us."

"Sometimes...I agree." I think my admission surprised us both.

Rose's foot caught on the last step up to one of the elementary Moroi dorms, thankfully she shifted her balance just in time to keep her and the box from toppling over. "Really?"

"Really," I confirmed, "I mean, I don't agree that novices should be put out in the world when they are ten or anything, but sometimes I've thought the field experience should actually be in the field. I probably learned more in my first year as a guardian than I did in all my years of training." My mind raced over everything that happened that first year, from my first kill to the first time I thought I was going to die. No...that wasn't in the field, that was within the four walls of my childhood home. "Well...maybe not all. But it's a different situation, absolutely."

I'm glad that my admission seemed to stretch a bridge over the distance that I had felt between us all day. She looked almost grateful for my quiet support. Unfortunately, this wasn't the time to connect over the usefulness of the field experience training. Rose adjusted her heavy box once again and I scanned the lobby for an adult. All I could see were a bunch of young teenagers.

"Oh. We're in the middle school dorm. The younger kids are next door."

"Yes, but Ms. Davis lives in this building. Let me try to find her and see where she wants these." I set my box down on one of the benches near the entry, and Rose followed suit. "I'll be right back."

She settled against the wall as I started for the staircase. Alisa Davis was one of the only other Russian natives at St. Vladimir's. She grew up in St. Petersburg and met her husband at Court. He passed away a few years into their marriage and rather than returning to the place she once knew, she moved to the Academy. She now teaches Russian on the elementary campus, drawn to the little children that she would never call her own.

In a similar way, I had been drawn to her when I first transferred here. She reminded me of my own mother, and we would occasionally pass an evening enjoying familiar dishes and familiar conversation from our homeland. It had been quite a while since I had made my way over here though.

"Mitya!" She opened the door with a flare on the first knock. Ms. Davis had requested to be one of the floor matrons in the dorms and her apartment sat at the end of the hall.

"Tyotya," I returned with a smile. Alisa had asked me to call her Aunt the first time we met and she had certainly lived up to the title. "How are you?"

"Wonderful, my dear boy. Though it has been too long. What has kept you away? Have you finally found yourself a lady?"

I let out a small laugh. Auntie Alisa was even more concerned with my love life (or lack thereof) than my own mother and sisters. "Yes, but not in the way you were so clearly hoping. I've been busy training a student. Rosemarie Hathaway."

Her eyes lit up at the name and it took me a moment to realize that Ms. Davis had been here for years, of course she had run across Roza at some point. "Oh that girl is a sweetheart. And very pretty." She raised a brow to me, suggesting something that had been obvious to me since the start, though I was hardly going to let that little secret out of the bag.

"Anyways, Roza and I brought some boxes over from Father Andrew. He thought you might be able to use them in your Sunday school classes. I just wanted to know where you would like me to put them."

"Oh, if you just leave them at the front desk, that would be fine. Father Andrew has been such a dear in helping with the little children. When are you going to have some children, Mitya? You are so good with the little ones."

One time. I help with her class one time... "Thank you, Auntie. I'll leave you the boxes."

"I'm making pelmeni this weekend. You should come and eat. Bring Rose with you. I'd love to see her too." She reached up, patting me on the shoulder fondly.

I started making my way towards the door, knowing that I couldn't promise to enjoy her cooking when I was practically smothered in the field experience at the moment. "I'll see what I can do. I miss your pirozhki as well."

"You're a good boy, Mitya. I'll see you soon. Do svidaniya!"

"Do svidaniya."

I made my way back down the stairs, two at a time, and saw Rose speaking to a young girl who seemed to be practically bouncing on her toes. Rose looked slightly uncomfortable. As soon as I stepped into her line of vision, her demeanor changed.

"Hey!" Her eyes almost looked imploringly at me. "I have someone who wants to meet you. Dimitri, this is Jill. Jill, Dimitri."

I was surprised that a young Moroi student would be interested in meeting me of all people, but I smiled and extended my hand.

Jill took it hesitantly, her face completely red, and I briefly wondered if she was afraid of me. It wouldn't be the first time someone was intimidated. I tried to put her at ease. "Hello Jill, how are you?"

"Fine," she squeaked. "I...I gotta go. Bye." She turned on her heel and practically ran out the door.

Rose met my questioning glance with a shrug before we moved the boxes over behind the front desk and started on our way towards the chapel again.

"Jill knew who I was." Rose sounded astonished that her reputation preceded her. "She had kind of a hero-worship thing going on."

"Does that surprise you? That the younger students would look up to you?" Despite Rose's more wild antics, she really did have some very admirable qualities. I wouldn't be surprised if many students looked up to her.

"I don't know," she shook her head, "I just never thought about it. I don't think I'm that good of a role model."

"I disagree. You're outgoing, dedicated, and excel at everything you do. You've earned more respect than you think."

She looked at me disbelievingly. "And yet not enough to go to Victor's trial, apparently."

I know I shouldn't be surprised, but I was a bit disappointed. "Not this again."

She stepped in front of my path, effectively stopping me and forcing the conversation. "Yes, this again! Why don't you get how major this is? Victor's a huge threat."

"I know he is," I hissed back. Did she not understand that I had done all I could? I wanted to see him put away as much as anyone else. I couldn't stand the thought of him hurting her, or Lissa.

"And if he gets loose, he'll just start in on his crazy plans again."

I could see that worry and fear building up in her again so, as hard as it was, I took a breath and tried to suppress my frustration. "It's really unlikely he will get loose, you know. Most of those rumors about the queen letting him off are just that – rumors. You of all people should know not to believe everything you hear."

Immediately, she started gnawing at her bottom lip, pointedly not looking at me. "You should still let us go. Or..." she sighed and finally looked up, "...you should at least let Lissa go."

I could see how difficult it was for her to say it, but when push came to shove, she would always do what was in Lissa's best interest. At least, she would always do what she  _thought_ was in Lissa's best interest, and right now, that meant sending Lissa to testify and solidify Victor's sentence even if she couldn't add her own. However, I was a bit surprised that she would be willing to let the Princess leave her sight for a moment, even if I would be there to protect her.

"You're right – she  _should_  be there, but again, it's nothing I can do anything about." I needed her to understand this. "You keep thinking I can control this, but I can't." Admitting that was almost as painful for me as I knew it had been for Rose to sacrifice her chance to put Victor away for good.

"But you did  _everything_ you could?" She was practically begging me, and it hurt to be this much of a disappointment to her. "You have a lot of influence. There must be something. Anything."

"Not as much influence as you think." I bit my tongue, ashamed that I couldn't measure up to the man she believed me to be. "I've got a high position here at the Academy, but in the rest of the guardian world, I'm still pretty young. And yes, I did actually speak up for you."

I could see her eyes drift away from me, letting her words out in a bitter cold puff of air. "Maybe you should have spoken up louder."

My jaw tensed and I tried to ignore the urge to defend myself or get angry. Maybe she was right. Maybe there was something else I should have said, something else I should've done. Maybe there was someone else I should have spoken to.

We walked a bit longer in uneasy silence, the distinctive cross of the chapel getting closer and closer with each step. Rose stewed in her anger towards me. I festered in my self-loathing.

"Victor knows about us." Her hidden worry was spoken almost soundlessly. Even though we were alone, I doubted that anyone could have strained to hear her if she hadn't been walking right beside them. As it was, I had barely heard it. "He could say something."

The thought hadn't really crossed my mind. Yes, I knew Victor had discovered the masked emotions between Rose and I, exploiting them to his benefit the night that he had tried to take Lissa. However, he couldn't prove anything nefarious between me and my student. I had covered any trace of our near infraction and had been careful to keep anything else to a minimum. He wouldn't have any proof ...would he? What did it matter to him in the grand scheme of things, anyways?

"Victor has bigger things to worry about with this trial than us."

"Yeah, but you know him. He doesn't exactly act like a normal person would," she offered with a sidelong glance, full of worry. "If he feels like he's lost all hope of getting off, he might decide to bust us just for the sake of revenge."

Perhaps this was all the more reason for Rose to  _not_  be present at the trial. I didn't want to put her in the position of lying under oath about that night. If Victor did somehow present evidence of our relationship, then I really didn't want her to see the fall out of what could happen. It would be a mark on her reputation, for certain, but overall she should – would – be safe. However, I didn't want her to see them arrest me. I didn't want her to fight them if they did...

"Then we'll have to deal with that the best we can. But if Victor's going to tell, he's going to do it whether or not you testify."

Rose was quiet for the rest of the walk. Her posture was tense, but I couldn't tell if it was because of worry or frustration. One thing for sure was that this afternoon hadn't gone nearly as well as I had hoped.

Rose grabbed the last small box, the other being taken back to the storage room by Father Andrew after he decided to keep those books here for the time being. "I'll do it. You don't have to come." She was stubbornly refusing to look at me once again and even went so far as to try to walk around me.

"Rose, please don't make a big deal about this."

"It is a big deal!" she snapped. "And you don't seem to get it."

"I do get it," I retorted, matching her tone almost perfectly. "Do you really thing I want to see Victor loose? Do you think I want us all at risk again?" I wasn't mad at her, not really. I might have been frustrated that she kept bringing this up but the only person I was angry with was myself. "I told you, I've done all I can do. I'm not like you. I can't keep making a scene when things don't go my way."

"I do not."

"You're doing it right now."

She knew I had caught her, but Rose didn't give up easily.

"Why did you even help me today? Why are you here?"

Rose's accusation stung. "Is that so strange?"

"Yes. I mean, are you trying to spy on me? Figure out why I messed up? Make sure I don't get into any trouble?"

The knife twisted in my heart as she spewed out all the supposed reasons I could have for being here, each of them missing the simple mark of just wanting to spend some time with her. "Why does there have to be some ulterior motive?"

She hesitated, as if wondering  _'Perhaps?'_ but distrust won out. "Because everyone has motives."

"Yes. But not always the motives you think." I chanced the opportunity to reach out and brush an errant lock of hair behind her ear. It was always so stubborn, going its own way whether she wore her hair down at school or up for training. I couldn't help but study her, wondering what sin had I committed to make her so wary of me recently, but in the end it didn't matter. So I opened the door, leaving her to finish the task alone. "I'll see you later."

She didn't even say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice long chapter for all of you who have been waiting so patiently. If you didn't hear, my computer died a few weeks ago and it took some time to replace it. Thankfully, my updating on this and other stories should be back to normal now. I do post any unexpected changes to my update schedule on my tumblr (gigi256), so feel free to follow me there.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter. I had fun researching some of the ritual of the Russian Orthodox religion and implementing them into the story. It is actually a fascinating culture of it's own and I can totally see it being a big part of Dimitri's life in a small town like Baia.
> 
> This week's Question of the Week is: Do you prefer paper books or an e-reader? I have an e-reader that I love, but if the book is one of my favorites, it will also earn spot on my bookcase. 
> 
> Thank you again for sticking by me through the unexpected break. I'm so thrilled to be back to writing and I'm so grateful for your support. Please feel free to leave a comment, and don't forget to bookmark, subscribe, and share! Have a great week!


	10. Chapter 10

The trial was tomorrow. We were leaving today for Court and my biggest concern at the moment was the fact that I hadn't left yesterday on the best of terms with Roza. Back and forth, I kept debating whether or not I should try to approach her today before the plane took off, but she should already be back at her field experience duty with Christian. I wouldn't really be able to speak to her privately, even if I wanted to.

Still, her words kept ringing in my ears, making her worries my own.  _'Victor knows about us. He could say something. He doesn't exactly act like a normal person would... he might decide to bust us just for the sake of revenge'_

What if. What if something happens? What if Victor says something and I can't come back? What if I'm fired, without ever being able to tell her good bye? The spiraling catastrophe of thoughts raced around and around, finally stopping on one bit of peace: if something happens, and that was still a pretty big if, then Rose wouldn't be there to witness it and suffer the consequences. I would have time to hopefully absolve her of any wrong doing and minimize any damage to her reputation. I would tell them it was all my fault, that I abused my position, that I was the one in the wrong. I'd do anything it took to make sure that she would be alright in the end. But still...it was a big if. Nothing would happen. Everything would be alright. Nothing would happen.

The group of us going had one last debriefing meeting with Alberta to go over any pertinent information with the guardians who would be taking over the field experience in our absence. I knew before I even walked into her office that she would be stressed. Though she had been working day and night to make sure everything was prepared, she was sure to still be working on some final details up to the moment the plane left the ground.

However, I wasn't quite prepared for what she said as I entered her office.

"Belikov, don't get comfortable. I need you to find Princess Vasilisa, Christian Ozera, and Rosemarie Hathaway."

I was confused about the more formal use of their names until I saw that I wasn't the first Guardian to arrive to the meeting. Then, I was just confused about the request itself. "Yes, ma'am. May I ask why?"

"I need you to get them ready. Tell them to pack a bag and be ready to board the plane in less than an hour."

My heart stopped momentarily. "Excuse me?"

"They're coming with us. The queen herself called no more than five minutes ago to make the request. Now, I don't have time and neither do you. Those students have even less..."

"What about Novice Castile?" I interrupted.

"What about him?" Stress was getting the better of her and her professionalism was starting to slip.

"He's acting as the Princess's guardian. Should I instruct him to come too?"

She thought for barely a moment. "Yes. Him too. We can't exactly leave him behind if he's on duty."

And just like that, I was out the door again. Alberta and the others would be more than capable of filling in the guardians who would be taking our places this week, and I had less than fifty-seven minutes to locate four students and get them on their way. Thankfully, they would be in pairs, and as it was nearing breakfast time, they might even be all together.

I made my way towards the cafeteria, knowing that it was my best chance. I had only made it about half way when I spotted Lissa mingling with a few other students in the courtyard. As her assigned guardian, I had been conditioned by now to pick her out of the crowd and I was desperately grateful for the skill at the moment.

Eddie spotted me before Lissa did, and I could see him tense initially for another battle between us. It took him a moment to realize that I was dressed in a casual gray polo rather than the traditional all black required for the field experience. His hand moved swiftly from the practice stake to Vasilisa's shoulder, directing her attention to me.

"Princess."

"Good morning, Guardian Belikov. Is everything alright?"

"Yes. Everything is fine. I'm bringing a message from Guardian Petrov. Your presence has been requested at the trial. You and Novice Castile should go pack immediately and be at the airstrip by 8. I'm sorry for the last minute change but..."

"No! No. Please, don't apologize. Thank you!" I could see the excitement in her face, mingled with a bit of nerves. "I don't know how you did it, but thank you."

"I promise, it wasn't my doing. However, do you know where Rose and Christian are?"

"Are they coming too?" I was barely able to nod before she continued. "Oh thank goodness. I know it was stressing both of them out. We were planning on meeting them at the cafeteria in a few minutes, they should be there now."

Lissa led the way towards the others, with Eddie and me tagging behind. I almost didn't notice him falling into step beside me and starting a technique known as dual guarding. By his slight step back, I could see him trailing into place as the second guardian rather than the lead in the partnership. Part of me wanted to encourage him to take the lead position right now since it was his test, but the deference made sense since I was Lissa's actual assigned guardian. Either way, I made a mental note to give him a favorable mention in his final report.

We barely entered the cafeteria when I saw our target pair leaving the feeding center. The princess took off the moment she spotted them, Eddie following close behind. I knew that Lissa would carry my message, and Eddie would relay any missing details. Without further ado, I left the students to get ready for the flight myself. If this morning was any indication, it was going to be a whole lot more interesting than I had originally planned.

* * *

A very unwelcomed sight met me at the air field. Adrian lounged against his luggage, looking like he owned the place. For all I knew, he  _might_  actually own the plane. A few other guardians stood around, giving him a wide birth and not minding his aloof attitude one little bit. Of course, the moment he saw me, he had something to say.

"Belikov." His smirk seemed determined to annoy me and it was doing fairly well at the job.

"Lord Ivashkov. It's a surprise to see you up so early." It was no secret that Adrian was typically passed out in a drunken stupor until about lunch time.

"Couldn't miss my flight, now could I?" He kicked his legs out, sitting up and squinting at the fading light of the sun, despite wearing sunglasses in the shade of the plane's wing. "I wouldn't want to disappoint my aunt when she was so kind as to allow a few extra testimonies at the trial."

Of course it was him. Of course he would pull off the impossible and give Rose what I couldn't. Hadn't he promised as much? He enjoyed holding that power over my head, but it stung to see it in action.  _He_ was the one who figured out where she was in Spokane.  _He_  was the one to get her and the others to the trial.  _He_ was the one who could offer a life she deserved away from the nitty gritty of the guardian lifestyle.

From the look on his face, he knew it too. He knew that he had bested me and he knew that it hurt. I wasn't going to give him the benefit of seeing me flinch though. "I'm sure it will be the final nail in Victor's coffin and that's all we could hope for."

Adrian scoffed at my brush off, moving towards the steps of the plan and climbing them quickly. I could only imagine that he was making a beeline for the on-board bar, and while his habits disgusted me, I was grateful to have him out of my sight. As soon as he was inside, I could feel the tension from my shoulders relax.

Five minutes to boarding, all four students came into view over the field between the school and the landing strip. Between loading various pieces of luggage, I could see the anticipation on Rose's face even with the considerable distance still between us, and the moment she was close enough, she broke free and hurried over to me.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"For all the horrible things I said yesterday. You did it. You really did it! You got them to let us go." She was almost bouncing on her toes and there was a small part of me preparing for the embrace that I knew she was tempted to give.

Typically, I would have been elated, but at the moment I just felt sick. She was thanking me for something that I had absolutely no part in. She believed in me so much that she just assumed that this change was because of something that I had said or done. Instead, it was Adrian.

"It wasn't me, Rose. I had nothing to do with it," I replied coldly. Maybe I should have admitted Adrian's involvement and influence, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. She would figure it out soon enough, I'm sure. Adrian didn't seem like the type to let a good deed go unheard.

Rose's look of confusion and, dare I say, betrayal, stayed with me as Alberta called us to board. I finished helping with the last few bags before entering the cabin and taking one of the few open seats in the back. Rose was sitting next to the window, sharing a row with Eddie. She didn't even spare me a glance and I walked by, though I watched as she spared a few words of conversation to Adrian ahead of her. With how often he turned in his seat, they might as well have been sitting beside one another.

They continued talking all through take off, though I took a small amount of selfish joy in the fact that Rose seemed to be quickly losing interest in whatever conversation Adrian was trying to force. Something about showering her with gifts and finery. With as loud as he was speaking, I was sure some of his generous offers towards her were for my benefit. I had just decided to ignore him fully and pull out my paperback when her shout stole my attention again.

"Adrian! Will you shut the hell up for five seconds?"

I winced, wondering why her short temper had to flare now of all times. She had just been granted this opportunity and I didn't want to see it snatched away from her, especially when I knew I would never be able to restore it.

"Rose," Alberta stood from her seat up front and I could hear the scolding in her tone already. "What's going on here?"

"I have the _worst_  fucking headache in the world, and he won't shut up." I stood immediately. Rose had spoken through gritted teeth and now I could hear a low whimper of pain. "God, why won't it go away?"

As I made my way closer, I could hear Christian's hushed whisper to Alberta. "She hasn't eaten today. She was really hungry earlier."

Rose's hands moved from her face, uncovering her eyes with a small hiss. They were dilated, and frantically they flickered from side to side before settling on me for just a moment. With another soft whine, her eyes became unfocused on the air around me and she began blinking rapidly, and finally finding solitude under the cover of her palms once more.

Alberta glanced towards me in silent question, and I shook my head in response. Despite Rose's odd behavior over the past few weeks, I had never seen anything quite like this.

She reached behind me, garnering the attention of the flight attendant that I hadn't even seen approach. "Can you get her something to eat?" Alberta's eyes flashed back to Rose for a moment before adding "and maybe a painkiller too?"

I placed my hand on Eddie's shoulder, gesturing for him to step aside so I could sit next to Rose and question her a bit more privately. "Where's it at? The pain?"

From between the shadows of her fingers, I could see her look at all the faces focused on her. Rose typically didn't mind being at the center of attention, but from the way she shrank back into her seat, now wasn't one of those moments. "It's a headache..." She winced as the light from the window crossed her face and I reached across her to lower the shade, "...I'm sure it'll go away."

My stare stayed locked on her unflinchingly, knowing that she was trying to down play the pain. With a sigh, she brought her pursed fingers to the center of her brow, between her eyes. "It's like something is pushing on my skull. And there's pain kind of behind my eyes. I keep feeling like...well it's like something is in my eye. I think I'm seeing a shadow or something. Then I blink and it's gone."

Where I tensed at her explanation, Alberta relaxed with a sigh. "Ah. That's a migraine symptom – having vision problems. It's called an aura. People sometimes get it before the headache sets in."

"An aura?" Rose asked with a sudden drop of her hands and a shocked glance at Adrian.

"Not that kind." Adrian's gaze seemed to be a bit glazed over, as if he had already partaken in one too many drinks. Or as if he was about to start rambling again. "Same name. Like Court and court. Migraine auras are images and light you see when a migraine's coming on. They have nothing to do with the auras around people I see. But I tell you...the aura I  _can_  see...the one around you...wow."

Rose chuckled humorlessly, "Black?"

"And then some. It's obvious even after all the drinks I've had." His eyes suddenly cleared as he locked his stare on me meaningfully. "I've never seen anything like it."

I could feel myself biting my tongue in frustration, my hand rubbing at Rose's shoulder as if it would have any effect on her headache. Sonya had suffered from migraines and I remember her complaining about light and sounds whenever they came on, but I don't remember them affecting her quite like this. And Rose had a significantly stronger pain tolerance than my sister. That coupled with Adrian's vague warning to me had me on edge.

I was helpless to do anything. Just like I had been about getting her to this trial. Thankfully, the flight attendant returned quickly with some food and Ibuprofen. It wasn't much, but it seemed to abate the worse of Rose's suffering until she was finally able to drift to sleep against the wall of the plane. She still occasionally whimpered and winced at the invisible pain, but it didn't seem to be quite so debilitating any more. It was only once she was fairly settled that I felt comfortable enough leaving her side. I made my way back to the small galley, hoping that a glass of water might be enough to calm my nerves.

Something wasn't right, but I didn't know what, and even worse...I didn't know how to fix it. Honestly, I wasn't sure I  _could_  fix it even if I did know how. Rose seemed to be getting more and more unpredictable. It wasn't just the outbursts or nightmares, now she was starting to have headaches and other more physical symptoms. And the darkness that Adrian kept mentioning. I wasn't sure what it meant, but it certainly seemed to have him concerned. It filled me with a sense of foreboding too.

 _Just get through the trial,_  I reminded myself.  _One battle at a time. Get through the trial, and then you can figure out a way to help Rose_.

By the time I returned to the main cabin, someone else he taken up my empty seat. My immediately instinct was to pull Vasilisa from Rose, especially since she had seemed to waken her. However, I was halted in my efforts when I saw the Princess take Roza's hand between her own, bowing her head a moment. As Rose relaxed, I realized that Lissa was healing her and I felt gratitude overcome my earlier irritation. Lissa had fixed everything from a broken ankle to death, a headache should be practically nothing to her. I only wish I would have thought to suggest it earlier.

But when Lissa opened her eyes, Rose only offered a small shake of her head. It didn't work. Why didn't it work? I was too far to hear any explanation – though it seemed concerning to both of the girls – and I didn't dare tread closer once Adrian peeked over the seat again. Thankfully, they both eventually let her get the rest she needed a few minutes later. As for me, I sat back down and opened my book, not absorbing a single word as I watched her over the pages and distance that separated us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I'm entertaining friends this week so I'll leave you with a short authors note :) 
> 
> This week's Question of the Week: Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several all at once?
> 
> Personally, I prefer one at a time. However, once you get fanfiction in the mix, reading several at once becomes inevitable. I always find myself losing track when I get an update from a story that hasn't posted a new chapter for a few months :) 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please feel free to favorite, follow, and review! I always love hearing from you guys!


	11. Chapter 11

Once we touched down at Court, Rose seemed to be much better, even getting her appetite back. Her newly sunny deposition didn't extend outside however. The icy sleet pressed into us like needles in the wind, making me miss the softer powder of home. It took me a moment to realize that I didn't know if I was longing for the Academy or Baia, but at this point I'd happily take either.

I tightened my duster around me, thankful for the extra protection it provided before shifting my stance to help shield both Rose and Lissa from the worse of the wind and snow. Both girls were also tucked into their jackets, but it didn't escape my notice that Rose had forgotten her gloves yet again.

_I swear, I'm going to have to start carrying a pair around for her. I already have to bring extra water to our trainings._  I shook my head at the thought, silently planning to grab a pair of gloves as soon as we hit the main square. As much as I pretended to be annoyed at her forgetfulness, I honestly enjoyed being needed by her, even if it was just in this small way.  _Rose would probably lose her head if it wasn't attached to her._

Several Court guardians met us on the landing strip, their black and whites already soaked through. Yes, their winter coats provided some protection from the winter chill, but it was almost cruel to force them to maintain such a high professional standard in this weather, especially when they were only waiting to escort our ragtag group.

I shook several familiar hands, greeting a few former Academy students and even a former Academy guardian, before we made our way towards the large buildings that made up the isolated city. Court – actually named Odessa, though nobody ever called it that – was a hidden area near the Poconos Mountains that we passed off as a private university to the human world. While I had never personally checked, there was apparently a website advertising the fictional school and it reportedly receives several applications every year. Granted, each one has been met with an apologetic rejection letter, but it was still fairly impressive.

The buildings themselves were no less impressive. This wasn't the first time I've been to Court, but it still left me a bit awed. A short walk later, we were outside the Gothic building adjacent to the main Government building. When our escort stopped, I looked around for an obvious reason, before realizing that the most obvious reason was simply unexpected: this is where we were staying. The guest housing at court was typically meant for visiting dignitaries or other special guests. I just never thought I would fit into that category.

Alberta seemed just as unexpectedly pleased as I was, and even more so when the front desk handed an individual room key to each of us rather than grouping us into pairs. However, one person wasn't so thrilled.

"I'm sorry, but is there a way I can get a double room?" Eddie's abrupt question made the receptionist stumble in her response until Eddie provided explanation. "Princess Vasilisa is my responsibility for the time being and I would prefer to be as close as possible should she need me. Assuming that is okay with the princess, of course."

Eddie looked to Lissa for confirmation, but she hesitantly pursed her lips, glancing slyly at Christian beside her. Based on some vague but not wholly unexpected complaints from Rose at one of our early morning sessions, I could only guess that Lissa had hoped to take advantage of her single room without a strict curfew.

"Eddie, that won't be necessary. It's atypical for guardians to be constantly present at Court. In fact, guardians accompanying their Moroi here often have the chance to relax in a way they wouldn't normally be able to. Court is as heavily guarded and warded as the Academy, if not more so. We only require stringent dedication at the Academy during the field experience, otherwise you wouldn't need to stay so close there either. I don't believe we will be running any conflicts during the trial. I'm sure Guardian Petrov would agree that during this unusual circumstance, staying with the Princess at night won't be required."

Both Eddie and I looked to Alberta for the final word, and she gave a sharp, assenting nod. Eddie turned to Lissa for one last confirmation.

"Thank you, Eddie." I could hear the neutral tone Lissa used to when discussing sensitive topics such as politics. It was the same tone that had the ability to simultaneously calm and captivate her listeners. "I appreciate your dedication, but I'm sure I'll be fine."

After a moment or two more of reluctance, he finally acquiesced. "Fine. A single room will be sufficient. Thank you."

Before our escorts departed, Alberta took a small packet containing our schedules from one of them, and outlined the upcoming events. They discussed one or two points before she turned to dismiss us. "Decompress for a bit and be ready for a dinner in four hours." I checked my watch to note the time as she continued, "Lissa, the queen wants to see you in an hour."

Rose and Lissa exchanging glances, one looking far more concerned than the other. Lissa straightened, regaining her regal air. "Sure. Rose and I will be ready."

Almost as if she had expected her answer, Alberta shook her head. "Rose isn't going. The queen specifically asked for you alone."

Rose bit at her lip, obviously unhappy with the situation but wisely staying silent on the matter. I couldn't help the small bit of nervous energy running through me too. Vasilisa was my charge and if there were any major changes coming to her life, I would be one of the first to know about it, correct? I shoved the worry away, following the rest of the group to the elevators.

We were spread onto three different floors. Most of the guardians in our group exited on the second floor, while Lissa, Christian, and the last guardian in our group got off on the fourth floor. I suddenly felt a small rush of the same protective instincts that Eddie had spoken aloud earlier. I didn't feel the need to be right next to Lissa, but should something happen in the unfamiliar environment, I would prefer to be able to get to her quickly. Thankfully, our final stop was only one floor above hers. Alberta, Eddie, Rose, and I all made our way down the hallway.

Rose paused first at door 512 and I glanced at the key in my hand. 517. Only a few doors down.

Eddie continued moving further and further away, but Alberta stood still, giving me an unnecessary warning glare over Rose's oblivious shoulder as she struggled with her key. When Alberta's maternal instincts were apparently satisfied that I wouldn't take advantage of the situation, she finally disappeared around the corner to her own room.

Rose's door slammed, waking me from my daze enough to walk the final few dozen or so feet to my own door and slip the key into the lock. To say that the room was impressive was an understatement. At the Lodge over the holidays, I had stayed in the guardians' quarters. They had been comfortable, but not luxurious by any means. No more than an inexpensive hotel room. The last time I had stayed at Court, I had been housed in the guardian building in one of their guest suites. It had been sparse but still adequate. I didn't really need much to be honest. This was...something else.

The room was divided into several distinct spaces. I set my bag next to the desk, hanging my jacket in the closet behind it. The closet was bigger than the one I had back in my apartment and I wondered for a moment how someone staying at Court for a business trip would ever be able to fill it. Shaking my head, I explored the rest of the space.

The white leather sofa near the entry faced a large television set, and even included a small coffee table. Not to be given its name in uselessness, there was a coffee maker and selection of coffee resting on one of the end tables. I briefly flipped through the options offered, wondering for a moment if it was too late in the day for a cup. I decided it didn't matter one way or the other and started the machine with a local blend that I never heard of but seemed interesting enough.

It was only after I took in my immediate surroundings that I noticed that there was a second space, obscured by a semi-opaque wall letting in the light from the window beyond it. As I rounded the corner, I was surprised with a massive king sized bed. It was...awesome. I let out a small chuckle before turning and falling backwards against the white linen, relishing in the sheer space of it. I had grown use to the extra-long twin that I had grown up with back home, nearly identical to the one I had slept on all through school and even now in my Academy apartment. The larger Queen that I had at Ivan's was a vast improvement, but it had been relatively short lived. And neither had been  _anything_  like this.

I stretched out, my hands and feet just barley touching all four corners. As childish as it seemed, I took joy in the small unexpected luxury of sleeping space. The trial was certainly going to cause its fair share of stress over the next few days, but at least I'd get to enjoy this in the meantime.

Reluctantly, I stood to find my book, determined to make the most of the downtime, but another slam from outside piqued my curiosity. I peeked out the door only to see Rose's dark hair disappearing between the closing doors of the elevator. The queen may have forbid Rose from accompanying Lissa to their meeting, but Rose would stay by her side every moment until then and probably watch through Lissa's eyes afterwards.

As I marveled at the lengths Rose would go to stand by and protect Lissa, I realized wasn't going to be spending the afternoon relaxing with a good story after all. Instead, I grabbed my coat and made my way out towards the Court city center.

The main street was filled with shops, mostly designer boutiques of one sort or another, with a few restaurants interspersed between them. Most of them were targeted at the high class Moroi royals who called Court home, and of course as a special experience for visitors, but there was one area that held a bit more color and showed the true life blood of the working class Court citizens. I took a right at one of the alleyways, pausing as it spilled out onto a side street that was much less structured than the main shopping avenue.

Shop owners called to one another, the smells of various cuisines mingling as much as the people here. There was nearly as many Moroi as there were dhampirs, an unusual sight in its own right, but made even stranger by the fact that all the guardians were off the clock. The Moroi here didn't have a prestigious name to heighten their place in society and those who walked side by side with a dhampir usually did so with hands or arms linked together.

I greeted the kind older matron of the Russian bakery, savoring the moment her smile brightened as she remembered a younger version of me that had feasted on her black bread as if it could cure my homesickness a few years ago. I set a mental note to pick up a loaf before the end of the trip, though I was tempted to see if I could somehow snag Rose away from Lissa and share a few of my favorite childhood treats with her.

There were several other basic shops that I passed by, necessities of the world that people often leave to hide away in favor of something more beautiful and exciting. There was a small pharmacy, a pawn shop filled with so many items it was practically overflowing, and a family owned dry cleaners. It was the small side business attached to the dry cleaners that I was interested in.

While many guardians picked up a formal uniform set shortly after graduation, there are quite few that don't really have the need to, except for the rare special occasion. They typically choose to rent one instead. I was sure that Rose had brought something acceptable for the trial, but since the rest of us sanctioned guardians would be dressed in our black and whites, it made sense for her to be dressed in the traditional uniform also. It was a small detail, but it would provide that much more validity to her appearance and testimony.

The small main room was divided into two, with a long desk separating the entry from the spinning racks of plastic covered outfits waiting for pick up. Each side of the room was lined with racks of three basic pieces, guys on the left, girls on the right. The teenager behind the counter gave me an amused look as I flipped through the women's blazers, grabbing a medium one that looked like it was in good condition and would fit fairly well. I picked up medium white button down shirt to go along with it. I hesitated at the pants, though. There were quite a few more size options available and I felt lost for a moment, even briefly contemplating the much more simple skirts one the end of the rack before deciding that Rose would probably string me up for offering her a skirt in the first place.

The girl, probably the shop owners' daughter, finally set her magazine down and walked around the counter, looking almost as if my appearance was the most exciting thing that had happened thus far today. "Can I help you?"

"I'm just trying to..." I started, considering the unusual sizing system again. Rose was about the same size as my sister, but I didn't know Victoria's size either. As I glanced towards the teenager again, I realized that she actually looked pretty similar to my sister too. It was somewhat unusual for a Moroi and dhampir to look alike, but there it was: same brown hair, similar height, and most importantly, roughly the same build as both Vika and Roza. "What size are you?"

The girl looked understandably taken aback at my question, but answered anyways. "Size six. Why?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to pick out an outfit for a friend and couldn't decide on a pant size for her. You're about the same size."

"Oh, okay." She reached around me to grab one of the size six pants and then took the shirt and blazer from me. Her nose wrinkled slightly before flipping through the rack of blazers again and grabbing another one that looked almost identical to the one she had just put back. "If she's the same size as me, this one will look better. It's a tad more fitted in the waist."

I nodded, grateful for her knowledge as she brought the three items to the counter again and called over her shoulder, "Anything else?"

I almost said no, but remembered another guardian in training. Picking out a men's uniform was a much simpler task. I quickly paid for both rentals and agreed when she offered a last minute press and delivery for free. She promised that both could be delivered to their respective rooms by seven the next morning and I almost wished that I had brought my uniform with me to get the same treatment. The ironing set in the closet of my hotel room would have to do.

I knew it wasn't much, but it felt nice to offer the small gesture to both Rose and Eddie. They were nearly guardians already, Rose's first  _molnija_  marks solidifying the idea more than even a promise mark could. It was only right for them to be presented as such.

After picking up a pair of inexpensive knitted gloves at the pharmacy, I swung by the  _pekarnya_ and snagged one of the mini loafs of black bread, still warm from the oven and the generous pat of sweet cream butter Babushka insisted on dripping a bit between my fingers. Though the reason we were at Court was anything but pleasant, my time here had almost been leisurely thus far, and almost luxurious. I hated to say that I was enjoying myself here, but it was hard not to. There's a sense of freedom...normality. It was addicting.

I was finally settled again on the oversized bed, book in hand and another few hours before dinner with nothing to do but rest and relax when I heard several sharp raps on the door. I wasn't expecting anyone, but it wouldn't have been wholeheartedly surprising to have Alberta drop by to update our itinerary and schedule.

However, Rose  _was_  a surprise.

"I need to talk to you."

There was a determined set to her shoulders, but worry in her eyes. After a second of hesitation from me, her bottom lip disappeared between her teeth. Whatever was on her mind, it was stressing her out and I knew that I couldn't deny her the opportunity to talk to me when she had been keeping so much to herself lately. Who knew if she'd ever come to me again if I turned her away.

Still, as I stood aside and allowed her to pass, I couldn't help but remember a night not too long ago when a very similar situation had played out. I knew the chances of a repeat performance were slim to none, especially since I was already bracing myself against even the slightest possibility, but I took a deep breath to shake off the memory before closing the door behind us.

The moment the click of the lock sounded, Rose handed me a piece of paper. She was sitting on the couch with her head in her hands before I ever had the chance to read the first words. It didn't take me long to see why.

_Rose,_

_I was so happy to hear about your arrival. I'm sure it'll make tomorrow's proceedings that much more entertaining. I've been curious for quite some time about how Vasilisa is doing, and your romantic escapades are always an amusing diversion. I can't wait to share them in the courtroom tomorrow._

_Best,_

_V.D._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I know this chapter isn't exactly filled with action, but I love the idea of getting to know Dimitri a little more. I'm a fairly short woman, but I LOVE stretching out in bed, and I think a king sized bed would be akin to the ultimate luxury to a man who was 6'7. I also love the idea of there being a more varied and authentic culture hidden at Court full of those in the working class. I could see Dimitri feeling much more comfortable in that environment than why we see in typical descriptions of Court. As far as Odessa being the official name of Court, well it's one of the few Russian names used for cities in the USA. I happened to live in another one a few years back: Moscow, Idaho. Though we pronounced it mos-CO rather than mos-COW like you typically hear the Russian Capital pronounced.
> 
> This week's Question of the Week is: Can you read on a bus or in a car? I used to be able to read while in a moving vehicle without any issue, but in the past year or so, I've started noticing that I'll get queasy if I read for too long. Thankfully, I can start again after a short break.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I've had several reviews on this and Meet Me in the Memory about having a friend recommend my writing to them and it always thrills me when a reader loves my stories enough to share it with someone that they care about. It's a HUGE honor, so a special thank you to those who share my stories with others. Please take a moment to favorite and follow this story and me as an author if you haven't done so already (and thank you if you have) and I would love to hear your thoughts so please don't hesitate to review! You guys are awesome and I'll see you next week!


	12. Chapter 12

_Rose,_

_I was so happy to hear about your arrival. I'm sure it'll make tomorrow's proceedings that much more entertaining. I've been curious for quite some time about how Vasilisa is doing, and your romantic escapades are always an amusing diversion. I can't wait to share them in the courtroom tomorrow._

_Best,_

_V.D._

I read it twice before Rose spoke up.

"V.D.-"

"Yeah, I know," I tried to school my mounting worry and the abruptness that accompanied it. Rose was just the messenger, not the enemy. "Victor Dashkov."

"What are we going to do? I mean, we talked about this, but now he really is saying he's going to sell us out." She was looking to me for answers, and I desperately searched for anything I could offer to comfort her.

My first thought was the useless wish that she had stayed behind. Perhaps Victor wouldn't have felt the need to threaten her – threaten us – with exposure. And even if he had decided to reveal us, she would have been spared the worst of the scene.

It wasn't worth it to dwell on something that couldn't be changed now, though. If Rose suddenly refused to testify, it would only draw suspicion and make matters worse.

I paced in front of Rose, now standing and ready to follow whatever plan of attack I offered.

_You could just let him speak, and let the cards fall where they may._ My treasonous mind spiraled, filling my head with distracting thoughts that kept me from finding any other solution.  _You deserve it with the way you've acted around Rose. The way you think of her, and dream of her. She'd be better off without you and you would be where you belong: dishonored and behind bars._

No. Perhaps if I truly thought that Rose would be better off with our history brought up in court, then I would leave it to chance to decide my fate. However, I knew Rose well enough to know that she would fight to defend herself. She would fight to defend me. The scene would become a circus, and there was no doubt that the rumor mill would be fed the story for days on end. If the Academy could be harsh, the larger world was brutal.

I had to talk to him. He must want something from her. Why else would he send a note? It was obvious that he was taunting her, baiting her to come and see him. Perhaps the wisest thing would be just to ignore him, but I knew Roza's curiosity was already piqued, and to be honest, mine was too. It would be better that I accompany her to see him rather than her seeing him alone. He was behind bars, the ball was in our court, so to speak, and if we could figure out what he wanted then we would be one more step ahead. If I managed to persuade him to keep his mouth shut in the process...so be it.

"Give me a moment." I pulled out my phone, dialing a number that had been stored in it for years without use.

I let out a strained breath when I heard a long forgotten voice greet me in a familiar language, "Belikov! I heard you were coming to Court."

"Grigory, it's been too long. I wish I could say that I was calling under better circumstances, but I need to call in a favor."

Grigory laughed, his jovial nature from our academy days still intact. "I can't say that I don't owe you more than a few favors. What can I do for the man who is solely to blame for me passing Russian Lit?"

"I need to speak to a prisoner. Victor Dashkov." I could hear the laughter die in his chest as I uttered the name. "You still work in the holding cells, correct?"

"Yes, but I can't let you do that. You're scheduled to testify against the man. This is a whole lot bigger than proof reading a couple of essays. I could lose my job," his voice held some concern that I could sympathize with. Grigory was one of the few guardians who had managed to marry his high school sweetheart, a sweet Moroi girl who now teaches Russian at the local elementary school. He had followed her here and secured a steady position at Court shortly after and they lived the closest thing to domestic bliss that I could imagine. "Not only that, if words gets out that you spoke to him before the trial, the whole thing could be thrown out. I heard what he did, Dimitri. Is it worth putting your charge at risk?"

"Yes," I didn't even hesitate to answer. "And besides, it's too late. He's already contacted me."

"Then you should contact the prosecution, not me."

I rubbed the tension from my brow. If only it was that easy. I could bring the note to the prosecution, but it would certainly bring up more questions than answers, especially since Victor's guilty verdict was already assured without any additional evidence. I knew Lissa's testimony wouldn't allow for any doubt. That note though, it could cause a whole mess of trouble. "I can't do that. I'm asking you as a friend: I need a private meeting with Dashkov, and I need it as soon as possible."

The line was silent for a few minutes, and I couldn't bear to look at Rose until I had an answer.

"Okay, Dimitri. I'll see what I can do. I'll call you back within the hour." He hung up without ceremony and I knew that I had probably strained the tenuous ties of our friendship too far. Still, it would be worth the sacrifice if I could sort this out.

"What's going on?" Rose sat down again on the couch, but I didn't miss the glance she gave the bed. As much as I had been looking forward to sprawling out tonight, I'd give it up if it meant I could share it with her.

_Stop it. Pull yourself together._  I moved the armchair from the desk over, figuring that it was best to keep a little distance between us at the moment. "I'll let you know soon. For now, we have to wait."

"Great." Rose's eyes rolled as she gnawed at her bottom lip in annoyance. "My favorite thing to do."

I knew the sarcasm was her defense against her fear, and I knew I should probably say something ...anything... to distract her. Unfortunately, my own defense mechanism was silence.

Why did he contact Rose? Why  _didn't_ he contact me? I had learned not to underestimate Victor or his powers of perception, but my bad habit of overanalyzing was taking hold. If there was some piece of information that only Rose could offer him, I couldn't even begin to guess what it might be. Then there was always the chance that he was simply trying to mess with her mind, but if that was the case, wouldn't he try to make fools of us both? Perhaps he knew that Rose would share his note with me anyway. If he had sent the note to me, I probably would have tried to hide it from her. Sending the note to her was just as bad as threatening me directly, perhaps even more so, and it wouldn't surprise me if he was certain of that fact.

But I was asking the wrong question. It wasn't a matter of  _why_  he sent her the note, but  _how he knew_  to send her the note. I could feel the hair on the back of my neck raise as pieces started falling into place, but rather than making the picture clearer, it only left more confusion.

Alberta had been notified to bring the students only an hour before our departure. Their arrival was hardly well known or anticipated. Yet somehow, Victor knew. He should have hardly any outside contact, but somehow he knew she was coming.

I tried to calm myself, rationalizing that lawyers were most likely notified of the last minute witnesses, and perhaps the defense had warned him. It could be as simple as that. Still, how did he manage to pass the note to her without anyone finding out...

"Why do you read these?"

Rose's voice broke me from my dangerous worry. I looked at her questioningly and she raised the book I had been reading earlier. I must have left it on the couch when I had answered the door, and now she was flipping through it, her face twisted in a grimace as if the book had personally offended her somehow.

I couldn't help but grin. "Some people read books for fun."

"Hey, watch the dig." The book flipped closed with all the force a paperback could muster, and she focused on the stereotypical cover, complete with horse, Stetson hat, and the sun setting over the Western plain. "And I do read books. I read them to solve mysteries that threaten my best friend's life and sanity. I don't think reading this cowboy stuff is really saving the world like I do."

Only her smile and playful look peeking through her lashes saved her. I knew my reading habits were one of the three topics she kept in her back pocket for routine teasing, the others being my Russian roots and anti-social nature. It was all in good fun, and I could tell all she was trying to do was cut the tension.

So instead of getting indignant over the matter like I would have if anyone else had made fun of my past time, I simply pulled the book from her grasp, thumbing through the well-worn pages. "Like any book, it's an escape." An escape that I had desperately needed in my younger years. "And there's something...hmmm...I don't know. There's something appealing about the Old West. No rules. Everyone just lives by their own code. You don't have to be tied down by others' ideas of right and wrong in order to bring justice."

"Wait," she laughed, her eyes practically dancing with mischief. "I thought I was the one who wanted to break the rules."

"I didn't say I wanted to,"  _Oh God, I wanted to so badly some days_ , "Just that I can see the appeal."

"You can't fool me, Comrade," If her smirk was any indication, she could indeed see right through me. "You want to put on a cowboy hat and the keep lawless bank robbers in line."

I smiled at the thought of being some rogue crusader, taking on the wrongs of the world by myself. Still, there was more than the freedom to fight for what I believed to be right that made that world appealing. Those men also fought for those they cared about...

"No time," I finally replied. "I have enough trouble keeping you in line."

She threw her head back at my response, and I felt a thrill run through me at being able to make her laugh. It was rare that I allowed myself to lower my guard, especially around her despite her ability to break through my walls. Still, the moments that we acted freely were always at the forefront of my mind.

They never lasted though. Even now, I could see her sober slightly and advert her eyes from me.

I felt that wave of guilt cresting over me again. It always seemed to be there when it came to our relationship, in one form or another. It ebbed and flowed, but it was constant none the less. There were so many questions of "what if" and thoughts of "I wish" but in the end they were all as useless as I was.

"I'm sorry."

"For what? Reading cheesy novels?" Her attempt at wit fell a bit flat.

"For not being able to get you here." I stared at the book in my hand, desperate to see anything else but the disappointment I feared would be in her eyes. "I feel like I let you down."

At first she seemed shocked at my admission, though I couldn't tell if it was because I was admiting to letting her down, or the fact that it bothered me so much. As quick as lightning, her surprise shifted into sympathy and she took my hand as if such a small gesture didn't hold the weight of the world for me. Her touch was more soothing to my heartache than any healing balm could be.

"You didn't," she insisted. Her thumb brushed over my knuckles, her callouses still somehow softer than my own. "I acted like a total brat. You've never let me down before. You didn't let me down with this."

I was grateful for her words, but I knew that the bitter truth was that I'd never be able to give her everything I wanted to, everything she deserved. I would give her the world if I had the power to do so. I nearly told her as much when my phone broke the moment.

"Belikov here."

"Come now. I can't give you long, but if you hurry, you should have a few minutes before the next shift comes in." The sharp edge was in his voice again, and our native Russian made it sound even more lethal.

"Thank you, Grigory."

"Please, don't thank me. Not for this. Just assure me that whatever you have to talk to him about is worth it."

I glanced at Rose who was eagerly staring at me, not so patiently waiting for whatever I would tell her next.

"It is," I assured him. "We'll be there within a few minutes."

I turned to Rose, still waiting on the couch for my command.

"Alright, lets go."

"Where?" Rose looked like she was ready to follow me into battle.

"To see Victor Dashkov." 

* * *

 

The walk to the prison facility was quiet. Rose didn't question me, but followed without complaint. I wondered if I should have left her behind, but I knew I needed her here. Victor might not talk to me otherwise, and even if that wasn't the case, I preferred having her by my side.

Each step closer added another weight to our shoulders, and by the time we made it to the dull gray building, I began to tire from the sheer energy it took to stay calm. Grigory met us at the front reception, letting us bypass the metal detectors and leading us to a long, brightly lit corridor.

"Take this hallway, eighth cell. He's the only one here since he's awaiting final sentencing. I've already switched off the surveillance, citing that it needed to be reset. You have ten minutes before it boots up again."

I nodded and he closed the door behind him, essentially cutting us off from the outside world. Rose chewed at her lip and I knew she was waiting for a translation. She had been patient thus far, but I knew this was testing the limits of her self-control.

"Why are we doing this?" she whispered, and I could hear a slight tremble in her voice. "You think we can talk him out of it?"

I shook my head. I was certain now that it was one of the few things we'd never accomplish. "If Victor wanted to take revenge on us, he'd just do it without any warning. He doesn't do things without a reason. The fact that he told you means he wants something, and now we're going to find out what it is."

Victor sat calm and collected in his cell. It was almost as if he expected us. Perhaps he did. Either way, he didn't look surprised to find us both standing in front of him right now. It sickened me to see how well he looked. I knew that he would be treated humanely, but it didn't escape my mind that he would most likely be dead had he not tortured the use of Spirit from Lissa, causing excruciating pain to Rose in the process. Instead he looked healthy and nearly thriving, despite his incarceration.

"Oh my. This is a treat. Lovely Rosemarie, practically an adult now." I hated the insinuation, but not as much as I hated the lingering way he took her in, as if committing her form to memory. I stepped slightly in between the object of his leer, drawing his attention and mockery. "Of course, some have been treating you that way for quite a while."

Rose pushed past me, pressing herself against the silver bars. The embedded magic would annoy a Moroi, and practically burn a Strigoi, but Rose would feel nothing amiss. "Stop screwing with us, you son of a bitch. What do you want?"

I could see the tremble in her jaw. Her anger, frustration, nerves, and fear were getting the best of her. I placed my hand on her shoulder, gently persuading her back. "Easy, Rose."

She took a breath, closing her eyes for just a moment as she fell in line with me. Unfortunately, her rare submissiveness only seemed to amuse Victor.

"After all this time, your cub still hasn't learned any control. But then, maybe you never really wanted her to."

"We aren't here to banter." As hard as it was, I knew I needed to remain calm, or at least appear so. This was simply another battle, only fought with wit rather than force. "You wanted to lure Rose over, and now we need to know why."

"Does there have to be some sinister reason? I just wanted to know how she was doing, and something tells me we aren't going to have a chance for any friendly chats tomorrow."

"We're not going to have a friendly chat now," Rose insisted, though her words were more than a growl than a statement.

"You think I'm joking, but I'm not." Victor almost looked offended by the fact that one of his victims would be anything but pleased to be in his presence. "I really do want to know how you're doing. You've always been a fascinating subject to me, Rosemarie. The only shadow-kissed person we know of. I told you before, that isn't the kind of thing you walk away from unscathed. There's no way you can quietly sink into the regimented routine of academic life. People like you aren't meant to blend in."

"I'm not some kind of science experiment."

"What's it been like? What have you noticed?"

"There's no time for this. If you don't get to the point, we're going to leave." Time was ticking down and we were getting nowhere.

"There's no way they'll let you off tomorrow. I hope you enjoy prison. I bet it'll be great once you get sick again – and you will, you know."

"All things die, Rose," he posed prudently. The devious flash in his eyes returned a moment later. "Well, except for you, I suppose. Or maybe you are dead. I don't know. Those who visit the world of the dead can probably never fully shake their connection to it."

I could see fire spitting from her lips, ready to burn him, but a sudden shock replaced it. I caught her as she stumbled, the strength of her legs giving way under the weight of something Victor had said. Before I could question her, she rushed the bars again, this time under desperation rather than detestation.

"Yes? There's something you'd like to say?" I could see the pleasure in his countenance. He had her just where he wanted her and I had no clue as to what was happening around me or how this came to be.

"What is the world of the dead?" The tremor was back, worse than before, as her question came between gritted teeth. "Is it heaven or hell?"

"Neither."

"What lives there?! Ghosts? Will I go back? Do things come out of it?"

Even though I felt completely lost, one thing struck me cold.  _Ghosts?_

This was the second time in the past 48 hours that she had brought up the idea of ghosts. At first I thought it was just about Mason, but...could it be more? Is there some way this is connected to being bound to Lissa? Is it all connected somehow?

While her questions terrified me, they seemed to please Victor. He was reveling in her attention, deliberately stringing her on for his own amusement. "Well, clearly some things come out of it, because here you stand before us."

"He's baiting you. Let it go," I told Rose, practically pleading as I tried to pull her back. All she did was shrug me off.

"I'm  _helping_  her." Victor glared at me harshly, furious with my interruption before turning back to Rose. "Honestly? I don't know that much about it. You're the only one who has been there, Rose. Not me. Not yet. Someday, you'll probably be the one educating me. I'm sure the more you deal death out, the closer you'll become to it."

"Enough." Rose jumped slightly at my tone, but this needed to end now. I would carry her out over my shoulder if I needed to. "We're going."

"Wait," Victor called almost pleasantly, "You haven't told me about Vasilisa yet."

"Stay away from her," Rose took a single menacing step forward and I moved with her as she continued her threat. "She doesn't have anything to do with this."

"Seeing as I'm locked away in here," he gestured around the nearly empty room, "I have no choice but to stay away from her, my dear. And you're wrong – Vasilisa has everything to do with everything."

"That's it." A biting, slightly crazed laugh emitted from Rose as she came to some sort of realization. "That's why you sent the note. You wanted me here because you wanted to know about her, and you knew there was no way she'd come to talk to you herself. You had nothing to blackmail her with."

Victors hand covered his heart, protecting it from the offensive words. " _Blackmail's_  an ugly word."

"There's no way you're going to see her – at least outside of the courtroom. She's never going to heal you. I told you: You're going to get sick again, and you're going to die. You're going to be the one sending me postcards from the other side."

"You think that's what this is about? You think my needs are that petty?" the degrading derision that Victor had lorded over her nearly the entire time became a rabid irritation, his smirk twisting into a tight sneer. "You've forgotten everything, why I did what I did. You've been so caught up in your own shortsightedness that you missed the big picture I was looking at."

I knew that Rose was privy to more of the conversation between Victor and Lissa that night of the kidnapping, and even had some sort of conversation of their own before Victor's botched escape attempt while Natalie had tried to kill her. I had never thought to ask though. It didn't seem important at the time nor in the grand scheme of things. However, if Dashkov's expression and tone were any indication, it was vital.

"You wanted to stage a revolution!" Rose's face lit up with sudden understanding. "You still want to. That's crazy. It's not going to happen."

"It's already happening," he countered. "Do you think I don't know what's going on in the world? I still have contacts. People can be bought off." He glanced at me momentarily. "How do you think I was able to send you that message? I know about the unrest. I know about Natasha Ozera's movement to get Moroi to fight with guardians. You stand by her and vilify me, Rosemarie, but I pushed for the very same thing last fall. Yet, somehow, you don't seem to regard her the same way."

Nothing...and I mean  _nothing_...could be further from the truth. Natasha was nothing like Victor. Even if he claimed to be working towards similar ends, which I highly doubted in the first place, they were going about it in very different ways. I told him as much.

"And that's why she's getting nowhere," he insisted. "Tatiana and her council are being held back by centuries of archaic traditions. So long as that sort of power rules us, nothing will change. We will never learn to fight. Non-royal Moroi will never have a voice. Dhampirs like you will continually be sent out to battle."

"It's what we dedicate out lives to." I hated the fact that I agreed with him on anything, even on this small kernel of truth that haunted my thoughts.

"And it's what you lose your lives for. You're all but enslaved and don't even realize it." I realized it more than he knew. "And for what? Why do you protect us?"

"Because," Rose's voice drifted, suddenly unsure of herself. "We need you for our race to survive."

Victors scoff was cruel, but not nearly as cruel as the seemingly nonchalant gesture he made between us. "You don't need to throw yourselves into battle for that. Making children isn't really that difficult."

_That difficult_? Between two dhampirs, it was impossible. The best I could ever hope for was to raise Rose's children, not biologically father them. Perhaps I would be willing – no, I  _know_  I would be willing – but society wouldn't easily allow even that much between two sanctioned guardians.

If Victor's words stung Rose as much as they stung me, she didn't show it. "And because the Moroi...the Moroi and their magic are important. They can do amazing things."

It struck me just how much Rose was struggling to give a reason for why we become guardians. I wondered if I had somehow failed mentoring her, but it was overshadowed by the thought that...I didn't have a better answer. The best I could say was that I was a guardian because it was what I was supposed to do. I was good at it. It helped me provide a little extra support for my family back home.

"We  _used_  to do amazing things. Humans used to revere us as gods, but over time, we grew lazy. The advent of technology made our magic more and more obsolete. Now, all we do is parlor tricks."

What made Victor so powerful – so dangerous – wasn't his magic. It wasn't his wealth, or title, or connections. It certainly wasn't his physical strength. No, Victor was powerful because he was able to understand people and their deepest, darkest desires. He would prey on them, making them question themselves and making them consider his venomous ideas until they poison their common sense.

I pulled Rose back by her shoulders, as if the extra foot of distance would somehow protect her from the corrupt seduction of this man's ideals. "If you have so many ideas, then do something useful in prison and write a manifesto." Perhaps paper would somehow temper the inferno.

"And what's this have to do with Lissa anyway?" Despite everything, Rose's primary concern would always be her friend, even at the sacrifice of her own well-being.

Victor answered as if the fact was a plain as day. "Because Vasilisa is a vehicle for change."

"You think she's going to lead your revolution?" Rose seemed to find the idea as repulsive and impossible as I did.

"Well, I'd prefer that I lead it – someday. But, regardless, I think that she's going to be a part of it. I've heard about her too. She's a rising star; still young but people are taking notice." Victor leaned against the wall of his cell, arms crossed casually and looking like our discussion was about something as light and natural as the weather, rather than manipulating a young woman to overthrow a centuries old government. "All royals aren't created equal, you know. The Dragomir symbol is a dragon, the king of the beasts. Likewise, the Dragomir blood has always been powerful. That's why the Strigoi have targeted them so consistently. A Dragomir returning to power is no small thing, particularly one such as her. My impression from the reports is that she must have mastered her magic. If that's so – with her gifts – there's no telling what she can do. People are always drawn to her with almost no effort on her part. And when she actually tries to influence them...well, they'll do anything she wants."

By the end of his tirade, Victor's eyes had taken a far off look to them, as if lost in a sick imaginary world of his own creation and design. Of course, while I found it – or the methods of obtaining it, at least – hellish, Victor considered it Utopia.

However, it didn't escape my notice of just how closely he had been able to keep tabs on Lissa, even while incarcerated. I had figured that he had contacts to the outside world, but there had to be at least one contact that was close enough to the Princess to report her advancement in magic. There was a traitor nearby, and I needed to put a stop to whoever had endangered her. I had sworn to do so, and even if I couldn't think of a noble reason as to why I wanted to serve as a guardian, I would protect Lissa with my life because I knew Rose would do the same. It may not be noble, but it was true.

"Unbelievable," Rose muttered. "First you wanted to hide her away to keep you alive. Now you actually want her out in the world to use her compulsion for your own psycho plans."

"I told you, she's a force for change. And like you being shadow-kissed, she's the only one of her kind that we know about. That makes her dangerous...and very valuable."

With Victor's words, I could see a knowing spark of something in Rose's eyes. Whatever it was, it was as if the hidden knowledge tipped the scales in her favor. Victor saw it too, but he seemed as clueless as I was.

I wracked my brain, searching for what she could have stumbled upon. Suddenly, it clicked.  _Adrian...He doesn't know about Adrian._  Adrian's abilities had only been recently revealed to me, and as far as I knew, there were only a few others that were aware of his Spirit abilities. However, if Victor was to get word, who knew what could happen. The only thing I was fairly certain of was that Vasilisa was much more likely to resist Victor's enticement. For all I knew, Adrian might sell his soul for a pack of cloves and a bottle of vodka. Victor couldn't learn of his ability.

Before I could end the discussion – or Victor could continue it – Rose stood tall in her new confidence and spoke with assurance. "Lissa will never do it. She's not going to abuse her powers."

"And Victor's not going to say anything about us," I said, speaking to Victor as much as Rose. "He's achieved his goal. He brought you here because he wanted to know about Lissa."

She laughed victoriously. "He didn't find out much."

She was right, he didn't. But if we stayed too much longer, he might.

"You'd be surprised." Victor's smile was full of malice that made even my skin crawl. "And what makes you so certain I won't enlighten the world about your romantic indiscretions?"

"Because it won't save you from prison." I stepped forward, putting myself fully between Rose and Victor. "And if you ruin Rose, you'll destroy whatever weak chance you had of Lissa helping you with your warped fantasy."

I could see Victor recognize the truth of my statement, flinching just a little, but I wasn't done quite yet. I pressed myself against the bars, getting as close as I could to him before dropping my voice.

"And it'll all be pointless anyway," I continued, "because you won't stay alive long enough in prison to stage your grand plans. You aren't the only one with connections."

I could hear the sharp intake of breath behind me, and with a quick glance, I could see the fear in her eyes. Rose was afraid of me. The same fear showed in Victors face for the briefest moment before he schooled his expression.

"You two are a match made in heaven...or somewhere."

I turned, guiding Rose out of the hallway with my hand on the small of her back. Just before we passed through the door, she called one last time over her shoulder.

"See you in court."

The door slammed shut behind us, and Grigory was waiting for us on the other side.

"You cut it close there Guardian Belikov."

I felt an internal sting at my professional title. "Thank you Grigory. I know it was a lot to ask from you. I owe you one."

His gaze flickered to Rose and softened for just a moment. "I understand. I'd do anything for my wife."

My gut reaction was to correct him, but it was as true as it could possibly be given the circumstance. I'd do anything for Roza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice long chapter for you lovely people! I hope you enjoyed it, especially since so many of you have been waiting to see Victor! We'll be seeing some of the trial in the next chapter, but I also have a few other surprise moments up my sleeve as well.
> 
> This week's Question of the Week is: "Where is your favorite place to read?"
> 
> Personally, my husband's childhood home has this wonderful balcony overlooking a lake, and I would occasionally bring a book up there on a rainy day, curl up on one of the old benches and wrap myself in a warm blanket. The rain would almost create a melody off the tin roof and the way it dropped off like a sheet made the space feel enclosed and cozy. I can't even begin to count how many hours I've lost there.
> 
> Thank you for reading. I really do appreciate all your love and support for both this story, and for Meet Me in the Memory. It has been incredibly overwhelming how well received my stories have been. I really never set out to become popular or accomplished in my writing...I just felt the need to share the story in my mind and it was therapeutic to write it down. It has been a pleasure to meet so many of you because of this and I hope to get to know even more of you lovely readers. Please feel free to leave a review and introduce yourself.


	13. Chapter 13

The walk back was a long, silent one. Everything was frozen, and it was actually quite beautiful, but it was hard to focus on anything else but the possibility of Victor saying something tomorrow. I clenched and released my fist in some futile effort to relieve my stress, but it was pointless.

"Are you okay?" her voice was hesitant and I didn't doubt that she was picking up on my tension.

"Yes." The answer was automatic, even though it couldn't have been further from the actual truth. Of course, Rose wouldn't fall for it.

"Are you sure?"

"As okay as I can be." I knew I was being almost as cold as the air around us, but I was having a hard time distinguishing if we had actually accomplished anything by visiting Victor. The only thing I could say for sure was that I was significantly more worried and pissed off than I was before.

After a few beats, she asked a question I had really hoped she wouldn't.

"Do you think he'll tell everyone about us?"

"No." It was a lie. I was fairly certain he would. Honestly, I should have accepted that he would since she showed me that stupid note. What did I think would happen? We had nothing he wanted; nothing to bargain with, no information to use as a bribe. It wasn't like we could ask nicely and he'd reconsider. Even begging wouldn't have worked, though I think it probably would have entertained him to see me on my knees. The only power I had was a vague threat that I was fairly certain he saw right through.

I couldn't tell Rose that. I knew she had already fretted over the idea of us being exposed. Telling her that it was a near certainty now wouldn't do anything but cause her to lose sleep tonight. I already knew I'd be exhausted come tomorrow morning.

"Did you mean it..." her voice was barely a whisper and was almost lost to the wind, "that if Victor did tell...that you'd..."

 _Kill him._ She didn't say it, but her question was obvious. Was I willing to kill Victor? I was a killer – trained and proven – but was I a murderer?

"I don't have much influence in the upper levels of Moroi royalty, but I have plenty among the guardians who handle the dirty work in our world."

Logistically, it was possible. I had the right connections. I knew people in Butyrka, Tarasov, and Oryol. I could probably convince them to do it too. It wouldn't be the first time an inmate had been killed under the radar for the greater good. I had never personally subscribed to the notion of guardians playing judge and jury, though. We were protectors, not executioners...

"You didn't answer the question. If you'd really do it." She stepped in front of me, forcing me to stop and face both her and her question.

I was a guardian. I was a protector. I would lay down my life for my charge...but I would kill for my Roza.

"I'd do a lot of things to protect you, Roza."

She looked away, giving a tight smile that said more for her acknowledgment than actual approval. Her chest rose with a deep sigh. "It wouldn't exactly be protecting me. It'd be after the fact. Cold-blooded. You don't do that kind of thing." Her eyes met mine again with a rueful gleam. "Revenge is more my thing. I'll have to kill him."

She didn't mean it. I knew she didn't. Still, I couldn't bear to hear her say it. I grabbed her by the shoulders, bending slightly to make sure she was focused on me. "Don't talk like that!"

She jumped a little in my hands, obviously not expecting such a strong reaction. I tried to salvage the moment by giving her arms a gentle squeeze and brushing away a stray thread from her coat. "And anyway, it doesn't matter. Victor's not going to say anything."

She nodded her head, fully accepting the words simply because I said them. I finally let her go, letting my hands brush down her arms so I could touch her as long as possible before we made it back to the hotel. The rest of the walk was silent, which was fine with me. I didn't want to lie to her anymore.

I decided to take the stairs up, needed to work of a bit of my nervous energy alone before retiring to my room for the night. If Rose noticed anything else amiss, she didn't mention it and opted for the elevator instead.

I took the steps slowly. It was almost awkward to take them one at a time when I could easily do two, almost like it was a test of my patience. Not that I didn't have enough testing of that particular attribute at the moment. I guess there was something to be said for knowing I could actually pass this one though.

Sixty-four. That's how many steps I counted. You'd think that would be enough to settle me mind, but no luck. I could hear a higher pitched female voice as I passed Rose's room. Lissa's voice. I couldn't hear Rose, but there was a bit of comfort knowing that she wasn't alone right now. She was concerned enough about Lissa that I knew she wouldn't say anything to her about our meeting today, and Lissa was good about perking Rose up.

My room was silent. Empty. Dark. Flipping on the light only solved one of these issues. The bed that seemed so big and inviting only a few hours ago now just seemed cold and lonely. I flipped on the television, hoping the sound of chatter would trick my brain into thinking that there was some form of companionship here, but it was just an illusion. I nearly started the coffee maker again, but I knew I was hungry and caffeine wouldn't fix that, so I grabbed the room service brochure instead.

Whatever dinner had been planned for our group was long over by now. I almost felt sorry as I looked at the options available to me now, because surely whatever had been served earlier had to be better than BLT's, "Soup of the Day", or hamburgers. I finally decided to gamble on the chicken and put the order in. I briefly remembered that if I missed dinner, Rose did too, and wondered perhaps if I should make sure she ate something tonight, maybe even invite her over. I'm sure they could bring both orders here.

Who what I kidding? Rose never forgot a meal, and I had seen pizza on the pamphlet. She probably had a slice or two of pepperoni sent up before I even found the menu, and topped it off with a brownie for good measure. If Lissa didn't cheer her up, her favorite meal certainly would.

A knock sounded, and I had to admit that the hotel's quick service more than made up for their lackluster selection. I fumbled with my wallet for a few spare bills as I opened the door, but it wasn't a busboy waiting on the other side. It was Alberta.

"You missed dinner, Guardian Belikov." She didn't look or sound too pleased.

"My apologies, Guardian Petrov. I had some business to attend to." I stayed vague, knowing I couldn't tell her where I actually was.

"And Rose? She was missing too."

I bit my tongue, knowing just how bad this looked. "Yes, Rose was with me."

"Dimitri," she sighed, as if she was really hoping it was just coincidence that Rose and I had both been missing from dinner. "You can't..."

"I promise that it was strictly professional," I cut her off, hoping to quiet the worse of her fears before they ever crossed her mind.

Her brow rose slightly. "Training?"

I nodded. It wasn't completely off. Rose needed to learn how to deal with criminals and inmates eventually, especially since guardians often played double duty as peace officers, so the visit to Victor could fall under some form of a lesson. "We lost track of time, but she's back in her room now. I'm sure she's already taken care of her dinner and it looks like mine is here as well."

A young busboy carried a covered plate on a tray, stopping beside Alberta and looking more interested in our halted conversation than delivering the food. I stepped aside, allowing him to place the tray on the coffee table before handing him a couple of singles. He gave one last glance over his shoulder at Guardian Petrov, still standing in the doorway, before returning towards the elevators.

Alberta had stayed silent the entire time he was doing his job, but as soon as he was out of sight and earshot she fixed her glare on me once more. "Clear anymore impromptu training sessions with me from here on out, okay? We may not be at the Academy, but that doesn't mean you still aren't walking a fine line. One slip and I won't be able to protect you. Do you understand?"

Despite the firmness of her words, I could see the cracks of worry cracking around the edges. Alberta cared about Rose, and respected me. I knew she didn't want to see anything happen to either of us. I hated knowing that tomorrow morning would most likely bring those fears to light.

Still, it wouldn't do to bring another person into this mess, so I kept my thoughts to myself and simply nodded once more. "I understand."

Alberta didn't become Captain of the School Guard for nothing. I think she could see that something wasn't quite right. I was grateful she didn't bring it up though. Instead, she left with a simple goodbye and a reminder to be downstairs by 8. I shut the door, closing myself up once more.

I decided that a shower was in order next, and spent the next half hour or so trying to scrub the memories of the day away from my skin. Too bad life doesn't work like that, so with nothing to show for my efforts but wrinkled fingers, I ate my now cold chicken and watched the ending of some old Bond movie before turning in, dreading what would be waiting for me tomorrow.

* * *

After a restless night, an early run, and a shower that might have been a tad colder than necessary in order to make me appear somewhat awake, I was dressed and ready to make the long walk to my doom. I must have been in worse shape than I had initially anticipated though; Rose beat me to the lobby.

She stood proudly, adjusting her blazer from time to time. I'd have to remember to thank that girl from the shop if I saw her again. Everything fit perfectly and she looked amazing. She must have gotten my note too, since her hair was up in a tight bun, showing off the marks that she had earned well before she ever should have needed to. Standing side by side, you'd never know that Eddie and Rose weren't yet promised guardians. Both had faced down the enemy and survived to tell the tale, and that was more than many could say. The black and whites were just the packaging for the talent inside.

The walk to the courtroom was much shorter than I ever thought possible, or at least it felt as such. We were walking into the ornate building within minutes. Alberta led the charge, followed by the students. Rose and Eddie flanked their Moroi, and I followed behind with the rest of the school guardians. Several murals lined the walls, and I could see Lissa pause at one, touching the golden seal of a dragon, surrounded by deep emerald green. Both Rose and Lissa's faces twisted for just a moment in twin sorrow before Rose guided the lone Princess to our seats behind the prosecution.

For a trial of such a prominent political figure, the courtroom was fairly empty but I knew that was because of the queen's order to keep the proceedings out of the limelight. Part of me wondered what she thought her people would think. Victor Dashkov's sudden disappearance wouldn't go completely unnoticed. Perhaps they would allow rumors of his death circulate. Lord knows he was close to his death bed. Before everything happened, that is.

The moment Victor was presented before the audience – marched through back doors in a designer suit that was still well beyond what I could ever afford, though the handcuffs did mar the image a little – I noticed Lissa press slightly closer to Rose. Rose whispered something in Lissa's ear, making her settle a little. It didn't last long though. Victor was searching the crowd for someone, and as he spotted his victim, I wondered which would take over: Rose's protective instincts, or her battle ones.

Somehow, he made it to his seat without assassination.

As custom dictated for royal trials, Queen Tatiana was the only one who would pass judgment on Victor Dashkov. It was supposed to be a way to combat corruption by removing the various political and social bias of the different Royal Houses who would typically stand as a jury in a normal court case. The thought was that the King or Queen would have no other interest than that which they felt was best for their people. It was great ideal that hardly ever worked out in reality.

One by one, the entire guardian raid party gave their testimony of the events of that night. Alberta, as captain, started. I knew the prosecution had been saving my testimony for last, since it was the only one that had offered anything new in the way of information since Rose had been the one to bring the news to me, and I brought it to Alberta. Now that Rose, Christian, and Lissa were all here themselves, I could only imagine that they would now be saved as the final act of this circus.

As Yuri stepped down from the stand, I heard my name. I kept my face impassive as I worked to quiet my mind and racing heart.  _Breathe, you know what to say._  I had said the words alone to myself over and over until I nearly believed them myself...but it only worked until the memories reminded me of the truth.

A bailiff offered a Bible, prompting me to place my hand upon it and swear my oath to uphold the truth for justice's sake. I knew I could never hold to that promise, not when it was Rose on the line, but I said the appropriate response in tandem with a silent prayer of forgiveness.

"Guardian Dimitri Belikov, I'm aware that you were the first guardian to notify the school guard of Princess Dragomir's disappearance. How did you come across this information?" I wanted to correct Victor's lawyer. It wasn't a disappearance, it was a kidnapping, but I knew that to get through this I needed to answer the questions asked of me and nothing more.

With a deep breath, I began to speak. "I was with my student, Rose Hathaway. She shares a bond with the princess and was the first to sense what had happened."

I expected the next question to be about the bond between Rose and Lissa, and what it entailed. I assumed that this would be the weak point that the lawyer would attempt to exploit since it would be difficult to prove the bond's existence, and even more difficult to explain how it worked, but he seemed to glaze over the entire idea. "Based on the events, it sounds like there was a delay between when she discovered that and then you alerted the others."

A timeline of events, based on our testimonies had been provided as part of the evidence package. It was clear to everyone that there was roughly a half hour from when Rose first realized what was happening and when I brought her to Alberta. Christian's account confirmed her information, and every one else was able to corroborate when we arrived at the guardian headquarters. There was no use trying to ignore the delay. I knew that going into this. So I lied.

"She couldn't act on it because Mr. Dashkov had inflicted a charm on her, one that caused her to attack me." My expression stayed neutral, my voice even, but I could feel the tension in my jaw as I spit out every false word. I needed to stay calm. I needed to do this. As much as I hated being anything but truthful about the matter when the stakes were so high, I needed to lie for Rose.

"A charm?" The lawyer looked disbelieving, but I knew he was fully aware of what I had mentioned. "Would you mind elaborating?"

"I'm no expert on the matter, but sure." I shifted, rolling the stress from my shoulder. "Mr. Dashkov works with earth magic, and some who use that power and are strong in compulsion can influence our base instincts. In this case, he affected her anger and violence through an object."

I had barely finished my sentence before a sharp bark of laughter sounded from the defense table.

"Mr. Dashkov!" The judge, an older Moroi woman whose job was simply to make sure that proper procedure was adhered to, chided Victor. "Please respect the decorum of this courtroom."

Victor's shoulders were still shaking slightly as he gave a dismissive wave. "I'm terribly sorry, Your Honor and Your Majesty. Something in Guardian Belikov's testimony just tickled my fancy, that's all. It won't happen again."

My body felt like stone, stuck in a hard wooden chair with nowhere to run and nobody to fight as I waited for the final blow to come. It never did.

"You mentioned a charmed object...could you describe it?"

"A necklace. Shaped like a rose with several diamonds. Victor had given it to her a short while earlier under the guise of a congratulatory gift for her success in guarding Princess Vasilisa during an off-site outing."

"Do you have that necklace now?"

"No. I tore it off Rose during our struggle, throwing it out of the window to relieve us of its effects. As far as I'm aware, it was never recovered. Immediately after the effects of the charm wore off, Rose was able to relay her message and I brought her to Guardian Petrov."

The rest of the questioning was easier. No more lies. No more questions about the suspicious 35 minutes where only two people could give an accurate account. Soon, I was thanked for my participation and asked to step down.

Christian was next and identified several of the guardians under Victor's employment as those that had both assaulted him and kidnapped Lissa, but wasn't able to offer much more than that. Still, his testimony was able to strengthen Victor's ties to guilt.

Then came Rose's turn. Watching her walk to the seat was almost more nerve wracking than making that walk myself. I couldn't protect her now. I couldn't tell her what to say any more than I already had. Our story had been solidified together after the actual kidnapping, and if she kept to our agreed story, we should be fine. If not...there was nothing I could do.

I held my breath as the lawyers questioned her. Through every question, she stayed calm and resolute. Both truth and lie alike were given in a perfect appearance of tranquility. The only way I could tell was being anything but completely honest was during the moment she mentioned the "attack" charm and the way she glanced to the left before blinking the falter away. They asked about the animals before the kidnapping and even the discussion she had with him after his initial incarceration, but even with all the information she had to offer...it was done in less than ten minutes. I felt my sigh of relief burning through my chest as she settled into her seat once more.

Lissa was the last to be called from our half of the aisle. Her testimony promised to be, by far, the most dramatic. She was the victim after all; the target of Victor's entire nefarious plot. She spoke about how Victor had been like an uncle to her, especially after the passing of her family. Natalie was the closest thing she ever had to a cousin. She spoke about the terror of finding dead and mangled animals in places that should have been safe like her room and her book bag. She talked about how she had confided in Victor about some of her struggles in school and how he offered to take her and some of her friends to Missoula as a way to "cheer her up."

Every word she uttered seemed to draw more and more compassion, but it was nothing compared to her account of the actual kidnapping and torture. Even I felt a pull of sympathetic agony towards my charge when she spoke of her fear as she watched Christian assaulted right in front of her and of her terror at being blindfolded and taken away. Though I had watched Rose suffer the torture in proxy, and had just heard her testimony of how she had seen and felt every pain through Lissa's eyes, hearing Lissa's own description was beyond difficult to stomach. It seemed like it had an even worse effect on Rose though, who paled slightly from either Lissa's memories, or her own.

The suffering wasn't over though, because the final testimony would come from Victor himself. The story had been told over and over again from different views by different people, and Lissa's culminating narrative painted a clear and horrid picture in everyone's minds. There was no way he would be allowed to walk a free man, but even a doomed villain has the right to his last monologue.

It seems like Victor knew this too. The look on his face wasn't that of a calm facade. He wasn't hiding nerves or anger. He was well and truly serene, and that alone was enough to put me on edge. But even that was nothing compared to the amusement in his eyes when he looked at me. We were all just pieces in his sick and twisted game, and he was ready to make his final play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I HATE cutting the chapter in the middle of the trial, but it was already running fairly long and I easily have another 3,000+ words for next week :) I'm sorry but you'll just have to hang on until then for the (epic?) conclusion.
> 
> This week's Question of the Week is: What is your policy on book lending?
> 
> I know some share the love and stories like there's no tomorrow, and other's protect their stash like a dragon and his gold. Personally, I'm fine lending books out for the most part. I've been burned a few times and lost books, but I figure if they love them enough to keep them then I did the world a little good. There's one that I know I will never lend out though: my original copy of "The Life of Pi" which is one of my favorite books ever. I have so many notes written in the margins, highlighted pages and passages, and more. I'd hate to lose all those extra thoughts I've put into the book. I actually bought a SECOND copy that I offer to lend others.
> 
> Thanks for reading. I received tons of extra love from you guys last week and it really came at a great time. Some of you know that I'm going through some medical testing and this week was particularly difficult on that front. Surprise messages from all of you lovely readers made everything that much easier to handle. Thanks so much!


	14. Chapter 14

Victor was a terrifying man. I had battled literal monsters and had come close to death more times than I cared to count, I suffered violence in my life for as long as I could remember in both my personal and professional life, but Victor Dashkov sent a chill through me.

It wasn't necessarily his actions. Desperate men will do desperate things. You can  _almost_  forgive desperation. What's hard to forgive is the choices made without regret. He claimed, both in his demeanor and actual word choice, that he was only doing what he had to. There was no remorse, because it seemed like he found every single one of his actions completely logical.

"And you found coaxing your own daughter into turning Strigoi also necessary?" It was easy to see that the prosecution was barely able to stomach Victor, and if the shift in the air was any indication, everyone else felt the same. Even Victor's defense couldn't look at the man who convinced his own daughter to go against humanity and become a soulless monster for his own personal gain.

Victor's face stayed even...almost. There was one moment, it didn't even last half a second, where he glanced at me. While his expression betrayed nothing, there was hatred in his eyes.

I resisted the urge to trace the mark on my neck, the seventh and most recent, that was essentially the obituary of his daughter. I had killed her. I had killed her because she was Strigoi. I had killed her because it was my job. And most importantly, I had killed her to protect Roza.

"Natalie made that decision," was all Victor would offer on the matter, though I sensed that there was much more to the story.

The prosecution didn't let opportunity pass though. "Can you say that about everyone you used to meet your ends? Guardian Belikov and Miss Hathaway had no say in what you made them do."

Before I could even register our names and react to what was happening, Victor chuckled. "Well, that's a matter of opinion. I honestly don't think they minded." He turned to the judge, "But if you have time after this case, Your Honor, you might want to consider trying a statutory rape case."

Everything seemed to move in slow motion as every pair of eyes turned from Victor to me, each one more horrified than the last.

"Mr. Dashkov," the judge started tentatively, "that is a very serious accusation."

"I agree wholeheartedly, Your Honor. Poor Rosemarie doesn't deserve to be abused by her mentor, someone who was entrusted to keep her safe."

My voice was stuck in my throat. My heart struggled to beat out of my chest. Fear, fury, and shame coursed through my veins.

"No..." Through the quiet, Rose's whisper sounded like thunder. "No! He's lying! Nothing happened!"

Christian and Eddie held her back as she struggled to reach me. Part of me wanted to reach out to her too and try to sooth the terror in her voice, but I couldn't. I shouldn't. I looked to Alberta but she could offer no salvation. Even Adrian, who had somehow slipped into the back of the courtroom, looked at me with remorse.

"Guardian Belikov, remember you are still under oath." The judge regarded me levelly. "Have you ever acted inappropriately towards your student, Rosemarie Hathaway?"

Despite the dozens of stares I knew were focused on me at this moment, there was only one I cared about. She's always understood me better than I understood myself, so it was no surprise that Rose already knew what I would say. She shook her head, silently pleading with me to say anything but the next words on my tongue.

I stood, the room still except for the sound of my feet shuffling in the semi-confined space. "Yes, your honor."

"Yes? You understand what you are admitting to, correct?"

"Yes." I confirmed. "I have abused my position of authority over my student, and I'm willing to pay the price. I have allowed, and even encouraged, inappropriate emotions and actions. It was my responsibility to set the proper boundaries, and I failed."

"No!" Rose's scream echoed in the hall, barely beating out the murmur of conversation from everyone else present in the courtroom.

"Mr. Dimitri Belikov, I am holding you in contempt until this matter can be settled at a later date. Bailiff, please take him away."

"Dimitri!"

As I offered my hands to the cuffs of the court officer, I could see Rose continue to struggle. She needed to let this happen, and I wanted to tell her as much. "Please Roza," I breathed, the words nearly silent though I prayed they would somehow reach her. "Don't fight this. It will be okay. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I didn't even look at her as they started to lead me away, knowing that even a small glance might encourage her further.

The sounds of a crash broke my resolve. Christian was now on the floor, cradling his wrist as Eddie fought to keep Rose from breaking free.

"Miss Hathaway!" The judge called over the madness, "Stop fighting this instant or I will see that you are held in contempt as well!"

"Dimitri! Please, no! Don't touch him! Dimitri!"

"Guardians, please remove Miss Hathaway before she becomes a danger to herself or others."

At the Judge's words, my heart stopped. Guardians descended on her, forcing Eddie away and attempting to restrain the Wild Girl as gently as possible. Of course, her thrashing made things difficult, and her curses at them shortened their limited patience. Lissa cried into Christian's shoulder. Alberta gripped the seat back in front of her until her knuckles glowed white. Adrian stared with open shock at the scene unfolding. Rose screamed in pain as her wrist was twisted farther than intended.

With cuffs now on my own wrists, all I could do was beg. "They're hurting her. Stop fighting, Rose; it'll be okay. Let her go, Please! She's done nothing wrong!"

It was useless however. Rose defended those she loved until her dying breath, and she fought for me as if I was being marched to the gallows. I doubt she could even hear me at this point, but I wouldn't give up. Not until the solid wooded door slammed between us, cutting off her cries and my pleading.

Silence. That's all there was now. Silence and the dull thump of blood pumping in my ears.

_"I can't believe he would stoop so low."_

_"Does he have no shame?"_

_"There's no way anyone would believe such a horrible lie."_

_"I can't believe Victor would try to insinuate something like that."_

Victor. Victor was the one they were all appalled at. Nobody was whispering about my illicit affair with Rose. Nobody was staring at me accusingly. Nobody believed a word of what he just said. My fears were all in my head.

"Mr. Dashkov, this is your last warning. I will not allow you to make a mockery of this courtroom. Answer the question you are asked."

Thankfully, there were only a handful of other questions before everything was over. Now, it was up to the queen to deliver the final verdict.

I couldn't imagine that she could announce anything other than guilty. Victor had admitted to each and every one of his crimes.  _I_  probably lied on that stand more than he did, as upsetting as that thought was.

Still, Queen Tatiana took her time, rereading her notes and spending an appropriate amount of time considering the information given today. Finally, she stood, prompting every other person in the room to stand with her.

"Victor Dashkov. After hearing the testimonies of those involved in these events, including your own, and after reviewing the evidence for myself, I hereby find you are guilty of harassment, kidnapping, and torture of not only a minor, but one of titled royal blood. You are also found guilty of three counts of misuse of magic, evading arrest, and conspiracy. Due to the nature of your crimes, you are sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole in twenty years."

Life in prison. Twenty years before he even has a chance to see the stars again. It might have been disappointing if I didn't know for certain that Victor's illness would easily kill him before he ever made it to a parole board. I could feel the weight fall off my chest and felt a breath of relief; for myself, for Rose, and especially for Vasilisa.

As he had nearly the entire trial, Victor remained calm and collected. It didn't seem to bother him a bit that he would most likely die with nothing more than bars and cinder block walls around him. It was almost eerie how unaffected he was. Perhaps he knew, better than anyone else, that this was how things would end.

The queen ended the formalities, and the majority of the room started buzzing with relieved chattering, ready to put the whole matter in the past and start fresh the moment we walked out the doors. Lissa exchanged embraces with both Christian and Rose, who held her tight and whispered comforting words in her ear. However, she wasn't the only one who had words to exchange with the princess.

"Vasilisa, I trust you've been well."

Rose shifted her position, gently urging Lissa behind her shoulder while not impeding on her choice to respond or not. Both girls stayed silent.

My instincts pushed me forward until I was within arm's reach of my charge, putting me close enough to hear Victor's subtle threat.

"I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to talk, but I'm sure we will next time."

One of the guardians jostled him towards the back door. "Come on."

Lissa watched as he disappeared from view, never to suffer at the mere sight of him ever again. She shook her head at the closed door and muttered under her breath, "He's crazy." Her eyes focused on her best friend, taking her hands to capture Rose's attention as well. "I can't believe he said that stuff about you and Dimitri."

My heart skipped as Rose and I shared a meaningful look. We had come close...too close. The thought of what  _could_  have happened played through my mind once more as I walked away towards the other guardians so that the students could have a moment to recover from the events.

Alberta brushed her hand against mine as we passed one another, making me pause. "Are you both alright?"

I could see what I assumed to be a similar conversation between Adrian and Rose at the moment.

"Yes," I replied. "We're fine. It seems like no one believed him."

"Well, who could doubt your moral integrity, Guardian Belikov?" There was only a little bitterness in her voice, but it was enough to make the cut sting. She walked away before I could reply, not that anything I said would make the situation better at the moment.

It didn't help that I caught Adrian with his arms around Rose a moment later, saying something to make her smile. As they left, Pricilla Voda, the queen's close confidant, approached the group. She asked something of Lissa, and both she and Rose left quickly after. Christian and Eddie followed them moments later.

Adrian stayed behind, and by the way he was watching me, I could only assume that he was willing to have another chat. I would much rather gather my meager baggage and head back to the Academy as soon as possible, but we had several hours before that was happening.

I tried to pass by him, hoping my guess was off the mark, but I didn't make it pass the threshold before he spoke. "Belikov."

It was a bit annoying that he practically refused to call me by my title, and even more annoying that I  _had_  to address him by his. "Lord Ivashkov."

He started walking beside me, moving quickly to match my strides. I had no intention to slow down to accommodate him.

"Wasn't sure if you were gonna be walking out of that courtroom in cuffs or not."

I stayed silent, biting my tongue against the reluctant agreement we shared.

"Don't worry, I would have comforted Rose." His grin was a trophy to him, and he showed it proudly as he realized he was getting to me.

I sped up slightly, putting the energy that was dying to hit him into getting as far away as I could without being blatantly rude. Call it fight or flight if you wish. "I'm sure. It seems like you were pretty comfortable with her after the trial regardless."

"Oh that? That was nothing. I just wanted her to know that she could always come to me if she ever needed a warm body to sooth those lonely nights. I know quite a few ways to heat things up if needed."

My fists clenched and my feet stopped. I knew that Rose would have hit him rather than hugged him if he ever suggested something like that, but I couldn't get that smile she gave him out of my mind.

"Ahh, calm down, Belikov. I haven't quite won over Rose yet, despite the rumors."

Speaking with him for more than two minutes was exhausting, and I was certain that this conversation was breezing past the five minute mark by now. "What rumors?"

"I was wondering why you hadn't congratulated me on our pending nuptials. It appears that my Little Dhampir and I are engaged, at least from what I hear from several not-so-reliable sources."

"That's ridiculous. She can't stand you."

Adrian looked a bit shocked at my bluntness, and I savored the small victory. "Not as ridiculous as you so readily believe. I had to endure a nice long lecture from my Aunt about the long and luxurious line of Ivashkov Royalty and how she wouldn't stand for me to sully it with someone as sub-common as Rosemarie Hathaway."

"Sub-common?" It was hardly a typical insult, but it definitely showed how valued our kind was. We weren't even considered ordinary.

"Her words, not mine. I assure you, Rose is anything but common to me. She is..." He trailed off, searching for the best word. I couldn't think of anything that fit perfectly either; Rose was beyond words. "unimaginably rare."

I nodded in agreement. "So who's behind the rumors then?" I wouldn't put it past Adrian to start them himself.

He pulled out a cigarette, lighting hit between his lips as he spoke. "Hell if I know, I stopped listening to what was being said about me ages ago. Smoke in the wind, my friend."

I would hardly call us friends. Rivals maybe, but not friends.

"Either way, Belikov. You should be thanking me. I doubt people would believe that Rose is both banging her instructor and engaged to the Queen's nephew. Thankfully, one was much more plausible, it seems."

"So it would seem. Is there anything else?"

"Yes, actually. Despite my own reputation, I would rather not hear people talking shit about Rose. So if you wouldn't mind, could you try to keep any more close calls to yourself? I could care less if you are jailed or fired or whatever, but Rose deserves better. Make sure you don't bring her down with you."

While his words were harsh and uncaring, I could see some actual concern behind everything. Not for me of course, I knew he really could care less about what happened to me, but it seemed like he really did want Rose to not be dragged through the mud. We had very different ways of going about it, but it seemed like our end goal was still the same. We both wanted the best for Rose.

My posture relaxed at the revelation. "So...about the plane."

"What about it?" It seemed like Adrian's chatty nature was coming quickly to a close as he pulled a leather wrapped silver flask from his pocket, taking a drag then grimacing at the few splashes that seemed to be left. I'm sure it had been full this morning.

"What happened? It seems like you saw something."

"I saw what you did. Rose had a headache." The tension was quickly growing between us again.

"You saw something else. Something about her aura. Something about it being black...dark. What does that mean?"

The question hung in the air for quite a while, the sounds of Court overshadowing our conversation. "I don't know. I wish I could tell you more, but I really don't know. I've never seen anything like it."

Neither of us knew what to say at that point, and as the cold silence lingered, I contemplated moving back to my room.

"I do know one thing though," he added, "Whatever is happening, it's affecting her. It's hurting her. And I think it's only going to get worse."

I stared at him, wanting to yell at him as if it would change what we were both worried about. Instead, I took a deep breath. "I hope you are wrong."

"Me too," he agreed. "But I don't think I am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope the bait n' switch wasn't too confusing :) I've always wanted to write an AU where Dimitri is actually punished in someway when he and Rose are discovered. Yes, Rose is technically of consenting age in the state of Montana, but there would still probably be some repercussion of some sort since Dimitri was in a position of authority over her as her mentor. Since I'm not sure when (or if) I'll ever be able to write something like that after every other story I have running around in my mind, I thought I'd play with it a little here.
> 
> This weeks Question of the Week is: Do you dog ear you book pages?
> 
> I do. I know it's a sin worthy of capital punishment to many of you, but I'm HORRIBLE about keeping bookmarks around. I do try to find something else first though. More often than not, a hair band works.
> 
> And I posted this on my latest update of Meet Me in the Memory, but I thought it would also mention it here: "Also, as I mentioned in one of my stories last week, I'm dealing with some medical issues and testing right now. Many of you have wished me well on this insane journey, and thank you for that, but it is also pretty tiring and has been taking quite a bit of my time and energy. After discussing things with my wonderful beta, Raissa, and coming to the realization that some of my chapters have been less than my best work, please understand if my update schedule isn't as stable as it has been for the past several months. I pride myself on being consistent in my writing and updates, so please know that I'm going to do my BEST to keep it up. However, if I have to make the choice of putting a sub-par chapter up or waiting a few days to give you something of real quality, then I'll always choose quality. I hope you guys can understand that and forgive any possible delays. Like I said, I REALLY want to keep my update schedule, but I have to put my family and my health first, and the quality of these stories right after that."
> 
> Thank you all for being so amazing. I have been incredibly touched by all your love and support. So many have wished me well in reviews and PMs, and your kindness brings a smile to my face each and every time. Thank you.


	15. Chapter 15

I spent the last few hours that we had at Court getting some chores done that I wouldn't typically be able to do. I had my stakes sharpened professionally, as well as having their magic reinforced. It wasn't something that we needed to do often, but it was much easier to have those tasks done here at Court than it was to get them done at the Academy. I even went as far as to pick up a few familiar items from the international grocery and sit down for a chat with the kind babushka at the bakery. It didn't hurt that I could smell another loaf of black bread baking from down the block. I swear she was baking it just to lure me back in one more time.

Eventually though, it was time to bid her, and Court itself, goodbye. Thankful that the entire trial had ended much quicker, and with much less drama than I had originally anticipated, I was thrilled to pack away my few belongings and return to the relative familiarity of the Academy. I couldn't help the thought that soon this place would be my new home. It was all but guaranteed that Vasilisa, as the last of her line, would spend some time at the governmental epicenter of our world. I wouldn't be surprised if we moved here permanently.

I wasn't one for politics, and my voice truly didn't matter even if I was, but I guess there were worse places for me to spend my life. It wouldn't be that much different than the Academy in many respects, and I would have quite a bit more free time than if Lissa lived outside the wards. It was a nice thought, but try as I might, there was a nagging voice that reminded me that I wouldn't have someone to spend that free time with. I did my best to quiet it with busywork.

The flight was getting ready to leave soon, and as I started gathering my items in the lobby of the hotel, I could see Christian and Eddie doing the same.

"I hope the girls get back in time."

It seemed like a fairly innocent statement, but it caught my attention. As far as I knew, they were back here, ideally packing like the rest of us were.

"What do you mean? Are they still not back from seeing the Queen?" I questioned Eddie, who was in the process of agreeing with Christian. Alberta had overheard the request from Princess Voda, and had relayed it to me. The fact that I didn't specifically know where Rose and Lissa were at this moment set me slightly on edge.

"Oh, I guess the princess scheduled something over at the day spa for them. She asked Christian and me to pack their stuff and bring it to the plane. They said they'd meet us there before the flight."

I nodded, not surprised that the girls were spending some time together today, especially since they had so few opportunities right now. If Eddie didn't seem worried, then I shouldn't be either. A quick check of the clock showed that the time to take off was counting down fast though.

"They didn't give you a specific time they'd be back?"

"No," Christian shook his head, "Lissa thought they'd be back about ten minutes ago but it sounded like more of an estimate."

"I'm thinking about heading over there to check on them though," Eddie added hastily as he saw my brows furrow in concern.

I wasn't questioning Eddie's choice in being away from Lissa at the moment, Alberta and I had given him permission to do so, and he had left her in the very capable hands of Roza while he took over the care of Christian. By all measures, he had done everything correct to the letter. Just as quick as he was to reassure my possible disapproval, I was quick to reassure his worry too, "No. Stay here with Christian. I'll go check on them if they aren't back in five minutes".

With all the bags gathered and on their way to the tarmac, and five minutes passed on the clock, I started walking towards the day spa I had passed only a day or so ago on the main square. The bells chimed as I opened the door, catching the attention of the young receptionist behind the counter. Her eyes widened for a moment, but she recovered quickly.

"Hi. Welcome to Serenity. Do you have an appointment?"

I smiled at the absurdity of me being able to enjoy a place like this, but responded graciously. "No, but I am looking for someone who did. Is Princess Vasilisa Dragomir still here? She and Rosemarie Hathaway were both using your services this afternoon."

Another woman, tall and slender, walked behind the counter for a moment and offered the receptionist a quick peck on the lips with a smile. "Thanks hun, you can take your break now. I'll take over until you get back."

The first girl blushed at the attention, but nodded. "Just let me finish helping this gentleman and I'll be on my way. You said you were looking for Princess Vasilisa and her guest?"

I hummed my assent as she began to flip through the appointment book but the tall woman spoke up first. "The Dragomir Princess? Ambrose took her and the other girl to go see his aunt a little while ago."

"Eve! Why would you allow him to do that?!" The first seemed so shocked by the statement that I could feel worry begin to bubble inside of me as I waited for further explanation.

"What was I supposed to do? He was having a conversation with the pretty little dhampir and mentioned his aunt being psychic. Something about finding out what she was 'really meant to do' or some nonsense like that. The princess seemed interested and asked to go. I tried to say something but they were insistent."

"Where are they now? Do you know?" I interrupted the couple's minor argument before it could become more heated.

"Ambrose isn't back yet, so I'm guessing they're still at Ronda's. She runs out of the Red Room offices on the other side of the building. Do you know where that is?"

I suppressed a groan. The Red Rooms were some of the worst kept secrets at Court. Technically, they were just another part of the same office complex that this spa ran out of, but that specific area was somewhat seedier. Basically, those that operated out of the Red Rooms often provided services that were highly sought after but weren't always considered appropriate for discussion among polite company. The psychic Ronda was one such business owner. Another business owner basically ran a brothel under the guise of a gentleman's club, and if you said you were going to the Red Rooms, most people assumed that you were visiting there.

Moroi business men were the most common customers, but I knew they were just as happy to serve off duty guardians as well. I had been told about the place just days into my first visit at Court, and while I didn't personally feel the need to partake of that brand of comfort, I had unwillingly heard stories from my coworkers who had. Basically, it wasn't the type of place that Rose or Lissa should be spotted hanging around.

"Yes. Please tell me you have a back entry?"

The main receptionist, not Eve, looked slightly sympathetic. "Yeah, I'm heading that way now. I'll take you there."

* * *

_Room 135. 135. Where is room 135?_

Sophie had given me general directions and a room number, but there was no directory so I was simply following the numbers and hoping for the best. Most rooms gave no idea of what might be going on behind them, though I heard very distinct and rhythmic thumping behind one wall that I quickened my pace past.

Finally, I found a small and nearly hidden off-shoot from the main corridor with only a few rooms. At the very end were the three small gold numbers I was looking for. I knocked once before entering, expecting to find the girls on the other side. Instead, it was another receptionist; one much more hostile than the last.

"Another walk-in? I have to say, this is more interest than we've seen in months." Her customer service skills needed a little work.

"Actually, I'm looking for someone. Did two young women come in here? I was told they were seeing the psychic Rhonda."

"Yes, Ambrose brought them in a few minutes ago. They're right through that door. Would you like to wait for them out here?" She gestured to a couple of stiff looking chairs in the corner that provided more decoration to the room than everything else combined, but that wasn't saying much.

"Actually, we're on a tight schedule. We have to catch a flight in a few minutes so would it be okay if I went in?"

She looked personally put out by the suggestion, but waved me through regardless.

In comparison to the reception area, walking through the door was like walking into another world. A lush oriental rug, a plush red velvet couch loaded with pillows in shades from crimson to burgundy, and an even dark damask wallpaper. With all the various colors of blood in the space, it made me wonder if this was the actual reason they called these offices the Red Rooms.

Through the thick smoke of incense, I could see Rose and Lissa sitting on some cushions before a woman I assumed to be the psychic, and man watching over the trio from the couch. He was a little younger than me, and I knew him more by reputation than anything else. Ambrose, the queen's personal...masseuse. All four heads turned towards the sound of my sudden interruption.

"Ah, they said you were in here." I acknowledged Rhonda with a nod before addressing her, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need to bring these two to their flight."

The strange way she looked at me was all too familiar and sent a chill up my spine. Rhonda dark curls turned gray and wispy, her skin becoming the wrinkled and weathered face of my grandmother. The only thing that remained the same was her eyes. Dark but sharp and piercing. She wasn't just taking in my appearance, she was taking in my soul.

A moment later, she smiled and the illusion was broken. "There's nothing to apologize for. But maybe you've got time for a reading of your own?"

I knew it wasn't an offer but a suggestion, yet I still hesitated. In general, I was skeptical of these sorts of things. I wasn't a believer of the supernatural, but I would be remiss to forget the way my grandmother would have dreams and premonitions. More often than not, they came true, and if seeing Yeva's image moments ago was any indication, than it wouldn't hurt to listen to what this woman had to say to me.

I sat down on the empty cushion beside Rose, awkwardly folding my legs underneath me in the small space. "Thank you."

"I'll be brief," she assured, already placing the cards on the table back into the pile and shuffling it before offering me the deck a moment later. After I cut it, she dealt three cards.

The first was of a man, a knight, riding on horseback with a long spear. The second was a circle, almost clock-like but not quite, surrounded by clouds. The final card was a man, cloaked and turned away, as five cups spilled around him. They meant nothing to me, but I could see Rhonda's eyes flicking back and forth between me and the images on the table.

"You will lose what you value most, so treasure it while you can." There was no emotion in her voice, but there was a silent warning in her eyes.

The words pierced me, circling over and over again in my thoughts, and I felt the urge to defend myself against them. In my mind, I tried to tell myself that it was nothing, the cards held no more power than cushion I was sitting on. I stayed silent and polite, but I was already trying to find a way to disregard the entire matter in my own head, if for no other reason than it was too disturbing to entertain the thought that she could be right.

Unfortunately, she wasn't done speaking yet. She pointed to the middle card with the clock-like object. "The wheel is turning, always turning."

All my defenses shattered with her last comment. I knew that rationally, it could be coincidence, but in my heart I knew better. My grandmother had used the same phrase all through my childhood.

" _They're growing up. One day, Olena, they aren't going to sit quietly as he casts his dark shadow over this house. The wheel is turning, always turning."_

" _The wheel is turning, Dimka. One day you'll be grateful for a house full of women."_

" _Your baby is a blessing. The wheel of fortune is always turning, and we are wise to accept our fate rather than resist it."_

Her message was always the same: you can't fight time or fate, both will come whether we want them to or not.

I stared at the cards a moment longer and considered questioning her further but I felt Rose shift beside me uncomfortably. Instead, I gave a final nod. "Thank you."

She nodded in reply, casting a sympathetic glance my way before smiling at the girls beside me. "It was a pleasure to meet you."

Ambrose led Rose and Lissa out first, but Rhonda caught my arm as I was leaving. "I'm sorry, child. Truly, I am. Your time before the end is limited, so make it count." I could see the nervous pleading behind her dark eyes and it worried me more than anything else. If she could brush off the reading as nothing, then maybe I could too, but it seemed like it had shaken her as much as it had shaken me.

A deep laugh from Ambrose, directed at a scowling Rose, caught our attention. I thanked her one last time, and led the way out of the building, ready to put as much distance between me and those cards as possible...

…not that it would make any difference.

* * *

Lissa ran ahead to Christian the moment he was in sight and I swallowed a smile at their young and easy love as he picked her up and swung the girl around as if they had been separated months rather than hours. It was the first time my thoughts had strayed from Rhonda's reading the entire walk here, and Rose seemed to pick up on the fact.

"Are you still thinking about what Rhonda said? That woman's a total scam." Whatever dark feelings I had felt with my cards appeared to have bypassed Rose entirely. She looked more frustrated than anything else.

A blast of cold air swept up over the clearing of the runway, tossing icy pinpricks of snow at us. "Why do you say that?" I tightened my jacket around my body, stopping to step between Rose and the worst of the wind as she flipped the collar of her coat higher on her neck. At least she remembered the gloves I had given her earlier.

"Because she didn't tell us anything!" She gave a small huff, creating a cloud of steam from her lips that was stolen away a moment later in the breeze. "You should have heard my fortune. It was, like, one sentence stating the obvious. Lissa had a better fortune, but it really wasn't anything profound. Rhonda said she'd be a great leader. I mean, seriously, how hard is that to figure out?"

I smiled at her pouting. "Would you be a believer if she'd given you a more interesting reading?"

"Maybe if it was good." Her reply was so honest that I couldn't help but laugh. She did too, before bumping her shoulder against my arm. "But you're taking it seriously. Why? You really believe in that kind of stuff?"

"It's not so much that I believe...or that I don't believe," I tugged my hat down a little, both to cover my near-frozen ears and to buy me a little time to figure out my own thoughts. "I just respect people like her. They have access to knowledge other people don't."

Rose didn't look convinced. "She's not a spirit user though, so I'm not really sure where she's getting this knowledge. I still think she's a con artist."

"She's a  _vrajitoare,_  actually."

"A..." she stumbled, giving up on the foreign word, "...what? Is that Russian?"

"Romanian. It means...well, there's no real translation. 'Witch' is close, but that's not right. Their idea of a witch isn't the same as American's." Romanians and Russians held a very close idea of witch, and it had be a bit of a culture shock my first Halloween in the States. The holiday was non-existent in my homeland and seeing children run around with pointed hats and broomsticks seemed practically insane.

I chanced a glance at Rose and she looked at me in near shock. I could see something working in her mind, and I waited for her to say whatever seemed to be so important to her, but a second or two later, it was gone.

Instead, I continued, "My grandmother was like Rhonda. That is, she practiced the same kind of arts. Personality-wise, they're very different." I wouldn't call my Yeva mean, but she was not the sweet, gentle lady that most people envision when you think of a grandmother. Practical would be a good word to describe her, and she had very little patience for those who she felt were wasting her time. Honestly, Rose and my grandmother probably had more in common with their personalities than Yeva and Rhonda. The thought was too scary to linger on.

"Your grandmother was a ...v-whatever?"

"It's called something else in Russian," I replied, "but yes, same meaning. She used to read cards and give advice too. It was how she made her living."

Rose's already wind-beaten cheeks turned a deeper shade of pink, and I could see her regretting her earlier insistence about Rhonda being a fraud. "Was she right? In her predictions?"

"Sometimes." My admittance seemed to spark a glint of mischief in her eyes as her tongue darted out to moisten her chapped lips. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" she asked innocently.

"You've got this look on your face that says you think I'm delusional, but you're too nice to say anything."  _Not to mention_ , I silently added,  _you look almost too perfect not to touch._

Rose stepped a little closer, using my body as her own personal wind-break from the snow. "Delusional's kind of harsh. I'm just surprised, that's all. I never expected you to buy into this stuff."

I shrugged, slipping my hands in my pockets to keep from brushing her hair from her face. "Well, I grew up with it, so it doesn't seem that strange to me. And like I said, I'm not sure I buy in to it 100 percent."

Rose's face turned thoughtful, studying me like she did occasionally as if she was trying to put together the pieces of a complex puzzle. "I never thought of you as having a grandmother, either. I mean obviously, you'd have to. But still, it's just weird to think about growing up with one."

It always pained me when the stark contrast between my childhood and Rose's came to light. I didn't have the best childhood by any means, but I had my family and that was more than Rose could say. I guess it was just as odd for her to think about family dinners and sibling squabbles as it would be for me to think about never having my mother talk to or spending Christmas with teachers and classmates rather than friends and family.

"Was it weird having a witch grandma? Scary?" Her question was light, dispelling my remorse from a moment earlier. "Was she always, like, threatening to cast spells if you were bad?"

"Most of the time she just threatened to send me to my room."

Rose pursed her lips and offered a cheeky smile. "That doesn't sound so scary to me."

I rose my eyebrow in response. "That's because you haven't met her."

She laughed, and looked around me at the rest of the group. Adrian was putting up a bit of a fuss about the cold. I wasn't sure when he had made it over here, but it was hard to ignore him now. I'd honestly be alright just leaving him behind.

"Is she still alive?"

"Yeah," I said with a nod. "It'll take more than old age to kill her off. She's tough. She was actually a guardian for a while."

"Really?" This seemed to shock her almost as much as me having a witch for a grandmother. "So she gave it up to become a – uh, to stay with her kids?"

I knew the things Rose had been taught all her life were as ingrained in her as my own traditional upbringing was ingrained in me. I couldn't fault her for questioning whether or not my grandmother was a bloodwhore. Until recently, she had been told that any woman who lived in one of the dhampir communes gave into that life. She was taught to look down on them, but I could see that she was trying to be open-minded now.

"She has very strong ideas about family – ideas that probably sound kind of sexist to you." Honestly, they felt a bit sexist to me too some days, but as I said before, I was brought up in a very traditional household. "She believes all dhampirs should train and put in time as guardians, but that the women should eventually return home to raise their children together."

"But not the men?"

"No," I said with a sardonic huff. "She thinks men still need to stay out there and kill Strigoi."

"Wow," She seemed to be considering everything I had said, "You were the one who had to go. The women in your family kicked you out."

"Hardly. My mother would take me back in a second if I wanted to come home." Yeva would probably have a fit, but my mother would be more than happy to have me safe and sound where she could treat me like her baby boy, despite the fact that I was a good foot taller than her.

Adrian's sudden celebration alerted us to the plane being ready to board and I allowed Rose to lead the way up the steps after everyone else. Thoughts of my family and home swarmed my mind with pleasant memories. As much as I disliked the notion of forcing women to stay home, just as much as I disliked the idea of forcing any dhampir into service, man or woman, I did appreciate having my mother around in my childhood. It was nice to have that security and familiarity. It was nice knowing that she was always there when I needed her. I loved the memories of her teaching me how to make black bread and showing me how to do those little things I never gave her enough gratitude for. I could never ask Rose to stay home with our children if that wasn't what she wanted, but I couldn't say I wouldn't support her choice if she ever decided to. It was nice having my mother around, and I could only hope that life would have been that much more wonderful if my children had both a loving father and mother to care for them.

It didn't occur to me until later that a family with Rose would never be a possibility for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was slightly late. I ended up adding another 1500 words late last night and it needed to be edited by my wonderful beta. Thank you Raissa for the quick turnaround time :)
> 
> This week's Question of the Week is: Do you write in the margins of your book?
> 
> I do. I don't write in all my books, but I do write in my favorites. I love leaving little notes about the story, or why I love a particular line. It's fun to re-read those notes and share them with others if I let them borrow my books. Some people mentioned last week that they only dog ear pages that contain scenes they like; well this is how I make those scenes.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I know many of you are looking forward to the next chapter and I am too. It was very fun to get a deeper look of Dimitri's time and opinion on Court though, to see his reaction to his cards, and to see him open up to Rose about his family. Please feel free to follow, favorite, and review. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.


	16. Chapter 16

We were barely settled onto the plane before Lissa, practically bouncing with excited anticipation, shared some unexpected news.

“So, it turns out the Queen herself wanted to congratulate Rose on her molnija marks.”

Several of us turned in surprised, but Rose ducked her head away from the praise. I tried to catch her eye, but she refused. I knew she hated people pointing out her marks but I suspected there was more to the story when she began to look almost frustrated with the topic.

“Yeah,” Lissa continued, “She was invited to the throne room and everything. I guess she must have been pretty impressed with her abilities, and I'm glad. Rose has always been amazing, and it's about time the world knows just how incredible she is.”

I nodded slightly in agreement, though Rose looked anything but accepting of the commendation. I didn't have time to question her reaction any further before Vasilisa surprised us with yet another piece of information.

“Oh! And she gave me permission to attend Lehigh! It wasn't U Penn, but it's so much better than the small schools I thought I'd be limited to. Can you believe it, Christian?”

The students started talking about their plans, discussing everything from dorm rooms to classes. Lissa was already polling Rose on which elective she would like to take so there would be at least one class she was sure to enjoy. It was a considerate gesture since Rose would end up taking every other class with the young princess and it wasn't likely that whatever major Vasilisa chose would appeal to Rose as well.

I still looked back at my time at University with Ivan fondly. While I had little use for the accounting degree we both worked towards together, I do blame his Introduction to US American Literature for sparking my love of Westerns. He had been nearly as relentless as Rose in teasing me about it, too. I still have no idea why he chose that particular class since it wasn't as if he had a genuine interest in it nor was it a class he could expect to meet women in, but the moment I flipped open the pages to “How The West Was Won,” I was hooked. I had always enjoyed the adventure stories my mother shared in our childhood home, but this was something else. I had picked up “Hando” and several others before midterms were due.

It wasn't as if I expected Rose to find some hidden passion at school, but I hoped she'd at least be open to the opportunity. She might see it as unnecessary to her career as a guardian, but it was something that few of us really got to enjoy and it could be good for her.

However, my primary focus was locked on the logistics. There was a reason why Lissa had limited choices before. Those colleges were small, private, and via the Alchemists, they worked with our community to make an environment where our kind could study safely and comfortably. On the other hand, a place like the University of Pennsylvania would be a nightmare to secure against threats. I wasn't familiar with Lehigh University, but I had a feeling that I would be spending the next several nights researching the school and attempting to figure our housing arrangements and other details that weren't nearly as appealing as electives or honor societies.

I couldn't help but wonder if the Queen had cleared this offer with the Guardian Council. She wasn't technically required to, but I knew Queen Tatiana had a history of trying to reach out to the Guardians when the decision directly affected our group. Still, I can't imagine that they would approve such a decision without at least notifying me. My guess was that they had no clue of this development and after notifying them, I would need to discuss the possibilities starting as soon as possible.

“I still can't believe it,” Lissa sighed, resting her head against Ozera's shoulder. “It sounds too good to be true.”

The clink of glass against the tray table caught her attention, drawing it to our in-flight drunk. “Coming from my great-aunt? It is too good to be true.”

Rose seemed almost as concerned as I was. “What do you mean? Is Lissa in trouble?”

“What, bodily?” He scoffed, brushing off our concern. “Nah. It's just, my great-aunt doesn't do things out of the kindness of her heart. Well, sometimes she does,” he amended, “She's not a total bitch. And I think she means it about worrying about the Dragomirs. I've heard she liked your parents. But as to why she's doing this...I don't know. You've got radical ideas. Maybe she does want to hear different opinions.” He smirked wickedly, sipping more of whatever drink he had somehow magically procured. “Or maybe she wants to keep an eye on you, keep you from causing trouble.”

Christian, who had seemed a little nervous since the initial announcement, slipped his arm protectively around his girlfriend. “He's right. They could be trying to rein you in. You should go live with Aunt Tasha. You don't have to go to a Moroi school.”

“But she'll be safer if she does,” Rose interjected.

I commended Rose for her selflessness, but Lissa going to stay with Tasha was a recipe for disaster. Lissa would be fine I'm sure. It was the fact that Rose and I would have to follow her that would create an awkward situation. I guess it would end up happening at some point though; as long as Christian was in the picture, than so was Tasha to an extent.

The plane started accelerating, rising gently the faster we went. Only after a minute or to, Rose's head was firmly pressed into her hands. “Son of a bitch.”

“Are you sick again?” Lissa reached across the aisle, rubbing Rose's shoulder soothingly as I tried to flag down the flight attendant for some medication while simultaneously cursing the fact that I didn't pick up some Excedrin before we boarded. Rose nodded, and the action seemed to make the pain worse.

“Have you always had trouble flying?” Adrian caught the flight attendant before she passed me, and offered his glass to be refilled. The flight attendant shot me a quick apologetic look before returning to the small kitchen. Of course his alcohol would take priority.

“Never,” Rose insisted. “Damn it. I don't want to go through this again.”

Her quietly desperate plea cut me, and even though we had yet to reach altitude, I released my buckle and made my way towards the back. The flight attendant was just wiping a drop of whiskey off the rim of the glass when I stepped beside her.

“Please tell me you have some Tylenol or something.”

She shook her head without even looking up. “I'm sorry, Sir. I can see if there is anything in the first case, but it's probably basic aspirin.”

I followed her as she moved past me and back into the main cabin, resisting the urge to openly glare at her sudden charm while placing the drink in front the spoiled Moroi. Thankfully, Rose seemed to be managing, though her furrow brow still hinted at some pain. If she felt she was able to cope, then I guess it was alright. Still, I kept my eyes on her, shifting my focus between my book and her huddled form every few seconds.

Hours passed much slower than I thought possible, but with only another 45 minutes or so to go, as small blinking light lit up at the front of the plane. The flight attendant from before disappeared into behind the door separating us from the pilots, and a moment later she emerged somewhat less chipper than she had gone in. Instinctively, I tensed, and I could see Alberta doing the same.

“What's wrong?” she asked, giving voice to the question on everyone's minds.

“An ice storm just blew through the area. We can't land at St. Vladimir's because the runway isn't accessible with the ice and winds. We need to fuel however, so we're going to land at Martinville Regional. It's a small airport a few hours away by car, but they weren't as affected as much. Our plan is to land there, refuel, and then fly into the Academy once they've cleared the runway. It's less than an hour by air.”

Alberta pondered the information, letting it sink in. I guess she didn't need to give approval since our hands were essentially tied with the bad weather, but I guess if we were going to have to make an unexpected stop outside the wards, then having five sanctioned guardians and two nearly graduated novices aboard was a best case scenario.

Our descent was a bit choppy, with the smaller plane being tossed a little in the wind. Even Adrian seemed to lose his cool demeanor for a moment or two when the plane unexpectedly jolted. I would be relieved to have the wheels on the ground as soon as possible.

That is, until I heard her scream.

I was out of my seat before our wheels were fully on the ground. My instinct was to look for injury but Rose batted my hands away, screaming as if I was personally attacking her. Her eyes were glassed over, almost smoky, and she didn't seem to see me or anyone else around her. At least, she wasn't focusing on any of us, but she did see something.

“Get them away! Get away! Oh God! They're everywhere! Leave me alone!” Rose's body was pressed as far as possible into her seat, but her feet still dug into the ground in an attempt to move further back.

“Rose. Rose!” I called out to her, but she didn't acknowledge me and I couldn't help but wonder if she could hear me at all. “What's happening, Rose? Nobody is hurting you. What do you see?”

Others called out around me. Mostly shouts of her name and the same pleas for explanation that I was uselessly begging for. The flight attendant was on the phone and though I couldn't hear much over the screams (Rose's and those from everyone else) I was fairly certain I heard the word “ambulance” at some point.

Sure enough, there was a vehicle with red and blue flashing lights pulling up to us as we slowed down on the runway. The airplane's doors opened just as we stopped moving, and two men in jumpsuits rushed aboard. Some of the guardians were ushering the Moroi and Eddie away towards the other side of the plane. Rose's screams became more and more desperate.

“Get them away from me! Make them go away! Oh God, they're everywhere. No! No! NO!!!”

Rose was swinging wildly, hitting me as much as she was hitting the air around her. The EMTs weren't even able to get close as they started shouting questions.

“Does she have a psychiatric disorder? Is she dangerous?” I knew they were asking for their own safety but their questions infuriated me. I needed them to do something to help or get out of my way so I could bring her to someone who would.

“No,” Alberta answered, her voice strong as if she was commanding her troops rather than watching a child dissolve in front of her. “No mental issues, but she is trained in martial arts.”

Rose's training seemed pointless at this moment. Whatever had her so terrified was rendering her technique useless. She didn't seem to have any discernible target, and still strapped into the seat she was less able to strike properly.

It didn't take much longer though for a tell-tale metallic click to catch my ear, barely audible over the sounds of everyone else. However, those that missed it certainly caught the fact that Rose was now trying to jump up from her seat.

“Pin her down.”

I turned by head just enough to face one of the uniformed men, still not letting Rose out of my sight. “What?!”

“Pin her to her seat. She's going to hurt herself or someone else. We need her to be as still as possible so we can administer a sedative.”

“What are you giving her?”

“Something to relax her, something for her own safety.”

I hated the idea of medicating her, but considering that nothing else was helping her, I relented. I quickly sat down in the seat Rose had violently vacated moments earlier and pulled her into my lap, wrapping my arms tightly around hers to pin them in place as she thrashed against me. The back of her head hit my jaw as she struggled, making me wince but I refused to lessen my grip on her.

It only took a moment for the man to prick her with a needle, injecting some clear liquid into her bicep and seconds later I could feel the fight leave her as her body slumped against my chest. Finally feeling confident enough to loosen my hold, I used one hand to tuck her head in the crook of my neck, whispering into her hair.

“It's okay, Roza. I got you. You're safe now.”

Speaking above my tender whispers was Guardian Petrov and the EMTs, discussing what comes next. I tuned them out for the most part until I heard a sudden objection.

“We'll have her transferred to a private clinic, thank you.”

“Ma'am, with all due respect, we're obligated to take her to the nearest hospital. It's for her own safety.”

“Gentlemen, she is my responsibility. I am her legal guardian and I would prefer her to be in care that I trust.”

I couldn't understand why Alberta would refuse medical assistance for Rose, especially since she was just sedated to keep from being a danger to herself, but as I got a closer look, I finally realized that the men she were speaking to were human. They would take her to a human hospital. It wasn't as bad as a Moroi being admitted to a human hospital, but it definitely wasn't ideal and there could easily be some unanswerable questions.

One man looked at the other, shrugging helplessly before he turned to walk away. The other man looked impotently towards Rose as I stroked her hair. He spoke directly towards me, “She should be asleep for a few hours, but after that...I don't know what mental state she'll be in. You should get her help as soon as possible.”

I nodded in solemn gratitude before he followed his partner down the steps, disappearing in the ambulance as quickly as they had appeared.

“Where are we going to take her?” I still hadn't let go of Rose, convinced that as long as I was holding her, she would be okay.

“I don't know, the nearest clinic that I know of is the Academy. I'll check with the local authorities, but I don't know.” I could see her nerves eating at her calm facade and she pulled her phone out to cover up the cracks in her walls.

Meanwhile, Lissa stepped forward. Her hand replaced mine on Rose's cheek. “Oh Rose,” she sighed. I could feel a warm tingling sensation run through me as the princess tried to work her magic. “I don't think I'm getting through to her. Oh goodness, what's wrong with her?”

“We'll figure it out Princess, I promise. She'll be okay.” It was an empty promise that I was making for both our sakes. Even if I didn't know for sure, I needed to believe that she'd be alright.

“Vasilisa, why don't you and the others get a drink and bite to eat in the back?” Lissa looked ready to protest Alberta's suggestion when Christian offered a warning look and started pulling her back. The flight attendant continued to usher them back while Alberta set her sights on me. I could see the concern in her eyes, softening her hard features now that the witnesses had left. “I checked, the closest Moroi clinic is the Academy. It's a four and half hour drive from here, but who knows what the road conditions are. If we try to drive her, there's a good chance we could get stuck in the side of the road and the time it would take for someone to come dig us out would probably be half a day or more. Honestly, I think our best option is to wait it out.”

She seemed as disappointed as I was at the news, and I resisted the urge to lash out at her just to have a target for my frustration. Rose slept, but it was anything but peaceful. She continued to wince in pain from time to time, and quietly murmured in distress, settling only when I traced random patterns on her shoulder.

From the window, I could see a gentle snow falling. If I could guarantee that this weather would hold the entire drive, I would hijack the next car I saw and start racing for the Academy like a mad man. However, I knew that it was much more likely that I'd end up in a ditch somewhere around hour three. Even if I couldn't heal her, I would never endanger her further.

“Fine, we wait. What do we do in the mean time?”

“Well, the first thing you should probably do is settle Rose in her own seat before someone gets the wrong idea. I don't know after that.”

I shifted Rose over to the other seat, resting her head on against the window and slipping my jacket off as a makeshift blanket. She whimpered a little more until I tightened the coat around her shoulders a little more.

“Here,” Alberta gestured to where I sat. “Why don't you go grab something to eat? We might be here a while.”

Not too long, I hope. “I'd rather stay here for now if that's okay. You should go and check on the rest of the group.”

It was maybe a half hour or so before I saw anyone, though I'm sure people wandered back and forth. I was just too focused on Rose to care about anything else going on. Everyone stayed on the plane, and with the amount of guardians around, I didn't worry about our safety. All I was worried about was Rose and whatever was going on with her.

A box of shrink wrapped cheese, crackers, and sausage fell into my lap moments before Adrian peeked over the seat back in front of me.

“How is she?”

“Still sleeping. Other than that...” I trailed off, not knowing how to finish.

“Yeah. Pretty freaky stuff earlier.” Adrian pulled out that ever present flask and took a long draw. “Not gonna lie, I'm pretty sure I won’t be sleeping for a while. Not after that show.”

I was too emotionally exhausted to shame him the way he deserved, but I did give a scoff of disapproval.

“What?” he questioned, capping the silver flask.

I cocked an eyebrow, sparing him a moment’s glance away from Rose to see if he was actually serious or not. Surprisingly, he was. “Rose had to be sedated from whatever insane migraine pain or whatnot, and you're worried that you won’t sleep tonight? Sorry, I'm a little more concerned about what will happen when she wakes up.”

“Belikov, I don't know what just happened to her, but I can promise you that it was more than a migraine. I'd rather be constantly drunk than to ever have to witness an aura that out of whack ever again.”

He's not too far off, I thought before fully absorbing his words. I finally faced him in curiosity, slipping my hand to cover Roses fingers on her leg, just in case she stirred. “What do you mean? What did you see?”

“Remember how I said before that I had never seen anything as dark as Rose's aura on the flight to Court? Well, I can't say that any more. Everything, every aspect and color of her, was being consumed by this shadow. And I could almost feel a pull towards an abyss. Something was coming for her, trying to take her. She had every right to be completely terrified, because I think something might be trying to kill her, Dimitri.”

“No.” I spoke with firmness and finality, as if my words alone could disprove whatever crazy theory he was spitting out. “Rose is fine. She will be fine. We'll get her to the clinic, and she'll be okay. She's not sick, she's not in danger. She's safe.” The assurance seemed desperate and hollow on my tongue.

Adrian eyed me skeptically. “How can you be sure? You saw what happened. Do you have any explanation for it?”

I searched for something, anything. Even the most rational explanations were terrifying to me. Whatever happened wasn't...normal. Something was wrong, and it was just a question of how wrong, and how long did we have to find out before it was too late.

“We have clearance.” The voice rang from the front of the plane as a Moroi gentleman in a crisp white shirt poked his head out of the cockpit. “Tower says we're about sixth in line, but we should get everyone seated and ready for take-off.”

“You heard him, everyone. Find a seat and let’s get ready to go.” Alberta passed me, checking on Rose and giving me a sympathetic look before finding a seat near the front. Christian and Lissa sat in the row across from me while Eddie took one of the seats behind them. Adrian just gave Rose one last lingering look before facing forward and buckling up.

I took a cleansing breath, trying to push my worries aside. It was pointless to fret at this point anyways. Instead, I reached around Rose, finding the straps of her seat belt and tightening it as best I could over her huddled form and my oversized coat. I faltered in the urge to brush her hair away from her face and place a kiss and a whispered promise at her temple, but I could feel the worried looks of her friends and my colleagues. I did allow myself a moment to secretly twine my hand in hers though, holding my promise to her in my heart.

It'll be okay, Roza. I'm not going to let anything happen to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, a big thank you to everyone who stuck by me during my short mental break last week. Depression and anxiety can suck, right? I can't promise that it wont happen again in the near future, but I'll do my best to stay on top of things. I really appreciate those of you who reached out to check on me and wish me well.
> 
> I also want to give a special shout out to Sage. Meryllis. Banks who inspired and helped with the idea of Dimitri and Ivan's University days. I've been lucky enough to help her toss around some ideas for a story she's working on, and you guys should be excited for it! She graciously allowed me to borrow the idea of Dimitri taking a Intro to American Lit class and getting hooked on Westerns there, which will eventually to tie into that eventual story of hers.
> 
> Finally, before this weeks question, I thought I should clarify that while I do write in the margins of MY books, I would never write in someone else's book unless I had their permission and encouragement. Just thought I'd throw that out there :)
> 
> This weeks question is: What makes you fall in love with a book? For me, it's all about the characters. If I can sympathize or identify with the characters and their trials, then it will hook me in. Even a mundane "day in the life" style plot can be enticing to me if the characters are well rounded and complex. A close second is the world. One reason I fell in love with Vampire Academy was because Mead created this entire world with its own customs, mythos, quirks, and turmoil but still made it seem real despite its fantastical nature. It didn't seem forced. It was almost natural to accept it and fall into it.
> 
> Thank you again to all of you who so faithfully read and review each week. If you are enjoying this story, be sure to favorite and follow!


	17. Chapter 17

Thankfully, the rest of the trip was uneventful. Dr. Olendzki met us on the tarmac, and while Alberta updated her on what had happened, I carried a still sleeping Rose to a waiting golf cart. They weren't used very often, but there were a few of these carts around the academy specifically for emergencies.

After quickly checking Rose's vital signs, Dr. Olendzki took her seat beside the Guardian who had accompanied her. Alberta placed a hand on my shoulder, pulling me back from taking the seat beside Rose so I could support her on the drive over.

"I can take it from here, Guardian Belikov. You could probably use some rest."

My head was shaking before she even spoke my name. There was no way I was letting Rose out of my sight until I knew she would be okay. "I'm fine. I've been up longer than this before."

Alberta looked hesitantly at me. I know that my insistence on staying with Rose could cause suspicion but I hid behind the fact that I was probably the closest thing to a caring adult in her life, besides Alberta herself. Even Rose's mother was still a near stranger, though they were at least on speaking terms now. "Fine. You can accompany her to the clinic. I'll be there within the hour and we'll discuss things further there."

The ride to the clinic was fairly smooth considering the icy conditions, and soon after, Rose was in her own bed, hooked up to a heart monitor with Doctor Olendzki already talking about how soon they could schedule an MRI. Rose still wasn't stirring more than a grimace here or there and I'll I could do was helplessly pace and wait for her to wake up.

Her breathing and heart rate seemed fairly normal, but a good part of me worried about what would happen when she woke up. Would she start screaming again? Would she still be in pain? There were so many unanswered questions but unfortunately, the only way to  _get_  those answers was for Rose to wake up.

"Belikov," Guardian Petrov called for me as soon as she walked through the clinic doors. I replaced the cap on my water bottle and waited for her to come to the relative privacy outside of Rose's exam room. "A moment please?"

I nodded, not quite trusting my dry throat to speak yet.

Her voice dropped down to a whisper. "What was that? I've never seen her, seen  _anyone_  act that way. It was obviously more than a migraine, but I'm not sure what. Have you heard anything?"

I allowed myself to remember the word I heard unknowingly muttered aloud when we got here. "Dr. Olendzki mentioned something about seizures. I know she doesn't have a history, but...who knows."

Alberta rubbed at her face, smoothing her hair back with a sigh as she considered this newest piece of information. "Well, I guess it's not the greatest news in the world, but I know it could be worse. Most seizures are easily managed with medication."

"Hello, Rose." The name caught both of our attentions, as Alberta and I quickly turned back towards the examination table. Dr. Olendzki continued, "How are you feeling?"

Rose's face contorted a moment and she wiped the exhausted confusion away with the heel of her hand. "Fine."

She seemed a little unsure of the comment, but eventually her eyes settled on me for a moment. I wish I could unsee the way her face fell just a little.

Alberta cleared her throat beside me. "May we?"

With the doctor's nod, I followed Alberta in the room. Rose straightened, schooling her expression into a brave front.

"Rose..." Alberta trailed off, obviously unsure how to continue. So I took over.

"Rose, what happened back there?" I could see her opening her mouth so I quickly cut her denial off. "And do  _not_  say it was nothing."

Rose winced, but remained silent, no longer even able to look at us.

The doctor placed her hand on Rose's shoulder, offering the weak comfort that I was currently withholding. "We only want to help you."

"I don't need any help," she replied, not even attempting to sound convincing. "I'm fine."

The grinding of Alberta's teeth was nearly as audible as the sigh that followed it. "You were fine when we were in the air. When we landed...you were most definitely not fine."

"I'm fine now," she insisted, stubbornly refusing to look up.

"What happened then?" Alberta's face darkened, both in concern and disappointment. Maybe a little anger too, though I honestly couldn't blame her. I was a bit upset at Rose too. "Why the screaming? What did you mean when you said we needed to make 'them' go away?"

Rose's tongue darted out, slowly licking her lips as she considered the question, or more importantly, her answer to the question. I could almost see it straining to escape, but she remained silent, letting some tears fall instead.

I couldn't stand to see her like this. It was better than her screaming in fear and agony, but not by much. I stepped forward, kneeling down to her level the same way I had done to Lissa when questioning her about the string of animal killings months ago. It was hard to see Rose just as vulnerable and terrified, but I needed her to tell me the truth. Not just for her sake, but for mine too.

"Rose", I begged her softly. "Please."

Her voice cracked softly through her forced breathing, and she turned away from me again. This time it wasn't stubbornness, but shame.

"Ghosts. I saw ghosts."

A heavy silence fell over our group, nobody knowing how exactly to respond to that. I was stunned. Pieces were starting to fall into place.

"W-what do you mean?" Dr. Olendzki's voice came broken, hesitant.

She swallowed, choking back some of her tears. "He's been following me for the last couple of weeks." Before I could ask, she looked at me and clarified. "Mason. On campus. I know it sounds crazy – but it's him. Or his ghost. That's what happened with Stan. I locked up because Mason was there, and I didn't know what to do. On the plane...I think he was there too...and others. But I couldn't exactly see them when we were in the air. Just glimpses...and the headache. But when we landed in Martinville, he was there in full form. And – and he wasn't alone. There were others with him. Other ghosts."

She wiped back an offending tear, hesitantly glancing between everyone as she awaited some sort of response. I didn't know what to tell her. Part of me wanted to assure here that everything was okay, but really, it wasn't. She was...seeing things. Hallucinating.

"Did you know them?" I didn't want to make light of the situation, but I wanted to get down to the bottom of it.

She met my eyes, almost questioning my motives before accepting that I wasn't going to send her to some insane asylum. "Yeah...I saw some of Victor's guardians and the people from the massacre. Lissa's...Lissa's family was there too."

All people from her past. All people she recognized. All people who had died relatively young and extremely violent deaths. Her memories were haunting her.

I glanced between Alberta and Dr. Olendzki, who were both doing the same. Apparently I wasn't the only one shocked by the revelation.

"Can I speak with the two of you privately?"

We followed the doctor to the hallway, though I hesitated, not wanting to leave Rose who was obviously looking to us for some sort of validation. Eventually though, I managed to step away and make it through the closing door of Rose's examining room.

"Honestly," she hissed, turning on us as soon as we were out of earshot. "It's obvious what's going on." She glanced sympathetically at the door before turning her glare on us once more. "She's undergoing post-traumatic stress disorder, and it's no wonder after everything that's happened."

"Are you sure? Maybe it's something else..." Alberta's words trailed, not even trying to find a proper excuse.

PTSD was fairly common in Guardians, but admitting it – or worse, being properly diagnosed with it – was almost worse than a death sentence. At least with death, you would be given final honors. A medical disability like this was treated like a dishonorable discharge. You were left with no other real options for employment in the Moroi world, and because it wasn't an illness visible to others, you would be looked at with contempt rather than pity. While technically there were some resources and therapy available, utilizing these services was as good as admitting weakness or defeat.

"Look at the facts: a teenage girl who witnessed one of her friends getting killed and then had to kill his killers. You don't think that's traumatic? You don't think that might have had the  _tiniest_  effect on her?" Dr. Olendski was practically yelling at us now, gesturing wildly.

"Tragedy is something all guardians have to deal with," admitted Alberta, almost regrettably.

The doctor didn't take that lying down though. "Maybe there's not much to be done for guardians in the field, but Rose is still a student here. There are resources that can help her."

"Like what?" I didn't care what it took, Rose needed help and I'd do anything it took to make sure she got it.

"Counseling. Talking to someone about what happened can do worlds of good. You should have done that as soon as she got back. You should do it for the others who were with her while you're at it." She shook her head, rubbing the growing tension from between her eyes. "Why doesn't anyone think of these things?"

My mind was already working. Dr. Olendzki was right. Rose needed to talk to someone. I had wanted it to be me, but I didn't care who she spoke to as long as it would help her. "It's a good idea. She could do it on her day off."

"Day off?" The way she said it, it sounded like the doctor didn't agree. "More like every day. You should pull her from this entire field experience. Fake Strigoi attacks are not the way to recover from a real one."

"NO!"

A fourth opinion burst through the door before any one of us could offer ours. My head snapped to Rose, watching her catch herself against the wall as she realized what we were talking about. I shouldn't have been surprised that she was spying, and honestly she probably should be included in the conversation. Lord knows, she's old enough to have a choice in the matter. However, seeing her look so weak as she fought off the last of the sedative and the worry practically radiating off her, I couldn't help the urge to shield her from any form of unpleasantness.

It seemed like I wasn't the only one. Dr. Olendzki approached her slowly, hand extended as if she could calm an injured animal, and voice almost annoyingly soft. "Rose. You should go lie down."

"I'm fine," she insisted, looking past her to lock eyes on Alberta. "And you can't make me quit the field experience. I won't graduate if you do."

"You aren't well, Rose, and there's nothing to be ashamed of after what's happened to you. Thinking you're seeing the ghost of someone who died isn't too out there when you consider the circumstances."

I don't know if the others saw the argument that she swallowed, but I knew she was holding back something. But the wheels were turning still, and when she finally spoke, she did so with surprising clarity. "Unless you're going to put me in counseling 24/7, you're just going to make it worse. I  _need_  something to do. Most of my classes are on hold right now. What would I do? Sit around? Think more and more about what happened? I'll go crazy – for real. I don't want to sit on the past forever. I need to get moving with my future."

"She's right. She needs to finish her field experience. Outside of her final trials, this will determine her future more than almost anything else. Leaving it incomplete is simply not an option."

"Her future will be meaningless if she's not mentally sound enough to be cleared for duty."

"Rose is fine. Obviously there have been some issues but there's no reason to completely derail her education and career. There has to be some way to fix this".

"What if she continued, but only on a partial schedule? It will allow her to participate in the training, but will also give her some break to focus on treatment. Less stressful too." All three women considered my suggestion, with varying levels of enthusiasm.

"Half on, half off? That could be...acceptable. Is that sufficient enough to test her skills?"

"It could be." Alberta confirmed. "I'd have to discuss it with the rest of the testing committee, but considering the circumstances I'm sure they'll be able to work something out."

"What about Novice Castile? Should we pull him too?" I knew Rose seemed to be going through the most difficulty with all this, but Eddie was far from immune to the same problems.

"I insist that he at least get an evaluation, and then we can take it from there depending on what the counselor suggests." Alberta nodded her agreement to the doctor.

Through all the planning and plotting, Rose stayed silent. I could tell that she was less than thrilled about being given any special treatment, but whether or not she wanted to accept the fact, the truth of the matter was something needed to be done.

Eventually, after a clean bill of health...or physical health, at least...Dr. Olendzki gave Rose permission to return to her dorm. The final decision on what would happen with her trials would come tomorrow, but until further notice, she was off duty.

Alberta left with the good doctor, discussing something about how to ease Rose back into Strigoi attacks as Rose slipped on her jacket and shoes. I picked up her discarded gloves from the chair, my hand brushing hers as I returned them. She offered me a weak smile but otherwise stayed silent.

We stepped out into the sun, shining brightly overhead to mark midday. The school was essentially deserted at this time, but I knew Rose loved the light when she could get it. She didn't seem to be basking in it today though. Her body huddled in on herself despite the relative warmth for this time of year and though she was walking right beside me, she might as well have been a million miles away.

After dodging yet another puddle, she finally broke the silence. "Thanks for thinking of the half-time thing." I knew she would have preferred to be full time, but there was still gratitude in her voice.

Unfortunately by now, I wasn't in the most gracious of moods. As suddenly as she had spoken, I moved in front of her, blocking her path and causing her to nearly run into me. It wouldn't have mattered. By now I was gripping her shoulders and holding her as close as I dared to when we could still be seen by wandering eyes.

"Rose," I made her meet my eyes, needing her to understand. "This shouldn't have been the first time I heard about this! Why didn't you tell me? Do you know what it was like?" I could hear my throat tightening just at the memory of watching her thrash at nothing, screaming in pure terror. "Do you know it was like for me to see you like that and not know what was happening? Do you know how scared I was?"

For a moment, Rose said nothing. She just stared at me wide eyed, almost as if she couldn't quite believe what I was saying. I watched as she took in every detail of my face, memorizing the complete and open concern.

"You're not scared of anything." She seemed so sure of that, at least for a moment doubt clouded her eyes.

"I'm scared of lots of things." I shook my head, slightly amused but mostly concerned at how strong she truly seemed to believe I was. "I was scared for you. I'm not perfect. I'm not invulnerable."

"I know, it's just..." It wasn't a matter of not  _believing_  that to be true, but not wanting to believe it was true.

But her fantasy of me being invincible, of her being too strong to need help, was just that: fantasy. "And this has been going on for a long time too. It was going on with Stan, when you were talking to Father Andrew about ghosts...you were dealing with this the whole time!" The more I thought about the more I realized just how long she had been pretending. Perhaps I had been pretending everything was okay, too. I could see all the times she brushed off my concern, every time I took her words at face value when she told me she was fine, or just tired. I should have pushed further. I knew that there was something wrong and even though she was being stubborn, we had crossed the line of pretending this didn't exist.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" I demanded. "Why didn't you tell Lissa...or...me?"

I locked eyes with her, taking a moment to temper my anger that was directed more at myself than anyone else. I could see the shame and heartbreak in her eyes and the bitter part of me was glad that she wasn't completely apathetic to the terror she put me through today, but the greater majority of me wanted to just wrap her up in my arms and promise her that everything would be okay.

"Would you have believed me?"

I shook my head, not quite understanding her soft spoken words. "Believed what?"

"That I'm seeing ghosts." Her smile was sardonic, half pleading and half distant.

"Well..." I couldn't do anything but blink and try uselessly to form words on my tongue. "They aren't ghosts, Rose," I insisted gently. "You only think they are because -"

"That's why!" I wasn't even able to finish before she threw her hands up, pulling on her disheveled hair and looking at everything but me to keep me from breaking through her walls. She still has some choice words for me though. "That's why I couldn't tell you or anybody. Nobody would believe me, not without thinking I'm crazy."

I reached out to steady her erratic movements, but pulled back. She was obviously just as upset as I was at this moment and there was a good chance that overstepping my bounds would only hurt our tenuous conversation right now. "I don't think you're crazy, but I think you've been through a lot."

I wanted her to know that I was there for her, that I wouldn't abandon her just because she was going through a tough time, but the look of betrayal on her face was clear. I wasn't sure what was worse: watching her suffer from hallucinations or watching her believe those hallucinations to be real. I knew insisting that it was all in her head would only make things worse, but so would encouraging her belief.

Her face hardened as soon as she saw that I wasn't going to give in to the delusions. "It's more than that."

She turned to walk away, making it only a step or two before I grabbed her and pulled her to me. She was allowed to be mad at me. She was allowed to yell, pout, cry, or whatever she needed to do to eventually open up and talk to me. Hell, I'd let her take it out on me in the gym if I felt it would help her. The one thing she was  _not_  allowed to do was walk away; and if I physically had to hold her in place, then so be it.

"Tell me then," I demanded. "Tell me how it's more than that."

"You won't believe me!" She shouted wildly, and I was grateful that the Academy was essentially dead at this time of day, because the scene we were causing certainly wouldn't have gone unnoticed otherwise. "Don't you get it? No one will. Even you...of all people."

Her voice caught in her throat, pulling my heartstrings with it. I could see how desperate she was for someone – no, for  _me –_ to believe her.

"I'll...try," I promised, wondering if it was a mistake even as the words left my mouth. "But I still don't think you really understand what's happening to you."

"I do," she asserted. "That's what no one realizes. Look, you have to decide once and for all if you really do trust me. If you think I'm a child, too naive to get what's going on with her fragile mind, then you should keep walking." She paused, staring me down in a challenge even though I had no intention of walking away. "But if you trust me enough to remember that I've seen things and know things that surpass those of others my age...well, then you should also realize that I might know a little about what I'm talking about."

She was throwing my words back at me, about her being aware of things that many her age weren't. I still wholeheartedly believed that she was more mature in some ways than many women her age or even older, but I doubted that went hand in hand with this particular situation. She had to know though, without a doubt, that I trusted her with my very life.

Her hands in mine, I held them to my chest, drawing her so close that our bodies were near "I do trust you, Roza. But...I don't believe in ghosts."

She considered my words hesitantly, gnawing her bottom lip as she worked them in her mind. Finally, she accepted them for what they were and offered a compromise between us. "Will you try to? Or at very least, will you try not to write this off to some psychosis?"

I was nodding before she even finished her question. "Yes. That I can do."

"I first saw Mason that night you caught me outside the dorms. Remember? You asked me about my birthday."

"Ten pages, front and back, single spaced," I recalled, leading her to one of the benches in quad, specifically the one partially hidden by shrubbery.

"Yeah. I think I figured out what I want...not to be crazy." We both laughed, the humor lacking, but we were still trying. "Anyways, right after you left with Alberta, he was just standing there."

Rose went on to tell me about how she tried to pass it off as just exhaustion, or stress, or something more logical. She mentioned how she feared that she'd be kept from being a guardian if anyone thought she was truly crazy, how she still was worried about that, and that was why she lied when brought against the disciplinary hearing. To her, being incompetent seemed better than being insane.

All the while, we sat there on the bench, my arm around her shoulders to protect her from the chill, and her head against my chest, breathing in time with me. The position wasn't too compromising, if anyone should have caught us, but I honestly couldn't care less what people thought if this is what she needed to feel comforted right now.

When she started talking about the plane – about the pain, and the shadows, and the darkness that was calling to her – I pulled her closer. I could hear Adrian's warning in the back of my mind, but I still was clueless as to how to stop it.

"Doesn't it seem kind of, um, specific for a random stress reaction?"

"I don't know that you can really expect 'stress reactions' to be random or specific," I mused, speaking up for the first time since she started telling me about everything that she had been dealing with. "They're unpredictable by nature."

However, the more I thought about what she was dealing with, it seemed more and more likely to be something beyond a stress reaction. As far as I knew, I had never heard of or met a guardian who had dealt with anything even resembling something like this. It was true that everyone works through grief in their own way; some shut down completely, others (like myself) throw themselves head first into their work. Rose's situation was so far out of left field, it almost didn't make sense. Unfortunately, nothing else seemed anymore logical, least of all ghosts.

"Why are you so certain these aren't just things you're imagining?" I tried to offer the question as gently as possible, but I don't think anyone really could have been successful saying something like that. The quick glare she gave me as she pulled away seemed to confirm it, though she seemed to forgive my infraction a moment later.

"Well, at first I thought I was imagining it all. But now...I don't know. There's something about it that feels real...even though I know that isn't actually evidence. But you hear what Father Andrew said – about ghosts sticking around after they die young or violently."

I remembered how odd Rose's line of questioning seemed that day in the church, but it made much more sense now. Part of me wanted to say that those ghost stories were just that: stories. They were meant to comfort and teach, not to be taken literally. However, I had promised I'd keep an open mind so instead I asked, "You think Mason's back for revenge?"

She shook her head, looking over the visible expanse of the quad. It wet with the slight warm front, and the sound of melting snow dripping from the trees made an unusual soundtrack to our conversation. "I thought that at first, but now I'm not so sure. He's never tried to hurt me. He just seems like he wants something. And then...all those other ghosts seemed to want something too – even the ones I didn't know. Why?"

I could tell that she was already working out an explanation, and though I was a bit nervous to hear it, I pressed her on anyways, "You have a theory?"

"I do. I was thinking about what Victor said. He mentioned that because I'm shadow-kissed – because I died – I have a connection to the world of the dead. That I'll never entirely leave it behind."

My back stiffened, setting me on high alert the moment I heard Victor's name. "I wouldn't put a lot of stock in what Victor Dashkov tells you."

"But he knows things! You know he does, no matter how big of an asshole he is."

As much as I detested listening to that criminal about anything, her desperation swayed me to at least consider the fact that up until this point, he had been her prime source of information concerning her shadow-kissed state. Besides him, all we seemed to have was a handful of ancient books with questionable translation history.

"Okay, supposing that's true, that being shadow-kissed lets you see ghosts, why is this happening now? Why didn't it happen right after the car accident?"

"I thought of that," Rose almost seemed eager to discuss this with me now, which was almost as startling as the topic of conversation in and of itself. "It was something else Victor said – that now that I was dealing in death, I was that much closer to the other side. What if causing someone else's death strengthened my connection and now makes this possible? I just had my first real kill. Kills, even."

"Why is it so haphazard?" My mind was still reeling from the idea, but I spoke my next stumbling block without thinking. "Why does it occur when it does? Why the airplane? Why not at Court?"

"What are you, a lawyer?" Her temper flared as she snapped at me. "You question everything I'm saying. I thought you were going to have an open mind."

"I am," I assured her, taking her hands once more and gently stroking the palms until she relaxed again. "but you need to too. Think about it. Why this pattern of sightings?"

"I don't know." All at once, Rose deflated, staring at our hands caught somewhere else in her mind. "You still think I'm crazy."

There aren't many things that would make me willingly let go of Rose Hathaway's hand, but it turns out assuring this beautiful, broken, amazing girl that she would be fine was one of them. I cupped her chin, forcing her to look at me. "No. Never. Not one of these theories makes me think you're crazy. But I've always believed the simplest explanation makes sense. Dr. Olendzki's does. The ghost one has holes. But, if you can find out more...then we may have something to work with."

Rose's brows quirked at one word. "We?"

"Of course. I'm not leaving you alone on this, no matter what. You know I'd never abandon you."

"And I won't ever abandon you, you know. I mean it." Her reply was quick but not automatic, as if she was only saying it to appease me. If anything, she looked a bit timid when she realized what she had unknowingly promised. "Not that this stuff ever happens to you, of course, but if you start seeing ghosts or anything, I'll help you through it."

The smile she gave me, sincere yet still playful, reminded me just how lucky I was to have her in my life. I never expected anyone to have such an impact on me as Roza did, and if I ever had to guess who'd I would eventually fall completely and hopeless in love with, I don't think I could even imagine a girl as wild, beautiful, and perfectly imperfect as her. And still, there she was.

"Thanks." I reached for her hand again, needed it to solidify that this moment was real. Everything was almost too wonderful right now to believe that it wasn't. Spring was on the horizon, graduation would be here before long and while we wouldn't be completely out of the woods, at least we wouldn't have the additional pressure of her age or the Academy bearing down on us. There was only one last obstacle in our way, and while I didn't know how to overcome it yet, perhaps with Roza...together...we could.

We stepped away again as we moved back out into the open world towards her dorm, silently enjoying each other's company and the relative peace of the moment. I didn't know about Rose, but I was completely exhausted. Ghosts, darkness, Court...it wasn't even 24 hours since Victor had been sentenced, and already that felt like a lifetime ago.

You would think that someone as high ranking as Guardian Petrov would prefer to live in the town houses on campus, but she lived in the same building as many of the other academy guardians. She had one of the larger apartments, but she still preferred being among the majority of her team. Unfortunately, she wasn't in her apartment right at this moment. She was in the lobby of the complex, waiting.

"She made it back to her room alright?"

The faint but persistent bubble of hope burst. "I dropped her off just a few minutes ago."

She nodded, getting up from her arm chair with only a little difficulty. It was more of an indicator of the stress of the day than her age. I had no doubt that Alberta could still give me a run for my money if she ever decided to test her skills. "Forty-five minutes. I know Rose can be a handful but that's a new record."

"I got her to open up a little more, talk about what she's been going through."

"She'll be seeing a counselor for that." The warning in her tone unsettled me and put me on edge. I had assumed that she would want me to be there for Rose, to be a support for her, but the way that Alberta was looking at me now...

"And I'm her mentor."

"Are you?" she questioned, "Are you really?"

I rubbed at my brow, way too tired for the beginning of an argument I could hardly focus on. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you need to watch your ass, Belikov!" I could see the desire to yell, but her words came out as a hard hiss. "You were anything but subtle on that plane."

"She's my student, I care about her."

"She's more than that. You know it, I know it, and if you can't learn to keep a low profile, then the entire school is going to know it. You barely made it out of that courthouse without being arrested and you are damn lucky that people got to see the crazy side of Victor before he dropped the ball." She sighed and rolled her shoulders back, "Then the plane? The way you held her was not the way an instructor holds their student, even one who was suffering like that. Yuri asked a few questions, but I think I was able to shut that down before it got too far."

For as guarded and careful I was at Court, subtlety had been the last thing on my mind the moment Rose started screaming and ever second since. I knew that Alberta was justifiably worried and warning me, but hearing this so soon after finally getting her to open up to me hit me the wrong way. I wanted to be angry, but it wasn't her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault, except fate.

I took a breath, releasing the frustration that never seemed to fully abate nowadays. "You're right, I wasn't thinking. I promise I'll be more careful."

She seemed somewhat satisfied by my weak apology, or perhaps she was willing to take anything as long as she got to go to bed within the next half hour.

"Just promise me one thing," I continued, "If anything ever happens, if something goes wrong, keep her safe. I don't care if you have to drag her kicking and screaming, just keep her safe. Please."

Alberta sighed, looking contrite for a moment before she nodded. "Of course, Dimitri. I love her too."

Finally, after what could easily be the longest day in history, I was able to lay down to a fitful but much needed sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a longer chapter :) I hope it makes up for the missed update last week. I can't promise it wont happen again, but I'm gonna do my best. Thanks for hanging in there with me.
> 
> This weeks "Question of the week" is: what will inspire you to recommend a book to others, and what was the last book you recommended?
> 
> I have no problem recommending books when people ask for recommendations, but the books that I go out of my way to recommend to others (often without them asking for me to do so lol) typically created some sort "ah-ha" moment for me that made a difference in my real life. For example, "The Life of Pi" was the book that first had me realize that faith wasn't an all or nothing thing, but that you can take the ideas and practices that speak to you and create a sense of serenity that makes you feel closer to God. Vampire Academy changed me pretty significantly too, since it started my writing habit, and it also happens to be the last book I recommended. I don't typically share my love of VA in the real world, but I'm taking the step to share my own writing with my best friend and of course she needs to read the actual books first.
> 
> I hope all of you have a wonderful week! Don't forget to favorite, follow, share, and review :D


	18. Chapter 18

Rose's partial days started immediately after the guardian council gave approval for it, under the condition that Rose see one of the school counselors on a regular basis and could sign off on her mental clarity before graduation. She would be on duty three days each week and off four, including Sunday, plus she wasn't expected to do overnights. That last one wasn't a huge issue in the first place since she wasn't one of the ones scheduled to be tested during that time, but even if she had been it would have been a quick fix. A good night of sleep was much more important than staying vigilant when there was truly no real danger. Sunlight attacks were incredibly rare in the real world.

Rose hadn't been thrilled with quite how gently she was being treated in light of what was happening, but I was able to reassure her that we could always ramp up her field experience later on when we saw fit. With a little prodding, I was able to get her to accept her fate. Before she was scheduled to see the school counselor though, they were bringing Eddie in. Deirdre was her name, I believe. Since both of them were involved in the same situation, it made sense for them to see the same person. Plus, there were only two counselors at the school currently and with Lissa already seeing one, there were some privacy concerns with either Rose or Eddie seeing the same person she was. Between the bond and Eddie acting as Lissa's guardian during the trial, some distance between them and their charge was healthy.

His appointment must have been scheduled for that Sunday evening while he was off duty, because I happened to catch him walking out of the health building on my towards the guardian lounge. He looked a bit emotionally drained, but almost...relieved. It looked as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. I had to admit, if Rose appeared as light and carefree as he did after one of her appointments, then I couldn't wait for her to start.

"Castile!" His head lifted towards me, snapping with the well-honed reflects of a guardian in training. I waited until we were a little closer to speak again. "How'd it go?"

He didn't need me to elaborate. "Great, actually. I was nice to actually say some of the things I've wanted to say for a while but didn't think I really could, you know? I was hesitant at first, but once I relaxed a little, I just started talking and yeah...I don't know. Deirdre has me scheduled for another three appointments, but she says I'm in a pretty good place. It feels like I can breathe again. Go figure." He laughed a bit nervously, already starting to put up the traditional guardian mask up again, and I jumped to rip it down again.

"That's wonderful. I'm truly sorry that we didn't offer this sooner..."

He brushed off my concern. "Oh, don't worry. I need to get used to it. I know it won't be the last time a friend of mine dies. I just wish...Mason deserved better, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." I agreed, thinking briefly of every guardian I've known personally who had fallen in battle, and those that I never had the chance to say even two words to. "We probably could all use someone to talk to after something like this though. Don't feel bad for getting help. Lord knows I'd probably be more socially well-adjusted if I did."

I almost laughed at the visible wince. While I hardly paid attention to it, I had heard the "Anti-Social" comments about me. I never took offense, especially since they weren't far off, but at least they did a little good now by breaking the tension.

"Honestly though, Edison. You are a good young man, and you will make a wonderful guardian. I have full faith in you and I would be more than comfortable working beside you with what I have seen so far during these trials. We've all lost people and we've all suffered for it." I hesitated a moment before sharing the next part that I had only willing shared with one other person on campus, another person who also happened to be a student. "I also lost my best friend. He wasn't a guardian – he was my charge – but he was killed by Strigoi and I blamed myself for a long time. Sometimes, I still do. If you ever need someone to talk to, besides the counselor that is, you're welcomed to come speak to me."

He nodded, not quite lifting his head to look up at me properly. "Thank you, Guardian Belikov."

"Call me Dimitri. Just between you and me." I offered my hand in front of me and he took it a moment later.

"Dimitri," he agreed with a few hesitant shakes, getting more confident with each one. "Thank you."

I knew he was almost as close as a brother to Rose, both of them growing up as wards of the Academy without any real family outside of the school gates. Yes, Lissa was like sister to Rose, both through friendship and definitely through the bond. Likewise, Mason had been one of her best friends and Eddie's closest equivalent to Vasilisa, but I knew that this experience had forged a new form of a bond between Rose and Eddie and they would do anything for one another. No questions asked. No explanations needed.

Offering my name and my support was the least I could do for him.

* * *

Unfortunately, the brief moment I saw Rose the next morning after her own counseling appointment – between one student's staged attack and another – didn't give me nearly the same hopeful feeling. Where Eddie had seemed hopeful and refreshed, Rose, even from afar, seemed distracted and confused.

I didn't have the opportunity to discuss her appointment right away as I had with Eddie though, not with another week of field experience starting up again. I made a silent promise to find her later in the day. Maybe tomorrow at that latest. I knew she would be spending some of her free time doing some additional classwork, but a majority of it would be spent in the gym. Finding her wouldn't be difficult, finding time would be.

Fate didn't smile on me though. Between several attacks, a missed lunch and rushed dinner before a short patrol to make up for some of the time I was gone for the trial, I didn't have a chance to find Rose before curfew. There was less than a half hour left before she was supposed to be in her dorm and after the information of the day, there was no way I was going to rush this conversation. Not after the day I've already had.

It had been bad enough when Adrian had come to bother me on my short break between my shift of field experience and dinner. As usual, my clipped answers and non-welcoming demeanor did nothing to detour him.

"So, Rose is acting strange again."

He managed to catch my attention, though I resisted jumping too hard at the obvious bait. The sly grin on his face made it clear that this wasn't quite the cause for concern that he wanted me to believe it to be.

"Unless she's screaming in pain, I'm sure whatever is happening can wait until I've had a decent meal."

"Ouch. No wonder she's moving on to other men."

The comment drew me up short, and while it was only a moment of hesitation, it was still enough for Adrian to notice. He raised a brow at me, part in question and part in victory. Knowing well enough to admit that there was no point in denying the action, let out a breath of annoyance before starting again. This time, I shortened my steps so Adrian wasn't practically running to keep beside me.

"Is she seeing someone new then?" Even if I wasn't going to deny my surprise at his comment, I wasn't going confess my desperation outright.

"Well no, 'seeing' is a bit of a strong term. She was about a breath away from a serious make-out session though." He laughed at the thought, and then waited for my next obvious question.

I held out as long as I could before asking it, which happened to be three steps. "Anyone I'm familiar with?"

"Me actually."

This time, I came to a full and complete stop. I don't know what Adrian expected out of me, but apparently in included a few feet of distance because he walked a couple of more steps before turning to face me.

"You? She kissed you?" Rose had told me that Adrian was nothing more than an annoyance to her. That the only reason she put up with him at all was that he was helping Lissa understand Spirit more. As far as I knew, that hadn't changed...had it? I would have noticed, right? Did something happen on the trip to Court? No, there hadn't been time, but maybe it had been enough for her to feel like she owed him or something...

"I said almost," he reminded me, almost annoyed that he had to do so. "She came up to me and, get this, asked me to compel her into making her want to kiss me. I cou-"

"You what?" His eyes widened at my tone, taking another hasty step back as I moved quickly towards him and putting his hands up as if that would stop me. "You  _compelled_  her?"

"A. You didn't let me finish. B. She  _asked_  me to compel her and I would never had done so if she hadn't asked me directly. And C. Part of her stipulations to have me compel her was to not  _actually_  kiss her or let her kiss me, and I kept my word. I think I have a little more right to be upset in this situation than you, okay?"

I rolled my eyes at his little self-pity party, grateful that he didn't take advantage of Rose when she was vulnerable but still pissed that he put her in that compromising position when she was dealing with so much already.

"What prompted this?"

"Does there need to be any...prompting? Rose and I are both young, single, attractive. Things happen, man."

I shook my head, gently rubbing at my eyes, more exhausted mentally than physically, though there was some of the latter too. There had to be more to the story, I was sure, but I was also pretty sure that I wasn't going to get it out of him.

"Well, thanks for the warning. It certainly is odd behavior from her. I'll keep an eye out for any more. Now if you don't mind, I still have," I checked my watch, "twelve minutes to grab dinner and make my evening shift."

He didn't say anything else, but as I walked through the heavy double doors, I could swear that I heard muffled laughter from behind me.

* * *

Dinner had been completely tasteless, through that was no fault of the Academy kitchens. All I could focus on was that Rose had almost kissed Adrian. Rose was seeing ghosts, or something she thought was a ghost. Rose was angry one moment, distant the next, and completely unpredictable in a way that made me incredibly worried. Was this thing with Adrian some new way of acting out, and if so, what would lead to? I was certain that most boys here wouldn't be quite as honorable as Adrian's brief moment dignity, and who knows how long that would last.

Now that I was wondering the East grounds, not quite to the green belt that divided the manicured school grounds from the Montana wilderness beyond, I was trying to think of anything but how helpless I felt when it came to Rose. There were moments where I felt closer to her than I had felt to anyone, including my own family, since I was a young child. Then there were moment where she felt as far away as my family was now, with an ocean and a million unsaid things separating us.

I was so distracted in my own mind, that I almost didn't see Yuri as he came up behind me. I turned on a dime, hand instinctively reaching for my belt holster as he put his hand out in surrender.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you. You seemed pretty focused on something. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." I shook off the moment, relaxing as the feeling of threat left and the battle ready tingle settled in my fingers. "Just the stress of everything. The trial, field experience. I think all these staged attacks just have me a bit jumpy."

He gave a halfhearted laugh at my equally halfhearted joke. "I guess the whole Rose thing isn't helping matters either."

"Please tell me she's not in trouble again," I pleaded, only partly in jest. After her actions over the past few weeks and Adrian's words earlier today she could be doing anything from earning a one way ticket to the clinic to holding up in the boys' locker room with half the graduating dhampir class. Granted, she could also be simply eating dinner with friends or working on her assignments for her days off. I really hoped it was the latter.

"Naw, nothing that I know of at least. I haven't seen her in the past few hours though. I was just talking about the issues she's been having the past few weeks. It seems like it's been hard on you too. I know you two are close with how you've been training her and this cannot be easy. How are you holding up?"

Nobody had really asked me that, and to be honest, I hadn't really even considered how I or my feelings factored into this. The notion was almost ridiculous to me, but I appreciated the thought either way.

"I guess I'm hanging in there. It's just been a whole lot at once I guess. I'm sure things will smooth out more once the trials are over and we're that much closer to graduation. You remember how stressful senior year was; she was already starting out behind, and now losing Mason...it's been tough on her, and that makes things difficult for me, especially when there's nothing I can really do to help."

He nodded, more out of compassion than understanding.

"Do you think Rose is going to graduate? And even if she does...this could really harm her career options if it got out."

The urge to defend her immediately took over, took over; she was my student, and I knew her better than almost anyone one else. Rose was struggling, but she would ultimately be fine. Though, I could also see where he was coming from. He was concerned, not fishing for gossip, and his words were whispered, hushed and hurried as though we might somehow be overheard despite being the only two around as far as I could see.

"If she wasn't already slated to be a guardian for Princess Vasilisa Dragomir, I'd be more concerned, but her position is pretty much secured. The princess and Rose are very close, so she is well informed about Rose's current struggles and is understanding and sympathetic. I think she'll be okay. As for Rose actually graduating, I have no doubts."

The truth was, I had a few doubts, but nothing worth giving a voice to. Speaking them aloud would only give them strength and that was the last thing that I wanted to do. Rose was strong, and as long as she felt determined to graduate, and had the support of me and others who cared about her, I knew she would do whatever it took to get her mark.

"Good, good...that's good." Yuri, searched over the expanse, rocking slightly on his heels. I could tell that there was more he wanted to add to the conversation but his hesitation threw me off. I wasn't going to push him though. "Are you looking forward to working with her?"

"With Rose? Of course." I didn't understand why  _this_  would be an awkward question to ask, at least not compared to questioning whether or not she would actually graduate, but I continued either way. "Rose and I have gotten to know each other quite well over the past few months. It was a rough start, but I trust her and she trusts me. I don't think there's much more you can ask from a relationship."

And truthfully, you couldn't. You needed to be able to trust your guardian partner implicitly. You didn't have to get along with them, you didn't have to be friendly, you didn't even have to like them. But, when it came down to it, you had to trust them with your life, and more importantly, the life of your charge. You needed to know that when you issued a command, it would be followed to the letter, and know that you would follow without question when they did the same. Even if you didn't agree, you had to know without a doubt that they would never steer you wrong. Anything else was just icing on the cake.

"Yeah, what more could you ask for?" Yuri laughed under his breath, probably remembering just how many times guardian partners tended to clash, especially at first. "I guess my real question is, does she make you happy?"

"Excuse me?"

"I asked if she made you happy. It's easy enough to see that you care about her, and that she cares about you. I guess that's to be expected, you are her mentor after all. You two spend more time together than probably any other two people on this campus who aren't already dating or married. I don't know what they expected to happen, really."

"Of course I care about Rose, but I think you..."

"However, it's also getting pretty easy to see that you like her, hell, maybe you even love her with how you reacted back on that plane. And that's gonna be a problem."

I felt my body tense, preparing itself for attack even though this wasn't a fight that I could win with physical strength, at least not in the long term. I had to fight it mentally, which meant that I needed to somehow find the upper hand again.

"I think you misunderstood. Rose and I are preparing to both guard Vasilisa after she and the princess graduate. I never mentioned our relationship being anything more than professional."

"You may not have said anything, Dimitri, but you also haven't denied anything."

And he was right. I hadn't. Not specifically at least. It wouldn't be so hard to either. How many times had I denied my relationship with Rose? I had done so to colleagues, under oath, to myself, and even to Rose herself. Maybe that's why I couldn't outright say it at that moment. I was tired – damn tired – of denying how I felt about her at every turn. So I didn't. But I didn't confirm anything either.

"I'm not condemning you, Dimitri. Maybe I'd be a little more concerned if you or Rose had a reputation for this sort of thing, but like I said before, you two spend more time with one another than almost any other two people on this campus. I'm not exactly surprised and I don't think anyone else really should be either. You care about her, and she cares about you, and that isn't a bad thing. However, it can be a problem. There's a reason I transferred to the Academy from the field."

I could see the trace of a story behind his eyes, one that seemed to shape his life in a huge way, but one that he also wasn't willing to share either. At least, not the whole part. I prayed that he'd be at least be able to give me the moral of the tale so I didn't have to learn it myself.

"So what do I do?"

"I don't know. I ran and never looked back. I'm still not sure it was the right answer. It worked, though. As far as I know, my old partner is still alive but if he's not then at least I can rest assured that it isn't my fault. But I also have spent the past several years replaying questions of 'what if' over and over again in my mind and I'm not entirely sure there  _is_  one right answer. Trust me, my friend, if I had it, I'd share it." He clapped my shoulder, returning a much more sunny deposition to his face as he pulled himself from the shadows of his hidden past. "In the meantime, I hope she makes you happy."

I smiled, actually somewhat relieved to feel...well, maybe not approval but at least acceptance from a colleague. "She does. She drives me crazy some days, but she makes me happy."

He chuckled, shaking his head before giving me a wink. "I hear the best ones do. Enjoy the rest of your shift and I'll see you tomorrow."

As light as Yuri's acceptance had made me feel, it wasn't without its fair share of heavy baggage. I was still concerned with Rose and how she was holding up, especially after hearing about her conversation and odd interaction with Adrian, but now the pressing thoughts of what would happen after graduation were plaguing my mind again. What I really needed was just a little peace and quiet, and after I clocked out of my shift, I made my way towards the sunlight shining through the stained glass windows of the chapel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for you support and well wishes through my short hiatus. I know it was unexpected but you guys were so loving and I really appreciate all your kindness. I needed to take a small step back to focus on myself and my family, but I'm happy to be posting again and I hope that I'll be able to do so according to my normal schedule. I received so many notes in my inbox during the break and they really got me through some of the tougher times.
> 
> Not a ton of Rose and Dimitri in this chapter, at least not together, but there will be soon! In the mean time, we see a little bit of Dimitri with Eddie, Dimitri with Adrian and (surprise!) Dimitri with Yuri! Lots of conversation, lost of information, and lots of jumping around. I'm sorry if this chapter was hard to follow, but I wanted it to give you guys the same feeling that Dimitri must have had with this sort of day: jumping back and forth from one stressful activity to another, all the while his thoughts drifting back to Rose and her well being.
> 
> This week's question of the week is: What is your favorite genre to read, and which genre do you wish you read more of? My personal favorite genre is young adult (or even better, new adult) romance suspense. I wish I read more philosophical works, specifically on world theology.
> 
> Thank you again for reading and reviewing! For those of you who have patiently stuck by me through this break, thank you. You have no idea how much your continued support means to me. If you haven't done so yet, I'd appreciate you following and favoriting this story and me as an author and I can't wait to see you again next week!


	19. Chapter 19

The sunrise made the colored light from the window dance across the gilded frames and candlesticks, mesmerizing me as they mixed with the shadows between the gleaming wood and deep velvet of the various draperies and painted robes of the saints and alters in the chapel. I still wasn't sure that I understood all the spiritual aspects of religion, but I had to respect the majesty and honor that went into every aspect of the ceremony of it all. Everything was done with such care and devotion, it was difficult to mascaraed as an impostor amongst true believers. Still, I felt close to home inside of these walls, or as close as I could possibly be to home. It was almost as if I could walk outside and see the hills that were familiar to me as a child outside my bedroom window.

My head fell back against the wooden pew, curving my body into a strange shape to fit between the small space between the rows. It wasn't comfortable by any means, but it was better than going back to my place right now. I could pretend I wasn't so alone with all the holy eyes watching over me.

"Guardian Belikov?" A gentle voice called me from my rest, and I saw Father Andrew glancing at me near the end of the long wooden bench. "Are you alright, my son?"

I offered him a smile, more to assure him I was okay than anything else. "Fine, Father. I'm just seeking some solitude and clarity. It's been a long week."

He nodded, but I could see some debate behind his eyes. After a moment, he seemed content to simply let me rest in peace with nothing more than a supportive pat on the shoulder. "I have some work to do in my office, but I'm done for the night otherwise. You are welcome to stay as long as you need."

I offered my thanks for his generosity, but as he was about to retreat behind closed doors, allowing me the solitude that I had come to fine, he offered one last piece of advice. "And Dimitri, remember that clarity might be closer than you think. Sometimes the Lord places it right in front of us, be we are simply too stubborn to accept it. Goodnight, Dimitri."

My mind hardly had a chance to process, much less accept and reply to what he had said, before Father Andrew was gone. He had spent a few hours with Rose and me, but during that time we had barely spoken, much less done anything else that could have hinted towards anything more than our mentor-student relationship. Surely he couldn't have picked up on that. And even if he had, surely he wasn't _encouraging_ it.

No, it was simply coincidence and I was reading into it too much.

I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling the tie out and rubbing the tension out of my scalp before resting my head in my hands. What was I going to do? I couldn't go on like this. _We_ couldn't go on like this. Rose and I would eventually break and it would put us in danger, and it would put Vasilisa in danger.

The Moroi world wouldn't forgive us if a relationship between Rose and me put the last Dragomir at risk, and even worse, if anything ever happened to Lissa, I knew Rose would never forgive me. She'd blame me and she'd blame herself.

Still, we couldn't stay away from one another, and once graduation was over we'd be forced together even more. Daily training for a few hours was one thing, but we'd soon be living under the same roof 24/7. I'd see her more than just daily, I'd see her almost hourly. Constantly, even. There would be so many opportunities to succumb to weakness and...I wasn't sure I was strong enough.

So logically, the right thing seemed to be what I should have done last Christmas. Leave.

Not with Tasha, of course. Or anyone else for that matter. Trying to replace Rose was something I knew now was impossible. But just like Yuri left for the one he cared about, I should leave as well. Lissa would be safer. Rose would probably be safer too, though even now I felt some anxiety at the thought that I wouldn't be there to protect her if needed. The fact that I even felt that fear was only further proof that I should leave. I was more worried about Rose's safety than Lissa's.

The problem was that when it came to Rose, I wasn't only weak, I was also selfish. I was a weak and selfish man. I couldn't give her what she deserved, but I couldn't give her up either.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts, I barely heard the footsteps of someone approaching me. It wasn't often someone caught me off guard, and this was the second time in one evening. However, this time I was met with the very person who had so occupied my mind today.

"Rose, is everything okay?" I was immediately edge. It was past curfew, and while this was hardly the first time she had broken curfew, she usually didn't seek me out after hours unless there was an emergency.

"Yeah...well, kind of. No breakdowns, if that's what you're worried about." She brushed off my concern, sliding down next to me and taking a breath of the lingering incense. It seemed to have the same calming effect on her as it did on me. "I just had a question. Or, well, a theory."

"A theory that couldn't wait until morning?"

She at least had the decency to look a bit sorry for putting me in the position of having to make an excuse for her if she was caught outside her dorm after hours. I was getting almost as good at sneaking her back _into_ her dorm as she was at sneaking out of it.

"I was with Christian this morning-"

"Rose, you were supposed to be off today." Working while she was supposed to be resting wasn't going to earn her any points, and might even set her back as far as therapy was concerned.

"Believe it or not, Comrade, I was there purely as his friend. No guarding duties, I promised." After her reassurance, a look of impassioned excitement came over her. "I talked to Alice. She mentioned something about the wards and how they keep out the dead. Not just Strigoi, Dimitri. Anything dead. Ghosts included."

"I don't understand."

"I didn't either. At least not at first. If the wards kept out ghosts, then how could I see Mason here? He shouldn't have been able to get in at all. But I didn't see him at Court. Court was warded too, even more heavily than here. Martinville wasn't though, and they were everywhere. As soon as we landed at the airport, that's when it became overwhelming. It's been hit or miss here though. That's why I think somethings wrong with the wards here. That would explain it! It's the wards! Once we fix that, I'll be fine."

She smiled at me. And giggled. Somewhere in her speech, her hand had found mine, clasping it in exhilaration. There was so much hope in her eyes, and it was utterly heartbreaking to me.

"Rose..."

With one word, I saw every ounce of her joy shatter.

"I don't...I don't think it's the wards."

I hadn't even finished my sentence before she started retreating from me, not just physically, but emotionally as well. Her eyes dulled, her shoulders slumped forward, and – perhaps without her even noticing – her head started shaking back and forth as if silently begging me to reconsider my words.

"I know Alice. I'm not sure she's credible." Perceptive sure, but credible was a stretch. She always struck me as kind and conversational, but a conversation with her could veer off track in a wild direction at the drop of a hat.

"I know," she agreed, even halfheartedly, "I thought the same thing. But it makes a lot of sense."

She _wanted_ it to make a lot of sense. "Not quite. As you pointed out, why are your visions so irregular here? That doesn't go along with the ward theory. You should feel like you did on the plane."

"What if the wards are just weak?"

I shook my head, though I wasn't sure if she could see it. She was staring fairly intently at the ground, as if it would answer her questions. "That's impossible. Wards take months to wear down. New ones are put in place here every two weeks."

"That often?" The disappointment was clear in her voice and I could feel my chest tighten again. I knew it wasn't my fault that she was hurting right now, but I still felt somewhat responsible for taking away that one brief moment of hope from her. "Maybe they're getting staked," she suggested after some time. "By humans or something. Like we saw before?"

"Guardians walk the grounds a few times a day. If there was a stake in the boarders of campus, we'd notice."

She sighed, curling in on herself and tucking her hands between her knees and somehow becoming so small that I felt like I might lose her if I didn't grab a hold of her quickly.

When I touched her hand though, it was almost like she had forgotten I was there. She flinched at the contact, perhaps not expecting me to reach out to her when she was so used to being the one that needed to reach out to me.

"You thought if she was right, it would explain everything."

She finally looked up at me, nodding just twice. I could see her jaw clenching and every so often, she would blink back, refusing to let me see the emotions I knew she was trying to hide from me.

Part of me wanted to assure her that it was fine, that she was safe to be upset with me, and that she had every right to be mad, and sad, and frustrated, and a million other emotions that I was probably incapable of _naming_ much less feeling.

"I don't want to be crazy," she whispered, nearly breathless.

"You aren't crazy." My words were probably sharper than they should have been. She didn't flinch, but I found myself regretting the tone immediately. I hated that Rose considered herself crazy. I hated that anyone considered her crazy. I truly hated that she would think, even for half a moment, that I would ever consider her crazy.

"But you don't believe I'm really seeing ghosts."

That I didn't have an answer for. I couldn't lie to her, not even to spare her feelings. Seeing hallucinations, believing in those hallucinations could be brought on so many things. I'd done some of my own research on my own time, trying to find answers on how to help and support her. All of them agreed on one thing: don't play along with the delusions. Don't be confrontational, but be honest and gently guide them through more logical pathways of discussion. Never make them feel ashamed of what was happening in their mind, but completely ignoring it or encouraging it wouldn't help matters either.

Overall, I felt completely unqualified to be what she needed right now, but I wasn't going to let her down.

"I don't know," I finally admitted, not wanting to start an argument but unwilling to give in. "I'm still trying to keep an open mind. And being stressed isn't the same as being crazy."

"I know." I could tell she was now saying it just to keep from starting an argument with me. I didn't push the issue though, instead enjoying the feeling of her hand in mine.

It had been so long since I had allowed myself the simple pleasure of just holding her, and even now it was tainted with worry about her well-being. I had to wonder if there would ever be a day where I could touch her and it not be prompted by some life or death situation forcing us together in desperation.

As if on cue, my mind flickered back to my thoughts just before Rose found me, and what I had been considering before she had wandered in. Leaving was still in her best interest, in all of our best interest.

"But...well...there's something else..."

"Hmm?" I squeeze her hand, encouraging her further, but I could sense her hesitation. Unlike her earlier excitement over the news she shared before, whatever she was preparing to tell me now seemed to make her nervous.

"I spoke to Father Andrew, about Anna. Specifically, about her bond with St. Vladimir."

Rose and I had talked occasionally about bond between the school's namesake Saint and his bond mate that was so similar to Rose and the princess. They were the only real reference we had about the bond, so anything we could find on them was valuable, even if it was often vague and hard to understand. I knew she had studied a few old books in the chapel's library and had even discussed the pair with the priest, though I don't believe she made it clear as to why she was so interested in the subject.

"We might have been looking at the wrong person in the story. We were always so concerned with how Vladimir handled Spirit and the toll it took on him, the toll it could potentially take on Lissa. Apparently it was more than just him. Whatever Spirit does to the user, that craziness and that darkness... it leeched into Anna too."

The whole time Rose was talking, she avoided my eyes. Her stare was focused on the flicker of the candle light, as if it could somehow cast out the shadows that she seemed so fearful of. It didn't work though, and when she finally looked back towards me, her eyes gleamed in that same solemnness. I didn't quite understand yet, but I was already putting the pieces together and I didn't like the picture that I was seeing. Spirit. Darkness. Nothing about this would end up positive, I was sure of that.

"It's happening to me, I think. I wasn't quite sure before, but I think that's part of why all this has been happening. The mood swings, the agitation, the...seeing things." Rose took a shaky breath before continuing. "Adrian mentioned something when he first met me, about my aura being dark. He said it was 'rimmed in black' or something like that. He called it strange but we didn't really think much about it since we thought maybe it was just a sign of me being shadow-kissed. But recently, he said it was getting darker, and now it's almost pure black."

My blood felt cold and thick in my veins, recalling the fearful look in Adrian's eyes as he tried to explain the same thing to me. His terrified warning on the plane as Rose whimpered unconscious at my side, _"I think something might be trying to kill her."_

"The other day, while guarding Christian, Adrian saw something. Lissa was getting upset and I could sense her instability. I...I don't know... mentally wished for her to be okay and she started to calm down a little. Apparently, Adrian saw something in her aura, some dim shadow, move from her aura and into mine. He thinks that whatever was affecting her might be hurting me too."

"It may not be though," I interjected desperately, hoping more for myself than anything else. "You did go through a lot in Spokane. It still could be just stre-"

" _Don't_ say stress, Dimitri. Just...don't." Her sudden anger dissipated quickly into a quick apologetic look. "I know that I'm stressed. We all are, even you. But this is more than just stress and I think you know that too."

I did. Even before tonight, there was a part of me that knew that, but I didn't want to accept it.

"There's more though. Anna, she didn't just go crazy. Eventually..." Rose trailed off, biting her lip for a moment and I steeled myself for whatever was coming next. "Eventually she killed herself, Dimitri. After Vladimir died. She couldn't even survive a year before she grew too unstable and committed suicide."

There was a long moment of stunned silence. Rose watched me, waiting for my reaction. I watched her, praying that I had misheard her.

I wasn't so lucky. The fear and uncertainty in her eyes left me speechless, searching for someway to tell her that it would be okay. I needed it to be okay. I needed _her_ to be okay.

"Have you told anyone else about this? Lissa? Your counselor?"

"No. I was afraid of what they'd think." Seeing that she was clearly afraid about what I thought, I tried not to be too hard on her.

"You have to stop this. You aren't afraid of throwing yourself in the path of danger, but you're terrified of letting anyone in."

"I...I don't know. I guess."

"Then why'd you tell me?"

"Because you told me I should trust people. I trust you." She smiled at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Perhaps it was. I trusted her in the exact same way, and the only thing holding me back from opening up fully were my own issues that had nothing to do with her.

"You don't trust Lissa?"

That smile faltered instantly. "I trust her, absolutely. But I don't want to tell her things that'll make her worry. I guess it's a way of protecting her, just like keeping Strigoi away."

I could understand that, especially since I had done the same thing in the past when it had come to Rose. I'd kept secrets thinking that it would somehow spare her feelings or keep her safe. It never did though. It would only cause an argument or make things worse in the end. I needed to learn to just trust Rose and come to her when needed, just as she had learned to come to me. She was braver than anyone I knew, and stronger than I anyone I could imagine. And Lissa was stronger than we both gave her credit for, too. I told Rose as much.

"So what? You want me to confide in her and not you?"

"No, I want you to confide in both of us. I think it'd be good for you." A let a breath of peace pass between us before bringing up the dreaded subject again. "Does what happened to Anna bother you?"

"No," She looked away, tracing ridge of her thumbnail. "It scares me."

I think the admission shocked both of us. Rose wasn't one to admit her fear, and neither was I, at least not openly. But in the past week, we had both done so without hesitation. Rose's anxiety attack, or whatever it was on that plane, it had terrified me. However, that paled in comparison to what I was feeling now. Imagining a future where Rose lost her sense of self so completely that she preferred death over living in whatever hell her mind offered her was too painful to comprehend, much less put into words.

I pulled her against me, trying to reassure her that I was here for her, even if I didn't have the right words to do so. Honestly, I was reassuring myself that she was here too, because I knew my momentary nightmare would continue to haunt me tonight and I would need some tangible reminder later.

I felt her sob break through against my chest, and I didn't try to hush her crying because she deserved to shed her tears and feel her emotions fully. I just held her tighter against me as she offered her fears to me, one by one.

"I don't want to be like that. I want to be like everyone else. I want my mind to be...normal. Normal by Rose standards, I mean. I don't want to lose control. I don't want to be like Anna and kill myself. I love being alive. I'd die to save my friends, but I hope that doesn't happen. I hope we all live long, happy lives. Like Lissa said – one big happy family. There's so much I want to do, but I'm so scared ... scared that I'll be like her … afraid that I won't be able to stop it ..."

"It's not going to happen," I promised as I tucked my face into her hair, letting the scent comfort me and hiding the break in my own mask as I tried to stay strong for her sake. "You're wild and impulsive, but at the end of the day, you're one of the strongest people I know. Even if you are the same as Anna – and I don't think you are – you two won't share the same fate."

I pulled back slightly, tucking her hair behind her ear and brushing a stray tear from her cheek. She automatically tried to turn away, as if merely acknowledging the fact she could cry was a sign of weakness, but I wouldn't allow it, turning her by the cheek to look me in the eye.

"You're also missing something. If you are in danger from Lissa's magic, then at least you understand why. She can stop using her magic, and that'll be the end of it."

"But can I ask her to do that?" she replied, as if I had suggested Rose ask Lissa to commit treason for her. "I've felt how it makes her feel. I don't know if I can take that away from her."

I knew Rose would do anything to save Lissa, but I didn't realize that Rose would literally do _anything_ for Lissa, just to make her happy. My dedication – even to Ivan – hadn't been that great. "Even at the cost of your own life?"

"Vladimir did great things – so could she." Her attention turned to our hands again. "Besides, they come first, right?"

I watched her hand, so much smaller in my own. Somehow it seemed to fit perfectly. I never expected her in my life, and if I had been given the choice a year ago, I don't know if I would have honestly asked to have her thrust into my path. She complicated my life in ways that I couldn't have begun to imagine last year. Now, I don't think I could imagine my life without her in it. I wasn't sure I wanted to try.

So, while it was in the best interest of Lissa for me leave, and while it could make things more difficult for Rose and me, there was no way I could ask to be reassigned. Not now. It was selfish, putting my own desires above the needs of my charge, but I was going to be selfish. I was going to put myself first. And to me, that meant _Rose_ came first.

"Not always. Sometimes, Rose, you have to know when to put yourself first."

She stared at me, mouth parted in disbelief, before shaking her head. "Not with Lissa."

To my surprise, I suddenly saw some anger flash in her eyes. Her hand pulled away from me and reached for her, desperately trying not to lose her again. "She's your friend. She'll understand," I pleaded, pulling on the _chotki_ at her wrist to prove my point.

It didn't work, only making her more upset. "It's more than that and if anything, _this_ proves it! I'm bound to her, to protect the Dragomirs, at all costs."

"I know, but..." what could I say? She needs you? _I_ need you? That your worth as a person is more than just some mortal shield to protect someone this messed up society deemed more important, no matter how many times that has been forced into your mind as a child.

Honestly, in the end I knew it didn't matter because nothing I said tonight would make a difference. There was nearly eighteen years of training teaching her to give her life, her entirety, to Lissa. Not just that, but the bond as well, which was even stronger than the training.

Abruptly, Rose stood, marking the end of our conversation. I could only hope it wasn't an end to whatever progress we had made with her trusting me enough to open up to me. "I need to go back. It's past curfew."

"And you need me to get you back or you'll get in trouble," I finished for her.

"Well, yeah, I was kind of hoping." She gave me a small smile and I offered her a wry one in return. I guess she still needed me too.

"Come on then."

Father Andrew bid us goodnight as we left, and I thanked him for his hospitality. It wasn't a long walk to the dhampir dorms, but with the early morning sun, it was pleasant and peaceful. Despite how tired I was, and how tired I knew Rose must have been, there was a part of me that wished we could stay together a little longer. We weren't talking at the moment, but even the silence between us was companionable, as it typically was. We never felt compelled to fill it with idle chatter. We were simply content to be in the presence of one another. However, I was tempted to reach for her hand once more, missing the feeling I had grown use to in the chapel.

Once we made it back to the front desk, the matron barely looked at Rose and me before waving her back. I had used the excuse of a 'late evening practice' enough that as long as I was accompanying her, they hardly questioned it.

Before she turned to take the stairs to her room though, I caught sight of Yuri outside, making his way toward the same apartments I would be heading towards momentarily. I brushed Rose's back, tugging on her jacket as a silent signal to stay put for a moment before turning to open the door to the lobby and calling him over.

"You've been working with security, haven't you? When was the last time they laid the new wards?"

Yuri's brows furrowed at the question, which was considerably odd seeing how I could easily access the information for myself from my phone with just a few clicks. However, I knew Rose would benefit from hearing someone else tell her what she needed to hear. "A couple of days ago. Why?"

"Just curious." I gave her a sympathetic look, just to make sure she understood. She nodded, giving a tight smile to Yuri who looked more confused than ever at the exchange, before she head around the corner and disappeared.

Once she was gone, Yuri and I walked around the building to the Guardian apartments.

"What was that all about?"

"Rose just has some questions about campus security, that's all," I replied, hoping he wouldn't press the matter.

"And your word wasn't good enough?"

"My word was fine, but your confirmation made it stronger."

He nodded, not adding anything else. We both opted for the stairs, despite the hour, and it wasn't until we were on my floor and he was about to take the one extra flight up to his room that he spoke again.

"She looked sad, Dimitri. And a bit scared."

I felt my jaw go slack, unsure how to respond, but before I could say anything, he continued.

"That might not have concerned me so much, except you do too. You're scared for her, sad about her. I swear the two of you are as hard as stone until..." he trailed off, leaving the rest unfinished except for a shrug and a lopsided smile. "I hope it works out for you two, whatever you decide."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Back! A big thank you to everyone who was so patient in waiting for me to finish up Meet Me in the Memory so that I could fully dedicate myself to that story before returning back to this one. I do believe that the quality of both stories will be much better for it. Lets be honest, Romitri deserve the best, don't they :) Especially with some of the upcoming chapters! 
> 
> My hope is that this story will return to it's normal weekly schedule for the most part now. It has always been easier to keep the DPOV's on schedule more so than my other stories. Just a reminder, look for updates on Sundays. Once again, a big thank you to my Beta, Raissa, for keeping me on track and in line when it comes to writing. I couldn't do it without you my love!
> 
> QUESTION OF THE WEEK: What's your favorite reading snack?
> 
> I would love to say popcorn with lots of butter, because that's my overall favorite snack, but butter and books don't typically work well together. Too many smudges. So now it's usually a nice cup of tea and some Milano cookies :) Especially if I don't have to share those cookies with my kiddos
> 
> I also wanted to share some wonderful news with you all. Many of you are familiar with the fantastic writing group on here and Tumblr called Buria Campaign. Last week those lovely ladies officially asked me to join as an additional writer with them! I have been a fan of Buria Campaign for so long and it is a huge honor to be working with them. I'll still be doing my own stories of course, but I will be collaborating with them as well so keep an eye out for that!
> 
> Thank you again for all your kindness and support. If you haven't done so already, be sure to favorite and follow this story for updates, and reviews and shares are always appreciated :) Happy Valentines Day, my loves!


	20. Chapter 20

_Trigger Warning: this chapter contains descriptions of suicide and other imagery that might be upsetting to some readers. Please proceed with caution._

* * *

Rose was late to our early morning practice the next day. A few months ago, I wouldn't have thought much about it. It would have been more surprising to have her showing up on time. Fifteen minutes past our agreed upon time had been almost the normal for her. Now, not so much.

By half past five, I was starting to get worried. My own warm up was already completed, and I had finished a chapter and a half in my book and there was still no sign of Rose. I figured our talk might have gotten to her more than she had let on the night before, so I started making my way towards the dorms, hoping that I'd catch her sleeping soundly rather than wrapped up in worries or fears, trapped in a nightmare she couldn't escape.

Most everyone was still asleep at this hour, save for a few guardians still on patrol around the grounds. One or two were making their way over to the gym for a workout session for their own, and I offered them a nod of recognition as I passed them.

The dhampirs' dorms, at least on her floor, were empty. All the seniors were with their mock charges, leaving Rose alone in her room. The silence was nearly deafening, even with my quiet footsteps causing echoes across the hallway leading to her door.

She didn't answer my knocks though. It didn't concern me initially. Rose could easily sleep through her alarm, and probably through the apocalypse if she felt she had adequate emergency supplies hidden in her backpack. After the third round I pulled out my master key, figuring it would probably take something a bit more forceful to get her out of bed.

Imagine my surprise when I found her bed completely empty.

"Rose? Roza?"

There was no answer in her room, not that there were many places where she could hide. The dorms were one room, with a folding closet that Rose had left wide open, clothes spilling out half haphazardly. I waited for a few moments, opting to sit at her desk chair rather than the unmade bed, wondering if perhaps she had just slipped out for a moment to use the shared floor bathroom. It would be just my luck that she had gone to take a shower right before I got here. She didn't come back though, not after five minutes, not after ten minutes. The bathrooms were empty. A quick check in informed me that the dorm matron hadn't seen her either. And I was officially worried.

Maybe...maybe I missed her and she was waiting for me at the gym. That had to be it. She was waiting for me and the moment I walked in she would give me hell for being so late. By now, practice was over. Tomorrow we would joke about this, but today I just needed to see her.

There wasn't any reason to sound the alarm yet. No reason to wake Lissa or any of her other friends. Definitely no reason to call Alberta or put out an APB notice over the radio system for her. I just needed to find her.

"Dimitri!"

My heart lifted, grateful to hear her voice. I'd recognize it anywhere. Despite my internal monologue trying to convince myself that everything would be fine, I could feel my shoulders start to relax, my pulse return to normal, and I could finally take the breath that I had desperately been trying to take for the past hour without success. Once I saw her, everything would be set right again. I had yet to decide if I was going to kiss her or make her run laps for the rest of the day, but at least she was safe. If only I could see her.

"Rose? Where are you?" There was still enough light out that seeing her should have been no problem, unless she was purposely trying to hide from me. She sounded close as well. I stepped forward, trying to glance around some of the shrubs flanking the doorway that I had just come out of, but they were clear.

"Dimitri! Up here."

_Up?_

"Rose! What are you doing up there?"

Rose stood, seven stories up, on the roof of the Dhampirs' dorms. Even from here, it was clear that she wasn't in the right frame of mind. She paced back and forth, alternating between wringing her hands in front of her and pulling at her hair. How she even noticed that I was down here was beyond me, because she seemed to be fully caught up in whatever was going on in her own head at the moment.

"Stay where you are Rose, I'm coming up. Just stay there. Don't move, and step away from the edge. I'm coming up, okay? I'll be there in just a moment."

I barely slowed my pace through the lobby enough to shout instructions to the dorm matron to notify Alberta that Rose was on the roof and to make sure that she and Rose's counselor get over here as soon as possible before racing up the stairs as fast as I could. It couldn't have been longer than a few minutes but I was still terrified that Rose wouldn't be on the roof by the time I opened the access door.

But she was. She was agitated, and scared, and shivering because of the cold, but she was there.

I fought the instinct to run and grab her. She was less than six feet from the edge and few wrong steps back and I'd lose her forever.

"Roza, you're freezing. How long have you been up here?" Maybe a few questions will get her mind off of whatever was bothering her enough to bring her up here in the first place. This wouldn't be the first time she had a nightmare, though it would be the first time she had such a bad reaction to one in a long time.

"I...I don't know. Hours? I needed the light, the sun. The sun beats the darkness away."

"The darkness?" We had talked some about darkness last night, but a different type of darkness. Not night, but the dark shadows in her aura. "Are you afraid of the dark, Rose?"

"Terrified." She stated, with no humor. She had never said anything before, never showed any signs of being fearful of the night. I could only assume this was a new development. "They come when the night falls, and live when the darkness takes over. The sun is setting soon."

She looked over her shoulder, towards the East hills, dragging my attention with her gaze. She was right, the sun would be setting soon, marking the start of the vampiric morning. It was low over the horizon, with perhaps only a moment or two more before it would disappear altogether below the hills and thrust our little patch of earth into night.

When Rose looked back at me, I could sense her actions before she said or did anything.

"Roza, no."

"I'm sorry, Dimitri." Her arms crossed her body, holding herself secure as she took a single step back. And then another. All the while, shaking her head as if she couldn't quite believe it herself, either.

"Rose, Roza. Please, don't do this. Just take my hand. We'll get you help. There's medication, there's all sorts of treatment. We'll find something. Please, just _don't do this._ Please. I'm begging you." My voice was desperate and I didn't care. She needed to know just how scared I was to lose her, how much it would break me.

She hesitated. I almost had her. "I can't. It's coming. The darkness is coming and I can't stop it. I lo-"

Rose screamed, grabbing her head like she had the moment we had touched down in the airplane. There was pain and fear in her voice and the shock her sudden change in demeanor left me in was enough to make all the difference in the next few moments.

Rose moved back, fighting off some invisible demon as she cried out.

I rushed forward, trying to pull her from a very literal edge.

She pushed me away, unaware that I wasn't just another attacker trying to hurt her and using one of the counter attacks that I had actually taught her myself.

Rose fell of side of the rooftop so quickly, it was almost as if some unseen force pulled her from beyond the ledge.

I screamed her name, even though it made absolutely no difference what so ever.

I woke up, covered head to toe in sweat, still begging for her to come back.

It was a nightmare. Only a nightmare. Rose was safe. She was fine. She was alive, and she was fine, and she was safe.

I checked my phone, the clock lighting up 2:36. The sun would be bright overhead and everyone should be fast asleep. It would be crazy to go check on her. I couldn't wake her at this hour, especially just to sooth my own nerves, right?

After another twenty minutes of tossing and turning, I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to see her. I needed to be absolutely sure. I wasn't going to get a moment's rest until I knew without a doubt that she was breathing, sleeping peacefully in her bed.

It was as illogical as the same fear that made me pull me hands and feet from the over the edge of the mattress as a child. I knew without a doubt that nothing would be amiss, but...it couldn't hurt, right? At least that was the justification I was using as I slipped on my shirt, grabbing my set of keys from the night stand and slipping quietly from my apartment. While the novices' dorms would be quiet and nearly empty, the Guardians' apartments often had some activity, even at this hour of night. Thankfully, I was able to slip out and head over to Rose's dorm without seeing anyone.

I steadied my breath when I made it to Rose's door. Everything seemed quiet, as it should be at this time of night. I debated knocking, but I shouldn't wake her. She was taken off of sunlight hours for a reason, so she could get a good night's sleep. There was no reason for me to disturb that. I just needed to make sure she was there, and go. That's all.

The click of the master key in her lock seemed ten times louder than it should have been, but I knew that was a trick of the night and my nerves. Slowly, I pressed the opened the door open, letting my body cast a shadow over where I knew her bed would be so that the light of the hall wouldn't land on the bed. The blackout curtains that each room had made it difficult to see inside initially, but my eyes adjusted quickly, spotting a mass under several blankets.

My relief made me careless, and with an eased sigh I took a step forward to get a better look, stepping on a creaky floorboard. Rose didn't wake, but she did give a sleepy groan, turning over and grasping a pillow closer to her body. I almost let out a laugh at how desperately she clung to it in her sleep – I never would have taken her for the cuddling type before, but apparently she did so even when she wasn't suffering after a nightmare – but I wasn't about to make another amateur mistake.

So, silently, I left, closing the door and locking it once again. She was safe. And the only thing I had to fear was my own nightmares.

* * *

The next several days ran much of the same. I spent most of my time either on patrol or working field experience. I had the occasional practice with Rose on her days off, but she was on her own for the most part. I knew she was working herself hard in the gym, especially with her frustration that she still hadn't had a mock battle since being put on part time guardian experience.

I was pretty sure she was ready, at least I wanted to believe she was. Alberta was hesitant though. I think after she saw the breakdown on the plane, she was worried that another misstep would only make things worse. I couldn't blame her for her worry, but I also knew Rose had to make that jump soon, and the sooner we did, the better we could prepare ourselves for the next steps in her recovery.

Even though our schedules didn't allow us to spend a whole lot of time together, it seemed like every moment spent together seemed to be filled with a new undercurrent of unfulfilled words. I tried to justify the moments that I found myself watching her during our practice sessions as looking for technical errors, or seeing if there were any signs of improvement in her emotional well-being. Truthfully, I was just...watching her. I couldn't keep my eyes off her.

And she was watching me too, almost as openly. Neither of us talked about it, no one quite ready to talk about how comfortable we had gotten with one another at the chapel. Even with no romantic overtones that night, no ulterior motivation, I couldn't help remembering the little moments. Like the smell of her hair, or the way her eyes shined like fire in the candlelight when she looked at me with fierce determination, and the way she made me feel wanted and needed, not just as something to be used, but as an actual person she truly cared about.

At night though, I also remembered. I remembered watching her fall over the side of the dorms, unable to reach her in time. I remembered the fear in her eyes as she told me how scared she was that she was going crazy. I remembered just how powerless I felt in protecting her against the demons inside her mind. The realities and nightmares of the situation blurred together so much, I began to forget which was which, but I wasn't sure it mattered in the end. Either was just as likely to take her away from me at this rate.

I did attempt to broach the topic of talking to Lissa one more time, even just to suggest that they simply reduce practicing Spirit until we knew how it affected Rose's mental stability. It didn't cause an argument, but something worse...at least for her.

She had merely stopped in the middle of her bench set, grabbed her bag, and walked out without a word to me. No explanation. Nothing. I had been naive enough to think she had actually gone to speak to Lissa at first, but when I saw Lissa an hour later and she asked _me_ if I had seen Rose, I knew something was wrong. _Very wrong,_ my mind spun, instantly flashing to my nightmares.

I tried to quell my panic, sending Lissa to search for Rose in normal places like the cafeteria or Lissa's own dorm. I left to check her dorm, and if that failed, the roof. I knew it was a product of my restless nights, but if I didn't look then I wouldn't be able to think properly until we found her.

She would be in her room though. It was the logical place. Or Lissa would find her. It was almost dinner time anyways. That made more sense. If she wasn't in her room, she would be with Lissa. There was no reason to worry.

It didn't make a bit of difference when I used my master key on her door and found her room empty.

Her gym bag was there though, thrown just inside the door. That meant she had at least dropped by at some point. _Lissa,_ I tried to remind myself, _She's probably with Lissa._

Still, my feet made their way towards the emergency staircase leading to roof access at the end of the hallway. Just in case. The heavy steel door gave way with a loud creak, barely masking the sounds of someone's surprised gasp and shuffling on the other side of it.

Rose stood on the landing, half a flight of stairs above me, straightening her clothing from where she had been spooked just seconds earlier. There was half a moment where we just took to other in. Shaky breath, red rimmed eyes, a heavy silence filled with apologies on both ends.

I made it up the steps in less than three paces, closing the distance between us from ten feet to ten inches without a word. From this close, I could see the fire in her eyes again, daring me to say anything about our earlier disagreement. I could also see a slight quiver in those lips.

My arms circled around her, pressing her tight against me. "Don't you _ever_ walk out on me again. Okay?"

I could feel her nod, mumbling something wordless against my jacket as her fist found purchase in some cloth above my heart.

"I'm sorry, Roza." I pulled back so I could look at her again, my thumbs erasing the nearly nonexistent shadow of tears from her cheek. "I'm so sorry. You scared me. Just...please don't leave me." I kissed her forehead, glad to have safe in my arms.

"I promise," she whispered. "I promise."

When I finally felt like I could let her go, there was a moment – just a moment – where it felt like things could be more. The way she looked at me, I think she felt it too.

"You should go find Lissa. She was worried. And dinner will be starting soon."

She looked at me with some stunned confusion before answering. "Oh. Yeah. I guess...I should...go...then."

I nodded, even though letting her out of my sight was the last thing I really wanted to do. She mirrored the action before rubbing at the corner of her nose and tucking a stray lock of hair behind of her ear. I stepped aside, allowing her to bounce down the stairs, flight after flight, and it was only when she was completely gone from my sight that I felt like I was able to think clearly again.

What was happening to me? I had gone from being terrified about finding her, to elated relief, to ready to press her against the wall and make her mine in a matter of moments. My back hit the wall, sliding down the concrete until I was sitting with my head in my hands. I couldn't keep doing this.

* * *

By the end of the week, I was tired. It wasn't just the physical toll of field experience getting to me – though there was plenty of signs of that said physical toll. The mental exhaustion of trying to figure out this new emotional pull between Rose and me, specifically the surprising new strength that it held, was almost more draining than anything. Not painful, but agonizing in its own way. Enough to make me lose my focus, apparently.

All it took was one moment of distraction and I was left with a decent cut across the cheek. Not enough to scar, but enough to leave quite a mess. I knew the clinic would still be open, but it wasn't worth the walk across campus. The first aid kit from the gym would more than enough to clean it up. Honestly, if it wasn't bleeding quite so much, I'd probably just go home to fix it up.

I was glad I didn't though, because the sounds of echoing fists against vinyl greeted me, stopping only once the door slammed closed again.

"Do you realize you're bleeding to death?"

I touched my cheek, suddenly remembering my reason for coming here in the first place and the fact that it had nothing to do with the dark haired girl whose late night practice I had apparently interrupted. "I wouldn't quite go that far," I assured her. "It's nothing."

"It's nothing until you get an infection!"

"You know that's not likely." With a dhampir immune system, I would have to actively abuse my wound to get an infection.

Still, she rolled her eyes obstinately, pointed over towards the small bathroom off the gym. "Come _on_." I probably should have protested more, insisted that I was fine, but the little smile she had given me left me helpless.

She walked in a moment later with a small white box, complete with a red cross. With a little hop, she lifted herself up on the counter so she was sitting eye level with me.

"You don't have to do this, Rose."

"Stop," She leveled me with a small glare over the wet cloth at my cheek. "How many times have you taken care of me? Let me take care of you for once, okay?"

I suddenly felt like I was preparing for battle again, adrenalin pumping through my veins and my heart rate jumping up in a matter of seconds. My voice, however, was nearly breathless. "Okay."

Rose continued her careful work, cleaning the cut and placing bandages one by one over the long mark. It was almost amusing how focused she was on her task, slowly running her lip between her teeth as she worked, until there was nothing left to fix.

Unfortunately, once that matter was settled, the only thing left between us was an awkward silence and very little space.

Her fingers brushed through my hair, pulling it back and away from my face, causing me to flinch just slightly at the shock her fingertips sent through my body. I almost hoped that she thought it was caused by pain rather than pleasure, but I knew she knew me better than that.

"Enough," I whispered, catching her hand, her wrist next to my lips, so close that I could smell the sweat on her skin from practice. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

God, no. I wasn't fine. I was anything but fine. I wanted her, needed her. I needed her like I needed air, or at least it felt like that, especially at this moment. But I needed to be fine, for both out sake's. So instead, I lied, "Yes."

Her smile was soft and slightly sad, but totally understanding. She knew exactly what I was saying, and more importantly, exactly what I was desperately trying not to say. The same thing that made us great field partners, and would probably make us wonderful in many other ways, made it nearly impossible for me to hide things from her.

"Thank you, Roza."

When I finally let go of her hand, leaving the gym and letting her finish her practice in peace, I felt the lingering touch of her skin for hours. The memory of her smile and the way she brushed her hands gently over my cheek as she took care of me sent me into pleasant dreams instead of nightmares for the first time all week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it's been a while since I've done a dream sequence, so I figured it was time. Surprise!
> 
> This week's Question of the Week is: What is your Favorite Cookbook?  
> Cookbooks tend to get forgotten in the realm of reading material, but I actually have several I enjoy quite a bit. I think my favorite have to be the Good Eat's trilogy from Alton Brown. Not only does it have some great recipes, but it also have some fantastic cooking tips and science facts. If you are just starting to cook, I really recommend them (and the television series!) because this is how I learned. It teaches you everything from basic eggs to a fancy crown rack of lamb. 
> 
> Can you believe that we are so close to the climax (is it totally inappropriate to wink here?) of the story? Just a few more chapters left! AHHHHH!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read and shared my story last week! I'm always so amazed at the loyalty of my lovely readers, but you guys really outdid yourselves last week :) There were so many new favorites and follows, so many reviews, you blew me AWAY! Thanks so much! Keep it up, guys. I love hearing your comments and I'll always do my best to reply to as many as I can.
> 
> See you next week!


	21. Chapter 21

I stretched my arms above my head, feeling my muscles pull as we waited for someone to come our way. Yuri, Jean, and I were dressed in black, hidden in a small grove of trees that ran along one of the lesser used pathways. The distance sound of voices alerted us to someone's presence and the three of us stilled, waiting for our chance.

It was about halfway through the trials and time for us to throw the students for a loop. We always threw a snag in here and there, sometimes in the form of several daytime raids, sometimes by teaming up on students back to back without time for them to recover, sometimes attacking them in places where they expected to be safe such as the feeding room or clinic. This year, we decided to attack them on the day they were promised off: Sunday.

There were several places that we were planning to attack the students around campus, and it was only pure luck that Rose happened to be walking pass the area where I and my group were stationed. I could see Yuri and Jean flash me a questioning look, offering me the final say on whether we let her and the others in her group walk on by without assault or press forward in our attack plan. None of the guardians participating in the trials had approached Rose since her move to half-time, not even Alto, and I knew it was beginning to drive Rose up a wall. She was ready to prove herself again, not only to her fellow students and the faculty, but to herself as well.

I gave a sharp nod, signaling my partners that we were ready, that Rose was ready, and I knew that this would be the biggest test for us both.

Jean started towards Rose first, with Yuri following after her. That left me with the other student, Novice Dean Barnes. Part of me was grateful. I knew that I couldn't go easy on Rose, but not fighting her at all would keep the temptation to do so from even being an issue. Jean didn't know her very well and would treat her like any other student, and Yuri knew her well enough to give her all that he could.

It was clear within moments of my fight with Barns the he was not at his full potential. While I hadn't fought Barnes before in the trials, I had seen him fight plenty in his classes and his technique was completely sloppy at the moment. It was more than just nerves or confusion. It was inebriation. I could practically smell it on him when I got close enough. He did try to fight me off a little but I was able to actually knock his stake out of his hand with a block. Not an attack, not a disarm tactic, but a simple block.

The look of defeat and fear was in his eyes. He knew he was done in the battle but just as I was about to go in for the kill shot, he disappeared. A flash of dark hair rushed him, shoving him away from my line of sight, and for a breath I almost wondered if Jean had come to finish him off before Rose stood to square off against me.

I allowed my eyes to wander for just a moment, seeing that both Jean and Yuri were both off the side, obviously done with their own parts in their fights, and now just watching the events unfolding before them. While Jean seemed to be studying the match intently, taking notes to relay later for the final report, Yuri looked almost amused and ready to take bets.

 _Focus,_ I reminded myself. _You need to fight her. Give her everything you have. Don't let her down, and don't go easy._

I could see the slight uncertainty in her eyes, recognizing perhaps for the first time that it was me, right before she sprang forward with her stake at the ready. I wasn't expecting her to attack quite so quickly, but she tended to open with the same move so it was easy to anticipate her strike and counter. I winced as my blow glanced off the side of her head, knowing that it hit hard across her temple and would most likely be sore later, but she wasn't reacting at the moment to any pain. Adrenalin was a godsend in battle. 

Like so many other fights between us and the senior novices, I could hear other people starting to gather and cheer. Unlike those other fights, it wasn't limited to just students. Even nearby guardians joining in to watch the show.

Rose and I were focused on one another though. Incredibly focused. Within a few moments, I realized that this fight was starting to test me almost as much as it was testing her. I knew her patterns and movements, but she also knew mine from hours upon hours of practices, month after month. She was using it against me and it was working. I wasn't breathless quite yet, but she was giving me quite the run for my money.

It eventually became clear that I wasn't going to beat her on technique and skill alone, and our fight was going to come down to brute force, which was something in my favor. I had strength and weight on my side, so if I could pin her, I could win.

Looking for my opening, I watched for the smallest falter in her attack where she was just barely off balanced, and the moment I found it I pushed forward and didn't let up until she stumbled, then followed with that momentum to take her to the ground.

While I had size and strength on her, she had me on speed. I didn't even see her elbow, but I sure felt its impact when it struck my face. It didn't cause a break, but it was enough to make my vision blur for a moment and cause a knee-jerk reaction, loosening my grip on her. That's all she needed to turn the tables in her favor.

Quick as a whip, she had me on my back, straddling my waist with her body, one of her legs pinning each of my thighs down and her forearm at my collarbone, threatening to slip to my throat if I didn't play nice. I tried to throw her off but she was relentless in keeping me pinned while she struggled for her practice stake. I didn't have time to escape before she found her grip and I felt the sharp point come down over my heart, signaling the end of our match.

I had given her everything I had, and she had won. Rose had beaten me at my best.

I couldn't be more proud of her. I could hear the cheers and clapping of everyone around us, but I was so completely enthralled by just how magnificent she was. My Roza. She was amazing. She was a fighter. And, dear God, she was beautiful.

This close, it was practically impossible not to notice every detail of her beauty. It was also difficult not to react to everything. Her body was still straddled on top of mine, and I could feel way her hand still gripped my chest, nails digging into my skin slightly. I could see the way her chest heaved, struggling to catch her breath after the intensity of our fight. Her skin glistened with fresh sweat, and I wanted to explore every inch of that skin.

Maybe it was animalistic of me, but the fact that she beat me was only fueling my desire more. I had always been competitive, but the fact that she had matched me was so satisfying. I tried not to think about that fact too much and it was actually fairly easy because there was something more pressing at the moment...

...besides that...

...the look in Rose's eyes said that she felt the same. She was thinking the exact same thing as me. She wanted me as much as I wanted her and both of us were fighting the fact that we couldn't simply rip one another's close off right this moment. I was somewhat bitterly thankful that this match had taken place in front of witnesses, because if it had happened during an early morning practice session, then I'm sure Rose and I would already be naked and halfway to our first orgasms by now.

Thankfully, before the heady spell of lust could override the common sense that even a public place could offer me, a hand reached down to help Rose off my prone body. Yuri helped me up a moment later.

"You okay?" he whispered lowly, loud enough for only my ears to hear.

"Yeah, just an intense match. I'll be fine." I turned away from him and the others under the guise of shaking out my limbs and brushing out my clothing, while I actually tried to breathe and adjust myself.

I could hear Yuri huff, obviously not convinced by my ruse at all, but considerate enough to take the focus off me for the time being.

"Well done!" he called over to Rose, "You took down all three of us. That was text book perfect."

It really was. I didn't see her fight with Jean and Yuri, but she must have taken them down quickly to match up with me as well. And Yuri was fairly skilled. I had practiced with him quite a few times in the gym and he wasn't easy to beat.

"I hope...I hope I didn't hurt any of you." Rose was still catching her breath, but her statement was uncharacteristically timid. I could tell she was still a bit flustered. So was I, honestly. I let out a sharp laugh while the others broke into hysterics.

"That's our job," Jean insisted with a kind smile she perfected at the Elementary Campus. "Don't worry about us. We're tough." The look she gave me held a bit of teasing however. "She got you pretty good with that elbow."

I rubbed at the spot where she got me again, just below my eye. Like I thought, Rose hadn't broken my nose, but there would probably be a good bruise. I could see the apology on her lips and smiled gently to reassure her. "The student surpasses the teacher...or stakes, rather."

From several feet away, I could hear Yuri's chastisement towards Dean, "Alcohol isn't allowed on campus."

"It's Sunday! We aren't supposed to be on duty."

"There are no rules in the real world. Consider this a pop quiz." Jean glanced at Rose again. "You passed it, Rose. Very nice job."

"Thanks." Rose was beaming, glowing in her self-esteem and hope. I knew how much it meant for her to prove herself, not only to me, but also to her other instructors, and her peers, and most importantly her herself as well. She had done all that and more. Our eyes met briefly and I could feel that fire build again in an instant, as if someone had struck a match inside of me. She must have felt that heat as well because she looked down, catching sight of her muddy shirt and pants. "Wish I could say the same for my clothes. I'm going to have to go change, Liss. I'll meet you for dinner."

Lissa bid her farewell, the enthusiasm and pride clear in her voice. Yuri was already prepping Dean for an official reprimand for drinking on campus, because day off or not, it was still against the rules of student conduct. I knew Jean would follow Yuri, probably filling out the initial reports. I had to fill out mine as well, but I was just as much of a mess as Rose was. We had both been rolling in the mud and dirt during the match and could use a good shower.

I couldn't help my sinful smile as Rose warily glanced my way over her shoulder. My thoughts were drifting into dangerous waters again, and the recent memory of her body pressed against mine wasn't helping things any. Already I could envision her under the spray of the shower, my hands washing away every drop of mud and sweat, kissing every ache and bruise, whispering soft words of praise as I gave her a reward deserving of all her hard work.

Alas, all I was able to offer her was a nod, a silent apology that I was not able to join her on her solitary walk to her dorm. The same one I'd be walking to my own apartment as soon as I could.

* * *

I barely got out of my shower, significantly cleaner, more relaxed, and less...tense than I had been since I had seen Rose last when my radio started chirping, signaling an emergency. It wasn't urgent enough to warrant all hands on deck alarm, but enough to make me stand at attention and listen to the broadcast that was going out and see if I could be of assistance.

"...stan Pond on the Northwest Boarder. Several Royal Moroi students involved in a physical altercation involving magic."

It was fairly far away, about as far from the main buildings as you could possibly situate yourself and that alone made it fairly obvious that whoever was involved had planned not to be caught in this little fight, but other than that, the details were vague.

Fighting among Royals was rare, but it did happen on occasion, and something like this had happened one year while I was in school back at St. Basil's during the Field Experience a few years before I had taken them. Some of the Moroi seniors had become a little jealous of all the attention the novices had been receiving over the weeks and started taking things into their own hands. Several had ended up with burns and severe bruising but mostly they had just walked away looking like idiots for their troubles.

I was already out the door and on my way when my phone rang next, Alberta's name lighting up the screen. There was little chance that it didn't have anything to do with the radio bulletin, but I couldn't imagine why Alberta would need me specifically if it was Moroi students causing issues. Lissa was hardly one to go looking for trouble.

I was wrong though. I didn't even get the chance to answer before Petrov was briefing me and telling me to get down there. I could hear her running to the scene herself.

"Belikov, I don't know what's going on, but Lissa is somehow caught in the middle. Rose took off a few minutes ago, shouting about something going on over near Dornstan Pond. The others are already half way there and you need to be here too." Alberta's voice paused and I could hear several other unknown voices coming over the phone.

" _She's crazy, man."_

" _How did that bitch even know where to find us?"_

"Geez, Ralph. What happened to your nose?" Alberta's voice sounded more exasperated than shocked as she apparently stumbled upon some of the students, and it was clear that at least a few of them were a little worse for wear. I had been hurrying before, but I quickened my pace even more, straining to hear what I could on the other side of the line.

Ralph's voice was muffled, not only by the distance from the phone, but also by what I could only assume was a bloody and quite possibly broken nose, "We were just...testing...some of Lissa's...skills. Yeah. Then Rose, she, like, she came out of nowhere and just, like...she just like, attacked me. She tackled me and punched me in the nose! I think she broke it!"

"Where is Rose now?"

"Back there, with Lissa and Jesse."

I was now running at a full sprint. While it was easy to tell that Ralph was lying about some things – namely that whatever they were doing with Lissa was not merely just "testing her skills" – I was fairly certain that he wasn't lying about Rose attacking him. I'm sure she had a very good reason to, or at least felt like she had a good reason to, but either way I needed to get there fast.

Most of the guardians on the scene were still trying to gather the students by the time I reached the group, and unfortunately Rose and Lissa weren't among them. Over the chaos my first reaction was to find Guardian Petrov.

"Where's Rose? Where's Lissa?"

"Still up ahead," she gestured towards the lakeside bank still hidden by overgrown brush. "We needed to make sure none of the Moroi here were injured first. Celeste ran ahead with some others. Eddie's with them."

Alberta knew me well enough to understand when I didn't wait for instruction before taking off towards the lake. My responsibility was towards Rose and Lissa, and they would always be my priority. Still, I didn't know what to expect.

Based on what little I had heard and seen from Ralph, I could have guessed that Rose was angry enough to attack Jesse. If he posed a threat to Lissa, then she would provide retribution. A broken nose, a split lip, this wasn't beyond her.

However, when Rose came into view, I didn't expect to see pure, unbridled rage. Jesse laid broken on the ground, Lissa already at his side and healing the worst of his injuries as Rose struggled against Eddie's desperate hold.

"No! You can't!" She screamed, practically spitting her words in anger at both Lissa and Eddie. "Let me go!"

Guardians started taking students away. Many were being led off for questioning, some for minor injury treatment, and others were being simply removed from the situation. What few guardians remained, watched and waited, poised and ready to spring into action at the first sign of distress.

As much as I wanted to go to Rose right in that instant, I knew I needed to check on Lissa first. She was my charge. It was my duty to make sure she was alright.

With one last look towards Eddie, purposely avoiding eye contact with Rose because it was almost terrifying to see the dark look in their depths, I confirmed his tentative, but still stable hold on her and rushed to Lissa's side.

"Princess, are you alright?"

"I'll be fine, Guardian Belikov." Her voice was shaky, and little more than a whisper, but still strong enough to tell me she was speaking the truth. "I'm a little beat up, but I'll be fine. I'm just tired now. Rose...something's wrong with Rose."

I gave her a questioning look, meeting the worried look in her eye when something sparked the furious fire in Rose's attempt to escape again.

"You can't let him go! You can't let him go!" Rose's fury was turned towards the medical team treating Jesse, as the prepared to take him towards the clinic.

"Rose, calm down." Alberta tried to calm her using the same tone a hostage negotiator would use. "It's over."

It was almost rabid the way Rose bore her teeth, eyeing Jesse like prey being carted away from her without her approval. "It is _not_ over! Not until I get my hands around his throat and choke the life out of him!"

The chill that settled over all of us had nothing to do with the late winter breeze blowing through the Montana valley. Rose was murderous, and it was frankly terrifying to all of us, student, teacher, and seasoned guardian alike.

I thought I had seen every single side of Rose, but this...I had never seen this and I didn't know what to make of it. I don't think anyone else did either. I could hear the questions in the silence, but I didn't answer them.

Rose surged forward again, almost breaking from Eddie's grip and it seemed to be enough to shock us out of our stunned silence.

"Get her out of here," instructed Alberta, worry, confusion, and perhaps even pity, lacing her voice. "Get her cleaned up and calmed down."

While it wasn't an order specifically given to me, I knew it was my job to do. Even if it wasn't, I wouldn't have trusted anyone else to care for Rose at this moment. I needed her to know that no matter what, not even _this_ (whatever _this_ was) wasn't going to push me away.

Still, at this moment, I could see in her eyes that I was her enemy. She fought me as I took her from Eddie, relieving him from the difficult task of restraining his friend. I could tell that the mental energy of restraining her was more exhausting than the physical labor involved. Rose tried to make a break for it, slipping from our grasp and shooting me a venomous look as I pinned her arms behind her in a strong vice grip. The pure dark hate in her eyes, in her voice, in her countenance as a whole...it struck a fear in me that I didn't know existed and even more: it broke my heart.

This wasn't Rose. I was losing her. Maybe she was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know many of you have been looking forward to this fight scene! I have been too! Granted...not as much as the NEXT chapter lol. I'll give you fair warning now, there might be a little delay because I'm not posting it until that chapter is 100% PERFECT. Romitri deserves that and so do you lovely readers. I promise I'll make wait worth it. Have I ever let you guys down before?
> 
> Otherwise, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter. I hope there was enough sexual tension for you *wink* I've really been having fun building it up over the past few weeks. Oh it has been a real pleasure. Okay, I'm going to stop.
> 
> There has been an interesting debate that I kinda want to put to you readers. Writer/Reader ObjectiveHeartMuscle (who is an AMAZING author by the way, go read her work if you haven't already) and I were having a discussion about whether or not Dimitri ever well...took care of himself...before getting together with Rose. Now, we both pretty much agree that he all but admits to it during a flash back in Blood Promise (Chapter Five, roughly page 53 when they are having a little pillow talk) but I kinda want to know what YOU guys think. I've hinted about it here or there, but I haven't really been very graphic about the matter, at least not in this story.
> 
> However that isn't the Question of the Week, this is: Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience.
> 
> For me, I'm not a huge Twilight fan. I also really haven't been able to get that into The Mortal Instruments. I feel like both have a HUGE following of people who love the series but...I'm just not that into them. I think part of it has to do with the fact that they were so over hyped to me that I just was left disappointed by the time I actually read them. Who knows? The books aren't that bad, honestly, just...not as good as I was almost expecting. Does that make any sense?
> 
> Thank you again for reading, reviewing, favoriting and following! You guys honestly amazing me week after week with how much love and support you show me and I am so grateful for everything. Please take a moment to say "hi" if you haven't already and I'll try to do my best to reply this week. I am still trying to catch up on some of the longer reviews from last week (you know who you are!) so please be patient with me. ALSO if you are a guest review, I do read and appreciate every review, but I am unable to reply if you leave your review anonymously. Thank you and I hope that you'll eventually create an account so we can get to know one another!
> 
> Until next week, all my dear friends! ~Andrea


	22. Chapter 22

**This is it folks, what you've been waiting for: We are earning our "M" rating so please proceed responsibly and have fun!**

* * *

"We can make this easy or difficult." My voice was harsh, overcompensating for how hard it was for me to be practically dragging Rose by the arm towards the woods, away from the prying eyes of others. Rose pulled away, catching sight of the cart carrying Jesse and the medical team before disappearing into the distance towards the main campus, and I adjusted my grip on her. "There's no way I'm letting you go to Jesse. Besides, he's at the med clinic, so you'd never get near to him. If you can accept that, I'll release you. If you bolt, you know I'll just restrain you again."

Her steps slowed, faltering slightly as she considered her options. "Okay."

I loosened my hold slightly, testing the truth in her voice. I couldn't remember the last time I felt unsure about taking Rose at her word. When she didn't immediately make a break for it, my arm dropped and I allowed myself to relax ever so slightly. I still wasn't sure what to expect from her one moment to the next, but for now she seemed at least somewhat stable.

"Alberta told you to clean me up, so we're going to the med clinic?" Where her voice had been full of intense emotion just moments ago, it was now completely cold and devoid of any feeling. The change wasn't any more reassuring.

"Nice try," I grunted, masking my edginess. "I'm not letting you near him. We'll get first aid somewhere else." The question was...where. I wanted to keep her away from people as much as possible, not only for their safety, but also to keep rumors from spreading any faster. I knew I couldn't protect her fully from this, but I could try to protect her as much as possible.

Would it even matter though? My steps wavered slightly before I continued along the edge of campus. The cabin that Tasha had stayed at over the holidays was over this way and while I hadn't been here in a while, I was pretty sure she had left the place fairly stocked before leaving.

My thoughts were still focused at the more pressing matter at hand though, all while occasionally urging Rose forward to keep up with me. She had physically attacked a Royal Moroi student today, and threatened murder towards another. There were multiple witnesses. Even with her recent breakdowns, I don't think there was a way to come back from this. I don't think there was anything I, or Alberta, or that counselor of hers could to do save her from expulsion. Rose...wouldn't be a guardian. There's no way they would allow it. Not like this.

How could they do this to her?

How would I tell her?

What would this mean for her?

_First things first_ , I reminded myself, pushing open the door to the small, one room cabin. The draft was enough to create a strong chill inside, but not enough to keep the dust from settling over every flat surface. The dust motes swirled with our footsteps, suddenly unsettled by our presence.

"Sit down." Rose moved towards the bed at my suggestion, running her hands over the quilted blanket I had given Tasha after she had complained how cold this place was. My childhood home was overrun with hand sewn blankets, and several had made their way to my place in various care packages over the year. Parting with one was hardly a sacrifice.

I took to the fireplace, hoping to rid the old cabin of the bitter cold. It only took a moment or two to get the blaze started and warm relief was immediate. Finding the first aid kit and other supplies was a little harder, but I did eventually find everything I needed and pulled a chair in front of her.

"You have to let me go," she pleaded. "Don't you see? Don't you see how Jesse has to pay?" When I didn't immediately respond, I could hear her anger start to rise again. "He tortured her! He did horrible things to her."

I tore open the sterile package on the gauze and wet it with the water bottle, not trusting the older washcloths around the kitchen. Yes, the chance of infection was small, but I wasn't taking that chance. As I started washing away some of the blood and dirt from her forehead, I couldn't help but see the ghost of where we were just a week or so ago. Her and me, sitting just like this in the gym washroom, but she was taking care of me. I felt her fingers burning on my skin for days afterwards, and right now it seemed like Rose could hardly tell I was here.

"He'll be punished, believe me. And the others."

"With what? Detention?" Rose asked, disappointingly bitter. "This is as bad as Victor Dashkov. Nobody does _anything_ around here! People commit crimes and get away with it. He needs to _hurt_. They all need to."

I watched, completely stunned, as her eyes filled with darkness...all that pain, and anger, and pure hate dilating her pupils until all the warmth I had come to adore was smothered out. "Rose, I know you're upset, but you know we don't punish people like that. It's...savage."

"Yeah? What's wrong with that? I'd bet it'd stop them from doing it again." She started fidgeting in my arms, unable to contain her nervous energy. "They need to suffer for what they did! And _I_ want to be the one to do it! I want to hurt them all. I want to kill them all!"

Rose pushed past me, making it about half a step to the door before I shoved her back on to the bed with enough force to make it scratch against the old wooden floorboards.

"Rose! Snap out of this!" I had yelled at her often over the past few months, calling out orders in training and shouting commands while we practiced. However, this was the first time I had ever truly raised my voice to her. I had seen the way my mother had shied away from my father's harsh words in terror, and I never wanted to be that man. Rose was the one frightening me though. "You don't mean any of it. You've been stressed and under a lot of pressure – it's making a terrible event that much worse."

"Stop it!" Rose tugged at her hair and groaned. "You're doing it again – just like you always do. You're always so reasonable, no matter how awful things are. What happened to you wanting to kill Victor in prison, huh? Why was that okay, but not this?"

"Because that was an exaggeration. You know it was." It wasn't, not really, "But this...this is something different. There's something wrong with you right now."

"No, there's something right with me. I'm the only one who wants to do anything around here!" She looked me up and down before turning away as if she couldn't stand to look at me anymore. When she spoke again, her voice was softer, calmer. "If that's wrong, I'm sorry. You keep wanting me to be some impossible, good person, but I'm not! I'm not a saint like you."

"Neither of us is a saint." If she only knew my many sins. "Believe me, I don't -"

Rose had been waiting for me to look away, to relax into a false sense of security before running, and I had played right into it. I still outpaced her though, and she didn't make it two feet before I had her in my arms, throwing Rose roughly back onto the bed and following after. I wasn't going to make the same mistake again. I used my full body to pin her, making sure she wouldn't be able to move from that spot until I felt she was completely under control and allowed her up. Still she thrashed under me, kicking and fighting uselessly against my limbs and struggling even harder against the awkwardness of the mattress.

"Let me go!" I must have heard her scream that phrase over a hundred times tonight, but I wasn't going to break. Not even as she cursed my name.

"No. Not until you break out of this." Rose began twisting unnaturally below me and I had to adjust my grip to keep her from breaking her arm. The fact that she would be willing to go such lengths just to _escape me_ was completely terrifying. "This isn't you."

She looked practically possessed, spitting her words back with no regard for who she was actually talking to. "It is! Let me go!"

"It's not." I begged, pleading with her to understand. She was Rose, _my Roza,_ not this dark thing that had overcome her. "It isn't you! _It isn't you."_

"You're wrong! It is-"

Her words dropped off, her struggling slowed, her breathing evened out a bit and I waited...unsure if I should be hopeful or terrified of what I would find when I looked at Rose's eyes again.

When her lashes finally fluttered open, the warm rich chocolate that I had come to know was back, albeit filled with fear and uncertainty. It was better than the previous murderous rage though.

"Rose?"

"Oh my God," her voice quivered, and her eyes lined with a fresh wave of tears. The words almost sounded like her again, but I was still hesitant to trust them.

"Rose?" I gently cupped her cheek, brushing away some wayward tears from her freckles. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, pressing both her lips and eyelids closed at the effort of such a simple motion. "I...I think so. For now." Almost immediately, her body began trembling in fear and shock.

Relief flooded me. "It's over," I declared, more for my sake than hers. I brushed the hair from her face, trying desperately to look into the eyes that I had come to seek for my own comfort. "It's over. Everything's alright."

Rose refused to meet my gaze though, all but turning away from me. "No. It's not. You...you don't understand." Her hopeless desperation was nearly as heartbreaking as her murderous poison had been. "It's true – everything I worried about. About Anna? About me taking away spirit's craziness? It's happening, Dimitri."

I started shaking my head, unwilling to believe it. Not Rose. Not my Roza. I wouldn't lose her. I refused to. But my determination just spurred her on.

"Lissa lost it out there with Jesse. She was out of control, but I stopped her because I sucked away her anger and put into myself. And it's...it's horrible. It's like I'm, I don't know, a puppet. I can't control myself."

"You're strong," I tried to reason with her. "It won't happen again."

"No!" Her voice was pleading with me to understand, to see, but I couldn't. I didn't want to allow this madness to consume her, to take over. It was something out of my control and it seems to be out of hers as well. "It _will_ happen again. I'm going to be like Anna. I'm going to get worse and worse. This time it was bloodlust and hate. I wanted to destroy them. I _needed_ to destroy them. Next time? I don't know. Maybe it'll just be craziness, like Ms. Karp. Maybe I'm already crazy, and that's why I'm seeing Mason. Maybe it'll be depression like Lissa used to get. I'll keep falling and falling into a pit and then I'll be like Anna and kill-"

"No," I interrupted gently, but firmly, unable and unwilling to imagine a future where she wasn't a part of my world. "It won't happen to you. You're too strong. You'll fight it, just like you did this time." Our faces were so close now, our whispers just a breath away and our foreheads nearly touching.

I could practically see my own reflection in her tears as they gathered in her lashes before slipping down her cheeks. "I only did because you were here. I can't do it by myself."

The hopelessness, the sheer loss to even try, hurt me to the core. I pulled her against me so that she was pressed safe and secure against my chest, and my face was tucked into her hair. "You can," I promised. "You're strong. You're so, so strong. It's why I love you."

For something that I could hardly admit to myself, much less anyone else, telling Rose that I loved her came so simply that the words were almost a relief to say. And why shouldn't it be so? It was the truth, plain and simple. Still, it felt like some secret that I had needlessly been keeping from her had finally been revealed, and I instantly felt lighter for it, even in this horrible circumstance.

If I were expecting some fanfare though, I would have been sorely mistaken. There were no soft cords playing in the background as she suddenly declared her love for me as well, no climatic scene like from a movie or one of my novels. She only fisted my shirt tighter in her grip, shaking her head at my words.

"You shouldn't. I'm going to become something terrible. I might already be something terrible."

_Never._ I pulled her away from me, forcing her to see the truth in my eyes. She needed to know that no matter what, I would always, _always_ be there to pull her back. "You aren't. You won't. I won't let you. No matter what. I won't let you."

I watched her, steady and focused, as her gaze flicked back and forth looking for any sign of deception. She had been let down before, by others and even by me, so I felt no personal offense, but I could see the moment she found what she was looking for: that perfect, honest, one hundred percent complete and total devotion to her.

Because in that moment, I knew. I knew that Rose was everything to me. She was my best friend and my confidant. She made me the best version of myself and I strived to be a little better every day just because of her. She was my love and, when she was ready, I would be honored to be her lover. She was my partner and my equal. She drove me crazy in more ways than I could image and made me feel more at peace than anything else ever could. She was my joy and my hope. I'd be lost without her, and I wasn't truly living until that wild girl walked into my life. I loved her with every fiber of my being.

And she finally knew it.

I saw the smallest hint of a smile on her lips, the first I had seen all night from her, before that smile met my own. The kiss was gentle, in almost a direct contrast to the desperation and rage and darkness that had filled this evening so far. In fact, it was probably the first kiss that we had ever shared that hadn't had some sort of desperation or frustration (at least of one sort or another) behind it. I was so used to being worried about how wrong it was to kiss her, I hardly allowed myself to enjoy the actual closeness that came with the act.

So I did. I ran my fingers through her hair, tasted her lips fully, listened to her light giggle when I brushed my nose against the dusting of freckles on her cheek, enjoyed the feeling of her pressing closer to me and whispered her name into the stillness around us. Every moment I had sacrificed to the pursuit of 'right' was finally ours.

That sweet simplicity only lingered for a few moments though before a more powerful heat began to build. Her giggles became whimpers and moans as my hands began to wander a little more daringly. A desperation, one entirely different from the one we had felt moments ago, but just as strong and all encompassing, began to pull us under as we fell more fully against the bed.

Roza's hands clung to my shoulders, keeping me close. I wrapped her legs around me, wanting her to know just how much of an effect she has always had on me and savoring the hitch in her breath as she felt me press against her core.

The resulting pull back was enough to sober me momentarily though, at least enough to remind me that Rose was still young – underage even – and there were a million reasons why we shouldn't...and one amazing reason why we should.

"We can't..." _but oh how I want to, I'm so tired of-_

"I know." And she did. She always knew my unspoken words, better than even I knew them.

So when my lips found hers, I knew that she was ready, that we both were, and there was no need to turn back or to question our actions any further. She was mine and I was hers; I had been since the moment she had walked into my life, whether or not I was ready or willing to admit it.

I stripped us out of our clothing fairly quickly, more so than I probably would have in a typical circumstance, but the reminder of torn and blood stained fabric was the last thing I wanted near us at the moment. This was ours, not to be ruined by some outside force trying to tear us apart beyond these walls.

Rose seemed just as eager as I was too, pulling my shirt over my head so quickly that I barely had to break contact with her to get it off. Her relative innocence was still shown in a few areas though, reminding me that she was still new at all this. She sweetly struggling with my belt buckle for a moment before I undid it with one hand and pushed the offending article away. She also blushed when I revealed the more practical sports bra she had donned. I'm sure, had she known what tonight would lead to, she would have preferred something more alluring, but there had been so many afternoon practices where I had seen her in these bras – maybe even this one – and had to hold myself back from her. I pulled the taunt fabric from over her heart and kissed the newly revealed skin, looking her in the eye as I did so.

In so many ways, this wasn't what I would have planned for us. I never would have taken her to some dusty, drafty, abandoned cabin after a battle. I would have taken her on a proper date, away from the Academy. I would have taken her on several, actually. She deserved to be courted. I would have waiting until after graduation or at least until after her birthday next week. And despite the nonexistent risk, I would have like to at least offer protection right now. It was rude to assume anything before discussing the matter with her, and I was cursing the fact that I didn't carry condoms on me regularly anymore. I had done so for the short while Tasha had visited but tossed the lot shamefully into my nightstand when I realized the huge mistake I had almost made.

So no, it wasn't the perfect picture I would have liked. But I guess in the end, it didn't matter. It didn't matter if I had planned something with flowers or candles, because the most important element was her. Everything I had done before, every person I had been with before, none of that mattered because Rose was my world now.

And she was beautiful. She had made everything in the world seem so much more wonderful, but she had outshone them all. Seeing her now, laying bare before me, stripped in a way that I know only I had seen her, I couldn't help but give thanks to whatever fates had bound us together.

I offered my praises with a kiss in the valley between her breasts, smiling at the quick rise and fall of each of her breaths as my hand snaked down her stomach. Watching, feeling, her reaction to each of my touches was almost as exciting as knowing what would soon come. Each shudder, each longing glance, each and every sound she made, everything made me more and more grateful that she had chosen me. She could have anyone, she deserved so much more, but she chose me.

However, nothing thrilled me more than when her bottom lip was captured between her teeth the same moment my fingers brushed against her bud for the first time. I had seen her bite her lip a thousand times before; when she was angry, when she was thinking through a problem, when she was holding back a sarcastic thought, and even on the rare time we allowed ourselves a moment of flirtation between us. Knowing now that I, that the rapture I was giving her, was enough to cause that look...

I chased forward, keeping one hand in place to continue bringing her pleasure while I freed her swollen lips from their confines. Her fingers dug into me eagerly, keeping me as close as possible as if I might disappear at any moment if she let go. Part of me wanted to reassure her that I didn't plan on going anywhere, but it wasn't worth the breath. I would rather prove it with my actions.

Her breathing was ragged, punctuated with gentle whimpers and moans. Occasionally, I was blessed to hear my name among it all, but her cries in the still air were more than enough for me. My lips danced across her skin, looking for any new inch that hasn't been initiated by my kiss. Her cheek, her eyes, her neck, her collar, her shoulder, her breasts, anything and everything I could reach.

"Di-Dimitri. Please." Her hips heaved forward, searching for more, even if she didn't know what she was looking for exactly. I did though, I knew what her body craved and I intended to satisfy every desire that I had denied us both for far too long.

I let my hand slide lower, gliding past the spot I had been focusing on so gently, to part her lips and tentatively press a single finger inside of her. She was already so wet, but still so tight, that I couldn't help my groan as she encouraged me with a small thrust and a sigh of pleasure.

"Oh, God. Yes."

I shifted my position above her, tucking my face into her neck and resting my hips against her thigh. I needed some friction, just a little. It had been so long and having Roza so close was driving me insane, but I was determined to make sure this would be as amazing as possible for her. That meant taking things slower, making sure she was ready. Her pleasure would come first, now and forever.

The sensation of her both tensing and relaxing beneath me, simultaneously getting closer to her climax while becoming more and more comfortable with me – with us – in every passing movement was glorious. When she began to whimper, wordlessly begging for relief, I offered another digit and a kiss to revive her sudden breathlessness.

Her legs pulled up, ankles locked around my waist to hold my body close and trapping my hand in place between her thighs. One hand tangled in my hair, the other gripped my shoulder. My own lone free hand gave one last, calm stroke to her cheek before I quickened my greedy assault against her with the other.

The moment before I knew she would fall apart, when I could feel her body start to pulse around my fingertips and begin to completely shatter at my desire for the first time, I gently pressed down on her clit with my thumb, drawing out her orgasm and intensifying it at the same time.

More importantly though, I watched her, committing this moment to memory. I didn't want to forget the look of shock on her face as the first waves of euphoria crested over her, nor the sound of her voice as she tried to say my name or how it was lost in a prayer to the heavens. Then there was the moment that everything became so overwhelming that she couldn't bear to keep her eyes open any longer, not even to look at me, and with a smile her eyes fell closed. I couldn't hold her pleasure against her though, not when I was the one who was so eager in providing it. As the last tremors of bliss ran their course, gently massaged by my hand cupped against her sex, I simply admired the angel in my arms.

"Я тебя люблю всем своим сердца и души."

Totally relaxed against the pillow, Rose acknowledged my words with a questioning hum and a pair of raised eyebrows.

I laughed softly, kissing the taunt skin of her upper abdomen. Perhaps she wasn't the only one in her own amorous daze. I hadn't even realized I had spoken in Russian. "I said, 'I love you with all my heart, with all my soul', Roza. Every last piece of me belongs to you."

Rose smiled, not replying in spoken words, but gently pulling me up to her lips, putting my promise to the test. The kiss was lazy, with her still sated, but quickly becoming more and more voracious with each passing moment.

"We don't have to go any further, Rose. Not today. I can wait as long as you'd like unti-"

"No," She interrupted, with almost worried impatience. "No, I'm yours. I'm yours, and you're mine. Now show me."

All I could do was nod, at her complete beck and call. I made my way back up her body, marking my path with my lips and tongue across the expanse of her skin and savoring the taste of it. My teeth nipped gently at the swell of her breasts, soothing the bite with an apologetic kiss a moment later.

We shifted once more and I could see the excitement in Rose's countenance as I brushed against her. I could also see a hint of worry, nervousness perhaps, but it was overwhelmed by her trust. She trusted me to take care of her.

I slipped my fingers lightly between her folds once more, checking one last time to make sure she was physically ready for me before using her own arousal to coat myself. With one last kiss and a whispered promise, I placed myself at her entrance and pressed forward steadily.

When I felt her tense around me, followed by a hiss of protest, I paused. Rose's eyes were screwed shut in frustration, her mind willing, but her body rejecting the invasion of mine.

"Shh," I kissed away the tear forming at the corner of her eye. "Breathe. Just breathe. It's just like a new stretch in practice. Breathe until you get used to it. I got you. I'm right here."

I held my place, counting her breathing and playing with her hair to distract her until I finally felt her calm beneath me and saw a gentle nod. With a final swift stroke, I was fully sheathed inside her. Both of us were breathless, Rose at the fullness of me, and I with the tightness of her. I held her close, fighting the urge to move within her as I let her take control of our pace.

The gentle rock of her hips into mine drove me mad, every sensation exaggerated tenfold by the intensity between us. Even her breath, hot and heavy on my neck, was enough to drive me wild. And the bolder she became, the more difficult it was for me to maintain my self-control.

I began to chant her name, unable to think or form any other word – Russian or English – at the moment. Rose, unable to say anything at all, simply cried out in pleasure over and over again as I thrust into her, head thrown back against the pillow.

It didn't take long for me to feel the beginning of the fluttering within her, the gentle tightening that signaled that she was nearly as close as I was. I wouldn't let go before she did though.

I let my hand snake between us once more, finding the little bundle of nerves that I knew would push her over the edge into ecstasy. With barely a brush, she was writhing against the sheets, clawing at my bare ass and pressing me deeper into her to find her release.

And we did, together.

I felt her quiver, her body holding me close and drawing my spirit into her as I pulsed and stilled. All at once, I felt both weak and strong. Physically, I was exhausted, but I had never felt more powerful than I did the moment she looked at me with so much love and adoration. I knew I was bound to her forever. Perhaps it wasn't the same way she and Lissa were bound, but it was powerful in its own way.

I laid my forehead against her shoulder, brazenly rubbing my cheek against her breast and relishing in the laugh it elicited from her. My body still hovered over her, still joined to prolong our connection as long as humanly possible. When it was no longer an option, I fell beside her on the bed, tucking her under my arm and pulling her close to feel every inch of her body against me. Even that wasn't sufficient though, so my other hand took up the task of tracing her every curve.

As the draft began to seep into the cabin again, robbing us of the warmth we had created together and reminding me of the outside world that lay waiting behind those log walls, I pulled the old frayed quilt around us in an attempt to shield her and protect our sanctuary a little longer.

"I love you, Roza." I kissed her forehead, brushing my fingers through her hair freely. "I'll always be here for you. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

I knew the words were dangerous, and even as I spoke them, I knew it was a promise I had no way of keeping it, despite my sincere desire to. I was bound by my mark to put Lissa first, to put all Moroi first. I could be killed in battle or transferred to a new charge at any moment, and I would have no say in the matter. If someone found out about us, they would certainly separate us without a second thought.

Plus, there was still the matter of what happened with Rose earlier tonight. Her breakdown with the darkness, or whatever had ultimately lead to her attacking Ralph and Jesse. The repercussion of that couldn't be ignored or overlooked, and I knew the moment we made it back to campus, there would be a serious discussion with Alberta about her future here at the academy and as a guardian in general.

I couldn't tell her that though. Not now. Not when she was looking at me with such adoration, still glowing from our tryst.

"And I won't let anything happen to you. I love you too."

I kissed her quickly, cutting off any other words she could try to promise me. I would rather have just now, this moment, with her. Even if it didn't last forever, I could live in this one perfect moment. And if I thought it over and over enough, perhaps I'd begin to believe it.

After a few minutes of silence, with only the sound of our steady breathing and the wind between the trees and rafters to break up the quiet, she spoke.

"Do you remember Victor's lust charm?"

My fingers had been weaving absent minded patterns in her hair but her comment pulled my short and I looked at her questioningly. "Of course." I could sooner forget the color of the sky.

"I didn't realize it could get better." I watched in wonder as the gentle smile, the smile she seemed to reserve for me, spread across her face. Quickly though, her cheeks tinged pink before she hid her face in my bare chest, settling once she found my heartbeat. "I thought about it all the time...what happened between us."

It took me half a second, but once I realized the reason for her sudden blush, I resisted the urge to smirk and instead turned to face her fully, wrapping the blankets closer around us.

"I did too."

"You did?" The surprise in her voice was hard to miss and well justified. Granted, I preferred that over disgust or anger, which might have been just as justified. "I thought...I don't know. I thought you were too disciplined for that. I thought you'd try to forget it."

I laughed, nipping at her neck and soothing the bite with a kiss as she squirmed in my grasp. "Rose, how could I forget being naked with someone as beautiful as you? I stayed awake so many nights, replaying every detail. I told myself over and over that it was wrong, but you're impossible to forget."

I had tried to forget at first, I had tried to be as disciplined as she thought of I was, in control of my desires and urges, especially after the lust charm...but the truth was that I was a goner long before that night, even if I wasn't willing to admit it.

Not that taking things into our own hands was something that a guardian wasn't used to. It was often that or meaningless one night stands, which certainly wasn't my thing, but a person had to get by somehow. It was a lonely life, after all, but I never meant to drag Rose into my fantasies. It would start with a flash of dark hair, or a familiar laugh that I'd have a hard time placing in the moment, or the seemingly harmless thought of _maybe...no...just once._

Of course that changed the closer Rose and I became, and especially after the lust charm. It became nearly impossible to imagine any other woman. It would only lead to frustration in the end. Granted, if I allowed myself to think of her, it only led to intense self-loathing. Caught in the catch-22, I had tried to go without and my resulting cold showers, bitterness, and self-denial often led me to taking out my dissatisfaction on her, even though it wasn't her fault in the least. I did eventually accept my humanity and gave into my private sin, for my own sanity and for our friendship in general. I couldn't be snapping at her daily simply because I was unable to deal with my own guilt.

But now this, knowing just how beautiful she looked, being able to picture her in every perfect detail, I knew there was no going back. The curve of her breast, the trio of freckles on her left shoulder, the way her body was strong and taut, but still somehow so soft and feminine. There was no way I'd ever be able to get her out of my mind. Ever. I'd never forget the way she sounded when she called my name as she shattered under my touch, or how her eyes lit up when I ran my lips across her breast to draw her nipple tight. I would never forget the feeling of holding her now, in these quiet moments that were just ours, savoring every second I could before we had to return to reality.

"You're burned into my mind forever," I promised her. "There is nothing, _nothing_ in this world that will ever change that."

* * *

I found my shoe under the bed, thankful for the length of my arms when I saw how far I had kicked in underneath in my hurry to undress earlier. When I emerged from the cover of the blankets, I could see Rose tugging her bra over her head. It was a shame to watch each layer of cloth hide another inch of her skin that I had just discovered. We didn't have time to relish in the luxury of privacy, though. It had been hours, and someone was bound to come looking for us soon.

"Roza, could you hand me my shirt?"

She glanced over her shoulder with a smile before picking up the discarded item in question. "This shirt?"

I held out my hand as she made her way to me, getting distracted by the obvious sway in her hips that I knew was purely for my benefit. Just before I could take it, Rose snatched it away from my reach.

"No...I don't think I will. I prefer you like this." Her eyes raked over my bare chest, and I loved the way they sparkled with the same mischief that tinted her grin.

"Roza..." my voice was nearly a low growl, but my warning was anything but menacing. I could see the thought in her mind, the twitch in her legs. I moved towards her just as she started to bolt, catching her around the waist and picking her up as she giggled into my shoulder. Roza fell with a bounce onto the bed, my body pinning hers against the mattress.

Somewhere between her capture and her imprisonment, I had started laughing with Rose, and the sound of us both so carefree, even for a moment, was nearly as intoxicating as her pleasured moans had been earlier. I couldn't tell which I preferred, so I kissed her until I drew another contented hum from her lips.

_Her moan,_ I decided, _definitely her moan._

I watched as her eyes fluttered open again and her tongue darted out to savor the last taste of my kiss on her lips. "What's that for?"

_For every time I should have kissed you like that._ I hesitated saying the words out loud, not wanting to push her further than she was ready to go. In the past two hours, I had declared my love for her and had been given her virginity. It was a lot for me to grasp at the moment, and I could only imagine it was quite a bit for her too, especially with everything else going on. I wasn't going to dwell on future though, not when right now was absolute perfection.

I stared down at her, watching the pulse beat in her neck, the gentle rise and fall of her breast with each breath, and the way she squirmed slightly under my study. I could tell that she was still not completely comfortable being so exposed to me, but I could stare at her forever.

"You're beautiful, Roza. So beautiful."

She bit her lip, shyly looking away from me. I didn't understand how she could even question just how stunning she was, how much she captivated me.

My voice dropped to a whisper, drawing her towards me, "A large part of me would love to stay here with you, forever, in this bed where nobody could find us."

She smiled, but the rise in her brow made me furrow mine.

"Nice choice of words there, Comrade." I didn't understand until a moment later when her hips rose to meet mine as she rubbed herself suggestively against the fly of my jeans. The involuntary groan from me made her giggle again.

This girl would be the death of me, but oh what a sweet death it would be. My lips met hers once more, and I knew it would be a few minutes longer before we would be ready to leave this cabin.

* * *

Eventually, we did manage to get fully dressed. Rose pulled her hair up into a disheveled knot, effectively hiding the evidence of what I had done to her. _Well, any evidence that wasn't hidden underneath her clothing_ , I thought with a smirk as I remembered the developing mark on the still flushed skin right above her heart where I might have been a bit overzealous. I rubbed my neck where I was sure there were a few new marks as well, and I hoped that they blended well enough with the bruises everywhere else from field experience.

I straightened the blankets on the bed, brushing my hair from my eyes and gently cursing the fact that my own hair tie was lost forever somewhere in the depths of those sheets. It was worth it. As the last crease was smoothed over, I could see Rose staring wistfully where my hand lingered. I didn't want to leave either, but it was time.

I walked over, stealing her attention once more with the brush of my hand against hers. She opened her palm, allowing our fingers to intertwine as I offered her one last kiss. It was sweet and gentle, with none of the desperation that we had both felt earlier. It was my apology that we couldn't stay. It was my promise that we would come back.

One deep breath and I opened the door, letting in the world around us and stepping into the dark of night.

We walked hand in hand, still not quite willing to let go. Her happiness was infectious, stilling my nerves and worry as we made each step closer to the Academy. I had no idea what would happen from here, but it was obvious that we would need to talk about what had just happened and what would happen soon.

As we walked, I began to formulate plans in my mind. I would obviously fight hard to keep Rose at the Academy, to get the school to allow her to remain in the running to become a guardian or to at least graduate. However, if that wasn't possible though, if expulsion was the only option, I knew I had enough savings for a one way ticket to Baia. I had been hoping to go home soon, but a last minute ticket would be more expensive. Plus, I doubt the school would allow me to accompany her over to Russia. It wasn't exactly how I was hoping to introduce Rose to my family, but I would rather send her there and know she was safe, than to worry about her on her own. I knew my mother would take care of her, and as soon as I could, I would come see her. Once things settled...we'd figure things out...

Suddenly, Rose stopped, pulling my hand behind me as I tried to move forward.

She wasn't looking at me though, or anything else as far as I could tell. She looked pale and somewhat sick. For a moment I wondered if everything had just hit her and she was now regretting what happened between us.

"What's wrong?"

"Do you see him?" Her panicked whisper cut me to the soul.

I tried to see what she was focused on, but there was nothing except still air in front of her. "See who?"

"Mason."

Perhaps she was on the verge of another panic attack or whatever had happened earlier and I started debating if we should go to the academy or the cabin. The academy was closer by now, barely, but I wasn't sure I wanted to bring her back there until I knew what we were dealing with. I couldn't have her attacking someone again.

"Rose...we should go back..."

She didn't move, resisting against my gentle pull back towards the cabin. Her focus intensified on the nothingness. "What? What is it?"

My worry intensified. She was talking to...nothing. I didn't know how to handle it; how to handle her. I looked between her and the spot she seemed to be seeing the hallucination while I tried to figure out what to do next.

Her questioning turned to desperate begging. "Tell me!"

Just as I was about to pick her up and drag her to the clinic if necessary, I heard it. The words were so soft, almost as if it was the wind and not a human voice. But they were clear, and so was the memory of whom that voice belonged to.

Mason's words haunted me like his ghost haunted Rose. "They're...coming..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else need a quick breather? I'd like to apologize for taking so long on this but thank you for your patience and I hope it was worth the wait. I had a wonderful time writing this and I want to give a big thank you to Raissa for her beta work and a special thank you to Em (ObjectiveHeartMuscle) for agreeing to preread for me to help get this chapter just right for you guys. If you haven't read her work yet, check it out, and you'll see why there is no one else I'd trust more to help put the finishing touches on this. I even have a little call back to one of my favorite stories of her's in here. If you can find it, I'll give you 10 brownie points!
> 
> I have to know what you think though now! Obviously this was a little more intense and graphic than what I've done in the past. By request of some, I also tried to keep it realistic with some more "real" moments and not just the "magic" ones. I hope it was up to par :)
> 
> As far as everything OUTSIDE that particular scene...Dimitri planning to send Rose to Olena's if she's expelled, a little clarity on our question from the author's note from last chapter, and HE HEARD MASON! Any theories?
> 
> This week's Question of the Week is: Who is your favorite fictional character? Now, this doesn't have to be in the VA universe.
> 
> For me, I have to to say Peeta Mellark. Not as a potential BF/hubs (though I wouldn't say no to him or actor J. Hutch) but because I really admire his ability to stay optimistic through so much and continue to hope and see the good, even when others couldn't. I can also identify with parts of his journey to the point where I have considered writing The Hunger Games from Peeta's POV but I don't think I can because I'm literately terrified about revealing too much of myself when writing him. And not the good parts, either. Maybe someday, but not yet.
> 
> Also, while I know Elizabeth Bennet is the more witty of these two Jane Austin heroines, for some reason I'm drawn more to Fanny Price of Manfield Park. They're both great characters honestly, I just MP as a story a little more.
> 
> Please take a moment to review and leave me your thoughts as well as send a little thank you to those lovely ladies who helped me out this week. If you haven't already, please follow, favorite and share as well. I know it was a long time coming for this one, but I truly hope it was worth the wait!


	23. Chapter 23

I waited for another sound. Anything. Something else to confirm that I wasn't crazy. I had just heard Mason's voice, quiet but clear. Rose was right. I may not have seen him, but I heard him. However, the woods were silent as the grave. Not even sound of a bird or small animal disturbed the stillness around us. That in and of itself should have been a warning.

"Dimitri! There are Strig-"

I heard the break of the branch just a half second before I saw him. Pale face, red eyes, and deathly fast as he came towards us at lightning speed. Thankfully, he went for me instead of Rose first. She stayed back, armed with little more than her practice stake, while I did my best to concentrate on the enemy in front on me. It was a difficult battle initially, but if I allowed myself even a moment to remember that she was behind me, that if I failed, she would most likely die...

That was all the motivation I needed. My stake pierced the creature's heart quickly, taking him by surprise before I shoved him to the ground forcefully.

I turned to check on her, seeing her silently looking me over for every single mark I might have received. Both of us seemingly satisfied, we scanned the woods for more threats. It was still too quiet and I knew this wasn't over. From the look on her face, she did too.

Time slowed, just for a moment, as I weighed our severely limited options. One silver stake between us, an unknown amount of enemies, no radio for back up and my phone with a dead battery, wards that were obviously down despite the implausibility of Rose's earlier warning, and an entire school at risk. It was no longer about just us.

"Rose. Listen to me. Run. Run as fast and as hard as you can back to your dorm. Tell the guardians."

She didn't fight me. She didn't argue. She didn't question me. She just nodded.

I reached out, gripping her upper arms, making sure I had her full attention.

"Do not stop. No matter what you hear, not matter what you see, _do not stop_. Not until you've warned the others. Don't stop unless you're directly confronted. Do you understand?"

She nodded again, and I could see the understanding start to click. I wasn't coming with her.

"Tell them _buria_."

One last nod. I could hear another branch breaking in the distance behind me. It was far off, but not far enough.

"Run."

She turned and ran, just like I had taught her. Never had I been so grateful for every single early morning practice than I was the moment I saw her for the last time. There was no time to dwell on that fact though, no time to wish that I had told her goodbye or 'I love you' or even wish that I had given her one last kiss. My next assailant was on me an instant later.

He hit me hard on the left side, and I knew that speed was going to be my best chance. With no idea how long I'd be fighting, and how many I'd be fighting, I needed to take down each person as quickly as possible. I could already see another Strigoi coming as my stake drove into his chest. She was a bit quicker, but she had been human in another life and I had almost two feet of height on her so that extra arm reach came in handy.

The silence that followed was nerve wracking, only lasting a second or two before I started shouting, hitting the nearby trees, and doing anything and everything to create noise. I wanted to draw as much attention towards me as possible. The more Strigoi that came my way, the less that would follow Rose.

_She should be there by now. She made it. I know she did._ My thoughts were my only desperate comfort right now. _She had to have made it._

I came across few more attackers as I slowly made my way back towards campus, torn between following in Rose's footsteps to help her if I came across her, and taking another path all together so I could keep diverting Strigoi from the Academy as long as possible. In the end, I trusted Rose's capabilities and went with the later, but by the time I made the clearing, I realized it didn't matter at all. The Academy was under full attack.

We were prepared for this though. After the attacks on the Badica and Drozdov households, the school guardians began to look into the possibility of a sudden assault on the Academy with multiple aggressors and created a full lockdown procedure. Slowly for the past several months, we had been running drills for a large scale attack. We had never done a test run full scale with all the guardians, and never while all the students were present, but we had been running them in small groups.

I was part of group D, which was in charge of securing the staff housing for Moroi teachers and administrators. Some guardians were in place protecting Moroi upper class students, others were at the novices' dorms, and everyone was doing their part to get others to safety while trying to stay alive themselves. Unfortunately, not all were succeeding. I could already see some recognizable faces staring up at me from the ground with dead eyes, but I couldn't stop. They were gone, and I had a job to do.

Not following orders, diverting from the plan, that's the easiest way to get yourself killed. That doesn't mean you couldn't do absolutely everything right and still die, but when there was a plan, holding to it was not only was it your best chance, but was also the best chance for others as well. That meant following protocol...at least for now, and trusting that whoever had found Rose had done the same and gotten her to safety with the other students.

I made it to my post after nearly everyone else, finding almost everyone else was already in place. They weren't waiting for me, not able to count on whether or not I was still alive. Guardians were in position and defending the lower floors while sequestering the teachers and other staff to the upper floors. As long as we could keep them from overtaking the first floor, the Moroi would be safe. It was the same idea in the Moroi and novices' dorms. We even had safe rooms in the academic buildings just in case we weren't able to get everyone to the dorms in time.

Not all guardians were limited to the buildings though. Many were on the grounds, ideally keeping the Strigoi from ever getting to the buildings in the first place. In this building, it was working perfectly, without a single issue. In fact, I could feel the tension from other men and women beside me, that itch to get out and help with the battle, building. It fed my own nerves, especially as we listened to the sounds of fighting outside and the updates over the radio.

"We've had a breach in the Moroi students' dorms." The voice was a crackle over the broadcast but my ears were attuned to its familiar breaking rasp. While any update set us on edge, this one in particular couldn't be ignored. This one required further action.

With the staff housing relatively quiet and it took barely a moment to agree to send part of our group to assist. I left with half our team, racing the short distance between the two complexes, and only stopping to take out a couple of Strigoi who tried to attack us on our way.

The breach had made the second level of the dorms, and while some of our team helped secure the first level of the Moroi dorms, I went with the other group to the second level to hopefully keep the Strigoi from making it any further. Thankfully, we were in the one building that had a whole extra team that we hadn't planned on when we had been running all our practice runs: nearly graduated novices.

Sure, they had been only armed with practice stakes initially, but it seemed that they had somehow found silver stakes by the time I had arrived. Whether they had been given extras by other guardians, or had picked them up off of fallen guardians (a seemingly uncaring but prudent necessity at this moment) they were now defending the third floor from above while we secured it from below. The additional forces were exactly what we needed to defeat the larger group that had tried to overtake the building.

Not all of the Strigoi were killed though. A few had escaped from broken windows, and after a moment to make sure that we had resecured the dorm sufficiently, I was on the field fighting any enemy I could find, aiding any friend I could save. Slowly, one by one, their numbers began to decline faster than ours.

I was still near the Moroi dorms when the fighting began to calm down enough to the point that I felt safe searching for Rose. I figured that Lissa would be the first person she would seek out to protect, so the princess was my first goal as well. Several guardians were already checking in on the students when I arrived, and while some of the senior novices seemed injured, most of the students seemed just fine.

"Dimitri!" I heard Lissa calling to me from the far side of the lounge. It was the first time I had ever heard her use my given name, but I would recognize her voice instantly.

"Princess," my steps reached her quickly. "Are you okay? Safe?"

"We're fine, Belikov." Adrian seemed a bit shaky, but by the way he kept reaching between his pockets, I wasn't sure if it had more to do with the attack or the fact that it had been several hours since he had indulged in any of his vices. "Eddie had things covered until things got hairy, then he led the novices down to help the guardians. We haven't seen him since, but I think he's still helping out."

My thoughts briefly acknowledged Castile again, grateful for his dedication to his – our – charge. While his assignment was only temporary during the trials, he took it seriously and I had no doubt that he would have laid down his life tonight if necessary, just as much as Rose or I would have. Coupling that with his friendship to Rose herself, and I knew I owed him a large debt of gratitude and friendship. I'd have to find a way to repay him later.

"Where's Rose? Did she make it up to you?"

I had my answer the moment Lissa's eyes widened in surprise "No -"

"What do you mean?" Adrian sounded outraged. "She was with you!"

"I sent her back. She was safer here."

"Hathaway?" I turned at her name, seeing Guardian Alto pause in his attention to one of the novice's wounds. "She was the one to give the Buria call. She found me outside the novice dorms and I sent her inside immediately after for lockdown. She's probably still there."

I nodded my thanks to him, briefly assuring Lissa and Adrian that she would be fine before moving quickly past the commotion on the first floor and towards novices' dorms.

It seems my luck ran out the moment we had stepped outside of those cabin walls, though. While Alberta confirmed that she had seen Rose (and properly armed her, thank God), nobody could tell me where she was now. Petrov had sent her to watch over the younger students and keep them calm. Another guardian had asked her to cover a small hallway with a window on the second floor; a window that was now open. My nerves began to fray even more when I heard reports begin to come in that while some Strigoi were retreating, they were taking captives with them.

Finally, I overheard the information I needed. Emil was getting stitches along a jagged cut on his ribcage, wincing slightly as another guardian pulled the skin together to sew the wound close.

"You should have seen Hathaway and that Ozera kid. I've never seen anything like it. I told her myself that she had no business bringing him out there but they were holding their own better than any other guardian. Even when I was being dragged from the field, they were still taking on Strigoi. For all I know, they still are. The elementary campus was more overrun than the main campus. If it weren't for th-"

The distance between the two campuses wasn't far. They were only separated by a downhill slope. The biggest divide between the two campuses was one more of age and social concerns than anything else. In times like this, those were easily crossed without a second thought, and as I reached the peak of the hill, I could see the last of the spectacle that Emil had spoken about.

Rose and Christian fought side by side, working as a team and protecting one another as partners. Yuri battled his own demons nearby, but even his skilled fighting served only to provide a contrast to how efficiently Rose and Christian worked together.

Christian's short bursts of magic gave a distraction or quick disability, just enough to offer Rose an opening for a kill shot before moving onto the next. Before I could even make it to the bottom of the hill, she had driven her stake through the last body and her eyes searched widely for another victim.

"There are no others," I assured her, still shocked at what I had just witnessed but more happy than anything else just to see her alive. Her face was covered in dirt, her clothing torn and bloody, but she was alive and full of life. "They're either dead or have run away."

Rose turned, her battle-worn weariness melting the moment she saw me. I could see the same look in her eyes that I felt in every muscle in my body; the longing just to hold her and never let go. When I lost sight of her in the woods, I wasn't sure I would ever see her again. In fact, I was fairly certain I wouldn't. I was ready to die to let her have a chance at living.

But now, with the sun peeking over the horizon, we had both lived to see another day.

"What you two did-"

"Was stupid?"

I shook my head, quickly dismissing her suggestion. "One of the most amazing things I've ever seen." I looked around again, not only at the immediate facility, but also at all of the visible expanse of the campus around us. "Half of those are yours."

Silently, Yuri nodded in agreement. After quickly looking over Christian for any visible signs of injury, he was now inspecting a mark on his arm where he must have taken a fall. It didn't look serious, but it probably would hurt tomorrow. Honestly, he seemed more interested our conversation than anything else.

It was the dark whisper, the sense of dread in Rose's voice, that pulled me back to her and the topic at hand.

"There are more than just Strigoi bodies there." She was staring about ten yards away at the body of a fallen guardian with long, dark hair matted with blood and it took every ounce of strength in my body not to grab Rose's hand to reassure me that she was here, by my side, and not lying dead in the grass.

Now was not the time though. Steeling my mask, I spoke again. "I know. We lost a lot of people, in all senses of the word".

"What do you mean?" Christian, who hadn't physically fought but had spent significant energy in magic use and looked fairly weak, frowned as he leaned on Rose for support.

I turned to face them both, sharing the same news that I had heard earlier. "The Strigoi killed some Moroi and dhampirs. And some...some they carried away."

Sometimes even the light can't chase the harsh realities of morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda makes you wish those two would have just stayed in the cabin...right? But how many things would have been different if they had? How many more lives would have been lost? And when will Rose stop giving Dimitri heart attacks?! She's gonna make the poor man go grey!
> 
> This week's Question of the Week is: How often do you agree with critics about a book?
> 
> Personally, I don't typically read/listen to critics about books, but I often end up finding some of my favorites making the best seller's lists. That being said, I've also found some good ones that never reach any sort of fame so take that for what you will. I wont base my opinion solely on what a critic says though and will typically take a recommendation from a friend over a best seller's list any day.
> 
> Thank you again for all the AMAZING support, love, and reviews on the last chapter. I'm thrilled that it was so well received and I think I was able to respond to every review. If I missed you, I'm sorry. With over 50 review on that chapter alone, I think I lost track of some. However, I read and appreciated every single one and I am so grateful for all of you who took the time to read this story (including some who have read it multiple times!) I am truly blessed.
> 
> Don't forget to favorite, follow and share! I look forward to hearing your thoughts in the reviews :) THANK YOU AGAIN!


	24. Chapter 24

There were several meetings over the next few hours. Initially, Rose had asked to take part, and after her performance at the elementary campus I think anyone would have agreed to her request, except me. Perhaps some already saw Rose as just another guardian, but all I could see was my Roza: worn, battle weary, and deserving so much more than what this night had given her.

"Rest, Rose. You fought hard tonight. I promise, I'll tell you everything I learn as soon as I can."

While she had finally relented, I hadn't missed the worried look she gave me before leaving and I didn't blame her for it. I didn't want to let her go either, sending her away, even for a short time and under the protection of daylight seemed unnatural. I wanted to keep her by my side where I knew she was safe and protected.

In the end, our numbers were much better than we initially imagined. That isn't to say they were good, or that we were celebrating the battle as a success by any means, but the total loss of life was much less than what it should have been with an attack of this scale. I'd say it was better than we could have predicted, except we never predicted an attack this size.

By our estimation, there was at least fifty Strigoi who had attacked the school. It was actually a conservative estimate, and the number might have been as high as seventy-five. It was hard to tell in situations like these. We had managed to kill twenty-eight. While that number seemed impressive, it was daunting when you realized that all of our planning and practices had been for a group attack of about twenty-five to thirty. Two days ago, that number had seemed unimaginable to the guardian council. Today was another story entirely.

However, casualties were found on both sides. We lost twelve guardians. Fifteen Moroi had also been killed, though many were teachers or staff that had sacrificed their lives to save students or had been caught on the grounds since they weren't confined by curfew hours. Finally, a group of thirteen, both Moroi and dhampir, had been taken captive. Many of this final group were students and they were already counted as dead. As they listed off the names, there was one in particular that griped my heart in pain:

_Edison Castile._

Rose has lost yet another friend. I didn't know how I would break this news to her, or if she had even figured it out on her own yet. I certainly hoped she wasn't on her own when she realized that Eddie was missing. She had been alone for Mason's death. She shouldn't have to be alone for this, too.

They did credit Rose's early warning to Stan as one of the reasons why so many lives were saved. The extra minutes that it bought them gave the guardians time to finish the lockdown quickly. There was also a small note that Rose and Christian's joint efforts, witnessed by Yuri, had been crucial in keeping Strigoi from breaching the elementary dorms. Yuri even went as far as to say that they might have taken on as many as ten Strigoi on their own, which would be unheard of for a single guardian.

The next step was bringing in some temporary guardians to assist with security. With many guardians dead, and many more injured or even incapacitated in some cases, the Academy needed assistance from others. The first flights would arrive within hours. Until then, we were scrambling with altered schedules. The wards had been immediately resecured and were now under constant guard.

Several guardians had to volunteer for immediate duty however. Even though it would only be a short shift, it would still be exhausting after a battle. I welcomed the opportunity to calm down and breathe a little after the attack and aftermath though. Not to mention everything that had come before. I still had yet to really think about it all and process. At the moment, all patrol positions were being done in pairs for extra security, so I wouldn't get the silence I desperately wanted, but if I was lucky I would have a quiet partner who was happy to keep to himself.

When Yuri clasped my shoulder, I didn't know if I should be relieved or disappointed. He certainly wouldn't be quiet or keep to himself, but if there was anyone who would be happy to help me 'process' it would be him.

"How are you holding up, 'Comrade'?"

I shot him a glare and his hands shot up in surrender. "Got it, I don't get to use the nickname."

We walked quietly towards the start of our patrol, the early daylight hours unusually busy since the Academy was switching to a daytime schedule for the time being. It would be uncomfortable for the Moroi students, but it would be safer for them at the moment. By midday, the place would be as busy as any human school.

"Your girl did great today."

I smiled, a small sense of pride washing over me. "She did. She shouldn't have had to fight, but I'm glad she did well."

"She did more than well, Dimitri. She did better than all of us. Part of it was your training of course, but part of it is just...her. She's not afraid of pushing the boundaries. Fighting with Ozera...that was amazing."

"It was reckless." I had to say it, just for propriety sake, but the moment I did, I smiled at him and let my true thoughts be known. "But it really was something, wasn't it? Could you image how much more effective we'd be if the Moroi fought _with_ us? I'm not saying that they even have to put their lives at risk any more than they do now, and they certainly don't have to go into battle like Christian did with Rose," because that was fairly reckless, "but just in defense... less Moroi casualties, less dhampir casualties."

"My friend, I do believe love has made you an idealist."

"I'm afraid that I can't afford to be an idealist or in love though, Yuri."

"We'll you're already screwed on one of those," I tried not to let his particular choice of words get to me, "Don't think I didn't notice how you were significantly more worried about Rose than Christian, the Moroi, when you found the pair on the elementary campus. Thankfully you had checked on Lissa first, even though I know that was probably just a stroke of luck while you were _looking_ for Rose. But, I think I might have a solution for you."

My head snapped to him so quickly, I nearly tripped over my own two feet. He grinned at me like the Cheshire cat.

"It came to me a little while ago. With Lissa being the last Dragomir, she'll most likely be trained up in politics at Court, right?"

I nodded in agreement. She was planning on school at Leigh, but ultimately, she'd probably fulfill her political career at Court. Eventually, she'd be expected to take her family's rightful place on the Council.

"And Rose would likely be her guardian?"

"Actually, maybe not. After what happened with Jesse, who knows if they'll let her graduate. She might be expelled, even. If they consider her too unstable, they won't let her become a guardian, much less one deemed acceptable for the Princess."

Yuri looked at the ground for a few moments, before speaking again. "Have you spoken to Alberta yet about that?"

"No. No time."

"Well, be sure to do so first, but after her actions in battle, I doubt anyone is going to remember how she defended her charge from the attack of another threat who sought to do her bodily harm." He cocked his eye at me, suggesting the wording I should use to defend Rose if needed.

"And then what?"

"And then it's just a matter of whether or not you are willing to put your pride and career over your love?"

As Yuri offered his plan, I saw for the first time the possibility of a future for Rose and me. One where we could be together without sacrificing our careers, or Lissa's safety, and still remain happily together. For once...I saw hope.

* * *

I had barely three hours rest before I was back at the guardian lounge, our current home base for strategic planning, scheduling the next wave of incoming assistance when the sea of guardians parted for two infamous Hathaway women. Their purposeful walk, and the slight disapproving scowl of Rose's mother, was more than enough to catch my attention and draw me away from the map I was poring over.

"What's going on?" I tried to seem aloof and professional with so many around, but it was damn near impossible, especially combined with my lack of sleep and the events of the past few days. I gave into my emotions slightly, resisting touching her but asking a quick 'are you okay?' to satisfy my need to reassure my own worry.

She brushed my concern off though, hastily replying with her own purpose. "I think we should launch a rescue mission."

"You know we -"

" -don't usually do that. Yeah yeah. And I know we don't know where they are...except, I might."

My brows furrowed, curious as to how she could possibly know.

Rose looked over towards her mother, who had already gone to speak to someone else about the change in security rounds, leaving us alone for the time being, and dropped her voice to a low whisper. "Mason."

I remained silent, no longer able to refute what or who she claimed to see, but still unwilling to fully admit it to myself. I still had yet to really think about and accept the fact that I had heard Mason's voice.

"I saw him right before the Strigoi attacked us that night. He was trying to warn me, to warn us, about the attack. Mason's locked out now because the wards are back up but somehow...I think he knows where the Strigoi are. I think he could show us where they are."

Despite everything, I still had my doubts. It wasn't a matter of believing anymore. I trusted Rose, and I knew what I heard. I simply didn't _want_ to believe that Spirit could have this much of an effect on her. It was one thing when it connected her to Lissa and made her a more effective guardian for the Princess. Seeing ghosts and speaking to them was something else. Would that eventually be abused by others like Victor tried to abuse Lissa's powers? And then there was the Spirit Darkness that threatened Rose's sanity that we still hand not idea how to fully control...

"Come on! You have to believe me after what happened."

Her harsh and pleading whisper broke me from my thoughts. She was right. She wasn't asking me to fix anything right now. We knew both I couldn't do that. All she was asking was for me to believe her and support her. Even if I was terrified of where it might lead, I could do that.

"I'm still having a hard time with that, but okay. Suppose this is true. You think he can just lead us? You can ask him and he'll do it?"

"Yeah, I think I can." The certainty in her voice was enough to build my own confidence. "I've been fighting him all this time, but I think if I actually try to work with him, he'll help. I think that's what he's always wanted. He knew the wards were weak and that the Strigoi had been lying in wait. The Strigoi can't be too far away from us... they had to have stopped for daylight and hidden out somewhere. We might be able to get to them before the captives die. And once we get close enough, _I_ can actually find them."

"What do you mean?"

"I get this sort of nauseous feeling whenever they are close. I can fight through it, but it's a great early warning system. I felt it about the same time I saw Mason in the woods, but none of the other times. And it helped quite a bit while fighting with Christian."

I couldn't help but sigh, adding yet another strange list of Spirit quirks that Rose seemed to be gathering. I was going to need to start writing them down here soon.

"But Mason isn't here," I reminded her. "You said he can't get through the wards. How will you get him to help us?

The smile Rose gave me was one that I was fairly familiar with, but in a much different setting. Usually she reserved it for getting out of trouble, or when she was trying to weasel out of the last five minutes of practice, or once in a very desperate dream, to steal a kiss from me that might have ended up becoming a little more...

Either way, I was helplessly at her command whenever I saw it. Part of me thought she knew it too.

"Take me to the front gates?"

I told Alberta that I was going to investigate something, promising that if it yielded anything that I would report back immediately. I was caught firmly in the middle of whether or not I actually wanted to explain a hopeful plan to save several people and a plan that was dependent on information from a ghost and a girl that some still thought of as crazy.

I knew that I should want to save those students and other innocent lives not matter what, but I also knew that it would be heartbreaking to Rose if we could get that information only to falter in its execution because the information was deemed unreliable by others. The loss of Mason was great, and losing Eddie would be too. There was a decent chance that even if we did get approval for the rescue mission, he could already be gone. I couldn't imagine what that loss would do to her already fragile state of mind. Rose was strong, one of the strongest people I knew, but even the strong can falter. Even the strong need support. Rose was there for me in ways that I didn't even know I needed or wanted. Even when I pushed her away at first, she stood by me. I wanted to be there for her now.

When we made it to the front gate, I made the request for them to open the gate and let us through. The shock on their face made it look as if I had asked them to personally let Strigoi in. Yes, letting a student and guardian outside the main gate unscheduled, even under normal circumstances, was unusual, but it was hardly worthy of quite that reaction. I was thankful for Alberta's unwavering trust when they radioed her for final approval, but I knew I'd have a question or two from her even if this didn't pan out now.

"I promise, it will only be for a few moments."

Still, they only opened it wide enough for one of us to pass through at a time, and Rose had a much easier time of it than I did. I still insisted on going first, had a second stake on me just in case (not that in mattered, since it seems like Rose was keeping the one that she had managed to snag during the battle) so I guess I could understand some of the paranoia, but Strigoi became the least of my worries as we stepped over the ward lines.

For me, it was nothing. The barrier was a line on the ground that was outlined by stone markers and the worn path of guardian footfalls of years of regular patrol. However, the moment Rose stepped over the invisible line, her eyes squeezed shut and I could hear a small whimper of pain.

Cautiously, she glanced around at the nothingness, seeing things that I couldn't.

"Go away," she commanded, quietly but still with authority. "I don't have time for you. Go."

I peered over my shoulder at the guard post. With little else to do in their shack, two strangers outside the gate was probable the highlight of their hour and they were bound to be watching us and listening intently. I didn't exactly want them to be witnessing this show. As expected, they were eagerly trying to see what was going on and probably speculating about what was happening, but I did my best to ignore it. Rose was my concern, not them.

When I looked back at her, she had a small smile on her lips. She was still focused, searching, but there seemed to be a bit of victory in her eyes now.

"You're okay?"

She nodded at my concern, still looking for something.

"Mason," she whispered, "I need you." A few moments passed before she spoke again, this time using that same authoritative voice from before. "Mason. _Please_. Come here."

With no other way to 'see' other than through her body language, all I could do was speculate, but it seemed like he wasn't coming. _Why would he abandon her now?_

She watched for him. I watched her. And finally, he came.

"You were making me look bad," she smiled, immediately sobering a second later. Apparently in the afterlife her friend wasn't quite as humorous as he was in life. "I'm sorry, I need your help again. We have to find them. We have to save Eddie."

Pause.

"Can you show me where they are?"

Rose turned, looking nearly directly behind us. I searched the same direction, trying to figure out what was out that way when she spoke again.

"They came in the back of campus?"

_The back of campus?_ There wasn't much back there except for some overgrown woods, Dornstan Pond, and a couple of the old guardian outposts. Beyond the wards there was just wilderness.

Rose's hand brushed my arm, "We need a map."

I didn't want to leave her alone for even a moment, but she wasn't, not truly. I trusted him in life, and I trusted Mason in death. A few seconds later, we had a map from one of the guardians on duty laid out on the ground before us.

Rose pointed to a spot near Dornstan Pond, where we had found Jesse and the others. "This is where they came in, isn't it? Where the wards first broke?"

The pond? The same place where we had found those students attacking Lissa? The same place where Spirit had nearly stolen her from me? I looked towards her for a confirmation, but she was still fully focused on the map in front of her and finding answers of her own.

"No, that's not right." Rose looked up at our unseen guide, "It can't be. This stretch of woods by the mountain has no roads. They'd have to go on foot, and it'd take too long to walk from the school on this other road. They wouldn't have enough time. They'd be caught in the daylight."

She seemed frustrated, practically arguing with the spirit. If anyone wanted to accuse her of using Mason as an excuse to bring an idea of hers to the table under the guise of some otherworldly power, there were much easier ways than fighting with a ghost for five minutes over a map. She had certainly drawn the attention of the other guardians at this point.

"They can't be there now. It's outside. They might have come in through the back, but they had to have left through the front – gotten in some kind of vehicle and took off."

When it seemed that Mason wouldn't relent on the matter, she finally asked me. "Is there any building or anything out there?" She pointed to a small area in a wooded section on the map flanking a mountainside. The irritability in her voice was clear. "He says they were going out to that road, but they couldn't have walked there before the sun came up and he claims they're there."

I looked at the map carefully, thinking of any information I could give her. I hadn't explored much beyond the ward lines since being here, never finding a reason to do so. I couldn't think of one structure that might be in that area, much less one large enough to hide a Strigoi party as big as the one that attacked us.

With great regret, I finally answered her, "Not that I know of." I gathered the map back, figuring I'd ask the other two men who had been here longer than I had. They had already witnessed most of this madness, why not ask them about this information too.

I hadn't even slipped through the gate before Stephen started questioning me. "What in the world are you guys doing?"

"You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you," I replied. _And I wouldn't know how to explain if I tried._

"Then what's the map for?"

"We're trying to figure out where the captives might be. If we can figure out their location quickly, we might be able to get a rescue party together. There are innocent students there, we have to at least try."

"And this information is found outside the gates?" Once again, Stephen seemed skeptical.

"I told you that you wouldn't believe me."

He gave me an accepting shrug, before I laid the map across the counter of the hut.

"You've been here a while, right? Can you tell me if there's anything out here?" I pointed to the same wooded area that Rose had showed me near the base of the mountain. "Any old buildings or anything like that?"

"Buildings? No." I could feel that sinking start to drag me down immediately. "However, there's a series of caves that we used to take some of the novices out two years ago. One of the geology teachers mapped them out. They were great for camping and exploring. You could explore them for hours and they were huge. Unfortunately, some of the caves became somewhat unstable some years back and there was some cave ins so we stopped."

"Caves? Really? How far?" I didn't want to build my hope too quickly.

"Not that far at all. Maybe five miles? The seniors could easily run it. We used to make them run with their packs on as part of their training." There was a fond memory in his laugh but I was stuck in my amazement. Mason and Rose had done it.

"Thank you. You...you have no idea."

"You're welcome?" In his confusion, Stephen watched me hastily fold the map again and rush outside the gate again to Rose.

"Rose..." I was still in shock, and watching her sit alone (or maybe not so alone) in the dirt road as she traced her fingertip in the gravel as she waited for my news was too much. She looked over hopefully and worried. "Stephen says there are caves right as the base of the mountain here."

She looked almost as astonished as I was, perhaps doubting that this would actually work, especially when the map seemed to yield no results. "Are they big enough -"

"Big enough for the Strigoi to hide out in until nighttime?" I nodded. "They are. And they're only five miles away."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a while for this one. No real excuse except to say that the weather has been nice and I've been enjoying it with family. We've been planting our back garden with peas and herbs and potatoes and carrots. All sorts of good things! Do any of you plant gardens?
> 
> This weeks Question of the Week: How do you feel about giving negative or bad reviews?
> 
> We are all typically happy to give good reviews, but bad reviews can sometimes be a mixed bag. Personally, I don't mind giving a negative review, as long as I do so honestly and without malicious intent. For example: I adore Vampire Academy (you may all gasp in surprise here, friends) but I actually don't enjoy the Bloodlines series all that much. I enjoy Sydney well enough, and she has some very admirable attributes. I actually love Adrian as a character, especially from the original novels. However, the story as a whole never seemed to capture me, and I felt that Mead lost touch with the personalities of some of her original characters (such as Rose and Dimitri) towards the end. Was it worth reading? If you enjoyed the VA, sure! Its a great way to continue the books. Would I personally read it again...probably not.
> 
> Overall, when I give a negative review, my hope is to leave an honest opinion of what I experienced while trying not to offend anyone who might have enjoyed the book or put their heart and soul into creating it. I also don't want to dissuade someone from taking a chance on a story by coming across as if I believe my opinion should be the final word on anything.
> 
> I should also mention that since I have actually started WRITING, the art of reviewing (both positive, neutral, corrective and negative) has taken a WHOLE new meaning and turn for me. I am so much more careful with my words because they really can hurt. Authors (and many betas, too) read every review posted here, and a super positive one can make you skip all day. Similarly, a negative one can leave you burning mad or make you doubt yourself for hours. You wonderful people have blessed me with mostly glowing reviews (THANK YOU!) and I've been so lucky in that respect, and I try hard to pass that on to others as well.
> 
> I don't leave negative reviews on fanfiction, though I'll occasionally add some critique to a positive review. Things like "I'd love to see more dialogue between the characters" or "I adore the premise of the story, but its a bit difficult to read since it keeps jumping back and forth between present and past tense." My hope is that with with some helpful guidance, we can encourage and foster a community of excited writers here.
> 
> Once again, thank you so much for all your love and support! Please take a moment to follow and favorite if you haven't done so already :) Can't wait to hear from you in the reviews!


	25. Chapter 25

Getting Guardian Petrov on board was going to be the most difficult part. I managed to get a private meeting with her before the larger meeting to debrief the guardians and pose the possible rescue to the group. If that was going to go forward though, she would need the information that Rose and I found. More importantly, she would want to know where I found that information and whether or not it was credible. That last stipulation was what was worrying me.

I had sent Rose to check on Lissa and the others, and while I could see the annoyance in her eyes at my thinly veiled and ultimately meaningless errand, I didn't want her present while I talked to Alberta. I knew Petrov would have some questions for me, and I had one fairly big question for her too.

I expected Alberta to be shuffling paperwork, fielding phone calls or somehow juggling a million tasks like she always somehow managed to do, no matter what the stress load put upon her required, but when I pushed open her office door – my knocks going unanswered – her head rested still against her desk. My senses went into overdrive for a moment until I saw her shift positions. Alberta had always seemed to be one of those guardians that never slept, surviving somehow on coffee alone, and a surprise assassination in her office was more logical than finding her asleep on the job.

I was about to leave – because if anyone deserved a few hours rest, it was her – when I heard a voice sleepily called me back.

"My apologies, Guardian Belikov. I wasn't expecting you quite so soon. Please sit, would you like something to drink?"

I accepted some black coffee, quickly jumping into my reason for meeting with her. I showed her the map and the caves near the back of the campus where Rose had told me the Strigoi were hiding, as well as showing Alberta where Rose theorized the Strigoi had broken in first. I also showed her the road that they would probably use to make their escape at the next nightfall.

All the while, Guardian Petrov listened intently, draining her cup and pouring a second while mine was left relatively untouched. The only acknowledgment she gave was the occasional nod. I had left the details of how, where, and who I had gotten the information from, but I knew it couldn't be avoided forever. I was hopeful, but not stupid.

"I know those caves. One of the Moroi geology teachers mapped them out years ago. They're huge, plenty big enough to hide that raiding party, but a landslide blocked both entrances." She shrugged and took another sip, rolling out her neck with a pop. "Granted, rocks and boulders probably wouldn't mean much to them..."

"No," I agreed, "Probably not."

"How did you figure this all out, Dimitri? We stopped doing the novice campouts years before your time here. And why were you at the gate with Rose?"

"It was actually Rose who figured this out, or at least how to find the information."

"And how, exactly, did she find this information?"

With a deep breath, I closed my eyes and braced for the rebuke I knew would follow. "Mason."

"You encouraged her delusions?" Her tone was actually much softer and less threatening than I expected, and I was a bit thankful that she wasn't fully awake quite yet.

"That's the thing, Al...Guardian Petrov; I'm not so sure they're delusions anymore. I think she's actually seeing him, or at least his ghost. I think this is another effect of her shadow-kissed condition." I wanted to bring up what Victor had said about her becoming closer to the world of the dead each time she dealt death herself, but I was already in hot water and didn't care to wade deeper in by mentioning out unapproved visit to him back before the trial. Instead, I stuck to instances that Alberta had seen herself. "The plane rides were excruciating for her, much more than a typical migraine should have been, and they only abated once we were inside the wards in Court. The shadows she saw, those were ghosts."

"She can't see ghosts inside the wards?"

"No," I answered. "Ideally, they keep all dead things out, ghosts included."

"Ideally?"

"Rose came to me with a theory a little while ago," I dipped my head, shamefully remembering the conversation between Rose and I in the chapel, "that the wards may have been weak. Not fully broken, but weak enough to let Mason through. I'm not sure why they would have been weakened like that, but I didn't take enough stock in it to look further. Now..."

She sat across from me, silently staring with a hint of pity and perhaps trying to judge if I was in fact crazy myself before asking me again. "So you think she is really seeing Mason?"

"I do."

"You seem pretty confident."

I held my tongue, practically feeling the hidden meaning behind her words.

"Are you sure you just don't _want_ her to see Mason? It's okay to want her to be alright, Dimitri. I know you care about her, so do I, but we need to be strong for her and we can't-"

"No!" I took a deep breath, holding it for a long pause before releasing it slowly. "I mean, no. I understand what you are saying, but no...that's not it. I...I heard him too."

Alberta seemed as shocked as I was at my admission. I hardly expected to tell her or anyone else. I hadn't even admitted it to Rose yet. Like that, it just came spilling out, or most of it at least, "I swear, it was his voice. I know how crazy it sounds, but there it is. I had finished cleaning her up at the old guardian outpost and she started arguing with him. I thought she was having some sort episode and was about to drag her back until she calmed down again when I heard it. It was a warning. He said, 'They're coming' and moments later we were attacked by Strigoi. We would have been caught completely unaware without that extra second to prepare, and the school would have faced even more severe casualties if I hadn't been able to send Rose to warn you guys."

"Did you hear him again? When you met with him today?"

"No," I admitted, stopping to consider the question. "That was the only time I had ever heard him speak, but I think it was the only time Rose had ever heard him speak too. She sees him, but I think most of their communication is nonverbal. She mentioned it was hard to understand what he was trying to tell her, so I can only guess that he's not able to come right out and say it. Perhaps it takes more...I don't know, energy or something to speak. Perhaps it takes enough energy that even I could hear him too."

The next several minutes were quiet as Guardian Petrov went between studying the map and pacing the room. There was enough time for me to nervously finish my cup of coffee and wonder about my future at the Academy for admitting to hearing a ghost, but not quite enough for me to consider my future in general before she finally spoke again.

"Okay, Dimitri." My head shot up as she braced herself over the map, staring at me, eye-level, where I sat, "I guess this is the big question. Are you willing to risk your career and mine over this information? If I take it as credible, and say that I got it from you – because Lord knows I'm not going to tell the council I got it from the ghost of a dead student – they will blame us both if we waste resources and time on nothing. There's a chance that we could both loose our jobs for this. Are you willing to jeopardize that?"

I barely had to think a moment. I trusted Rose and knew without a doubt that she felt 100% sure of this. If she was sure, that I was sure and would follow her without a second thought. There were students and other innocent souls counting on us and if they had a chance at salvation, I was willing to risk harm to help them. As far as my own reputation and career...well, at this point there was a whole lot more than taking guidance from the dead that could destroy it so that was the least of my concerns. Putting Alberta's career on the line...sure, but mine was one confirmed rumor away from total destruction.

"I'm sure."

"Then I'll make some calls and bring it up during the meeting this afternoon. I can't promise anything, but I'll do my best."

I could tell this was my subtle dismissal but I needed to know one last thing. "Alberta, speaking of ruined careers..."

Her fingers were already on her phone when her brow shot up with a stern and concerned look my way. I pressed forward regardless.

"Off the record, does Rose still have a chance of graduating? After what happened with Jesse?"

Alberta sighed in relief, rubbing the back of her neck and giving a small laugh. "Before the attack, it might have been a concern. Honestly, I didn't know how we were going to handle it if Jesse and his family decided to press charges. Now though...she's being lauded as a hero. She took down more Strigoi than any of the sanctioned guardians, and we just lost a significant number of school guard, we can't afford to lose more if at all possible." A sly smile crossed her face as she grabbed another cup of coffee (her fourth since our meeting had begun, if I had counted right) and gestured to ask if I wanted a refill before I waved her off. "Plus, if all else fails, I could always bring up to his family that Jesse was caught red handed torturing the sole remaining Dragomir Princess with magic; one of the exact same crimes that landed Victor Dashkov life in Tarasov. That alone might be enough for them to drop the charges so we don't have to let the press know."

I nodded, a small smile of my own though it was a bit more hesitant. I hoped it was enough to keep Rose in school and on track for being Lissa's guardian as planned. Alberta was on the phone before I was out the door.

* * *

"Do _not_ interrupt them," I advised Rose as we walked towards the meeting. I could see the energy already bounding in her and I began to wish that we had hit the gym or something so she could have gotten some of her nerves out beforehand. There was no time now though, we were already near the doors, so I stopped her, bending down and speaking low. "I know how you feel. I know what you want to do. But ranting at them isn't going to help you get your way."

"Ranting?" Rose's voice was significantly louder and I had to hush her like a child before speaking again.

"I see it," I said, smiling to make up for my earlier chastisement. "That fire's in you again – you want to tear somebody apart. It's what made you so deadly in the fight. But we're not fighting right now. The guardians have all the information. They'll make the right choice. You just have to be patient."

Unfortunately, patience was my strong suit, not hers. And right now...neither of us was really excelling in it. I desperately hoped that Alberta could convince the guardians to make the "right choice" as I had promised Rose, but I had no guarantee, and if they didn't...I didn't know what the fall out would entail.

Just moment before the meeting began, Rose left my side. I almost took off after her when I saw where she went: her mother. I couldn't overhear the conversation, and when I asked, she insisted that I didn't need to worry about it (which made me only worry more) but Janine left immediately after and didn't return until nearly fifteen minutes into the meeting.

When Alberta spoke about the caves, I could feel Rose's leg start to bounce. When people started asking questions about the possible rescue, she started fidgeting. But it was when Alberta asked for volunteers that she stilled.

I slowly slipped my hand between us and covered hers, just for a moment, in solidarity and comfort.

One by one guardians stood and offered their commitment to go. Yuri was the first. Celeste and Emile stood simultaneously, and I stood a moment later followed by Janine. I felt Rose try to stand right after me and with a gentle push and glare she fell back into her seat to let more guardians offer their rightful place in the fight. More than I expected stood, including some that probably shouldn't considering their injuries from the first battle.

But this was personal now. It was one thing when we were out in the world – their hunting ground – and they attacked us. But Court and the Academies were places where we were supposed to be safe. We went to extreme measures to ensure so. Children were sent here to make sure they were out of harm's way. Families were broken apart to make sure that children were safe and secure. Having that sense of security shattered was something that guardians wouldn't stand for and while we weren't revengeful by nature, we were filled with a sense of justice and would take it when it was offered.

"Well then, we'll plan the logistics and head out." Alberta checked the watch on her phone, "We've still got about nine hours of daylight to go after them before they leave."

"Wait," a voice called from a row or two ahead of us, and a familiar woman stood. Janine Hathaway commanded respect and nobody questioned her interruption. "I think there is one other thing we should consider. I think we should allow some of the senior novices to go."

Some guardians immediately spoke out against her, but I immediately turned to Rose. I knew this was her idea, not her mother's. And Rose was doing absolutely everything in her power at that moment not to look at me. She did, however, look immensely proud of both herself and her mother when Janine finally convinced them to accept the idea by stating that they would serve only as back up should any Strigoi get through the initial fight.

However, my stomach tightened, knowing that Rose would be the first to volunteer for this task. I didn't want her anywhere near this mission, but I wouldn't be able to keep her out of the field forever. Hell, I hadn't been able to keep her from the field thus far and she wasn't even able to volunteer before...

"I think we should bring some Moroi with us."

Janine's next bomb brought an even stronger reaction then the first, including from me. I wanted to scold Rose myself, knowing well enough that this was her idea too, but before I had the chance I heard Janine draw attention our way.

"We all know what Rose and Christian Ozera did. One of our biggest problems with Strigoi is getting past their strength and speed to go in for the kill. If we bring fire-using Moroi, we have a distraction that will give us and edge. We can cut them down."

I was still in shock, but watching the debate that broke out, I began to see what was happening.

"They're being idiots," Rose hissed in annoyance as the argument continued.

"No," I insisted, amazed, "watch. Change is happening before your eyes. People are going to remember this day as a turning point." She looked at me skeptically but finally relented with a roll of her eyes when I offered a crooked grin.

Eventually, change won. Guardians signed on to the idea, especially since there were already teachers that Guardian Hathaway had spoken to who had volunteered for this. Students were absolutely not allowed to participate in this part. But it was change none the less...

Yet change still came too slowly for my Roza.

"In four hours, the Strigoi could have decided to have a snack!"

I knew she was worried about Eddie, about all of them, but there was nothing we could do at this moment. I knew that, and I knew that if she took a second to breath, she would realize that too. We needed to wait until the other guardians arrived to help. The others were still in the main room, planning and going over details while Rose and I were just outside the doors watching them. I had originally wanted to try to talk her out of going on the mission, but it didn't take long for me to realize that there was nothing I could say that would change her mind. Nor should I. This is what she was trained for, what _I_ had trained her for. If I didn't believe in her, who else would?

"We need an overwhelming show of force." I told her instead, "We need every edge we can get. Yes, the Strigoi could kill a couple more before we get there. I don't want that, believe me. But if we go in unprepared, we could lose more lives than that."

Rose sat heavily on a bench in the hall, tugging at her hair before taking a deep breath and relishing in the warmth of the sun coming through the window. Watching her did nothing but remind me exactly why I wasn't willing to jump into this until I knew we had the best chance possible of succeeding with as little loss of life as possible. There was no way I was going to risk Rose's life any more than absolutely necessary.

"Come on," I insisted, gesturing outside. "let's take a walk"

She opened one eye, peaking at me inquisitively. "Where?"

"It doesn't matter. We just need to get you calmed down, or you'll be in no shape to fight."

"Yeah?" She let out a laugh as she jumped up. "Are you afraid of my possibly insane dark side coming out?"

"No, I'm afraid of your normal Rose Hathaway side coming out. The one that isn't afraid to jump in without thinking when she believes something is right."

"Is there a difference?" she asked dryly.

"Yes," I replied in equal tone. "The second one scares me."

I braced for the hit that I knew she wanted to send my way, judging from the scowl that graced her smile but it changed quickly when she glanced behind me.

"Won't they need you here?"

I glimpse over my shoulder, seeing the hustle around as final plans were made. I had put in well over a dozen hours and lost plenty of sleep on shifts and scheduling. Between that and planning attacks, rescues, and more...I had given so much to this school and this job in the past day. That had nothing on the past weeks, months, and more.

"No. Most of what they're doing now is waiting for the others, and they more than enough people right now to help plan the attack. Your mother's leading that."

All I wanted right now was to be with Rose. I had to give her up so quickly after our moment in the cabin and I regretted that horribly even though it couldn't have been avoided. If I thought it was proper or possible, I would have loved to steal her away for another few hours but I knew it was impossible. A walk alone would have to suffice for now.

"Okay," she smiled, "let's go."

Walking around the campus in daylight was probably stranger for her than it was for me. I was used to taking regular patrol shifts while everyone else slept, but she seemed in awe of the change in scenery for a while. Granted, there were some changes for me as well. Bloodstains and other signs of the recent battle.

Gradually, I steered her away from the majority of the aftermath though, preferring not to dwell on the ugliness of it. We ended up near the pond where everything started only a day ago.

"You told me you had a theory about why the wards broke?"

It seemed like Rose had nearly forgotten with everything else as well, but she stared off near the scene of the crime. "Jesse's group was doing their initiation right here by the wards. You know how the stakes can negate the wards because the elements go against each other? I think it's the same thing. Their initiation rites used all the elements, and I think the negated the wards in the same way."

"Magic is used all the time on campus, though," I pointed out, playing the devil's advocate once again. "In all the elements. Why had this never happened before?"

"Because the magic isn't usually happening right on top of the wards. The wards are on the edges, so the two don't usually conflict."

I nodded but it still seemed like a shaky theory to me. The wards on the Academy were wide, as were the ones at Court, but that wasn't always the case. Some places, such as residential homes, only had wards that barely reached the threshold.

"Also, I think it makes a difference in how the elements are being used." Rose pulled her acquired stake from the holster at her hip and palmed it gently. "Magic is life, which is why it destroys Strigoi and why they can't cross it. The magic in stakes is used as a weapon. So was the magic in the torture session. When it's used in that sort of negative way, I think it cancels out the good magic."

I stared out at the stone markers of the ward lines. "Incredible. I never would have thought it was possible, but it makes sense. The principle really is the same as for the stakes." I knew Rose often downplayed her own intelligence when it came to things of an academic nature, but she really was brilliant. Not many students could find a way to survive two years on her own at fifteen with a lost princess in tow, much less do so while avoiding the guardians actively searching for them. Likewise, not many people could figure something like this out. "You've though about this a lot."

"I don't know," she shrugged, "It just sort of fell together in my head."

I could see some anger start to rise in her as I assumed her thoughts began to turn toward Jesse and the group that had attacked Lissa and triggered this whole mess. Knowing the fallout of their actions, I could understand why she was upset, but there was nothing we could do about it now. What was done was done and all we could do was learn and move forward.

"Idiots," she mumbled.

At least we could agree on _that_.

As the spring wind began to pick up, Rose tucked her jacket tighter around her. While there was nobody in sight, we were still out in the open and I couldn't quite get away with tucking her under my arm to shield her from the wind.

"Come on. Let's get back inside."

It didn't take long on our loop back toward the secondary campus for us to catch sight on the cabin. The way we took care not to acknowledges its presences or even acknowledge that anything had happened at all it was practically painful. It would have been easier to simply say something but since neither of us had yet I didn't know how to begin. Did she even want to talk about it? Did she regret what happened or not want it to continue anymore? If she did, what would that mean? I waited, knowing that Rose was usually the one to bring up the difficult or uncomfortable topics, but it seemed that she was going to let me take lead on this one.

"Rose, about what happened-"

"I knew it," she groaned, looking away from me. "I _knew_ this was going to happen."

Knew what? I hardly knew what came next, how could she? "That what was going to happen?"

"This! The part where you give me the huge lecture about how what we did was wrong and how we shouldn't have done it and how it's never going to happen again." Her mouth closed quickly, as if to hide the words escaping, but she seemed so terrified that she had already reveled so much.

On the other hand, I was completely shocked. I hadn't been able to think of anything besides her in any spare moment that wasn't actively thinking of my survival, or a rescue, or how to keep the academy from collapsing in the wake of destruction. I was either thinking of her safety, or her smile, or the way she looked as she had lain naked beneath me. God, how could she not see it?

"Why would you think that?" I asked.

"Because that's how you are. You always do the right thing; and when you do the wrong thing, you have to fix it and do the right thing. And I know you're going to say that what we did shouldn't have happened and that you wish -"

I lost whatever the rest she was saying, doing a quick check to make sure we were still alone before pulling her into the shadow of a nearby tree. And then I kissed her. I kissed her because what she was saying was utter nonsense and she needed to know that with complete certainty and if my neglect since last night was making her doubt that I didn't absolutely love her with every fiber of my being then I was failing her as a man.

So I kissed her until I felt her begin to melt into my embrace, and then a little longer, just for good measure. When I finally pulled away, I pressed my lips to her forehead and enjoyed the feeling of her in my arms. It had only been a day since I had held her, probably even less than that honestly, but it already felt like an eternity.

"I don't think what we did was wrong," I insisted softly. "I'm glad we did it. If we could go back in time, I'd do it again."

"Really? What made you change your mind?"

"Because you're hard to resist," I shrugged, holding her tighter when she pretended to squirm out of my grasp in retaliation for my joke. "And...do you remember what Rhonda said?"

She pulled back, looking at me with a certain curiosity. "Something about how you're going to lose something..."

"'You will lose what you value most, so treasure it while you can.'" Rhonda's words still haunted me on occasion, and I doubt I could forget them if I tried.

"Wait, you think I'm going to die? That's why you slept with me?" Rose almost seemed offended at that thought.

"No, no, of course not. I did what I did because...believe me, it wasn't because of that." Honestly, the thought of losing Rose in one way or another might have played a part but it certainly wasn't the sole reason or even really a conscious one in my decision to move forward with her. _God, this would be so much easier to explain in Russian_.

"Regardless of the specifics – or if it's even true – she was right about how easily thing can change. We try to do what's right, or rather, what others say is right. But sometimes, when that goes against who we are... you have to choose. Even before the Strigoi attacks, as I watched all the problems you were struggling with, I realized how much you meant to me. It changed everything. I was worried about you – so, so worried. You have no idea. And it became useless to try to act like I could ever put any Moroi life above yours. It's not going to happen, no matter how wrong others say it is. And so I decided that's something I have to deal with. Once I made that decision … there was nothing to hold us back." I stopped, suddenly recognize that once I had just started speaking from my heart it had all come out so quickly that I hadn't quite realized what I had said. As I brushed her hair from her eyes, I amended myself, "Well, to hold _me_ back. I'm speaking for myself. I don't mean to act like I know exactly why you did it."

With barely a moments pause, she replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world:

"I did it because I love you."

I couldn't help but laugh, pulling her close and kissing her again because I couldn't believe that I had found such an amazing woman and she decided to lower herself to me when she deserved someone so much more. "You can sum up in once sentence what takes me a whole speech to get out."

"Because it's that simple. I love you, and I don't want to keep pretending like I don't."

"I don't either." I took her hand as we began walking back towards campus, still hidden in the safety of the shadows. "I don't want any more lies."

"Then what will happen now? With us, I mean. Once all this is done...with the Strigoi..."

True, I guess it did seem like a direct contradiction to tell her that while keeping her in the shadows. "Well, as much as I hate to reinforce your fears, you were right about one thing. We can't be together again – for the rest of the school year, that is. We're going to have to keep our distance."

I could see a small twinge of disappointment in her eyes, but she nodded anyways. I knew it would be even more difficult than before, but I hoped that I might still be able to get permission to take Rose off campus for her birthday or shortly afterwards. I had planned a fairly innocent trip initially but perhaps we could have a more official date if Rose would like to.

"After you graduate and are out with Lissa..." I continued giving her a few moments to catch on.

"You're going to ask to be reassigned, aren't you? You won't be her guardian."

"It's the only way we can be together."

"But we won't actually be together."

"Us staying with her gives us the same problem – me worrying about you more than her. She needs two guardians perfectly dedicated to her. If I can get assigned somewhere at Court, we'll be near each other all the time. And in a secure place like that, there's more flexibility with a guardian's schedule."

Rose gnawed at her lip, working the problem over in her mind for a few moments. Obviously it wasn't a fairy tale ending she was hoping for. Those didn't exist for our kind though. The best we could hope for was moments of happiness interspersed with moments of not-quite-loneliness. In the long run, Rose and I were much luckier than many could ever hope to achieve. It was almost too good to be true.

"Well, we might actually see more of each other if we're guarding different people," she noted, suddenly grinning at the realization. I nodded encouragingly. "We can get time off together. If we were both with Lissa, we'd be swapping shifts and always be apart."

I was happy that after the initial shock of the news, she was starting to see the possibilities. However, as the trees began thinning ahead of us, we started to slow, savoring the last few moments of privacy together.

Just before we reached civilization, I thought I'd give one last warning. Another thought had been plaguing my mind and it was one that I thought I should bring to her attention, just in case she wanted to get out before everything came to a head.

"You'll be eighteen soon, but even so...when this comes out, a lot of people aren't going to be happy."

Rose looked completely unfazed. "Yeah, well, they can deal."

"I also have a feeling your mother's going to have a very ugly conversation with me."

"You're about to face down Strigoi, and my mother's the one you're scared of?" She looked at me as if I had two heads.

I could see where she was coming from. From an outside perspective, a single five-foot-nothing woman should seem like nothing to my nearly seven-foot frame, and she certainly shouldn't seem like the more significant threat when compared to a pack of Strigoi. But I had learned never to underestimate an opponent based on their appearance. "She's a force to be reckoned with. Where do you think you got it from?"

She laughed, bumping my leg with her hip. "It's a wonder you bother with me then."

I stopped her, pulling her to my chest. "You're worth it, believe me."

And using the last bit of safety in the forest's shadow, I kissed her one last time, not knowing when I would have the chance to do so again. Rose made me feel larger than life, and with her by my side, I could take on the world. Together, we could do anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I LOVED writing this chapter, until I realized that this might be the last happy Romitri moment I get to write for like...2.5 books. That put a damper on things and I have no idea how Richelle dealt with it. I'll try my best to slip some happiness here and there SOMEHOW (even if it has to be in another story or in my Buria Collection) but as my lovely friend Ines told me, "Just drive into the angst." 
> 
> Still, I've been waiting to write this lovely little moment for a while now and I hope you enjoyed it too. We all know what comes next and I hope you are braced for it. We only have a couple of chapters left (Two more, by my count) and then we move onto Blood Promise.
> 
> I'm going to start saying it now guys: Blood Promise is going to be DARK. Dimitri is going to be DARK. This is not going to be a happy shiny story. He will be evil, and he will have evil thoughts and do evil deeds. It will have a rating that reflects such. It will have a warning at the beginning of the story that goes into a bit more detail of what to expect, but there will instances of violence, abuse, emotional manipulation, sex, and more. What you see at the end of this story will only be the TIP of the iceberg of what I have planned for the next book. WITH ALL THAT SAID: if you have any questions about Blood Promise and Spirit Bound being to much for you, and would like to ask me questions, please PM me. 
> 
> Now, on to happier things like this week's Question of the Week! Who is your favorite fictional villain?
> 
> Not from a book, but I adore Pierre Despereaux from Psych. I also have a thing for Cary Elwes. As you wish.
> 
> Thank you all for you love and support. I really couldn't do this without you! I've had several people come to me this week asking for writing advice and more and it really means so much that people see me as someone they can look up to in this community. I am by no means an expert (I hardly can qualify as an amateur some days...is there something below that?) but I am more than happy to help as much as possible. By the way, I do know several people who are looking for possible betas and writing partners so if you are willing to work with someone as a writer or a beta, LOGIN to your account, make note of it in your review here and make sure you have your private messaging turned on so people can contact you. I would really love to see more people join our wonderful VA fanfiction community!
> 
> I can't wait to hear your thoughts! Please don't forget to follow, favorite, review, and share!


	26. Chapter 26

The school guard and supplemental guardians were divided into two groups. The first included many of the guardians who were still lacking rest or who were injured from the previous battle. They would be staying behind at the Academy to hold down the defenses along with the rest of the graduating novice class.

The second was nearly an army. It included fifty guardians, six Moroi, and ten novice students. Sixty-six in total would be making its way towards the cave shortly after noon. If Rose wasn't going to be safely behind the ward boundaries, I could at least take comfort in the fact that she shouldn't actually be going into the caves. The novices were purely backup, a last line of defense. As long as everything went according to plan, she would stand at the entrance for a few hours, and walk back completely unharmed.

_She won't need to fight,_ I told myself. _She'll be okay._

Even if some of the thirty – fifteen at each entrance of the caves – of us guardians going inside fell, there was a second wave available before the students would be called upon.

_Rose would be fine._

We started our mission with plenty of daylight to spare. Our pace was fairly brisk, but slower than it should have been because of the Moroi with us. Some might think it was for the best, giving us time to rest a bit as we walked, but it also gave us time to think. Too much time. Already I could see looks of worry crossing the faces of those who marched alongside me. I wouldn't be surprised if I had one on my face as well.

While Rose and I had kept our distance through the walk, I couldn't keep myself for checking on her every once and a while, just to be sure that she was doing alright. It almost seemed that she was doing the same for me. The fact that I couldn't even make the walk to the caves without fretting over her was just confirmation that she and I shouldn't work on guarding the same charge: I was entirely too focused on her.

There was almost an unspoken connection between us and I feared that it was visible to everyone else around us. With Rose's mother beside me, it was even more worrisome. Thankfully, Janine seemed to be more concerned with current strategic affairs than her daughter's love affair.

Eventually, the time came to for our group to split. Guardian Hathaway and I would be part of the crew taking the front entrance while Rose would be part of the group covering the back entrance. She gave us one last glance, and after her mother gave her a quick nod, Rose's eyes met mine.

With hope, I reminded myself of all the plans I had for our future. This wasn't goodbye. Rose would be safe and secure outside of the caves. I was more than capable of holding my own against enemies. Yes, anything could happen, but considering the insurmountable odds...we still had good chances.

_This wasn't goodbye._

As if she could read my mind, Rose smiled. It was small, barely noticeable to anyone who wasn't actively looking, but it was enough to send a final surge of confidence through me.

Their group pressed forward towards the second entrance, disappearing quickly through the trees, and as I lost sight of her I drew a breath to clear my mind. It was time for me to concentrate on the task at hand.

Janine was taking point on our team, leading our squad while I flanked her left side. We had agreed on a set time to start and now we were only waiting for Alberta, who was leading the other squad and the entire mission as a whole, before moving in. With nothing more than a hand signal, it was time to go.

The first wave of us silently made our way in, knowing that as soon as the sunlight left our skin, death beckoned around any corner. Our steps were careful and calculated, but even being sure to avoid rocks and debris, there was no way to know if our presence was already detected.

The thought had no sooner left my mind than the first attack started. Janine wasn't world renown for nothing; it was as if she could hear them before the Strigoi even struck, blocking and staking him in one quick movement. There was no time to marvel at her technique though because seconds later I was facing my own opponent.

He was tall and built, obviously dhampir and trained as a guardian before he was turned. I dodged his first strike, grabbing his wrist and locking his arm with a twist to open up a clear shot. Overall, the small battle lasted several minutes but between our group of fifteen, we were able to take out their small guard post of five fairly quickly. Unfortunately, any element of surprise was long gone.

We no longer worried about moving slowly or silently, but chose to move swiftly through the caverns, clearing each pocket and hidden shadow as we moved. There were many twists and turns, but we followed the largest cluster of foot tracks towards what we hoped would lead to the group of captives.

It was almost too quiet though. We didn't encounter another single Strigoi and while most would be comforted by that fact, it was worrisome when you were expecting a horde of them. Ahead, I could hear the sounds of battle though. The other team must have encountered their camp before we did, and from the sound of the struggle, back up was desperately needed.

Alberta and her team were in the throes a battle when we arrived, and we wasted no time jumping in to aid them. There were bodies all around me, the chaos making my sense of time nonexistent and the only way I could really tell who was friend or foe was who was actively attacking me at any the time.

Eventually though, another sight caught my eye. A small huddle of figures were clustered in one corner, shielded by two brave souls. Between attackers, I recognized it was Eddie protecting a few of the imprisoned from the mayhem around us.

I made my way over to him as quickly as possible, dodging and fighting off attackers as I got closer to the captives. Several, including Eddie himself, showed signs of abuse and feedings. Many tried to hide their bite marks in shame, rubbing their necks or the red marks that remained from the binds of their wrists, but Eddie stood at attention and ready for instruction the moment he saw me.

"Dimitri, they split us up. I don't know where the others are, but I got as many as I could over here. Do you know how to get them out?"

A high pitched shriek sounded close to us, causing several of the Moroi behind him to jump and drawing both of our attention. Another Strigoi had fallen, injuring a guardian in the process, but it meant one step closer to our victory. However, that victory didn't need to happen with these people here. They had seen enough horrors. There were only a handful of Moroi with Eddie and the other novice student that had been captured with him, and while they were both a little worse for wear, as long as I could get them to the right tunnel out of here, they could probably make outside on their own.

"Follow me." The young men did so without a second thought, guiding their charges just as they had been taught for years. "We cleared the tunnel on the way in so you should have safe passage. Keep an eye out though. It's less than a mile until you hit the opening. There's a 'T' intersection, take the left hall when you hit it. When you find the others, tell them to send the second wave of guardians in."

The fire of indignation burned bright as Eddie's hand gripped his stake tighter, "What? No! I can stay and fight! Let James –"

"You've done your part here, Eddie." With one look he was silenced. "Now these people need you to take them to safety. Go. They trust you."

I could tell he wanted to fight me further, he wanted to fight in general, but he was a guardian and we knew following orders came before the fight. So with one last nod to me, he ushered the others into the passage.

I looked over the carnage in the room as Eddie lead the rescued to safety. Technically it wasn't my call to make in asking for reinforcements, but I could see that backup would be needed. When more guardians joined us less than three minutes later, I doubted Eddie had even seen the sun yet, likely passing our back up in the corridor on the way out.

My wounds were adding up fast. While I survived any serious injury, I had several scrapes and I wouldn't be surprised to to find out later that I had a cracked rib as well. I had been caught by surprise while assisting Celeste and a second Strigoi had come from behind to throw me against one of the rocks. The fall might have knocked me unconscious had my head taken the brunt of it, but I had turned before impact and gotten off lucky. I was winded for a moment, but it could have been significantly worse. The Strigoi had tried to take me while I was down and had found his own demise moments later.

Overall, it wasn't going so bad. Janine's – Rose's – idea of using Moroi to assist with this mission was helping significantly. Between that and some guardians using the fire that the Strigoi had already lit to light and heat the cave, we had a distinct advantage.

There were noises all around us, screams and shouts echoing off of every surface to create an almost deafening roar, but a distinct rumble caught my attention above the noise. It was a thunder that shook you to the very core, literally. Strigoi, Dhampir, and Moroi alike stopped at the sound, all alike for a moment under the power of Mother Nature.

"Dimitri, MOVE!" I felt a hard shove, pushing me over before a wall of rocks separated me and Yuri, who had been beside me moments ago. There was no way to tell if he was alive or not, and my concern wasn't going to save him when I needed to worry about my own death. I, Alberta, and a few other guardians were trapped with almost a dozen Strigoi. We had none of the fire users with us. The advantage was clearly in the favor of our enemies and while we did have one clear way of escape through the back exit, they were much faster than us. Retreat was impossible. Since the second wave of guardians had already been sent in, we couldn't call for backup, unless we called in the novices.

Alberta glanced at me, coming to the same conclusion as I had before her lips started moving, a silent whisper into her headset that I couldn't hear.

Rose would be sent in.

Any physical pain that I felt in the attacks leading up to Rose's arrival was nothing to the worry of knowing that she was rushing into this horror. It was such a small section of the cavern, that fighting was even more difficult than it had been before. I felt the tip of someone's stake catch my arm as they fought their own demon nearby, and while it hurt like hell, I couldn't blame them. I was pretty sure that I had knocked into someone as I fought as well.

I heard Rose before I saw her. The battle cry she made as she threw her opponent down was something I was familiar with after months of training. She still hadn't totally lost that signature quirk. I caught sight of her just as she staked a Strigoi before rushing over to Stephen, who must have come with her. There wasn't anyone else, but there wasn't time to question why, either.

Guardian Petrov and I teamed up on an older Strigoi. I distracted him with my size, feigning an attack while Alberta managed to sneak up on him from behind and use her sly speed to stake him before he could realize what was coming. There was a reason Alberta had earned her position as Captain of the School Guard. She was a great teacher, yes, but she had amazing skills as well. And having twenty years on me hadn't slowed her down one bit.

Throughout the fight, I kept Rose in the corner of my eye whenever I could. I knew I couldn't watch her constantly, but between breathes, blocks, and counter strikes, I would look for her. I did my best to keep myself between her and whoever I felt was the biggest threat at any one time. I stayed close enough to get to her at a moment's notice if needed. Above all, I listened for her voice. If she cried out, if she called out for me, I would drop everything for her. It went against everything I had ever been taught, but she changed everything I had ever known.

Eventually, the power tipped in our favor. We were down to two Strigoi against eight Guardians. We had only lost one of our own since Rose and Stephen had come to our aid.

"Retreat. We're done here." With Alberta's call, we all made our final moves.

Three guardians took off towards the back entrance, and while I had hoped they would pull Rose with them, she stubbornly stood in place. I knew she was waiting for me. We wouldn't leave one without the other.

The initial plan had been to take the entrance closest to the Academy back. With the cave in, it seemed impossible, but Stephen ran towards the wall, disappearing towards a small hole. A moment later, he appeared again.

"Petrov. We're clear here. It'll be faster than taking the back entrance. We're losing light."

"Take Rose!" Alberta and I shouted in unison, closing in on the last surviving Strigoi with the few remaining guardians.

I could hear him call to her over the dying cries of our last foe. By the time we were done, she was gone. The other two guardians were next, and while Alberta wanted me to go before her, I insisted she go first.

"There's not a ton of room. If I get can't make it, I'd rather you get through first and I can take the back way."

She nodded and made her way through, and thankfully, with some difficulty I was able to make through to the other side right afterwards.

Yuri's body laid prone beside the opening of the gap, eyes closed with a deep head wound, and felt my stomach lurch at the sight of my friend. He was so still and there was so much blood, I could only assume he was dead, but there wasn't enough time to check for a pulse. Thankfully, I saw Rose next and seeing her safe and sound was enough calm me. Alberta and Stephen led the charge forward to safety while I took up the rear. I ran directly behind Rose down the long tunnel, one hand gripping my stake and the other ghosting forward towards where I knew Rose was ahead of me, just to reassure myself that she was still there.

For a long time, there was nothing as we ran. We could hear the echoes of something, but nothing clear. The red flashes of fires were the first signs of more fighting. Janine and a teacher were taking on another few Strigoi, and with our aid, they were down in seconds.

"That's it for this group, but I think there are more than we thought." I could hear the breathlessness in her voice. We were all reaching the point of exhaustion. "I think they left some behind when they went to attack the school. The rest of our people – that survived – have already made it out."

"There are other branches in the cave," Alberta noted. "Strigoi could be hiding there."

Guardian Hathaway nodded. "They could be. Some know they're overwhelmed and are just going to wait us out and escape later. Others may come after us."

Stephen looked between the two powerful women. "What do we do? Finish them off or retreat?"

Nobody liked the idea of leaving Strigoi behind, but at the end of the day this was a rescue mission and we had accomplished the task we had set out to do. We turned to Alberta and she made the final decision. "We retreat. We got as many as we could, and the sun is dropping. We need to get back behind the wards."

We all accepted her instruction, and more than anything I was happy just to be leaving this hell. I was more than happy to defend against Strigoi and save innocent souls, but at this point seeking them out would just spell our death.

The path was wider here, and with Janine now leading the way and Guardian Gabriel now taking the rear, I ran alongside Rose. It took everything in me to keep from grasping her hand in mine as we ran, fueled by the taste of victory and freedom.

"Did Eddie get out?"

"Yes," I panted. In almost any other situation, Rose might have teased me about being able to outrun me. "We had to practically force him out. He wanted to fight."

Rose laughed, speeding up slightly as her mother called back to the group.

"I remember this curve! It's not much farther. We should see light soon!"

The path split into two just up ahead, and just before we turned, seven Strigoi jumped from the shadows on the right. Several members of our group were able to make it past, but not all. Right in front of Rose and me, they snapped the neck of Guardian Alan Jackson. I heard a small peep of shock as Rose came to a stop beside me before getting ready to jump into the scuffle a moment later.

"Start retreating!" Alberta yelled towards her and a few of the others. There wasn't nearly enough space for all of us to fight, and if some of us had to fall back, I would rather her be a part of that group.

I tried to nudge her in the direction of exit as chaos reigned around us. Between the madness of fists and stakes flying of I could see a pale hand reaching for her, determined to pull her back into fray. Without thinking, I slipped myself between her and the aggressor, feeling its nails dig into my injured arm as I grit my teeth into my cheek against the pain.

_Go, Rose. Run._

I gave her one last thought before turning and facing the ancient Strigoi before me. He was old, much older than any of the others I had faced yet tonight. On the surface he didn't appear so – in fact, he only looked older than me by a year or two – but you could see it in his eyes; he had been around for decades longer.

I struggled against his strength and he matched me blow for blow, neither of us getting the upper hand. Eventually, something neither of us had encountered before tipped the scales in my favor: flames.

It started as just a little smoke on his shoulder, smoldering the fabric slowly. Within moments though, the fire erupted like an oversized match being lit and I was no longer the greatest threat against him in this world. Something told me that this was a man who hadn't had someone or something to truly fear in a long time. With the distraction, I was able to take advantage of my open moment and go in for the kill.

Janine, Celeste, Ms. Carmack and I somehow made it out alive. Barely. We lost Gabriel.

But we could see the light. I could see Rose. The moment she saw me she smiled and I could feel my feet getting lighter. Just a few more steps and this would all be over. She was safe in the light, and soon we would both be making out way towards the security of the Academy wards. We were so close. So, so close.

Not close enough.

The first Strigoi went after Celeste, nearly ripping her face in half. She was a beautiful woman, though not vain about such things. She didn't even have time to scream before her blood stained the rock walls. For creatures that thrived on blood, they wasted quite a bit in this act of carnage.

The second lunged for Ms. Carmack, but Janine's reaction time was unmatched, snatching her away and shoving her forward into the light. It was probably going to hurt later, but it ultimately saved her life.

The third...I never saw coming. All I saw was Rose's look of horror as I fell. He was young, previously a Moroi, and he couldn't have been that much older than Rose when he was turned. But he was strong. And I was exhausted.

As we grappled, he slammed my right hand in to a bolder, loosening my grip on my stake before knocking it away with his foot. At that point, I knew that I wasn't leaving the cave.

I could hear the sounds of others. More footsteps, shouting. I couldn't hear Rose though. I prayed that someone had taken her away. She doesn't need to see this.

_Please don't watch me die._

My strength was beginning to give out completely when I heard it, a moment before I felt the pain of that first bite.

Rose's scream. She was screaming my name. At first I was filled with terror for her, because she was screaming for me. She was screaming _because_ of me.

I had grown up seeing bite marks. They were a part of my daily life. My mother had bite marks from my father. I knew my friends and teachers used feeders as school. I had watched Ivan feed. I even knew Rose had been fed from by Lissa, and had witnessed it myself. However, I had never been bitten myself. It was occasionally an issue for guardians in battle, but typically if a Strigoi got close enough to bite you, you didn't make it out alive. That would be the case for me.

The thing that surprised me most was that the pain only lasted a moment, then this odd feeling of numbness and delirium. I expected the pleasure and high that so many said came with the bite that promised death, but perhaps that only came if you weren't fighting to stay alive.

The shadows grew longer by the moment, but I couldn't tell if it was the sun fading or just my own life. I could hear Rose's voice getting more distant too.

"He's in there! We have to go back for him!"

_Run...Rose. Someone...get her...out...of here._ Even my thoughts seemed to be coming slower and more distant in my mind.

Eventually, there were no more voices except the one from the monster in front of me.

"Did you hear how she screamed for you? I bet you made her scream earlier too, didn't you?" He taunted me with a smirk. "I can still smell her on your skin, you know. I don't blame you one bit. I probably would have had my fun with that little bitch too, if you hadn't of gotten in the way."

I was fading by now, unable to fight back even if I wanted to. "Finish me," I whispered, knowing that he could still hear me. I wouldn't beg for my life. I knew there was no chance of making it out alive. I had no regrets. I would make the same choice all over again. Still, I couldn't stand listening to him toying with me and insulting my last moments with Roza. "Just kill me."

He stood unnaturally still, staring at me until I felt my skin crawling under his examination. "No, I don't think I will..." A sinister smile crept across the blond Strigoi's face, "I have a better idea."

In my current state, it took me much longer than it should have to realize what he was suggesting. Before I recognized what was happening, he was next to me, pulling my hair back to forcefully expose my neck once more. I felt another wave of endorphins flood my body and I tried to stay conscious. I tried to struggle but all I could do was fist my hands into the gravel at my side. My body, trained to fight and to defend, now betrayed me by leaving me helpless to his torture.

After a last, long draw of blood, the monster pulled back. He sneered at my weakness before biting down on his own wrist and forcing the wound to my mouth.

His blood tasted like acid, burning my tongue and throat as he forced me to swallow the vile elixir. Within moment, my entire body felt like it was on fire, painfully consuming me from the inside out. Despite my earlier conviction, I tried to yell, but only ended up choking on the blood still pouring into me. I was unable to scream, unable to fight, unable to even die. All I could do was wish for the pain to stop. Eventually, it did. Eventually, the world faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, want to know an interesting fact? The last 500 words or so of this chapter were actually written almost 8 months ago WAY back when I was actually writing the first couple chapters of Frostbite. I've had it waiting for you guys for a LONG time. I'm happy I finally get to share it, even if it is a horribly sad chapter to share.
> 
> I do hope it is a fitting end to Dimitri though, or at least this version of Dimitri. I am VERY excited to write him as Strigoi and it seems like many of you are excited to read him as well. Reiterating my warning from last week: there will be much more mature material in the next book, including manipulation, abuse, sexual themes and more. Much of this comes from the lack of moral integrity from Strigoi and the fact that we'll be looking much deeper into their minds and lifestyles. If you have questions or concerns, feel free to PM me.
> 
> This week's Question of the Week is: If you could read in any foreign language, which one would you choose?
> 
> So, I used to speak Japanese, and was passable in French and Italian (passable...not fluent), and can still read a little in both so I think I would choose something a bit different. Maybe Portuguese so I could better communicate with Raissa (my beta) in her native tongue, or Russian (Cyrillic) to better communicate in so-not-gonna-happen-because-he's-fictional-but-what-the-hell-a-girl-can-dream-right's native tongue.
> 
> We have one more chapter of SK after this heartbreak and I'm sorry to say that it isn't going to be happiness. It will be short and brutal. As my old Interior Design Professor used to say, "Life sucks, and then you die." Or in Dimitri's case...you get turned into Strigoi against your will. However, it WILL be interesting. Hang on kiddos, it's going to be a bumpy ride.
> 
> Thanks again for all your love and support! Shadow Kiss DPOV is now my MOST favorited, followed, and reviewed story on fanfiction and that is ALL because of you guys. You are amazing. Please continue to share with your friends if you enjoy my work; post to tumblr, twitter, and facebook (or whatnot) and please don't forget to favorite and follow if you haven't done so already. I really try to reply to every review I receive so please leave me a note, even if it's just to introduce yourself. I've met many great people here and I love getting to know other's in the VA family.
> 
> Thank you so much! ~ Andrea


	27. Chapter 27

There was an odd sense of waking up with both extreme clarity and immense confusion intermingled. I could hear so many things, nearly everything, before I had even opened my eyes. From the sound of water dripping off the stone, to the crackle of dying fires, and wind rustling the leaves. And those were just the quiet sounds. Louder, I could also hear unfamiliar voices talking nearby, waiting for me to stir. There were sounds of them moving about, and an odd wet noise that I couldn't easily identify right away.

Then there were the _smells_. I had never truly taken notices of smells before, at least not seriously. Sure I had appreciated the smell of good food in my mother's kitchen growing up or turned away at the stench of old laundry left too long by a roommate at school, but I could literally smell the rock beneath me and the grass outside. I could smell the worn leather of my jacket. But above everything else, I could smell blood. Not just one type of blood either, but the blood of many.

And I needed it.

_Now_.

My eyes snapped open and I immediately turned to defend myself against those who nearby. I wasn't sure who they were yet, but until I did, I couldn't call them a friend or foe. In a single swift motion, I was on my feet and reaching for my stake nearby.

"I wouldn't do that..."

The moment my fingers touched the familiar silver, my skin burned as if I had stuck my hand in an open flame. I roared in pain, holding my wrist in shock and stumbling as I tried to catch my bearings. My stake was like an extension of myself, and this was practically a betrayal. It was a rejection of my very being almost.

It was only then, though, that I truly began to _see_. The shadows of the caves held nearly no darkness for me. I could see every bump and crack in the surfaces around me. As the figures stood to their full height, I could see them clearly as well, from the shallow color of their skin down to their red-ringed eyes.

"Dimitri, right?" I recognized the blond Strigoi speaking as the one who had turned me, but I refused to answer him. "That's what the Hathaway girl kept calling you anyways. What was her name? Rose? Something like that. Anyways, you got a last name?"

Once again, I refused to answer him, choosing to hold my ground and silence. Unfortunately, his temper seemed to have a very short fuse. Within seconds, he had me pinned on the ground with one knee pressed painfully against my throat. I gasped for breath, suddenly fearing death despite being undead. However, killing me wasn't his goal. The issue was much more about control than suffocation.

"Listen Dimitri No-Name. You might have been big and bad as a Dhampir, but I awakened you. I'm your sire and you're nothing without me, got it? You're weak without blood and you're weak without me. So until you get your act together and start recognizing who is in charge here, we're going to have problems. Got it?"

Out of stubbornness or spite, I kept my lips sealed. All it earned me was a crack against the stone floor. He was right about one thing...I really didn't have much strength. I couldn't even throw him off of me, much less fight him or the others if I managed to get to my feet.

"Got it?" The blond Strigoi, my sire, repeated.

"Got it," I finally agreed, albeit unwillingly.

"Good," he smiled, bearing his fangs fully. "Now, how about that last name?"

"Belikov."

He pulled me up and patted my back as if we were old friends, seemingly forgetting that he had pinned me down and beaten my head against a stone moments ago. "Well gang, what do you say we give Belikov his first feeding?"

With some cheers and shouts from the others, he flung an arm around my shoulder. "By the way, you can call me Nathan. Nathan Tarus, though we don't typically keep royal names around here. 'Royal blood' takes on a whole new meaning on the other side." He laughed manically at some hidden joke, shaking his head almost in pity when I didn't catch on right away.

The deeper he led me into the caves, the stronger the smell of blood grew. It became overwhelming. In the past, I remembered the smell being something that would make my stomach turn in disgust, but now my body craved it. I could feel my tongue run along my fangs, new and sharp. My muscles practically twitched in excitement. I felt almost animalistic in my desire to find and consume my prey.

The more I saw, the more my mind raced. It was almost as if my head couldn't processes everything fast enough. There were so many new sights, smells, sensations of every kind. Everything was the same as I had seen not so long ago when I had fought here with the others, but it was also completely different. I never would have noticed the thin vein of pyrite along the cave wall earlier, barely there but shining in the flicker of embers. It was fool's gold, something I was familiar with in Russia and something I knew existed here as well, at least in theory, but it certainly wasn't something you look for while fighting for your life. It also wasn't something I was paying attention to, but still... I saw it. I heard animals starting to come out from wherever they were hiding, even though it was obvious they were keeping a fair distance from us. Over the smell of blood, as tantalizing as it was, I could also start to smell the stench of death and decay starting to set in. My only solace in all of this was that my over sensory experience seemed to be a symptom of my recently "awakened" condition and it didn't seem to faze the others nearly as much as it affected me.

I could still hear the sounds of other people – Strigoi – speaking and laughing. It was almost odd to see these creatures, those that I had always seen as monsters, acting so...human. Or nearly human. Some were feeding on the recently dead. I could even identify the bodies of most of their victims, but I also couldn't deny my fascination and even desire to taste the blood of my former peers as well.

My breath started quickening though when I heard a quiet moan over the sounds of the others eating. I could also hear a faint but still somewhat steady heartbeat, unusual in this mass of people. A figure was being dragged between two people, blood dripping from his temple, and he was thrown like a sacrificial lamb before the altar in front of me.

"There you go, Dimitri. We found him unconscious and barely breathing, but we saved him for you. Fresh blood is always the best. Can't say he'll be much of a fight, but hey, at least he won't stake you while you're trying to sink your teeth in."

Several men and woman started laughing at what seemed to be an inside joke but all I could focus on was the blood dripping from the man's forehead. It was like a siren's call, blocking almost everything else out. It was nearly intoxicating just to see it, to smell it, and I hadn't even tasted it yet...

"Dimitri?"

The sound of my name pulled me from my delirium, drawing my eyes from the trail of blood to man's eyes right beside it. I recognized those eyes. They belonged to Yuri.

_No. He was dead. I saw him. He died._

"What...What did they do to you Di-"

Nathan kicked Yuri to the ground, prompting me to push him to the wall in retaliation. Nathan merely rolled his eyes in annoyance before flipping me onto my back with a painful thud. I was instantly brought back to my early childhood days at the academy and the years before my growth spurt when I seemed to lose every single match against my peers.

"Trust me, Dimitri, you don't want to play with your food. Actually, scratch that. Play with your food all you want, especially the pretty ones. Just don't get _attached_ to your food, got it?" He pulled me up again, a little more roughly than before and shoved me towards Yuri. "Let's try this again, shall we?"

Face to face with Yuri, I could see the pleading in his eyes. He didn't want to die, and I didn't want to kill him. At least not on the surface. Still, my eyes kept flickering towards the slow trickle of blood that still flowed from his head wound. The way his heart raced only made that hunger more poignant.

"Damn it, Dimitri. We aren't here for a freaking staring contest!" A second later, Nathan had swiped a finger through Yuri's wound and shoved it in my mouth, nearly gagging me in the process. I pushed him away in anger, and he backed away with his hands up in surrender and licking whatever remained on his blood-stained finger but as my mind registered the taste of Yuri's blood, nothing else mattered. Only feeding.

It was such a natural motion that I didn't even have to think, only act. One moment I was kneeling in front of Yuri, the next I was at his neck, my fangs deep in his throat as his blood pumped out in time with his heartbeats. All I had to do was drink it up. With every ounce that poured out of him, I could feel myself strengthening, the sheer power in every fiber of my being.

At one point, I pulled away, suddenly aware of just what I was doing. I wasn't sure if it was disgust or awe, but it was shock either way.

Yuri, somehow, was still hanging on, even if it was just barely. I could still see some light in his eyes as he looked up at me.

I don't know if I could have said anything to him in that moment, even if I wanted to. I felt like an animal in the throes of savagery and I'm sure any sound I made would have sounded like a feral growl.

But Yuri did speak. Gargling, choking and with blood dripping from his lips, he spoke his final words. The actual words might have been lost in the pull of death but the intent was clear. They were ones of forgiveness. And an apology for not being able to save me.

In reply, I only dove in again with more vigor, until his heart no longer pumped his blood and I had to suck him dry. I could now identify the wet sucking sound I heard earlier when I had first awoken at the mouth of the cave; it was the others feeding, feasting on blood of those who were freshly dead.

I shifted, cradling the corpse to me as I attempted to console myself by satisfying my hunger. Blood-lust over powered my pain, control overwhelmed feeling, and eventually, strength overcame my weakness.

I did get my fill, after who knows how long. The body was somehow more pale than mine by the time I was done, but all that was nothing compared to carnage I had created. I tossed it aside like an empty bottle, appalled. I had seen many bodies killed by Strigoi, and they had never looked like my first kill. I couldn't even blame Nathan for laughing at me when he caught sight of what had happened, despite the burning of anger it stirred in me. I would have shamed someone for creating such a mess too. His neck was destroyed, nearly torn apart. He looked more like a victim of a wild dog attack, not a Strigoi. And especially not from someone trained to attack and kill with finesse like I was.

"Don't worry, Newbie, your first kill is your messiest. Hunger _is_ the best sauce they say. You'll get more practiced as you get older." He tossed me a handkerchief with the monogram _NT_ on it, allowing me a moment to get cleaned up before speaking again. My shirt was ruined, but it might have been before I had fed. The battle had left quite a bit of damage of its own. "We're leaving today. There'll be some vans picking us up and we're going to be hitting the airport immediately after. If you have any business to take care of, I suggest you do it now. After that, we're out of here and we aren't coming back."

I didn't bother asking where we were going or what he was planning next. It didn't matter. There was only one thing that I was focused on now. As I looked out towards the exit of the cave, I knew I had one last piece of business to attend to...

There was one person that I wasn't planning on leaving behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so comes the end of Shadow Kiss. Thank you so much for all your support guys. I couldn't have done it without you. Also, may we have one more big round of applause for Raissa? A good beta makes a world of difference!
> 
> Now, obviously we have yet to see full-on Strigoi Dimitri. I've only shown a taste of what's to come (even at the expense of poor Yuri...sorry) but I thought this might be a good way to ease us into it. We'll see much more in the upcoming books and you'll have much more information on what goes on behind the scenes in Galina's Estate.
> 
> Unfortunately, I'll need a few weeks to get things in order and start my prewrites. I'm hoping to start posting at the end of June or the beginning of July. Keep an eye on my FanFiction Profile and Tumblr for an official date, and of course, follow me as an author to be notified as soon as it posts.
> 
> For this week's Question of the Week, I thought I'd go with a fun one: What is the BEST book-to-movie adaptation you've seen and WORST book-to-movie adaptation you've seen?
> 
> I think the best book to movie adaptation I've seen is Holes. Seriously, they were killer in keeping things by the book. Plus, the casting was fairly spot on. Except for the minor detail that Stanley wasn't overweight (which would have been unhealthy for Shia at the time) it was pretty perfect. A close second would probably be Stardust. OH! and Catching Fire was pretty killer too (thank you FLaw!)
> 
> As for worst, there's MANY that could fall into that category including Vampire Academy. That one might be the one that stings the worse actually. Others include Sahara, DaVinci Code, The Giver, and (I might be shot for this one) A Walk to Remember. I think I was the only one of my friends who hated this movie but I literally laughed when she dropped that emotional bomb on him. It was just...too much for me. Even at 11. I enjoyed all these books though!
> 
> Thank you again for supporting me through this MEGA journey. We are only half way through the series and the hardest part is yet to come, but I'm so excited to go forward with you. Don't forget to favorite and follow the story and me as an author (especially now that this story is over) and please share and comment. I really do appreciate all the love! You have made my writing hobby so much more enjoyable

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Vampire Academy.


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